Harry came around for dinner that Sunday night the same way he usually did. Things felt a little different to him though, like the dynamics of the family were just...off.
First of all, Papa was there which was weird because he had been at work the past three weekends that he had come home for. Not that he didn't love to have both of his parents around, he'd just gotten used to one being away.
Then of course, there were the twins. They just weren't themselves, neither of them. Harry could tell Lou was fed up over his leg, but Niall seemed to have reverted back into himself, staying quiet and excusing himself to his room not longer after he had shown up. It was like seeing the kid who had broken down and destroyed his room before sobbing himself to sleep in his Papa's arms all over again. Like all the progress he had made was just fading.
Of course, Harry tried not to let it get to him too much. He knew he had a bad habit of looking too much into these little things and most of the time, it was all for nothing. He just worried that he wasn't around to protect his brothers enough. But he couldn't keep blaming himself for things, he was doing his best to flip the way his mind worked. He couldn't keep thinking in the same negative way and expect things to change.
And it had felt like things had been getting a little better recently. He could picture a future that was bright and happy, for the first time ever. He had his moments, no doubt, and he knew his medication aided him through a lot of the bad days, but he refused to slip backwards and allow himself to feel guilt for something that he knew logically wasn't his fault.
So, he decided to make the most of his visit home. Ash was in the living room playing video games with Lou, and Niall was playing with Cooper outside again. He had his parents, both of his parents, to himself for the first time in what felt like forever.
"Well if you ever need Papa and I to help out, we will...it's a lot to carry," Dad was saying softly, and Harry appreciated it more than he liked to let on.
He had just finished telling his parents about the situation with Ash's father and how hectic everything had been recently. The two men were more than understanding and supportive, but he could do this alone. He wanted to prove that he could do this alone, prove that for the first time since he was about thirteen, he didn't need his two Dads to do everything for him.
He was determined to be independent for once.
He shook his head softly. "Its okay, Dad. Thank you, it's just...I've got this. Me and Ash have got this," he said with certainty, smiling at the two men sitting opposite him at the kitchen counter.
They both had soft smiles on their faces, though Dad still looked concerned - ever the more worried parent of the two. "I know, and I don't doubt you for a second. I just worry about you taking on too much and -"
Papa let out a quiet chuckle at that, resting a hand on Liam's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "What your Dad means is that we're proud of you, buddy. You've...you've really grown up these past few months," he murmured, and Dad smiled, eyes a little watery.
Harry being the sensitive soul that he was, the sight of his Dad tearing up was enough to make him have to swallow down an emotional lump in his throat. He felt his chest swell with pride - pride for himself, something he hadn't yet experience - at the fact that he had made his parent proud.
There was still that little niggle at the back of his mind which doubted the truth behind his Papa's words, but he managed to ignore it. Conquer it.
He sniffed and nodded quickly, standing to wrap his arms around his parents and burying his head into his Dad's shoulder so that he could blink the moisture out of his eyes before they could see it. They both returned the embrace tightly, and Harry allowed himself to fully appreciate the family he had been given - perhaps they weren't his first or his biological, and though there were times where he thought about his birth mother and father, he never stopped being glad that he had his Dad and Papa in his life.
"You big softie," Papa said, though his voice sounded a little thick.
Harry pulled away from the hug after a few moments, quickly wiping his nose on the back of his hand and standing awkwardly in front of them both for a second. "I, uh, I'm gonna go see what Lou and Ash are up to," he said, nodding.
Papa just smiled a knowing sort of smile, and Dad's eyes were soft.
Harry quickly departed the kitchen, not wanting to get all upset when he was supposed to be feeling happy. He leans against the doorframe of the living room and crosses his arms over his chest, smiling slightly at the scene in front of him.
Louis and Ash were sitting side by side on the couch, Lou sitting sideways with his legs stretched out in front of him, cast propped up on a cushion and his back rested against Ashton's side. Ash didn't seem to mind the contact whatsoever, one arm slung around the thirteen year old so that his hand rest on his chest.
Both were holding controllers, pressing buttons with concentrated expressions on their faces. Then, apparently, Louis' character managed to kill Ashton's because Ash threw his head back with a groan, dropping his control down on the armrest whilst Louis cheered and held his hands up.
"Having fun?" he said after a moment, and two pairs of eyes snapped up to look at him.
Ash smiled softly and Lou gave a shrug.
"I think it'd be more fun if I had some real competition," Louis sassed, and Ashton looked offended.
"Hey!"
Louis didn't take any notice and carried on. "We have one match left. You wanna join in when we're done?" he asked, and Harry gave a shrug. He wasn't a particular fan of gaming, but if it meant spending time with his little brother and boyfriend at the same time? He would love to.
"Sure," he replied casually, then moved to sit on the armrest by Louis' feet, glad to see a smile on the boy's face. "How's the leg?" he asked, resting a hand on his good shin.
Lou's smile dropped slightly and he gave a shrug. "Doesn't hurt so bad anymore...dunno," he mumbled, clearly feeling a little down by the reminder of his injury. Harry winced slightly and let out a sigh.
"Look, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to -"
"It's fine," he said quickly, shaking his head. "Doesn't matter, I just - want to forget about it for a while. About football and the team and my stupid leg and - all of it. That's all," he mumbled.
Harry nodded. He could understand that, the kid's life had been flipped upside down, he didn't blame him for wanting to push it to the back of his mind for a little bit.
"You know, you could always find some other things to do. Alongside footie," he offered gently, and Louis gave an awkward shrug.
