With shaky hands I kept putting pressure on the oozing wound, but the crimson blood was still fully opposing my pleas, escaping his flesh. No matter how hard I tried, nothing could help me think straight anymore, as I found myself in a frantic state of mind.
"Please, stay with me!" I kept pleading, trying to keep his weak gaze on my distraught one. "Look at me, Damian, look at me! You need to say with me!" I wasn't fighting the tears anymore, I let them fall like a waterfall, sobbing like a little child.
What was I even trying to accomplish by screaming at him, thinking he had the ability to save himself in this situation. Yes, seeing him in this fragile state was incomprehensible to me, this wasn't the strong and assertive Damian I was so used to.
"Isabelle, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he muttered with a tired and hoarse voice, finally releasing his last audible breath. His eyelids looked heavier and heavier, slowly closing down.
"No, you can't do this. Don't you dare leave me after everything we went through!" My bloodied hand caressed his disheveled hair, as reality began slowly but surely hitting me.
Was he leaving me? Again?
Out of the blue paramedics started surrounding us, chaotically screaming and tugging me away, but for some reason, everything remained chaotically silent in my mind. A physical force kept pulling me back, further away from him. All along, I didn't know what I was doing, everything happened so fast, but I was sure desperate screams and pleas continued leaving my mouth and before I knew it everything went black.
_______________________________________
A few months prior
A regular day, just like other days, life continues I guess. I sighed getting out of bed, dangling like an overcooked strand of spaghetti. I got up before my alarm even went off which always annoyed the hell out of me. It's 6 in the morning. And here my morning routine starts; I go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat breakfast while walking around naked, then get dressed.
"Shit." I noticed I was getting too comfy with my time. Can't be late for my job.
Speaking of which, I hated my job since the very beginning. It was something that got me through life, but definitely not something I looked forward to be doing for the rest of my life.
At the end of the day I'm surrounded by people who complain 24/7, that resulted in me becoming the same.
I routinely do the same thing over and over again, from Monday to Friday, and repeat it the next week. With of course some work on the weekends, left for me by my dear colleagues.
You could also call me the failure of the family.
My mother moved to Canada a long time ago. My brother being a successful, rich lawyer got married and has kids already. He lives a very careless life and with careless I mean, he doesn't seem to care about me, at all. Which I totally don't blame him for. He has his life and I have mine. Besides, I really wouldn't want to trouble him with my miserable self.
Both of them think I'm living a lavish lifestyle after graduating with the highest degree in marketing. They envision me as the independent businesswoman, I always chuckle at the thought. I wish I was. Sadly enough I'm just a 25 year old loser living to survive on her own, not a standout at all.
Surprisingly enough I did experience the rich and carefree lifestyle once before. For a very brief period I lived in London in a beautiful apartment, surrounded by the rich. Living with one as well.
I met my ex during high school and instantly fell in love with him, like a big damn fool. But to every beautiful story comes an end, so he followed that routine and dumped me. Apparently I wasn't good enough for him, or that's what his rich parents thought.
The saddest part is that my family still doesn't know about the breakup. That's why everytime my mom asks me anything about him I change the subject real quick.
And you know what, my pathetic ass still doesn't want them to know. I was always the loser in the family, the one that got behind in all kinds of situations, the airhead with the pretty face.
I was getting tired of everything. Close after my last breakup I got so depressed, I even considered not working at all. Sitting in my apartment all day long, without food or care. But that obviously wouldn't work, because depression doesn't pay the bills.
Nate, my ex, really was everything to me. I did all I could to hold on to our relationship and invested most of my time into him. I forgot about my own future and even dismissed a potential raise and working abroad, just to stay with him. Stupid, I know. If I could turn back time I could beat myself to pulp.
So that's me, the average depressed working human being.
I finally arrived at my job and greeted my coworkers, trying very hard to hold small talk.
This day went by pretty fast, because of the busy schedule we received from our boss. But by the end of my workday, came a surprise. I sighed and rolled my eyes when I heard his voice behind me.
"Hello Isabelle, how're you doing." It didn't sound like a question, but I still answered, you know, just out of politeness.
"Good evening, I'm fine, how're you?" I said turning my chair to face him. "I'm fine, thank you." Of course you're fine, it's your damn business.
