I wasn't certain that I was ready for this.
Last night I had a dream that made things clearer to me. Ever since I moved away from the town I lived in my whole life, I had been fiercely diving into a world parents warned their kids about before bed, to scare them from ever cutting the leash wrapped tightly around their bruised necks. The dangerous world you only saw in movies, one so far away that it almost felt like it belonged in a fantasy book . . . or a dream.
It started off peacefully with me walking over a stone path covered in snow. And like every dream, there were faceless figures that emerged from the shadows, too unrecognizable and insignificant that even their own voices were distorted.
Eventually the path led me to a section where the snow began to melt off, slowly revealing the black dirt beneath the white blanket. The dream had suddenly become a nightmare and I was no longer seeing alien faces. Instead I saw my mother.
She was disturbingly thin. Her skin was so tight and pale that you could mistake her for a skeleton in the pale moonlight. This was how my brain decided to remember her—sick, beyond help, and at the brink of death. Her hollow eyes stared back at me, lids snapping open as her boney fingers stretched out towards me.
It hurt knowing that my mother was a stranger to me. I was too young when she died and had no memories to recall. Her presence in my dream was a photo that came to life in the most twisted way possible.
Her hands were shaking as they tried to grab me, but I recoiled and her body vanished into a million pieces.
I didn't know what that meant, but it got worse.
While marching further down the path, I came across Cedric and Elijah. Cedric was on his knees with his head hanging low, his body frozen like a marble statue, and Elijah was in front of him pointing a gun at his head.
Like Cedric, my body went stiff. Elijah wore the same emotionless look he had that night when he killed a man. I wanted to scream at him to drop the gun and stop this madness, but he shot before I could even take a breath. The bullet pierced Cedric's skull, only something weird happened afterwards. The bullet came out through the back of Elijah's head as if he had shot himself. They dropped dead simultaneously.
The path began to move like an autowalk, giving me zero time to process what I had seen, like if the dream was its own entity and it wanted me to keep moving.
The next person was the last in this strange dream.
Dorian.
My best-friend, my brother, my soulmate. His body laid cold at the end of this phantasmagorical road. His limbs were broken, black blood pooled under his body, his eyes stayed open with black tears dripping down his cheek.
That was enough to jolt my body awake. I woke up that morning with a feverish tremor that only went away when my best-friend woke up alive and well.
I was afraid that if I stayed in that nightmare any longer, it would have gone darker. But it wasn't for nothing, it forced me to think outside of the box. The dream showed me what would happen if I continued down this path. Cedric and Elijah lived real and dangerous lives. How would that affect the people I loved and cared about?
I had already experienced the darkness of just being around them. Elijah killed a man and from how he'd done it, I was positive that it wasn't his first time. How many had it been now before that man? And how many after? Was his job to kill people?
And then there was Cedric. I thought about this before, I compared them both in my head, and out of the two, Cedric just felt more innocent, even though he was older. But after what happened, I wasn't so sure of his innocence anymore.
I hated thinking about it. I spent some time with them outside of this darkness, when they were just being themselves, and I was becoming addicted to it.
Elijah was intimidating at first. I thought about all of our encounters over and over, processing every moment like a memory book, flipping through the pages and reaching the last page, the one where we had our date. He was so different now in my head. I was no longer afraid of him. My curiosity, however, had doubled since our first encounter, when I thought he was some crazy killer wanting to skin me alive in the back of a bus.
Cedric was the opposite. It started with me believing he was a good guy, one who would have taken a bullet for me even when we were strangers. He was kind to me, his personality was unintentionally dorky, despite the fact that he was this serious muscle god who could lift a bus with a finger. And when I found out he was in a gang, nothing changed.
Until recently.
Now I had no fucking idea what to think. I knew I liked these guys. Outside of the gang stuff, they were pretty cool . . . and hot . . . and were into me, which was fucking nice since I truly believed no one here would. I also had no idea what to do. I didn't need the dream to remind me of the consequences of being in this life. But it was kind of late, wasn't it? I joined Devilian.
-
Sometime after lunch, while sitting alone at the kitchen table, I received a text message from Cedric. I dropped the croissant from my mouth and picked up the phone as soon as I saw his name flash on the screen.
It felt weird opening up our messages. The last time I spoke to him was . . . well, on that weird night. I promised myself out of pettiness that I was not, under any circumstances, going to text or call him. I did a pretty good job at maintaining my urges.
