Remus felt exhausted in the morning. Between Astronomy, his nightmare, and talking (and crying) he just didn't get much sleep at all. At least his second morning class was History which wasn't exactly taxing.
Sirius seemed a little distant all breakfast. He talked to Remus plenty enough however Remus could sense something was off. No, not 'something'. It was last night. He just wasn't sure what to do about it. Did Sirius think Remus was still mad? Was Sirius still mad? He didn't smell angry...
Remus felt agitated all through Transfiguration and by the time History started, he had a headache. He tapped his quill against his paper, thinking, then finally scrawled out a note, each word carefully chosen.
I'm really sorry for anything I said last night.
"Locomotor parchment," he whispered, having to glance back to shoot the paper onto Sirius's desk.
Sirius jumped a little, startled. Remus heard him open the note and then the sound of quill scratching. Then a wad of paper was tossed over Remus's shoulder, onto his desk.
its fine no harm no fowl - SB
Remus blinked at the message, trying not to laugh. He then thought of what to say back. He wanted to say the right things, he just didn't know what they were.
I like being your friend. I really hope that what I said didn't make it sound like I didn't. I don't mind having someone to talk to after I have a nightmare either. I just feel guilty for bothering people. Besides, don't you need your "Beauty" sleep? PS: It's 'No Harm No Foul' not fowl, and clearly I caused some harm, didn't I?
Since Sirius was now expecting a note, Remus just twisted his arm back to slip it to him. It took a good five minutes to get a response.
i just got upset cuz i was worried you were just gonna push us away again like you used to bfor we were friends - SB PS dont judge me for my farm maybe i have chickens you dont know that
Then just as Remus was about to respond, he got another note.
its ok if you need time alone by the way if we get to be too much for you just tell us ok? its ok - SB
This caused Remus to pause, and chew at his quill as he figured out what to say.
I know everyone thinks I'm crazy and I don't want to do anything to exacerbate that. PS: Congratulations on knowing that chickens are indeed fowls.
Remus got three notes this time.
your not crazy & we dont think you are - SB
wat in merlins name does excarbate mean - SB
Then finally the third had a very well drawn chicken on it with a bubble coming out of its mouth, and in the bubble was the word NERD.
Everyone else thinks I am, and I know that all three of you probably have thought it at some time or another. I'm not angry about it. I understand why you might think that. I just don't want to EXACERBATE it which you had right in front of you, written out, and you STILL misspelled it? Exacerbate means to make a problem or situation worse, in a negative way. PS: Why are you signing all your notes? I know perfectly well it's you.
did you ever be in st mungos? - SB PS Sirius does what Sirius wants - SB (had to sign it twice in case you didnt know who you were writing to maybe jimmy took over my seat you ever think of that?)
Remus stared at this note, heart pounding. He carefully dipped his quill into his ink pot and even more carefully wrote out a reply, hoping his lies would seem believable.
I have never stayed there for myself. I've been there before for my mother's health. Mine has never been bad enough to wind up there. I've never been for my mental health though, if that's what you're asking. Also I do recognize your handwriting.
Sirius sent two responses. The first, in his normal handwriting: im sorry i shouldnt have asked - SB and then the second, in horrible handwriting: dunno what you mean bout my writing - JP
Remus had to cover his mouth to prevent himself from laughing.
It's okay to ask. If I didn't want to answer I wouldn't have. I'd rather be asked than have people spread gossip. - Remus J. Lupin
Back in Sirius's normal calligraphy: how come you dont just yell at people when they say it? plus wuts the J stand for? - Peter
Remus didn't even hesitate with a response: Because shouting that I'm not crazy just makes me look crazier. And it stands for Jirius. Remus Jirius Lupin. - SB
Sirius bust up at that one. Binns faltered in his lecture, blinking at Sirius. He bent over his desk, snorting and snickering while. Remus sat up in his seat, trying his best to look innocent. Binns just began droning again, as if nothing happened. Remus slumped down, hand over his face, shoulders shaking now from silent laughter.
