Sunday. 3rd September.
A D D I E
Clouds rolled across the dawn. It was the first day of bad weather that I'd seen since I arrived here one month ago. I hoped that there was nothing symbolic about the patters of rain that hit the stable roof, echoing, thundering in time with the pounding of my heart.
Today Willa was going to be here for brunch and I had no idea how it was going to go down. I stood in the stables, leaned against the wall while I watched the rain becoming heavier outside, curtaining the landscape, dimming it's perfection. Not that it wasn't still beautiful in its own way.
There was a distinct whinnie from behind me and I turned around to see Lavender staring over her stall door. Her tan mane needed a brush and it almost looked as if that was what she was suggesting as she shook her head and neighed a little louder. I smiled and collected the brush. Getting into her stall was a bit of a challenge. She'd bolted on Zac more than once when he'd gone in to clean out her trough.
If I was tall enough, I'd have just slung myself across the door, but that wouldn't be happening. Especially in the skin tight jeans that I was wearing. I'd put on a little bit of weight since I arrived, there was never a shortage of food and fresh baking. But the fact that I kept so active was enough to keep me from becoming a slug.
"Please don't bolt on me," I whispered and her quiet neigh sounded like a scoff.
The door bolt creaked and I pulled it open just enough so that I could slip in without a gap, the entire time, Lavender reminded statue still, watching me. Sometimes she seemed far too aware and mischievous for a horse.
"Good girl," I said when I pulled the door closed behind me and stepped up to start brushing her mane. She did a slow blink as the bristles combed through her smooth coat and hair. Her relaxation almost gave me a sense of satisfaction.
"You ever miss your momma?" I asked standing in front of her now and brushing her forehead. Her slow blink continued. Zac told me that the mare who had given birth to Lavender, was sold after she had weened. I knew that it was natural and I knew that animals didn't often remain with their mom's. But I felt sort of sad for both of them.
"You know, I can't be Willa's momma, but we could be friends. If she lets me," I inhaled a quiet breath. "I hope she likes me, Lavender. I know it sounds like we've never met but it's different now. I don't want her to think that I abandoned her. Or didn't love her. I gave her up because I do love her."
Lavender had a relaxed jaw and I lightly laughed when she dribbled and breathed out through her nose. "Zac told me what that means and I've totally forgotten."
"It means she's happy."
I stifled a squeal and spun around to see Zac leaning over the stall door. His elbows rested on the top of it and he had a cap on backwards.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to tell you that you shouldn't worry so much," he tilted his head. "Will is a smart kid. She'll understand and I bet she'll be damn excited that she gets to meet you."
I exhaled a soft breath and watched Lavender as I ran a hand down the front of her face with soft strokes.
"She likes you a lot," Zac said. "The dribble, her soft round nostrils, her relaxed jaw. You've got the magic touch, huh?"
I smiled. "Guess so."
"We're in the thick of a storm," he said, looking out toward the barn doors. The rain was pelting on the top of the barn shed, getting louder. "We'll leave them in the barn until it's passed. Shouldn't be long. You wanna head in with me?"
"Yeah," I gave Lavender a kiss on the side of the face and walked through the stall door when Zac held it open for me. As per usual, when we left our little escape artist, he double checked that her door was secure and by the time we reached the barn threshold, the rain was so thick that we couldn't see six feet in front of us.
I prepared to make a run for it when I noticed Zac beside me, hands in his pockets as if he was out for a causal stroll when he walked into the downpour.
"What are you doing?!" I shouted from under the shelter? He spun around, walking backward as he watched me through the haze of rain.
"I'm making the most of the rain. It's fresh. Smells good. Keeps me cool. You coming?"
My smile was involuntary and I slowly shook my head, biting down a grin when he spun around and kept going. As infectious as his attitude was, I didn't love the feeling of consistent pelts hitting my skin so I began a quick sprint toward the gate, passing him as I ran. It was useless for the most part. I'd been in the rain for fifteen seconds and I was drenched.
Eventually I made it to the gate, flung it open and started up the mild incline gravel road. However, I hadn't anticipated that wet gravel could be so slippery and before I had time to brace myself, my feet came out from under me and I landed front first on the ground.
A rumble of thunder echoed in time with my laughter but my breath caught and I inhaled rain drops when I was gripped under the arm and lifted to stand.
"You alright?"
Zac watched me from under the brim of his cap that he'd turned around. I couldn't stop laughing which was somewhat of a struggle when the thick rain was making it hard enough to breathe and see. Still, I nodded through my drowned giggles and felt my heart accelerate when he smiled back.
I was a little bit worried that I'd reached an unhealthy level of hysteria due to nerves over seeing Willa. But if it was coming out like this, I wouldn't complain. I leapt up, threw my arms around Zac's neck and kissed him. His hat fell off when my forehead hit it but he didn't hesitate to clasp his hands behind my back and kiss me back.