We need to talk, he said.
That message alone sent nerves throughout my body. The feeling was universal, but nothing about my current life involved bad relationships waiting to end via a text message. This was worse.
I made the conscious decision to respond exactly ten minutes later. Every minute felt like an hour. I paced around the apartment, trying to figure out how to make time go faster, wondering why on earth people did this to themselves, when it was much simpler to respond without the unnecessary complications.
I'm listening.
In person. How about that date?
Date? Was he really suggesting a date as a comeback after what happened in that creepy mansion? Either he had balls of steel, or maybe it wasn't as terrible as I made it out to be. If his thoughts were there and not somewhere dark and scary, then maybe his explanation would make sense and I'd finally be able to breathe.
We can do the date, I responded.
Good. I'm outside.
My eyes went to the awful window by the living room, the one with the wonderful view of the outside staircase. I glared, picturing him outside the door, waiting for me to reject him so he could walk away without me ever knowing he was there all along.
What do you mean you're outside?
I'm waiting in my car.
How did you get through the gate?
The lady recognized me from last time. I think she likes me.
I wanted nothing more than to throw my phone at the wall and watch it break into a million pieces.
Is nobody normal around here?, I thought grumpily. I left the kitchen without looking through the window to confirm he was there—I believed him.
My date routine was exactly the same as with Elijah: I took a shower, brushed my teeth, shaved the nonexistent facial hair, and picked out an outfit that Cedric had yet to see me in.
The money we made from the delivery was still tucked away in a hidden location and could be used to buy some new clothes, preferably fancy ones. But to be quite honest, I was deathly afraid of touching it. For the time being, It would remain untouched for a little while longer until I knew for sure that no one would come looking for it.
I was thankful that no one but Sonam had commented on my fashion choices. They weren't even choices to begin with, I was just poor.
When I was finished, I texted Cedric that I was coming out. Lightning struck my heart and it began to beat frantically, a regular occurance lately. Sometimes the nerves made it hard to breathe, but once I was outside and spotted Cedric in his car, distracted by the song playing in his car, his fingers tapping the wheel with the rhythm, all of my worries washed away.
But then they fucking came back when I remembered what happened.
I marched towards the black truck with tough face on. I wouldn't assume my face gave any threatening vibes, but I was very serious. When I hopped inside his truck without warning, I slammed the door shut and rolled the music all the way down.
"Talk, because I'm five seconds away from beating your ass," I demanded.
He stared at me, astonished and confused. "Woah! Calm down before you get your ass kicked."
"I am NOT joking, Cedric."
"Neither am I!" His tone was comical, which was the main reason that I exploded.
"I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP OR THINK STRAIGHT SINCE THAT NIGHT!" I screamed at him, losing any fake expressions and replacing it with pain and confusion, so he could read how much he hurt me by not telling me the truth. "ALL I SEE WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES IS BLOOD! I SEE ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE IN HOODS CHANTING LIKE SOME SATANIC CULT ABOUT TO SACRIFICE ME!"
"It's not like that," he said quietly, averting his eyes when the guilt came out.
"I was so fucking scared," I said sternly. I was no longer shouting at the top of my lungs, but my voice did not lose the emotion. It was still there with every word that came out of my mouth. "I am alone in this world, Cedric. I have no one to talk to. I have no parents, no family, no friends. All I have is my best-friend, but I can't confide in him for obvious reasons. I was going crazy and I couldn't talk to anyone about it."
"I tried to tell you that you were going to be safe, no matter what, but I realize now that it wasn't enough."
"You realize now?"
"It's forbidden to warn any newcomers about the initiation."
"Forbidden? Initiation?"
"One of the changes Ciaran made when he became the new leader was the initiation. He's theatrical, but in no way is it harmful or life-threatening. It's a creepy ritual to accept new people into Devilian."
"How do you explain how I felt? And how did it get night so fast? It felt like a dream."
"The elevator. Did you notice a funny smell?" When he noticed my eyes light up, he continued. "It's a drug. You were drugged. You passed out in his office for a while. It gives everyone time to move and prepare the initiation."
"So . . . I'm not really going crazy?"
"You're not crazy, Lucian."
"What about the devil talk? The masks?"
He shrugged. "Every gang has a style."
"Why didn't you talk to me then? Why did you go quiet?"