Apparently I was the only woman who hasn't slept with Stan to get a promotion. The thought of sleeping with that vile man always made me sick to the core. One day I actually vomited during my lunch break, after I caught him secretly taking pictures of my legs. But I never confronted the pervert, because... I needed the job. So I lived with it.
I stood up and awkwardly made eye contact with him. He tried smiling at me, which was obviously forced. "So, I have to talk to you, please come to my office to discuss some business." he said.
"Sure, no problem" I answered hesitantly, he could just call me from the phone, why come here. I followed him to his office, but in the middle of our walk there, he stopped abruptly and briskly turned around. What was he doing?
He slowly started getting closer and closer, eventually pushing me harshly against the wall as he put his sweaty hands next to my head. "What're you doing?" I asked him nervously, knowing very well what he was planning on doing.
"Boss, I have to finish working on those files today. I can get back to work immediately and not mention this ever again." I said trying to get out of the closed circle his 'sweaty hands' created.
"Isabelle, it's time, I know you want it." he whispered, now breathing on my neck. At this point I was utterly disgusted so I did what my instincts were telling me to do. Something I wanted to do ever since my first work day, but couldn't, only to keep this job.
I kicked him right where the sun don't shine. He crunched back and started crying out loudly, clearly suffering in great pain.
"You B$tch! You're fired!!" he yelled with the strength he had left. I was shocked, I have to admit I began shaking like a coward. Trying to say something, protest, argue with him, but nothing came out.
So I walked away. Still shook with what happened.
Not only from the assault, but from the fact that I had lost my job as well.
When I was packing everything away, I felt the tears collecting in my eyes, but refused to cry in front of anyone. I tried to ignore the judgmental stares my coworkers were casting me. And it was only when I exited the building and walked through the pouring rain that I unleashed my tears.
There I was. Crying with an ugly face, for once not caring about what people thought.
Well this was one unusual day. Definitely not what I meant with wanting a change.
One week later.
One week passed since I got fired and I still couldn't figure out how I was going to live next. I've walked into every store, searched for every job possible, but to no avail.
The amount of job offers in the marketing business were also very scarce. No one needed anyone, literally every team was complete.
I stared at the ceiling, thinking of calling up my brother to beg him for help, but my pride would never allow me to.
I decided to get up and eat something, but with no leftovers left in the refrigerator I got even more frustrated.
"Seriously?? What next, I lose this shithole of an apartment too??" And that's when the horror hit me. The rent!!
I got my jacket and hurried outside to check the mailbox. And there it was. The bill. It hurt just by looking at it. I took everything out and went back inside, thoroughly examining every letter.
Water, electricity, internet and the rent. After a simple calculation I came to the sad conclusion that I had enough left for the next month. After a month I could potentially become homeless.
I couldn't believe this was my life now. I had never hit this low before.
Suddenly a bizarre letter caught my eye, it wasn't something I would normally receive. 'An invitation to an international business press conference, tomorrow at 8 pm.'
I guess they still think I work at Stan's company, seems they didn't get the memo. Just when I was about to throw it away, a sudden thought entered my mind: could this help me find a new job?
I thought about it again to be sure of my own thoughts and decided to maybe consider going.
I started weighing the pro's and cons: I need something presentable to wear, I don't have someone to come with me, I won't know anyone there either, and I am jobless. So if anyone asks me what I do for a living, I'm going to embarrass myself.
But who cares, right? I don't need anyone, I'm not obliged to talk to anyone and I'm gonna wear something I wore to every business party before.
Suddenly my stomach started rumbling loudly. "I need food first though." I thought out loud and jumped up. Grocery shopping could release some of my stress.
The next day arrived pretty quickly, and the closer it got to the evening, the more nervous I felt.
While searching for my dress and shoes I listened to some podcasts concerning a few speakers that would present that evening, just to keep myself up to date.
I took a shower, let my hair air dry and applied some make up. I decided I'd let my hair loose and wear the dress with black heels. Simple and sophisticated.
I looked in the mirror and smiled, finally happy with the results.
At 7.30 I hurried out as I called a cab.
"Let's just hope my mood doesn't worsen after this."