*this has been edited for grammatical errors. btw. canonically, rick is about 6'4" and before i knew that, i made cas around 5'5" so he's about a foot taller than her. and according to the episode morty's mind blowers, morty is about 5'3" so cas is only about a couple inches taller than him and she's like in her early 30s oops. anyways, i hope you enjoy!*
"Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" Summer said as Jerry packed the car in the driveway.
"Drive carefully," Morty added.
"Have fun, you two," Rick shrugged and Cas snorted. "Yeah, every couple has fun on a romantic, Titanic themed getaway," Cas replied sarcastically causing Rick to chuckle lightly. The tension between them shifted from an angry tension to only a slightly awkward tension that happened before. Cas let up on Rick after seeing how emotional he got during his memories of her but the two never mentioned it beyond that. Instead, the two went back to unclear flirting and cracking jokes like nothing ever happened, just with a small smidge of awkwardness due to clearly unresolved feelings for each other.
"At least someone understands," Beth grumbled, clearly not enthusiastic about Jerry's trip.
"Let's loose the 'tude, please." Jerry said, finishing packing the van up and shutting the door. "It's supposed to be romantic," Jerry pointed out and Cas rose an eyebrow at that.
"If we had ever gotten together and you took me on some Titanic getaway, I'd punch you in the throat." Cas whispered which made Rick snort, laughing lightly at Cas. "If we had gotten together, it's the first place I would have taken you." Rick joked back quietly and Cas elbowed him lightly in the stomach, holding her own laughter back.
"Speaking of disasters, Dad, we are leaving you in charge here." Beth said but Cas knew she'd be the one actually watching over the kids and was the one Beth was actually leaving in charge. Cas was usually the childish one but when it came time, Rick could be exceptionally more immature when he wanted to be. "I know, c-can we wrap this up? Morty, Cas and I *burp* have some synthetic laser eels oxidizing in the garage." Rick hurried, pointing behind him at the garage.
"Hey, don't blow me off," Beth snapped, "I am drawing a line, okay? Any damage to this house or those children when we get back and... n-no more adventures with Morty."
"Aw, geez, Rick, if my moms the one saying it, then you know it's pretty serious this time," Morty said.
"That's right," Beth and Jerry said at the same time. "Wait. What?" Jerry added quickly.
"Listen, you have my word as a caregiver, everything's gonna be fine. If not, like you say, no more adventures or whatever. It's like that old song, blomp blomp-a noop noop, a-noop noop noop!" Rick assured and Cas gave him a confused look, "You guys know that song? From Tiny Rogerts. You never heard of it? You know, the black effeminate guy from the '50s?" Rick asked, nudging Morty and then Cas who both shook their heads.
"Not all of us were alive in the 50's, darlin'," Cas pointed out, earning a look from Rick.
"A-Alright, whatever. Look, who cares? Just go on your stupid trip," Rick grumbled and Cas chuckled at that. "I'll watch over the kids, don't worry, Beth." Cas assured and Beth gave her a thankful look but Jerry still seemed unconvinced.
"Not one thing out of place," Jerry said as if he was trying to be threatening. They both got in the car, backing out of the driveway before Jerry poked his head out the window to say, "Not a single thing," and then driving away as Cas waved happily. Behind them, the garage door began to bubble and creak before falling around them, the laser eels Rick mentioned earlier flying off.
"Well, we're past the point of no return. I'm going to have a party," Summer grinned.
"Rick! Cas! Tell Summer she can't have a party!" Morty exclaimed as Rick looked around in the fridge and Cas began to dig through the cabinets, looking for the box of wafer cookies Rick always had. Rick pulled a tray out just as Cas jumped up to sit on the counter, snacking on a wafer as she waited to see Rick's poor attempt at watching the kids and telling Summer she can't have a party.
"Uh, Summer, you can't have a party." Rick shrugged, carrying the tray and placing it next to where Cas sat. "Because *burps* Cas and I are having a party, bi-i-i-itch," Rick burped out.
"Oh, what? Rick, you can't!" Morty objected.
"What do you mean you're having a party?" Summer said with an amused tone. "Are some Glip-Glops from the third dimension going to come over an play cards or something?" Summer teases and Cas snorted at that as she shoved another wafer in her mouth. Cas was only on board for Rick's party because he wanted her to meet his best friend, someone he called Birdperson. She felt it was a gesture that meant things were finally getting back to normal between the two of them. As if there was anything that was ever normal about the two of them.