He sighed and lowered his head. "I was afraid you wouldn't like me anymore."
"I still like you, but this shit is fucked up. I'm just some normal guy with a boring and meaningless life."
"I don't agree with that," he muttered, his eyes going up to mine. "You're the first person I ever came out to. Your existence is the reason I felt brave enough to do it. Your life has more value than you think. You're special as fuck, Lucian."
I sighed, clearly defeated. "Thanks."
"I'm sorry. I really am."
"I don't know if I'm ready for this life," I said quietly, losing my voice until eventually it was a whisper. "What am I supposed to do now? I don't want to hurt people."
"I'll be more honest from now on, even if I'm breaking the rules," he promised wholeheartedly, smiling at me with apologetic eyes.
"Thanks, but like you said, I'll either kill people or get killed."
"I will never leave you in the dark again," he said, raising his voice strongly. "That was a shitty thing of me to do. The only thing I was protecting was a dumb rule about a theatrical practice only meant to make people feel cool and special. I'm only ever choosing you from now on."
That got my heart beating fast again. Maybe I was dumb and gullible, but I believed him—at least wanted to.
"Okay."
"Don't worry about anything for now, I'm taking care of it."
"What does that mean?"
"Usually after someone goes through initiation, they receive a call from one of Ciaran's assistants." The way he said it made me believe the title was a family-friendly version of the real thing. "You'll have to come back to the mansion, get your mask, and lastly they'll want information."
"What information?"
"Things like your height, age, clothes sizes, blood type, medical history, address, education, and so on."
"You make it sound like it's so normal," I muttered.
"It might be scary, but it helps them know what you need. If there's an emergency, if you are hurt, they will be prepared."
"But they'll know everything about me, even where I live."
"I know, I'm sorry. It would've been worse if I hadn't talked to Ciaran. There are people out there who are trying to bring down Devilian, so the more information they have on their members, the less chances they'll fall to a spy."
"What have you been talking to him about?"
He hesitated for a moment, as if he were pondering how to word what his mind was thinking, and then spoke, "I've been honest with him about us. He knows I want you involved as little as possible. I understand he has his concerns, especially because I've never been into anyone for as long as I've been in Devilian."
"They won't show up at my apartment or anything, right?" I squinted humorously.
He chuckled lightly. "No, they won't."
"So when do I have to go back?"
"I'm trying to get you some time to adjust and think about everything. Maybe a week or two. Usually it's the day after."
"Am I getting a cultist's robe?"
"If you want one." His lips thinned into a smile.
"As much as I want to keep talking about this, I really need to do something normal with you to forget for a little while."
"Yeah, about that . . ." Cedric's face went serious as those emerald eyes watched my expression. "I don't know if a carnival is much of a date. In fact, I've never been on a real date with someone I liked. But I'm not ready to come out to everyone, so I don't know what to do. I want to give you a good day, a good date, and make you happy, but I don't want to turn you into a secret that I'm ashamed of, because I'm not ashamed, I'm just scared."
"It's okay," I said, feeling his stress like it was in the air. I tried to be as nonchalant as possible to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't. I understood him perfectly and it didn't bother me one bit. "What we do isn't anyone's business but ours. You don't have to come out for me or hold my hand in public to make me feel validated. And to be quite honest, I'm not much of a PDA guy myself."
"Yeah, you seem more chill than I could ever be," he said.
I laughed and poked his arm with my elbow. "I'd just look at you weird if you tried something in public."
"Damn, there goes—"
I cut him off, guessing where his mind was going. "It's different when we're talking about public sex." Judging by the look of interest on his face, I guessed right. "We could sneak away every now and then, hide in a vulnerable place where anyone could walk past and catch me on my knees, wrapping my lips around that thick cock of yours."
His jaw dropped stupidly slow. "Maybe I shouldn't take you with me."
"Scared?" I asked, raising a brow.
"Lorena and Amani are joining us," he said.
"Oh, don't want them to catch us if we're being mischievous?"
"Yes. Yeah. Exactly."
I grinned as he casually readjusted his dick in his pants and started to drive so I wouldn't notice, but I did. "Don't worry, I'm just messing with you."
The ride to the carnival was another tedious journey. I was starting to loathe being in this car, since it only ever seemed to take me to trouble. Most of the hatred came from sitting for hours until we reached our final destination. It would help if I didn't live so far away, but I was still grateful that Cedric went out of his way to do this for me. Afterall, he was the one that had to drive back and forth four times.
