Fake dating as strangers was significantly easier than fake dating as a broken up couple.
For starters, we didn't have many rules in the beginning. Hugging, hand holding, cheek kisses-it was all acceptable.
Now we had a list of forbidden interactions. No unnecessary touching or talking or staring unless we had an audience. And definitely no kissing regardless of who was or wasn't watching.
We had so many rules we became robots around each other. Stiff and emotionless. It was painful in more ways than one. No wonder our poll numbers were taking.
According to another poll on Bellcreek Baes we had gone down to fourth place since Nolan came back. Our awkwardness around each other must've been noticeable to more than just us.
We had about a week and a half before prom, then could stop the act. Since we were headed for last place in the race from prom king and queen I wondered if it was even worth it to keep going. Clearly, we've lost the interest of our peers.
Now, Nolan and I walked into school together holding hands. Our fingers weren't interlaced and it felt like the kind of hand hold a parent would have with their child while crossing the street.
We didn't talk. We didn't even look at each other. Well, he didn't look at me. I kept glancing up at him, almost saying something.
That morning I got accepted into an art program in New York and I wanted to tell him. I knew he'd be happy about. But I couldn't. Because I choose to end things and make it all weird.
So, I kept my mouth shut and continued to walk the halls while holding his hand in the most awkward way possible.
* * *
"Where's Nolan?" Bee asked as she sat her lunch tray on the table, taking the seat across from me.
"Library," I replied, stabbing at my leafy salad.
"Doing what?" She pressed.
"How should I know?" I snapped, immediately regretting it. "Sorry, Bee."
She unwrapped her burger, removing the bun to add ketchup and mustard. "It's fine. Anger is one of the stages of grief."
"I'm not grieving our break up."
"Denial. Another one of the grief stages." She smirked, biting into her burger.
"I'm serious," I said. "I'm fine. Us being together didn't really make sense anyway. I mean, I might be going to New York this summer and what would Nolan do? Follow me?"
"Yes...," She said like the answer should've been obvious. "That boy would follow anywhere you asked him to."
I chewed a fork full of lettuce as I thought about it. Nolan would totally go to New York with me. He probably wouldn't even think twice if I asked him to.
"I don't know," I said, shaking the thought from my head. "After I freaked out on him and ended things the other day he probably doesn't feel that way anymore. What if-"
"Stop," she groaned, rubbing her temples. "Your What If's are always so negative!"
"I prefer realistic."
"Unless you have some psychic ability you've neglected to tell me about there is nothing realistic about your tragic daydreams."
I stared down at my salad, unsure of how to reply to that.
"Jade, you know Nolan. You fell in love with him. You wouldn't have done that if he was a piece if shit, right?" she asked.
"I guess," I mumbled in response, adding more dressing to my salad.
"Then why are you fantasizing about this douche-y version of him that would run out on you?" She looked me in the eyes, holding my gaze. "He's not your dad. Don't let that jackass ruin another thing for you."
She made some valid points. Even if I wanted to get Nolan back, how would I go about it? Do I just go up to him, tell him I changed my mind and expect him to be cool with it? I didn't think it was the type of thing that could be taken back so easily.
Suddenly, Gia's amplified voice burst through my thoughts. She was in the middle of the quad with a megaphone and the rest of the cheerleaders behind her.
"Farrah Grice getting mono is the best thing that ever happened to the cheer squad," Bee commented. "Look at how much happier they all are."
"Sorry to interrupt your lunch, but I have very special announcement." It seemed like the whole outside eating area paused to listen. "Prom is next week, can you believe it? It felt like school just stared yesterday and now it prom and most of us will be graduating. Where did the time go?"
"Oh, no," Bee grimaced as Gia went into one of her long winded rants. "Please, someone stop her."
Bee's wish was granted. One of the cheerleaders stepped forward to whisper something into Gia's ear, stopping her mid-ramble.
"Anywho," Gia sang, playing it off. "As I was saying. Prom is next week and there are still a lot of you who haven't bought tickets for whatever reason. But with the approval of Principal Gibson, we are excited to announce The Prom Wars!"
Her announcement was met with scattered applause and confused murmurs. What happened to the pumped up crowd we always ran into during sporting events?
Recovering from the lack of support Gia continued. "The six finalists for prom king and queen will compete to win their team the All Star Prom Package. That includes limousine transportation to and from prom and gift certificates to the salon so you can achieve your glam look for the night. All you have to do is purchase a ticket to prom and pick which of the six couples you support."
That really got everyone's attention. They were more responsive and excited. All of the hoots and hollers faded into the background . My mind was still stuck on the competing part. When did I sign up for that?
"A few weeks ago," Bee replied when I asked her.
"Before or after Nolan left?"
She winced, realizing why I asked. "After."
Of course. I wasn't mentally present that entire time. I would've agreed to anything.
Gia joined us at the table after she wrapped up her announcement. "I can't wait to see you and Nolan in action this weekend!" she squealed, stealing one of Bee's fries.
"She forgot," Bee said.
She gasped. "About the competition? But we need every couples consent to go through with it. You'll still do it l, right? Everything is already set up and I know you two will kick ass. No matter what Bellcreek Baes says you're the second best couple at this school. Me and Bee being number one of course." She giggled, giving Bee a quick kiss before running after her cheerleading buddies. I didn't even get a chance to give her answer her question.
