“Riley, just walk away.” I pushed my hands against Riley’s chest, preventing him from charging Owen. I couldn’t deny Owen’s claim; I was ashamed of it but it was the truth.
The painful truth.
As usual, Nelly was sitting outside gazing up at the clouds with a dream-like expression on her pasty face. One may think that for how long she spends outside, she would have more colour in her cheeks. Her mouth, which was painting a deep purple, moved, making undetectable words. I looked at her, trying to make the words out but all I got was “They’re wrong....wrong...right.” It was like she was speaking in tongues or whatever came to her mind.
Softly, I sat down beside her. She jumped at my presence. “Oh, hello Olivia,” she says lightly.
“Hi Nelly,” I mutter back.
Without another word, Nelly reaches over to my bandages and holds my wrists in her hands. For the first time since I arrived, she smiled directly at me. “Stop it, you’re too precious to dig into yourself like that.”
“What were you saying?” I ask, tearing my wrists away from her and ignoring her words and asking my own question.
“Mummy was right to banish me; I’m mental!” She smiles brightly before pressing her hands to the ground to support her weight as she tilted her head to the clouds.
Once again, Owen was right. God damn it, why does he always have to be right?
Riley threw his hands in the air and took a step away fro me. “I’m good, I’m good,” he said nonchalantly, shaking the anger off his mind. The torch burning in his eyes cooled away. He ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed.
The look on Cale’s face, that appeared as soon as he saw Riley’s defeat, irked me in an abstract way. It seemed that he had planned this...no, no, I’m not going to read into this any more; it was what it was and had ended.
I shot Cale a narrow-eyed glare. “Let’s go.” Grabbing by the buttons in his shirt, I dragged him off in a puff of irritation.
Once we were far enough away for the dramatic impact to have been made, I stopped walking. I didn’t know where I was going; I just had the need to get away from Cale. For fuck’s sake, after our conversation this morning, I really thought he was trying to be a nice person; maybe I’m just too stupid around him.
While I stood in the middle of college green like an idiot, Riley sat down on a bench on the other side of college green. I followed and sat down so close to him that our arms brushed against each other. We sat in silence, neither knowing what to make of the situation. Every time Riley ran into the people I recently called ‘friends’, something bad happened. “Sorry,” I muttered softly, starting at my brown, beat-up boots.
Riley laughed. “For what?” His tone was so cheerful that it seemed a cross thought had never entered his mind.
I shrugged. “My friends.”
“Hey.” Riley turned towards me as he placed a hand on my knee. The moment his hand touched my knee, I felt a prick under his warm hand. My heart started racing in a way that it never had before. Against my will, a small smile rested on my lips. “We all have shite friends, trust me.”
I sighed while the smile faded. “Not all as mental as mine.” Riley snorted as he patted my knee. Oh God, there goes those nerves again. “No, I’m serious!” I retorted, smacking him in the thigh.
“I’m sure you are. And so am I.” He looked me straight in the eye as he spoke. That’s how I knew he was serious. He was always so serious and perceptive.
I wondered how I would have turned out if fate made me meet him before Cale. I may have been smart in school, happy...hell, I could be whatever the fuck I wanted. Reckon I wouldn’t have to apply makeup on my wrists, lie as often as I do or put up with rumours about me. But somehow, the world decided to be horrid to me and allow me to meet Cale.
“Do your friends pressure you? Do your friends make you feel insecure? Do your friends-”
Before I could finish my rant, Riley clapped his hand over my mouth, silencing my words. I tried to speak, but he had a firm grasp over my mouth. His eyes were flickering with anticipation. Slowly dragging his hand off my mouth and making his way to my jaw, he clamped his grip over the back of my neck. Before I had the chance to speak, he slowly leaned in close to my face. The smile returned as I leaned upwards, my hand still on his thigh.
“You and this Cale figure have been together for a while now, correct?” Doctor Lippman leaned back in his chair, staring at me while I fiddled with the hem of my yellow pants.
Yellow is such an ugly colour. It reminds me of the sun’s rays, happiness in your heart, flowers in a field, lemons acidity and vomit. I preferred black. Night, darkness, funerals, alone, sadness; me.
I sighed, taking my eyes off the disgusting colour of my clothing. I tried looking at Dr. Lippman, but I couldn’t handle his serious expressions all the time. There were no boundaries or sensitive topics; everything was fair to talk about, even if that meant lying to just get him off my back. I knew the longer I stayed, the more mental I would become and end up like Nelly.
I was perfectly fine.
Weight: check.
Wrists: check.
Attitude: check.
That is, as far as he should be concerned.
On the bright side, the directors keep sending daft nurses to check on me. This becomes easier to get out by the minute.
I didn’t feel like responding to his obnoxious question. “Why you wanna know?” I hoped that this would drive his mind away from pestering me anymore. I longed for the days when he went easy on me and every time a fake tear formed in my eye, I was set free for the day. Maybe he isn’t as easy to trick as everybody else here seems to be. c
Dr. Lippman frowned. Reckon he thinks I’m mental. “And how does he make you feel?”
The moment our lips touched, only thoughts of bliss scampered across my mind. For a moment I forgot about how ditsy Norah was, how cruel Cale was and how right Owen was. Riley was the only word on my mind; he was the only thing that mattered.
He moved his body closer to mine so that our knees touched. He slid his hand down my neck, resting it on the small of my back. I reached up and ran my hands though his dark curls, feeling each curl in between my fingers.
All those kisses with Cale were nothing compared to that sweet moment with Riley. I never wanted it to end and would be perfectly happy staying here all day snogging and skipping class.
After what seemed like a day, a month, a year we finally broke and entered back to reality. It was his choice not mine. His mouth ripped apart from mine with such haste, that it took a second for me to register the specialist kiss of my life had just passes. And I spend its whole duration trying not to think about Cale. Shit, why do I always fuck up about these things?
Instantly, Riley blushed a deep red, staring at the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck, which was also turning a shade of red. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. You just got out of a relationship.”
I fought the urge to laugh in his face at his unneeded pleas. There were times when he was as shy and innocent as a thirteen year old on their date. Yet, there were many times, like when angers, when a raging beast emerges from his chest, screaming. “It’s all right,” I say gently. I put my hand on top of his and melodiously trace the contours.
At first, a shocked look cross his face but when he saw I was sincere, the shocked expression vanished. It was replaced with a bright smile. Taking my face in his rough hands, he pulled me close to his mouth.