Night was beginning. That was how long we drove for. Night came earlier nowadays, so technically it wasn't too bad, just a few hours. But thanks to the night, I spotted the carnival before Cedric could even warn me that we had arrived. From the distance I could see colorful flashing lights beaming up into the sky, and as we got closer I could hear the famous, yet haunting, carnival music.
"You do remember Lorena and Amani, right?" Cedric asked.
"I do." How could I not remember them? Especially Lorena, the girl that took me into the scary room and made me stare at devil faces on the wall.
"They just got here five minutes ago," he said, checking his phone when we were at a red light.
From our position on the road, I could see that there were many people here tonight. The place was so packed that I wasn't sure which was louder, the people or the music.
We luckily found a parking spot not too far from the main gate where the ticket booths were located. I stretched out loud when I was finally out of the car and sighed with content at how my ass no longer felt like it needed CPR.
"You good?" Cedric was ahead of me and turned back just in time to catch me shaking my leg to get my blood flowing.
"I think so."
We found the two girls by the ticket booth. Lorena was wearing a beautiful beige summer dress with flower patterns on it and a cute straw hat to match. Amani was the complete opposite. She looked like she just came from the skate park.
"Nice to see you again, Lucian Mars," Lorena greeted, sending me a friendly smile, but I could see that she was nervous underneath.
"Yo." Amani raised a fist at Cedric and they fist bumped like two teenagers. She then nodded at me and stepped back, officially exiting out of the conversation.
"Nice to see you," I responded dryly, shoving my hands into my pockets so I wouldn't be forced to shake hands or fist bump anyone.
"I hope you're not mad at me," Lorena said quietly.
"I'm not mad," I said. Truthfully, I was never really mad, only afraid.
"Don't worry, I filled him in on everything," Cedric said casually like I hadn't gone through something traumatizing.
"Filled him?" she asked, tilting her head to the side like a curious dog.
Amani snorted behind her.
"Hey, guys!" An unfamiliar voice sneaked up behind me, causing me to slightly jump in the air. I wasn't certain how that happened, but I stepped to the side, feeling like I was in the way of the stranger.
"Are you fucking serious, Jin?" Amani growled. I looked back to take a peek at the stranger standing in my shadow, but realized he could never. He was tall. Way taller than anyone around here. His hair was brown and long, facial hair neatly trimmed, eyes big and dark, and his face was just all around attractive.
"What?" he asked innocently, and then the resemblance hit me. He had to be related to Amani.
"We were supposed to pick you up, remember?"
"No? I told you I was gonna meet you here, remember?"
"No, you didn't." Amani held out her phone, showing their text messages.
"What's the big fucking deal?" he shrugged.
"You know what the fucking deal is. You shouldn't be out alone, you know that." Amani softened her voice, stepping closer to him so she could whisper something to him. I only heard a name—Ziven.
When they were done whispering to each other, they walked back to the group and acted normal.
"Jin, this is Lucian Mars, he's new," Lorena said, waving her gentle manicured hand at me.
He looked down at me and flashed his white teeth. "Hi, Lucian."
"He's my younger brother," Amani said with an annoyed tone in her voice.
Younger? He looked older than her. Then again, they both had naturally young and beautiful faces. It could be the height that was making him seem older. Amani and I were the same height, so he towered over us both. I couldn't stop admiring his height that I kinda forgot to respond.
"Can we go in now?" Lorena pleaded, bending her knees and jumping up and down.
"You still got the tickets?" Amani asked.
"Yes, I do!" She waved the golden pieces of paper in the air and Amani snatched them up in her hands.
"Let's go, nerds."
I was trying so fucking hard to contain the kid in me who wanted to run around screaming at the top of his lungs. The last time I went to something like this was a hometown festival that had three rides and one of them broke down after the first minute. This was a big carnival with adult sized rides.
As we pushed through the center of the carnival, Cedric and Amani began to talk about some incident at work. I got uncomfortable at the mention of work, and slowly fell to the back and stayed a few feet away from them.
"How new are you?" Jin asked when he noticed, deciding to join me.
"Out of the womb," I joked.
"Why did you do it?"
"I didn't really have a choice." I forced a smile, one that no person with a heart could believe.
"Oof."