*
To Remus's horror, Sirius talked to James and Peter sometime when Remus was away because right after curfew, the four were in their dorm and James told Remus it was fine if he needed 'alone time', that he just needed to say when he did. Remus bit his lip, eyeing Sirius who at least looked a little embarrassed. Remus just thanked them, keeping his tone polite.
He considered writing to his parents and asking if they knew anything about anxiety attacks but didn't want them knowing he had had one; he couldn't tell them why, that's for sure! Earlier, after Potions, he had gone to the library to try and research them in some medical books though was unable to find any information. He wasn't sure if it was a real medical thing or not, or something connected to his curse. Surely normal humans didn't totally freak out and feel all shaky and sweaty and upset and felt like their skin was being scraped when they were around their friends, did they? Was that part of the attack, or something else? Or did it cause the attack?
He was still thinking about this the following day. Then guilt ate away at him when he received a long letter from his mother, mostly about how much she missed him, and he was coming home for the Easter holidays, wasn't he? Included were a dozen sugar cookies in the shape of snowflakes. Because it was Peter's birthday, Remus gave him six of them which excited Peter. Remus gave James, Sirius, and Lily one each, broke up one for Arthur, keeping two for himself.
During lunch, some third year came over to the four of them to tell them they liked their Special Snowmen out in the main courtyard. Then he walked off laughing. Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus exchanged looks and then took off to the courtyard, wondering what the heck that meant. They were still fairly bundled up since the class right before lunch was Herbology, so when they burst into the snow it wasn't too awful.
In the courtyard were four snowmen of varying heights all with signs on them. From tallest to smallest: Barmy, Pratty, Pokey, Loopy. All of them wore Gryffindor scarves except for Barmy who had a Slytherin scarf on.
Sirius stormed over, yanking the green-and-silver scarf off his snowman, throwing it to the ground, stomping on it, grinding it down into the snow before spitting on it. Then he tried to push over the snowman to no avail. He dug his feet into the ground, pushing as hard as he could. James came over to help push, and Peter and Remus joined him. There was some strong spell on it as it wouldn't be knocked down. Remus thought perhaps if he ran full tilt with full werewolf strength he might he able to but of course he couldn't do that in front of anyone, so he just stood back chewing at his fingernails.
Peter turned and tried to rip the Pokey sign down off his snowman but it was stuck hard too. He backed up, lower lip quivering. He gave the snowman a kick then turned away, arms folded. James put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing a bit. "Ignore it, they're all jerks," he said firmly. Peter nodded though his lip still quivered. "Ugh, Pratty?" He glared at his and then angrily pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "I am not pratty!"
"How're we supposed to get rid of them?" Sirius complained and then, like Peter, kicked at his snowman. "What sort of--"
"Incendio!" Remus pointed his wand at his snowman, and a burst of fire came out, hitting the thing. The parchment blazed up, the snowman began melting. "Incendio! Incendio! Incendio!" All four snowman began shrinking down, turning to water, the parchment long gone. Remus tucked his wand back into his robes while the others grinned at him.
"Annnnd that's why you're Brains," James said, looking quite sheepish.
"How come you didn't use that on the candles in that empty classroom the other day?" Sirius inquired as they headed back into the castle.
"I didn't know it at that point," Remus answered. "I started practicing after."
"Ooh, I've got an idea--" Sirius started. Remus knew exactly what Sirius was thinking, and stopped in his tracks to point at him. "No," Remus interrupted. "We're not setting Snape on fire."
Sirius just pouted the rest of the way back to the Great Hall.
*
The bat-bogey hex had been picked up by other students and Remus began to grow paranoid he'd be randomly attacked with the hex. He resisted the urge to walk around with his hand covering his nose. All he thought whenever he saw someone being hexed was fatal to non-humans. It probably wouldn't kill him, but he was definitely more than a little panicked it would do something different (possibly bad) to him and people would find out. Saturday he spent almost all his free time in the library, the one safe spot he could think of, and after curfew he hid out in his dorm... under his bed, for extra safety.