"Glip-Glops? You're lucky a Traflorkian doesn't hear you say that," Rick replied.
"Is that like their n-word or something?" Summer asked, crossing her arms.
"It's like the n-word and the c-word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews," Rick explained, taking a sip of his drink while Cas snuck a snack off his tray of food. He rose half his brow at her and she flashed him a smile while popping the snack in her mouth.
"Listen, I-I think the four of us could, you know, have a nice time, like, just hanging out, and, you know, doing a little bonding and maybe play Monopoly again?" Morty began but Summer cut him off. "Screw that. This is my chance to gain some footing with the cool kids." Summer explained, an excited look on her face.
"And last time we played Monopoly, Morty, Rick and I almost strangled each other," Cas pointed out, remembering that afternoon with a smile. Rick had been forced to play the game and ended up refusing a lot of the rules, claiming they were bullshit and he didn't have to follow them.
"That's why you party? Boy, you really are 17," Rick commented.
"Why do you party?" Summer asked, as Cas tried to sneak another snack from Rick's tray, earning a small snack to her hand from him.
"To get *burp* wr-wriggedy, wriggedy wrecked, son!" Rick exclaimed and Summer looked to Cas with an eyebrow raised. Cas only shrugged in response with a smile on her face.
"Just keep your sci-fi friends away from my awesome ones," Summer said. "Yeah, and you keep your awesome friends away from my canapés," Rick replied. Cas rose a brow, swiping one off the tray and Rick looked up at her with a slight glare as she giggled. "That goes for you too," He tried to take the snack back from her hand but she popped it in her mouth and jumped from the counter.
"Oops," She laughed, running off with a loud giggle.
Summer's friends had begun to pile in the house but Cas found herself annoyed by most of them, sitting on the stairs as she waited for whoever Rick wanted her to meet to show up. "Bored?" Rick asked, leaning against the stair rails and looking down at her. He held a can of beer up to her and she didn't hesitate to take the can from his hand, taking a long sip of the drink, despite not usually drinking alcohol, especially beer. Though, Cas always had an surprisingly high tolerance when it came to alcohol, her and Rick frequently taking bets to see who would get drunk the quickest. Cas usually lost and ended up plastered, giggling loudly at everything.
"No, just don't really like kids or teenagers. Except Summer, Morty, and my cousins. Surprising since I act like a child often, I know." Cas shrugged, leaning against the wall. "I thank mother nature every day for taking away my abilities to have them." She said, taking another long sip from the can. Rick went to respond but was cut off by Summer.
"Ugh, Grandpa!" Summer groaned and Cas looked up at the door, seeing what she assumed had to have been one of Rick's friends.
"Birdperson," Rick greeted, pushing himself off the railing of the stairs. Cas stood up, jumping over the railing instead of simply walking down the stairs. It was safe to say that the man lived up to his name, feathers all over his body, which was mostly exposed except for a small cloth over his crotch, gloves and what she assumed were boots.
"I am pleased there is no emergency," Birdperson said. "You must be Cassiopeia. You were right, Rick. She is quite pleasing to the eye," He said, his gaze turning to Cas. She rose an eyebrow at that, looking towards Rick with a smirk.
"Oh, there's an emergency, alright. A pussy emergency!" Rick exclaimed, purposefully ignoring Cas' gaze and throwing an arm around Birdperson and pulling Cas to his side as well. "When's the last time you got laid, 'Pers?"
"It has been a... challenging mating season for Birdperson," Birdperson stated in his monotone voice.
"Then it's time to get your beak wet tonight, player." Rick said and began to push his friend towards the party. "Go have some fun out there, Birdp-Bird-Birdperson." Rick burped out before looking down at Cas, who he still had his arm around.
"Oh, man, how many people did you invite, Rick?" Morty asked, finding the two adults.
"Uh... people?" Rick asked, "Mm, six?" He guessed before a ship landed in front of the door, multiple small teal aliens pouring out of it. "Yo! What up, my Glip Glops!" Rick exclaimed, his arm leaving Cas to greet his friends. Once everyone was inside and Morty had left in a moment of panic at the sound of a crash, Cas began bouncing on her heels in excitement and partially the alcohol in her system. "Come on, Cas," Rick grabbed her wrist and began to drag her into the crowd of people that just kept building.