I turned to Bee, brows raised. "Does she not know about the fake dating?"
"I guess not," she replied, shrugging it off. "You should probably go tell your boyfriend about The Prom Wars."
Since the library was close to my next class I decided to talk to Nolan in person instead of sending a message.
He was in the library like he said he'd be, but he wasn't alone. A pretty dark-skinned girl sat on top of the table he was at, leaning over to point at something in the book Nolan had opened in front him. Even from where I stood I could see clear down the front of her top to the polka dot bra she wore.
Nolan leaned so far back in his chair the front legs lifted from the carpeted floor, creating some distance between his face and her breast.
"Do you see what I mean?" She asked. That was a loaded question if I'd ever heard one.
"Yep, I got it." He looked everywhere but at her.
A smile played at my lips. Still faithful after I dumped him. Or maybe it had nothing to do with me and he just didn't want her cleavage in his face. Whatever, that wasn't why I was there.
I walked across the room to them. "Hey."
The girl just barely hid her stink under a fake smile. "Your boyfriend's hopeless when it comes to French," she said, her flirty eyes back on him.
I matched her fake smile and nodded.
Nolan's arm slipped around my waist and suddenly I was in his lap. It was like he wanted to let the girl know that he was spoken for. I'm sure I saw the her eye twitch.
"Thanks for the help, Mika. But I got it from here," Nolan said. He sounded nice enough, but there was an underlying tone that said, "Go away".
She did.
As soon as she was out of sight I stood and looked down at him. "Sorry to interrupt your studies."
"You need something?" He sounded so cold and detached, like when we first met.
What was I expecting? For him to be happy about having to fake date his ex?
"Yeah, I accidentally signed us up for The Prom Wars."
"The what?"
"It's a competition against the other five couples," I explain, trying to remember the exact details. Unfortunately, I zoned out after the first bit. "I probably should've grabbed a flier. It's on Saturday, though."
"Okay." He turned back to his book, flipping through pages. When he realized I was still standing there he looked surprised. "Was there something else?"
"Nope." My cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I'll see you in woodshop."
If Bee was right about me going through the stages of grief I just reached depression.
* * *
Taylor reached over her own torn apart taco to steal meat from my plate. She laughed when I called her a little thief.
Mom finally joined us at the table after and Taylor was suddenly determined to grab one of her colorful tacos. When she started crying Mom passed her a piece of tomato which she happily ate.
"We still need to pick out some shoes to go with your prom dress," Mom said. She'd been bugging me about it all week. She loved shopping, especially shoe shopping.
"I know." I just couldn't get excited about it like she was. I probably wouldn't be crowned prom queen and I'm pretty sure Nolan hated me. What was there to be excited about?
"We can go tomorrow," she suggested. "You can skip school and the three of us can go downtown."
The idea of skipping school with Mom just made me think about skipping school with Nolan. I wondered if Drunk Spike was still there.
"We broke up," I told her. And because I couldn't stop there I filled her in on everything. The fake dating, the real dating, the not calling.
She listened and nodded and asked questions here and there. Then, when I asked for advice, she simply said, "What answer are you hoping for?"
I blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I'm sure you went over this with Bee who knows you better than I do and she gave you an answer, correct?" I nodded. "And you don't usually come to me with your boy problems. In fact, you try really hard to hide your relationships from me. So, it's obvious whatever advice Bee gave wasn't the advice you wanted."
I let out a defeated sigh, sinking into my chair. "I don't know what I want."
"You want someone to validate your fears and tell you that you made the right choice running away."
"Did I?"
"That's a question only you can answer," she told me.
I've been asking myself that question for days now and I still hadn't come up with an answer. I thought about it some more when I was in my room trying to finish up a report for English.
As I was deleting yet another accidentally typed out "Nolan", my phone chimed. I thought I was seeing things when his name popped up on my screen. I opened the message.
What color is ur dress?, the text read.
I glanced back at the dress that hung on the back of my door in a clear garment bag. Mom had dragged me out of the house last weekend to finally get a prom dress. It was floor length with a flowing skirt and a ruched bodice. The color...I couldn't quite describe it. Mauve, maybe?
I texted that to Nolan
Did u just make up a color? He replied back.
I smiled, thinking it was a joke. It faded when I realized it could be a serious question and his tone could be as a cold as it was in the library today. It was hard to know which over the phone.
I found the picture I took in the dressing room of the boutique where I bought the dress and sent it to him. As soon as the message was sent I wanted to take it back. The dress had a slit on the side and was showing it off for Bee in that in the picture.
What if he thought I was teasing him or playing games? I've never fake dated an ex and I didn't know what the rules were.
The "I'm typing" ellipses appeared on my screen for a few moments before disappearing. For the next minute and a half minutes I watched them appear then disappear.
Finally, he sent a text. A thumbs up.
That single emoji left me gutted. And the pain was self-inflected. All I had to do was apologize, explain why I pushed him away and all would be fine. He'd understand. I typed out a message, asking him to meet me at our spot. My thumb hoovered over the send button, but I couldn't tap it.
For stupid reasons I decided made perfect since, I powered off my phone and went back to my homework.