"Oh. My. God. Sis, you look like crap." Said Brandy while counting a stack of cash. You assume that was the revenue from the most recent sale of the 'devil's lettuce'. Or from the sales of his ordinary produce.
You were wheezing and sweating like a pig. You leaned against the door for support. "I... I am in a hurry...!" You explained everything, told Brandy what happened this morning. You were relieved that he understands and believes you. It took you an hour to travel to Brandy's by bus.
"Uh oh sis, you're handlin' with a notorious troublemaker. I have MORE than some dirt."
"S...sp...spil it...." you cough and splutter.
"Okay, so. You ain't his first, you're his sixteenth." You rolled your eyes.
"Well, I can see why he would scare fifteen other women off. Wait. How did they do it? How did they leave?"
"A friend of mine was an ex of his too. She didn't leave him, he left her. She said that after a series of screaming matches, he just... broke up and ghosted her. My friend was devastated, spent a ton of money and time to try to get back with him." Brandy ties the stack of cash with a rubber band. He picks up another and started counting.
"No physical? Like did she get beaten up?" Brandy shrugged. "I dunno, he usually doesn't beat his women. But I guess he goes on a make-out rampage at times. I remember my friend tellin' me she loves the sexual tension."
"Okay, how did she grow the balls to fight back?"
"She never did, because she already has them. Heh heh. Not literally, I'm sayin she has the personality of a tiger." You furrowed your eyebrows.
"Huh? I thought that asshole liked subs?" Brandy sighed and shook his head.
"Well, she is a good actress. She's a bitch in a sheep's clothing. Showed her true colors like a month later." You widened your eyes.
"What about the rest? How did they get away from him?" Brandy paused for a while and tapped his chin.
"Umm, I know one got caught cheating on him. Like full-on, nakey-nakey with another dude. Don't do that, she was framed for murder the next week. Another was ehh, nags too much? So he left her. Oh! One constantly insulted him as an 'affectionate gesture' and he left her with a red, slap mark on her face. One tried to steal his bucks, and now she's serving jail time... ehh... the rest is all, not his type after showing their real colors." Your face paled. You slammed your arms on Brandy's counter which surprised him.
"No! There must be a better way!" Brandy just glared at you and shrugged.
"Well, If you want another way so badly, you can make a better way for his next victim in the future." You rubbed your chin as you ponder for a way.
"Hey Brandy."
"What?"
"Give me a gram of the devil's lettuce please."
-
"Here's your damn weed! Piece of shit, You ditched me and now my back hurts like hell thanks to your absence!" Tiana whacked your arm with a gardening glove.
You paid no mind to it, you grabbed the small bag of marijuana and slammed twenty dollars on the counter, after that, you zoomed out of Brandy's farm.
"Hey, what's the rush?" Tiana asked Brandy as she removes the other glove. Brandy nonchalantly shrugged as he picked up the money you left.
"We got a snitch on our hands." Tiana gasped.
"(Y/n) is going to... snitch on us!?"
"No, no. Not her, (f/n). She set that poor fool, (y/n), on a date with someone incredibly toxic. If (y/n) makes him unhappy, (f/n) is going to tell the cops about our special lettuce." Tiana's jaw dropped.
"(F/n)?! That matchmaker?!" Brandy nodded.
———
The door to a gift shop slammed open. You, in a panic and in a rush, dart your eyes everywhere. Something on the cashier's counter caught your eye.
"Wahey hey, welcome to Lizard's shops of gifts. I'm Lizard T-boy, proud owner of the shop!"
"How much for that mini music box?" Another worker in the shop has his ears perked up at your words.
Lizard shook his head. "No way José, ain't for sale. Not even in a million years. Cause it has this sweeeeet jazzy jingle to it, bro! Just listen to it!" He winds it up, when he releases it, a repetitive loop of a catchy tune plays. "And it's cute!"
"Oh please ma'am, take that thing away from him. He plays it every day, I'm sick of it!" The other male worker pressed his hands against his ear to block out the music. Lizard pouted at him.
"Okay, I'll pay twenty bucks for it." Lizard still shook his head no.
"Like I said, no way with José in it." Lizard is actually a frequent customer of Brandy's, so you presented the bag of marijuana to him. He paused for a while to comprehend what that is.
"Thank you, come again!" He snatched the small plastic bag filled with dried cannabis leaves from your hand and pushed the music box closer to you. Lizard quickly scurried to the backroom. "Hey, hey. Wrap this up for me real quick, would ya? I'll pay you the 20 bucks."
———
You stumbled out of the bus, tripping on the steps but did not fall. You panted heavily as you held on the bus stop pole as support. "H..holy...sh...argh!" You wheezed and grunt so much that passerbys spared a few weird looks.
You weakly pulled your wrist nearer to your eyes to see what time is it. "Oh my god, yes! Fifteen minutes left to spare!" You tried your best to limp your way back to the front of your apartment building as fast as you can.
At the same time, you wonder. What made him dislike the 15 women he dated? (Aside from the ones who cheated, nagged, insulted and attempted to steal his money.) What made him leave them peacefully? "Is it just constant 'screaming matches?' Or maybe they kept on rebelling. Yeah, I guess that's it. But how can I do that without going through hell?"
Five more minutes! Almost there! You started sprinting although your legs are burning.
Four more minutes,
Three,
Two,
"I'm here! I'm here!" You yelled out. You caught the attention of a certain man whom you tried your best to avoid but fail anyway. He was holding his phone, you assume that he was about to dial your number. "Stop! Don't rack up my phone bills, I am here just right on time!"
You pointed at your watch, your chest raised up and down as you breathe heavily (and noisily). "What is WRONG with my respiratory system? Why do I sound like an old truck?" He watched you attempting to quickly recover from your fatigue. Your hand held a small gift box, perfectly wrapped.
You shakily raised the gift, presenting it to Vasilios as if you are presenting a sacrifice to the gods. "H-here— WHEEZE— y- WHEEZE— please— PANT- T-WHEEZE— take it!"
You felt relief when you felt the weight of the object on your hand was removed. You couldn't see his face, you sure do hope he is smiling and not... stoic. If it's the latter, it will spell bad news for you.