Cas had lost track of her Rick long ago and was now in the middle of taking shot after shot as if it was some party trick. Across from her sat one of the Ricks from the Council of Ricks as she flipped over the last shot glass and wiped the little bit of the vodka off her lips. "N-Not bad," The Rick complimented before picking up his own shot glasses, taking them back almost as quick as she did. Cas could still feel the burn of the liquid on her throat when her own Rick came up behind her, having watched the two take shots for quite some time now.
"What-Whatcha guys doing?" Rick asked, watching Cas begin to pour the last of the tequila in the shot glasses.
"I bet this Rick that I could take more shots than him! Like what you and I do! So far I like to think I'm winning but my head's starting to hurt." Cas began, "This is good vodka! Do we have more? Do we? Do we? Do we? Oh please say we have more, darlin'!" Cas rambled quickly. Rick had forgotten that Cas was even more hyper-verbal when she had alcohol in her. "I'm gonna go check! Come with me! Please!" She asked, not even bothering to wait for his reply and dragged him off towards the kitchen, leaving the other Rick confused with a now spilt bottle of alcohol.
"Cas," Rick tried tugging her back a little bit to get her attention, hoping to calm her down. "How much did you drink, geez," Rick asked as Cas entered the kitchen.
"Not sure," She giggled out, bouncing on her heels. "I feel great though! Haven't feel like this since you turned me down! Kind of forgot what it felt like. I think I might be a little high too! Been a while since I've felt that too," Cas rambled, speaking so fast that Rick could barely keep up and rose half his brow. "Where does Beth keep the good alcohol? Do ya know? Huh, darlin'?" Cas asked with a huge smile on her face, Rick noticed her pupils were blown and she was definitely on something more than just vodka. Her words about him did make him frown momentarily before he pointed to the top cabinet. "Thanks!" She leaned over, kissing his cheek quickly before turning to the cabinet.
Cas opened the cabinet, ignoring Rick's attempts to get her attention after that. She reached up to the top shelf for the bottle of vodka, only inches from being able to grab it. "Pick me up?" She asked with a wide smile on her face. Her hand was lightly tapping on her thigh as if she had to keep some part of her body moving. Rick had seen Cas drunk before many times but never to this extent of hyper activity. He knew she was a rather hyper and talkative drunk but never to this extent. Nonetheless, he grabbed her waist and lifted her just enough to grab the bottle of vodka. "Oh, you're the best! Thanks, darlin'!" She grinned, kissing him quickly on the mouth before happily before running back out to the other Rick who was still sitting there waiting for her to return.
"Jesus," Rick whispered quietly, trying to not think about the tingling sensation from where her lips touched.
A few minutes passed and Cas was far from sober but not drunk enough to begin stumbling just quite yet. She found herself standing next to her Rick, his arm around her waist to hold her still, barely paying attention to what Rick was saying to his friend. She was bouncing slightly on her heels still, a ball of green energy swirling around her fingers to keep her hand occupied while the other held whatever alcohol Rick poured in her cup. She didn't care what it was as long as she kept feeling the way she was now.
"Oh, hey, Morty! H-Have you met my buddy, Scropon?" Rick asked as Morty stalked up to them.
"Morty!" Cas greeted happily, and rather loudly.
"Not again, Rick. That last guy droned on for 20 minutes, you know?" Morty exclaimed, "And meanwhile, Cas is wasted and the whole house is being destroyed!" Morty said, his voice filled with annoyance at his grandpa and worry at the consequences of their actions.
"Whoa, Morty, this guy's entire planet was destroyed, have a little perspective." Rick said as his friend made a sad noise and walked away.
"Hey, Rick, squanchy party, bro!" A small, orange cat like creature with rather messy fur and a beer bottle in hand came up to them. Cas' eyes lit up, as did Rick's as Rick hopped over the coffee table, greeting his friend. "Is there a good place for me to squanch around here?"
"That's a fun word," Cas giggled, snorting slightly at the end of her laugh.
"Squanchy, you can squanch wherever you want, man! Mi casa es su casa, dawg!" Rick grinned, before his friend ran off, a small crash heard after that. Morty gave a confused look, asking Rick what that meant, "Morty, listen- we've had a lot of really cool adventures over the last year but it's time to relax. I mean look at Cas, she's all relaxed," Rick looked over at Cas who had a huge smile on her face.
"Yeah, if I relax now, there might not even be anymore adventures," Morty snapped.
"Jesus, Morty, you're bumming me out." Rick rubbed his head as if getting a headache. "Can't we just pretend like everything's fine for a few hours, and enjoy ourselves, and then worry about all this later?"