The next day Remus woke up early to wait near the Great Hall for McGonagall. "P--Professor!" He jumped to his feet when she came down the steps, and hurried over. "Can I talk to you privately, for a moment?"
"Of course." She turned back up the steps, and he followed her to her office. "Is everything all right?"
"Y... yes... I think so. Maybe. I don't know." He sat down, not really sure how to even begin to talk about his latest paranoia. She waited patiently and finally after much shifting and squirming, he began talking again. "A lot of students are playing around with the bat-bogey hex," he said.
"I've noticed that it seems to be the latest fad in jinxes," she sighed, looking faintly disgusted. "I also have my suspicions of who started this particular craze," she added with a piercing look at him.
Remus ducked his head. "Er. Well. Uh, in the--in the book, Miss Goshawk says that to--to use the hex on... on..." His voice dropped into a vaguely panicked whisper now. "On non-humans could be dangerous or--or fatal..."
McGonagall lifted one eyebrow as she folded her hands on her desk. "Yes. From what I understand, there is actually a petition going around the Ministry to make it a punishable offense. Has someone done it on a pet?"
Remus stared down at his lap, his fingers twitching a little. "N... no. I'm just... I don't know... See, the thing is... Well, it does say..." He couldn't bring himself to say it, ducking his head even more. "I'm--I'm not--I don't know--"
"Ahh. You're worried what would happen if someone hexed you," she said gently and Remus slowly nodded. "I--I must admit, I'm not quite sure what would happen either."
This was somehow even harder to get out. "Couldyouuseitonmesowecansee?" McGonagall actually looked startled at this, then just stared at Remus. "I thought--"
"I most certainly will not! Mr. Lupin, it could be very dangerous and I am not going to even consider the possibility of causing potential harm to any of my students!"
Remus leaned forward, brow furrowed. "But what if someone hits me with it and something happens?"
"I don't know. I'll speak to Albus about banning the hex..." Remus remained silent. Banning the hex wouldn't do a darn thing about its popularity except maybe make it even more popular. "Mr. Filch has already been after him about it, having to clean up far too many..." McGonagall trailed off, her nose crinkling slightly. "...snot spots left over. I certainly hope the next jinx that comes into popularity is far less repulsive. Hopefully far less dangerous than some others I've seen."
"What have you seen?" Remus's inner prankster perked its ears.
McGonagall just smiled. "I have the feeling telling you would result in such ones becoming popular again, at least among two particular troublesome Gryffindors."
"You know I could never tell them about this conversation," he pointed out, wanting to know.
McGonagall drummed her fingers against her desk, and gave in. "When I was a little older than you, there was a very dangerous mania for physically transfiguring various body parts of other students. It began after one rather rude Ravenclaw had a beak for nearly ten days."
"What started that?" Remus asked though he already knew the answer.
"I haven't the faintest," McGonagall replied lightly. "In any case, I will add my voice to Mr. Filch's about trying to put a stop to this, and while I doubt anything would happen if you were hit with this spell, all I can offer is that you need to be very careful in the mean time."
"Yes, Professor."
He left her office, really wishing he could share with his friends the fact Professor McGonagall had given someone a beak out of revenge for something, as a young teenager! Absolutely brilliant!
*
That afternoon their group got hit with the hex just before dinner. Sirius took the spell then another one got Peter. Remus began panicking and dove behind Sirius, frantic to remain un-hexed. The bogies attacking his friends weren't very big or vicious, and the culprits were just some Hufflepuff first years--not any of their rivals, so it wasn't anything meant to be mean. James shot a spell back at the group, the one Remus had come up with. The Hufflepuffs all squealed and went nuts as a hairy bogey bat climbed out of one of the girl's noses, flapping around.
"Hey that's awesome, howdja do that?" one of the boys exclaimed, excited. Remus thought his surname was Hill or Harris or something like that.
"Trade secret," James called back, running his fingers through his hair, puffing his chest out. "Patented trademark of Misters Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew!"
The Hufflepuffs came over. There were several shouts of Finite Incantatum! and the bogies all splattered to the ground. "We could show you how to get into the kitchens, if you show us," the main boy said, looking at the glop of booger and hair on the floor. James had to get rid of it, since none of the Hufflepuffs had managed.