"Yeah. Maybe."
Ash spoke up then, controller back in hand. "Hey, next match is about to start," he said, and Louis smiled again, picking up his pad and looking to the TV.
Harry mouthed a silent 'thank you' to his boyfriend, knowing that he was doing his best to distract Harry's brother from his injury. Just then, Niall walked through the room quickly, head ducked as he passed in front of the TV and tugged his winter hat off of his head, disappearing out of the living room door and up the stairs.
Harry frowned, quickly dismissing himself from the room and following after his smallest brother. He heard the sound of the bedroom door clicking shut and frowned a little, because Niall had barely acknowledged him sinced he'd gotten there and that was unlike him. Usually, the blond twin would make certain that he had the chance to get in some time with his older brother before he went back home.
He knocked softly on the door to the twins room, growing a little concerned when he didn't get a reply. He figured that it must have been a quiet day since he hadn't heard his brother speak yet and even though it had been a while since he had last had a day of no talking, Harry didn't want to make it a big deal.
So, he cracked the door open slightly and saw Niall sitting against his pillows at the end of his bed with earphones in and his black covered journal open against his drawn in knees, writing away. Harry winced when he realised he could hear the thirteen year old's music from where he stood, wondering how loud the volume was on his phone.
Not wanting to scare the kid, he hovered in the doorway for a moment until Niall glanced up and noticed him. He quickly snapped the journal shut and stuck it beneath his mattress, then tugged out his earphones.
Harry smiled at him slightly. "Hey dude. You hear me okay?" he attempted to joke, but Niall just looked confused. "The music, it was pretty loud," he explained instead, walking across to the bed and sitting opposite the boy.
Niall paused, then glanced down to his phone and then back up at Harry, blue eyes shielded. Which was weird, because Niall was usually pretty easy to read.
"I didn't realise," he said quietly, and Harry was glad it wasn't a quiet day because he always struggled to know what to say when it came to one sided conversations. That still didn't explain why Niall hadn't spoken to him though.
Harry nodded slightly. "Oh. Well - what were you listening to?" he asked, hoping to get more from his brother.
Niall shrugged. "Just some guitar stuff. No words, it's for my lessons," he explained briefly, and Harry sighed, wishing he could get the kid to open up a little.
"Well...are you okay?" he asked, deciding to be straight to the point.
He instantly looked uncomfortable, shifting slightly and swallowing, giving a shrug. "Yeah. Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You've been quiet," Harry said simply.
The room was quiet then, and the sound of Louis and Ashton bickering over the game they were playing downstairs could be heard. Dad and Papa were laughing at them too now, and Harry pressed his lips together at how different the atmosphere was despite them all being in the same house.
Niall spoke in a quieter voice the next time. "Are you mad at me?" he asked in a rushed way, as if he were afraid to say the words.
Harry felt slightly taken aback by the question. "Mad? Why would I be mad?" he asked in return, genuinely confused.
He wasn't sure there was anything he had done to give his brother that idea, he definitely wasn't mad. He had no reason to be, Niall was about as innocent as they came - he hadn't done anything wrong.
The thirteen year old gave a small shrug, tugging his knees closer to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Harry noticed the kid always sat like that when he was trying to make himself smaller. Less noticeable. Like he wanted to hide away from the world.
Harry was still worried. "Did I do something to make you think that?" he asked softly, because he really hadn't intended to. The last thing he wanted to do was upset anyone, especially his family.
Niall shook his head quickly. "No, no. Just - I tried to call and you didn't answer and I just thought that maybe you - you were annoyed or -"
He winced then, remembering the missed call on his phone that he had meant to return but simply forgotten about. After all, he had been busy the past week or so. It was a little strange to him that Niall's instant reaction to a missed call was that someone was angry at him, but he tried not to linger on the details, instead deciding to apologise.
"Of course I wasn't. Sorry, Nialler, I meant to call you back, I just -"
"It's fine," Niall interrupted quickly, though he didn't look as if it was fine. His brother had deep bags under his eyes and his hair was all scruffed up from his hat.
Harry shook his head. "It isn't, man. I really am sorry...was it something important?" he asked softly.
Niall hesitated, then spoke in a murmur. "Not really. Was just walking home, and I stopped by the bridge and...I just wanted someone to talk to, that was all," he quickly corrected, and Harry frowned, gaze lingering on his brother's face, doing his best to read him.
Then Louis' yell came up the stairs and he jumped slightly.
"Haz! Match is over, you can come play!" Louis shouted, and Harry's frown turned into a small smile at the childish sound to his other brother's voice.
It sounded mean, but part of his thought that maybe the injury was for the best - it was bringing out a side of Lou that he hadn't seen for a while. A side he had missed.
Harry turned to Niall with a small smile. "You wanna come join?" he asked, because it didn't seem fair that Niall was the only one missing.
But his brother just shrugged. "No, I, uh...I was in the middle of -" he gestured to the journal tucked beneath his mattress and Harry gave a small nod.
"Oh, yeah. Well, we'll probably be watching a film before Ash and I have to leave so...come sit with us, yeah?" he offered gently, resting a hand on Niall's shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. He wanted his brother to open up to him, but he knew that after everything with Richard, he sometimes had days where everything was a little off. He just figured that today was one of those days and decided not to overthink it too much.
Niall gave a small nod before Harry left the room. And Harry managed to sort of forget the feeling of unease that had settled in the pit of his stomach at leaving his brother upstairs alone after he started playing with Lou and Ash downstairs.
EDITED 24.12.21