I chuckled lightly at his response. "Yeah, exactly."
"I wish I had no choice, it would be easier for me."
"Why do you say that?"
He took a deep breath before answering, "I'm gonna turn eighteen soon. When I do, I have to make a hard choice that will ruin my relationship with my siblings forever."
I paid attention to what he said, but the only thing I focused on was the fact that he was seventeen and looked like that. I would have never guessed that he was practically still a high schooler. It was almost like our situations were the same, yet opposite. People often assumed I was the underage high schooler, too young looking to seem like a responsible adult.
"I'm guessing you're not choosing pizza toppings?"
He laughed in a loud and clumsy way, a drunk attribute. "Nah, I wish that was the case. Just gotta choose the lesser of two evils, basically."
"Easy."
Jin was nice to talk to while the others conversed in secret. We truly did feel like the two kids of the pack. Eventually everyone split up to do their own things. Cedric took me to some tents and we had an exciting time trying to beat each other at every game we could find. He ended up winning a prize at one point, but it was too big to carry around all night so we gave it to some little girl.
Then the rides came and I truly figured out how much of a wuss he was. He refused to get on any rides, making up absurd excuses that no one fell for. He was scared of rides and it showed.
Lorena joined me on a lot of them in his place, and it surprised me at first, until I realized she was an adrenaline junkie. On every single ride, whether we spun rapidly, got launched into the air, rolled aimlessly, or dropped from a great height, she was there screaming and begging to go again.
We exited a UFO-shaped ride and almost tripped. The world was still spinning and my eyeballs wanted to claw out of their sockets for the torture they endured.
"If that's what aliens go through, I want in," Lorena giggled, losing her balance and bumping into me. She wasn't drunk.
We both gathered around a food cart and ate an abundant amount of bright colored cotton candy until we were rescued by the rest of the group. Cedric stared me in the eyes as he plucked chunks of my sugary treat and ate it without permission, finishing it all the way down to the paper cone.
"That's just cruel," Lorena sympathized, shaking her head.
"You guys want to go eat now or after we ride the ferris wheel?" Amani asked us.
Lorena's eyes opened wide. "Yes."
"No," Cedric calmly responded.
"Yes to what, babe?" Amani asked her girlfriend.
"Yes, just yes."
"Alright . . ." Amani's worried eyes hovered over her girlfriend as she trembled like a kid addicted to pixy sticks.
"I'll just get us a table and wait there," Cedric offered, avoiding meeting our eyes so none of us had a chance to argue with him about coming along.
"Whatever, Mr. Boring," Amani said, grabbing her girlfriend and moving to the line. Jin and I followed right behind her and I shot Cedric a "you missed out" look. I would have let him make out with me if he wanted it. The ferris wheel the girls chose had pods that only carried two at a time. I was sure they picked it for making out, but now I'd have to share one with Jin and not Cedric.
When it was our turn in line, we stepped into the pod and left an awkward space between us. It reminded me of those awful school dances that I thankfully never went to, where all students had to leave space for Jesus if they wanted to be on the dance floor.
"You hear them?" Jin asked, hand waving at the pod in front of ours. If I tuned out the music, I could faintly hear some flirty giggles.
"I hear them," I said, laughing with him as the ride slowly spun us towards the sky.
"It's weird to say . . . " Jin closed his eyes and leaned his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, "but I feel so much better here."
"Why?"
His eyes opened once again and landed on me. "Because I'm scared and up here I feel invincible."
"Is this about the choice?"
"Yeah," he said, his chest rising as he inhaled, slow and deep, and released it. "I have two older siblings. Amani and Ziven. I have to choose one of them."
"Is Ziven in Devilian?" I asked.
He laughed and shook his head. "My brother isn't in Devilian, he's in a different one. When I turn eighteen, I can join one of them, but who ever I don't pick . . ."
"I get it," I said, my voice was quiet at the top of the wheel, where the sky became our neighbor. "I'm guessing you have to pick one?"
"You guessed correctly."
I wanted to ask about his parents and where they stood in this situation, but my stomach churned. I no longer needed to ask, because I knew the answer already. I mean . . . it was obvious, wasn't it? Jin's parents weren't in the picture, but his siblings were. Unfortunately for him, they were in two different gangs and they were forcing him to choose a side.
"I wish I could be wise and give you some advice, but I was kinda forced into it, too."