"You know where they are?" Pete asked eagerly.
Remus peered around Sirius's side. "I know where they are."
"How do you know where they are?" the Hufflepuff demanded.
"How come you haven't told us?!" Sirius said, very put out.
Remus shrugged, not wanting to admit the truth, that it had been from trying to avoid them. "Er, t--trade secret," he mumbled and James snorted.
"Well--can't you tell us anyway? Please?" All the Hufflepuffs looked at them with huge, pleading eyes.
James rubbed his chin then yanked his friends in for a huddle. "I've already made up my mind," he whispered, "not to tell them but we gotta make it look like we're all considering it."
"Why not just tell'em?" Pete asked then yelped in pain as Sirius elbowed him. "What's that for?"
"It's our spell," Sirius hissed. "Remus came up with it, he's the one that worked it out, we should keep it to ourselves for now."
"Yup, exactly," James said.
"If it's my spell, shouldn't I decide?" Remus found both hazel and grey eyes staring at him in disbelief and betrayal. "At least ask me."
"He--he's got a point," Sirius whispered reluctantly.
James scowled. "All right then, what's your opinion?"
Remus smiled. "I think we should keep it to ourselves. I'd just like to be asked."
James grinned back, tousling Remus's hair. "Thattaboy!" The four of them straightened up and returned to the Hufflepuffs. "Sorry, we're not ready to divulge all our personal spells yet."
Hill-or-Harris folded his arms. "That's not very nice!"
James shrugged and slung his arm around Sirius's shoulders. "Too bad."
There was a heartbeat of silent tension, a heartbeat of everyone knowing what was coming, then the spells went flying. There were five Hufflepuffs and four Gryffindors. Two Gryffindors really. Peter was cowering, while Remus was primarily using the shielding spell, putting all his focus into that--though very quickly realized the spells being flung out were mostly dueling and not the bat-bogey. He didn't want to get involved with the dueling but he didn't want to abandon Sirius and James so he joined in.
The duel was very first year, nothing very spectacular, and because the Hufflepuffs outnumbered the Gryffindors they got the upper hand; however almost as soon as they did, they heard voices down the hall. Adults. Immediately the students scattered, James grabbing Peter as they took off running opposite way the Hufflepuffs went.
"You idiot, you were supposed to be helping us!" James snarled as he hauled Peter along.
"I c-c-couldn't remember any sp--spells!" Peter whined as he tripped and stumbled.
Sirius was laughing. "Tha' wa' g'ea!" His tongue was quite swollen, protruding from his mouth, making it difficult for him to talk.
Remus struggled to keep up. He had been hit with a couple of jelly-leg curses but they hadn't been very strong. He could still stand, though was very wobbly and kept nearly falling over. Finally Sirius locked an arm around him, helping him keep up, until they got into a quiet side passage where they could hide out for a while.
The four of them collapsed onto the ground, Sirius laughing so hard now he had tears running down his eyes. He was trying to say something but none of them could even begin to translate it, so he gave up and just laughed some more, clearly pleased with the battle.
"We woulda won if you woulda helped!" James was snapping at Peter, shaking him a bit. At first Remus thought James hadn't been hit with anything substantial, however he soon realized there were singe marks all over James's new Gryffindor sweatshirt and there was a dark blue streak dyed in his hair.
"Oh, leave him alone," Remus mumbled, rubbing his legs. "S'was our first real proper duel, you know."
Sirius clapped his hands and pointed at Remus to indicate that's more or less what he was trying to say a moment ago.
James let Peter go. "Yeah, you're right. I think we did pretty good. Actually, we were winning if you look at it." No we weren't, Remus thought but (wisely) kept his mouth shut. "Next time, Petey, jump in with something. Anything. All right? You're fine at spells, just gotta... y'know, get in there with them. Yeah?" Peter hesitantly nodded and James smacked his shoulder cheerfully. "That's the spirit! Now come on, let's get Sirius to Pomfrey before he chokes on his own tongue."