"Yeah, Morty! How often to do we get to just let loose like this? I feel so energized! So excited!" Cas grinned widely, "I forgot how good it felt to feel like this! Rick and I are getting along now. We've had a lot of drinks together tonight! Isn't that what you wanted?" Cas pointed out, taking a sip of her drink. Morty sighed loudly at that as she was right but at what cost.
"That's easy for you to say, Rick! You like not caring about stuff! And it is what I want, Cas, just not like this!" Morty exclaimed, "You know, wh-wh-what's in this for me?" Morty asked just as time began to slow slightly, Jessica from Morty's school walking in the room.
"Knock it off, Slow Mobius!" Rick snapped, glaring at the man with clocks in his hands.
"I can't believe she's here," Morty said in awe, watching as she walked off.
"Well, what are doing standing here, Morty?" Rick asked, turning Morty around, "Go. Talk to her. Tonight the only adventure you're on is your cusping manhood." Rick urged, pushing Morty in Jessica's direction slightly. Cas' face lit up as she went to follow Morty, tripping slightly over her own feet. She stopped Morty only a few steps from Rick, crouching in front of Morty awkwardly due to the alcohol in her system, a little bit of it sloshing out of her cup.
"Hey, I-I didn't have, I didn't have good luck with mine. My impossible crush? Is that what we called it? I don't remember but I don't remember what we did yesterday right now so," Cas began to ramble, her voice slightly slurred, before shaking her head as if to force herself back on track. "Aw, fuck, that made me dizzy. My point is don't fuck it up like I did, okay?" Cas smiled, holding her drink out like they did before Morty's dance. Morty grinned, picking a random empty cup off the ground and clinking it against hers before walking off. Cas let him go, shakily standing up, using her grip on Rick's coat to help her up.
"I'm not impossible," Rick scoffed, hearing the conversation and knowing exactly what she meant.
"Yes, you are," Cas argued back with a childish tone.
The rest of the party was a blur for Cas. She remembered blur's of Summer's friend Tammy with Birdperson, cheering on some guy named Brad fighting Abradolf Lincoler, the house getting teleported to space, and barely anything else after that. She had been laying on the couch for a good hour now, sobering up from the alcohol and whatever high she was on slightly as the party began to dissipate. Her head ached but it was nothing she hadn't dealt with before. She had a glass of water in her hands, taking a few sips as often as possible. The house was trashed and there was no way to save them in time for when Beth and Jerry got home.
Morty angrily walked around, collecting trash as Rick flopped on the couch, his head landing in Cas' lap, his face on her thighs. She absentmindedly began to run her fingers through his hair as he groaned, her other hand aiding Morty with the bits of trash she could control with her abilities. Summer, upset she didn't get to join the rest of the after party, sat on the recliner. "Next time I party, I'm just gonna focus on getting totally wrecked," Summer said, "You're so wise." She looked back at Rick who grunted in response.
"May I assist you with that?" Birdperson asked, leaning down to grab a piece of trash from the floor that Morty was going for.
"Uh, sure, yeah. Thanks," Morty said awkwardly.
"Morty, do you know what 'wubba lubba dub dub' means?" He asked and Cas tuned into the conversation as much as she could at the sound of whatever it was that Rick had begun to say over the past few weeks.
"Uh, that's just Rick's stupid nonsense catchphrase," Morty shrugged as Rick began to snore.
"It's not nonsense at all. In my people's tongue, it means, 'I am in great pain. Please help me.'" Birdperson explained and Cas looked down at Rick, who turned over in her lap so the back of his head was resting on her thighs. His eyes were still shut and he snored loudly, indicating he was fast asleep. She frowned slightly, still running her fingers through his hair.
"Well, I got news for you. He's saying it ironically," Morty grumbled.
"No, Morty. Your grandfather is indeed in very deep pain," Birdperson said in his monotone voice. "That is why he must numb himself. That is why he turned Cas down when she told him she loved him despite the fact he loves her." Cas sucked in a small breath, looking up at Birdperson who gave her a small nod as if confirming his statement before turning back to Morty. Cas remained silent, a small frown on her face as she looked down at Rick.
"Come on, um..." Morty started, not knowing his name, which Birdperson filled in. "Come on, Birdperson. Rick's not that complicated. He's just a huge asshole."
"Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever." Birdperson pointed out but when he glanced at Cas, she felt like he was saying it to her too. Like he was echoing everything everyone else said. That she deserved more than some drunk, old man like Rick.