"Maybe they have a thing against long-haired boys," he joked with a smirk. I subconsciously moved lose strands of hair behind my ear. "If cutting my hair was a requirement for joining, I would have disowned both of my siblings."
"I like your hair," I commented.
"Thanks! Gotta look the part, don't I?"
"The part?"
"We're Native Americans."
"Oh, now I see it."
"Well, half Native American, half African American. Our father was full native and our mom was black."
"I'm just . . . white."
"Incredible."
"I don't know anything about my parents, so I have no clue what I am besides pale."
He laughed at that and seemed more relaxed now than he was a minute ago. "I like your hair, too, by the way. I think guys look better with longer hair."
"Thanks."
"Is this where we awkwardly kiss?" he asked under his breath, clearly jokingly, but also I couldn't be too sure.
The blood rushing through my veins quickly changed temperature. It was like throwing an ice cube on a steamy sidewalk and watching it melt into a puddle.
"Stranger danger," I whispered under my breath.
He laughed again. "You make me want to pick Devilian."
"I don't know," I half sang. "They're kinda weird."
"How so?"
"Do you like blood?"
He raised his shoulders cheerfully. "Like it? I love it."
I gave his knee the motherly tap. "Then you'll fit in perfectly."
The ferris wheel spun a few more times, then we were let out. For some odd reason, not many lined up for this one. It was the smaller of the two in the carnival, but it was still big.
"We need to talk," Amani said to her brother. She fished out two more tickets and handed them two the guy running the ride. The two siblings went up the ferris wheel to have their private conversation.
"Wanna go meet up with Cedric?" Lorena asked.
"Yeah, sure."
"I'm so hungry." She rubbed circles on her tummy and slouched her shoulders as she walked. "I'm so glad there are restaurants across the street. I cannot eat more cotton candy."
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
Lorena looked into my eyes, they glistened. "Yeah?" Her voice was sweet and almost angel-like, the total opposite of the energy she had in that horrifying room. Perhaps Cedric was telling the truth after all, it was just for show.
"Should I be scared?"
"About Devilian?"
I nodded.
"No, you shouldn't. We take care of our own. We are a family."
"What about the things I'll have to do?"
We stopped walking at the parking lot, surrounded by hundreds of cars. Her warm smile evaporated the fear in the pit of my stomach. She had a trustworthy face, which made it harder to think straight.
"Next week, when you come back to our home, I will answer everything you want to know. Lo prometo con todo mi corazón." She squeezed her fists over her heart and gently brought it up to her lips to kiss it, symbolizing a promise.
"Thanks, I appreciate that."
"I'm actually gonna go back and fetch Amani and Jin, but I'll meet you and Cedric at the restaurant, okay?"
"Okay, see you there."
She waved kindly and skipped back to the carnival. I stayed where I was for a minute, watching the night sky and taking some time for myself. There was a lot I constantly needed to think about and it was nice to just focus on something else for once. Jin was right about how it felt being up there on the ferris wheel. It was like freedom. No one could touch you when you were up that high.
When I finally made the decision to meet up with Cedric at the restaurant, a group of men approached me. Nothing about it seemed out of the ordinary, maybe I was close to their car, but then I recognized one of them from that night at the warehouse.
I didn't have time to run. They were on me before I could even scream for help. One of them gagged me while another wrapped a black bag over my head, taking away my vision. My hands were handcuffed behind my back and my body was carried off and shoved into a trunk. I tried to wiggle, I tried to kick, I tried to scream, but it was all for nothing. The car started and music blasted through the speakers. I was being kidnapped.
_______________________________
[Author's Message]: OKAY, I am SORRY. The reason I took forever to update this story is because the remake of Step Brother has my full attention. Also I procrastinate a lot and I'm slightly addicted to video games. I APOLOGIZE WITH MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL. It's not okay for me to take this long to write one chapter and I am SORRY. (Also I kinda sort of maybe have a boyfriend now and he distracts me even more. I should break up with him right?) Hopefully you guys haven't given up on this story because of the lack of updates. I am NOT abandoning it. Let's hope I can write faster this time. Maybe if you guys shower me with love, it will give me a confident boost <3 The next chapter will be RATED R AF. So be warned. Maybe have a huge pee pee in it. Who knows . . . guess you have to wait now to find out lmao.
PS: Let me know if there were any mistakes, I don't have editors, and I wrote this chapter for over a month?