We stood like that for a while, tongues moving together, breaking apart for air over and over again because the rain made it hard to breathe. But that didn't matter. For some reason, right now, nothing did. He thawed out all of the pent up anxiety and he gave me the air that I needed to keep going.
"You'll catch an almighty cold behaving like that," Blake, the housekeeper grinned as she poured fresh hot coffee into a couple of mugs when Zac and I came downstairs after we'd dried off. "You know, your mother used to drag your father out into the rain once in a while. Not usually when there was lightening going off but she did fancy a dance in the downpour."
Zac smiled and picked up his mug. "I remember."
"Now, the hens laid some fresh eggs this mornin, I picked some parsley from the garden last night. We've got bacon, waffles, syrup and lemon slices from the orchard. Is there anything else you want for brunch this mornin?"
The indoor table was set due to the rain and I watched with amusement as Zac stared at the food and shook his head with faux disappointment. "This'll do, I suppose."
Blake tutted at him and scurried back into the kitchen with the coffee pot. That was when we heard the front door and my gaze clouded over with adrenaline. This was it. I was so damn nervous. Breathing felt impossible as I listened to the sound of footsteps coming closer and closer.
All of a sudden, Zac was beside me and he held my chin, tipping my face toward his. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's going to be okay."
"Good morning."
We both looked at the dining room threshold where Milo, Raine and Willa stood with raindrops on their skin and awkward smiles on their lips. My attention went straight to Willa who was watching me with curious kindness. She didn't look upset. She didn't look angry. My heart pounded as she wondered straight toward me and offered me an envelope.
"Dad said that writing down what I wanted to say might be easier than trying to say it."
I didn't realise that I was trembling until my fingers clutched the envelope and I gave her a slight nod. "Can I read it now?"
Willa nodded and then, as if she was done with the moment, she pulled out a seat and sat at the table. Milo did the same thing, offering me a polite smile as he passed. I turned around and looked up at Zac who was already watching me.
"I'll be back in a minute," I whispered.
"Of course," he kissed me. "I'll make you a plate."
I thanked him and spun around, heading for the door when Raine intercepted me and pulled me into a fierce hug. It startled me for a moment. Shit, did she know that the letter wasn't good and she was offering me her condolences?! I panicked.
"Don't look so terrified," she whispered while she still held onto me. "You'll like the letter. I promise."
My shoulders, stomach and the band of tension around my skull relaxed and I felt a huge weight off.
"Thanks, Raine," I said when we parted. I squeezed her hand and slipped around her, more eager than ever to read what Willa had written.
My mind was spinning as I crossed the foyer and sat down in the reading room. The large arm chair which was adorned in pastel floral patterns, swallowed me up and allowed me to feel hidden as I tore the envelope open and tried to stop trembling.
I couldn't believe how much life had changed in the course of one month. I was living in an enormous gorgeous farm house, sort of seeing one of the most beautiful men that I'd ever laid eyes on and now I was reading a letter written to me by the daughter I gave birth to all of those years ago. It was unfathomable. It hardly seemed real.
Her hand writing wasn't bad for a ten year old.
Dear Addie.
My dad just told me that my adopted mom had made contact and wanted to meet me. He didn't tell me it was you at first. But I was really excited anyway. I love my dad. Raine is the best too and I'm happy all the time. But I really wanted to meet my birth mom for a long time because I wanted puzzle pieces. Hopefully that makes sense. Raine describes it like that. Puzzle pieces. You can have some of the pieces already. But if some are missing, it makes your picture incomplete. So that was why I really wanted to meet my birth mom.
So I said to my dad that I was excited and yes please, could I meet her. And then he said, well, you have, it's Addie. I was so SHOCKED. But when I knew about it for a bit longer, I thought, well that does kind of make sense. We actually look kind of the same. He said that you hadn't come here looking for me, but you realised that it was me when I said my birth date and talked to Raine and stuff. He asked if I wanted to be friends with you and I said yes but only if it didn't hurt my daddy's feelings. He said it wouldn't because he knows that he's my dad.
Raine and dad said that I should write all of my feelings down. Stuff I might have felt weird saying out loud. So I guess I just want you to know that I'm not angry that you gave me up for adoption. Dad explained lots while I was growing up that it was because you wanted me to have a good life and that's why you had to let me go. He said it would have been hard for you but you put me first. So I'm not mad. I understand. And I would really love to be friends with you. I think we have a lot in common and you seem really nice. So we should hang out. I hope you'll stay in Texas for a while. I'm really excited to get to know each other.
Love, Willa xoxo
I could hardly see as I stood up and practically ran back to the dining room. Tears were streamlining down my face as I stopped beside the table, everyone was watching me but I watched Willa, who smiled.
"Can I have a hug?"
She nodded and slipped off her chair, so I leaned down, opened my arms and hugged her so tight I was worried that I was crushing her. She didn't complain. She was hugging me just as tight.
After such a long time, after feeling the ache of her absence from the moment that I let her go, the emotion of holding her for the first time was so overwhelming that all I could do was sob into her hair. She was the missing piece of my puzzle and she was finally found.