"You know what? You're right. I shouldn't even care." Morty agreed, "This is probably the best thing that could ever happen to me. I'm sick of having adventures with Rick." Morty crossed his arms, dropping his garbage bag.
"My people have another saying, 'Gubba nub nub doo rah kah.' It means, 'whatever let's you sleep at night.'" Birdperson said just as Summer's phone beeped.
"Guys, Mom and Dad are, like, right around the corner." Summer announced and Cas looked up at Morty, who was now in a moment where he had to choose to let Rick get in trouble or keep going with Rick. "This is your moment, Morty. Choose wisely," Birdperson said before calling out for Tammy and flying out the backdoor with her on his back.
"Wow, we are so screwed," Summer commented, looking at Rick who grunted quietly.
"Rick, wake up," Morty snapped.
"Darlin'," Cas began to shake him slightly, moving her thighs in order to wake him up. "Huh? What? Wait, stop," he mumbled, pushing Cas' hand off his chest.
"Rick! You got to do something quick. My parents are home!" Morty exclaimed as Rick began to rub his eyes, groaning loudly. "Al-alright. Hold, hold on," He mumbled and began to sit up straight, taking the glass of water out of Cas' hand and began to drink the remaining water. Cas stood up and looked out the window.
"Rick, they're walking up the driveway," Cas warned and Morty's face morphed to worry.
"Bring me the thing," Rick mumbled, his voice raspy from sleep and alcohol.
"What, what thing?" Morty asked, turning back to his grandfather.
"The thing. The thing," Rick began to rub his temples, "I-It's got, like, buttons on it, and lights on it. It-it beeps," He poorly explained but Cas held her hand out, green wisps covering it and a device flying to her hands. "Rick that describes everything in your garage!" Morty exclaimed as Cas approached, holding the device out.
"This, darlin'?" She asked, smiling softly,
"Cassie for *burp* for the win," Rick held his arms up before grabbing the device from her hands and pressing the big button on it. "Alright, that should do it," He shrugged, rubbing his eyes and forehead once more.
"Woah, what did you do?" Morty asked.
"Uh, s-see for yourself," Rick motioned time the door and Cas rose a brow but went out the front door, Summer and Morty right behind her. Outside, Jerry and Beth stood frozen with angry expressions on their faces. "Yeah, e-everything's frozen in time."
"Sometimes, you truly do amaze me, Rick," Cas said in awe, looking back at him as he leaned against the doorway with a tired look on his face. "Yeah, and Slow Mobius thinks he's all that," Rick mumbled in response but took the compliment from her.
"For how long?" Morty asked.
"I don't know, how long do you guys want?" Rick shrugged again, "A week? A month?"
"Can we start cleaning the house and see how we feel?" Summer asked and Rick rose half his brow but agreed. That one phrase turned a few hours into a few months of looting stores, pulling peoples pants down, replacing the bank's money with cookies and so much more. Including a short visit to Cas' hometown as she showed them around happily while the town was frozen. During one of the days, they had stolen a rather large tv out of the store, Cas powering it by holding the wire in her hands while they watched the Titanic.
"I hate this movie," She had grumbled as she slipped the disc in the dvd player.
"I tried to tell you guys," She later shrugged as the movie ended and the credits began to roll. Summer calling the movie dumb and Rick calling it the worst movie ever.
"What a waste of time," Morty said before realizing the irony and laughing. "Get it? You know, cause it's frozen."
"This has been so much fun," Summer grinned. "Most fun I've had in a while," Cas added, tossing a piece of popcorn in her mouth before getting up to get the disc from the dvd player.
"Hey, Rick. You know, this whole time, I haven't once heard you say that 'wubba lubba dub dub' thing you usually say," Morty pointed out and Cas looked back at Rick from her spot by the tv. Morty and Cas seemed to be the only two that heard Birdperson as he told Morty. Since then, Cas kept an eye out on whether or not Rick said it.
"Don't need to. I have a new catchphrase," He burped out. "I love my grandkids," He said when Morty asked what and Cas smiled softly at the three of them. "Psych! Just kidding! My new catchphrase is 'I don't give a fuck!'" He grinned, pointing to Cas who motioned to the radio with the green wisps on her hand. The radio powered to life, playing a song she never heard before but Rick seemed to enjoy as the three of them began to happily dance along.
"Dork," Cas chuckled, but didn't object when Rick grabbed her wrist to make her join in on the dancing.