Although the classroom was slightly chilly, I was sitting in a pool of my own sweat. I was fairly certain I had shed a good ten pounds of water weight since the start of class and was probably one good sneeze away from becoming seriously dehydrated.
My transformation into the human equivalent of a leaky sprinkler was all due to a ginormous wrestler named Alex Cole. Throughout sixth period Spanish class, Alex had been cracking his meaty knuckles and sending me not so subtle signals that I was a dead man walking. I had never given religion much thought, but it seemed like a good time to start praying.
I had attracted Alex's wrath quite by accident. Being one of only two out gay guys in a sometimes not-so-open-minded school meant having to fly under the radar in terms of locker room usage. Normally I changed in one of the bathroom stalls, but since gym class fell right after lunch this year I figured I would arrive early and avoid the trauma of trying not to step on the urine splattered floor.
I was walking over to the same locker I had used freshman year when I accidentally caught sight of Alex flexing in front of a mirror, wearing nothing but a pair of dingy tighty whities. It didn't help matters that I'd been texting, which probably made it appear as if I'd been snapping pictures of him like some sort of perv. I tried explaining the situation, but Alex was more of a violent Neanderthal type than the listening type. Since then, my prospects of making it to the end of sophomore year had dwindled considerably.
Alex's threats towards me had gone completely unnoticed by my classmates because they were all too busy passing notes to Candice who'd forgotten to drop her cell phone into the basket at the beginning of class. As the only conduit to the outside world, the usually unnoticed president of the knitting club was basking in her massive rise in popularity. She was the center of attention at the moment because everyone was dying to find out if there had been any news regarding Marv Morgan, the school's senior star quarterback who had mysteriously vanished in the woods three days ago.
A missing student in our boring town was a big deal. The fact that a mountain lion had been spotted in the same area he was last seen, and all that had been found of Marv so far were his tattered clothes scattered about the campgrounds, had led to the type of feverish gossip that only gained momentum with each passing hour. About a dozen conspiracy theories, most involving a ridiculous kidnapping plot by our school's rival football team, had already gained traction online.
When I arrived to school this morning, the football team and cheerleaders had already converted Marv's locker into a shrine where students were urged to congregate to share stories, hold prayer circles, and openly weep. Sure, Marv was the hottest and most popular guy at school and blah blah blah, but from the way everyone was carrying on you would have thought the planet was about to get wiped out by a giant meteor.
Not helping calm the frayed nerves of the entire student body were the notices plastered all over the school warning us to stay out of the woods or risk certain death. It was definitely a helluva start to the new school year.
By the time the final three minutes of class began ticking down, I was a frantic, disheveled mess. I had completely tuned out Mr. Rodriguez to formulate my escape plan, deciding to sacrifice my phone by leaving it in the basket, which would save me a few precious seconds. I was just hoping the big wrestler's bulk would slow him down long enough for me to escape.
As soon as the bell rang I bolted out of the classroom and booked it to the parking lot in record time. I double and triple checked the spot where my brother had parked his pickup truck that morning, but his car was gone. I was weighing my options on what to do next when I saw Alex sprinting straight for me. I desperately scanned the area for a teacher, security guard, or even a lunch lady, but there was no one around. Cornered and out of options, I ran straight for the exit and into the woods.
By the time I hit the dusty, uneven trail, my lungs were burning and my legs had turned to Jell-O. I knew as long as I remained on the path I was an open target, so I dashed up the steep hill as fast as I could. Unlike the movies where ninjas run through the forest in silence, I was making more noise than a fourth of July fireworks show. I might as well have had a rainbow-colored arrow flashing above my head.
I'd been running for a solid five minutes and was beginning to lose steam when Alex materialized out of nowhere and slammed me against a tree. My left shoulder exploded with pain as I fell to the ground in a daze. I tried to scurry away, but he grabbed a fistful of my shirt, hoisted me to my feet like a rag doll, and slammed me into the tree again. I heard the stitching on my new shirt tear and felt inappropriate concern over its condition.
Up close, Alex was even uglier than I had imagined. The sophomore's eyes, nose, and mouth appeared as if they had never quite fully caught up to his expanding potato-shaped head—perhaps that's the reason he always looked so damn angry all of the time. I tried explaining it was all one colossal misunderstanding, but my lungs were too busy expanding with air to let any words come out.
He aimed a giant fist directly at my head and said, "This is what you get for being a pervert, faggot."
What happened next is a little hard to explain. At some point I must have shut my eyes because all I registered was a loud roar, someone screaming bloody murder, a strong gust of wind, and something solid knock me on the top of the head. When I opened my eyes, I found myself hovering ten feet above the ground.
I somehow had the presence of mind to grab a branch within reach and pulled myself up. I was still trying to process how the hell I'd gotten up into the tree so fast when I noticed Alex holding a bloodied fist to his chest looking positively terrified.
"SC-SC-SCRAM!" he shouted, backing up slowly.
That's when I noticed an impossibly large mountain lion inching his way towards him. I frantically scanned my surroundings for an escape route, but there was nowhere to go but down. I tried to remember everything I had ever learned about mountain lions from the nature shows I'd watched throughout the years, but blinding fear had made my mind go blank. The only fact I could vividly recall was that all cats had the ability to climb trees.
Before I could figure out what to do next, the mountain lion leapt through the air in a flash of tawny fur and pinned the wrestler to the ground with a set of powerful paws the size of dinner plates.
Alex's feet flailed wildly, kicking up clouds of dust and dirt into the air, as he tried to shove the big cat off of him. I wanted to look away as he screamed for help, but I was glued to the grisly scene below me. The giant cat was mere inches away from tearing off his face when Alex caught it by surprise by punching it on the nose.
The two tumbled over one another, and in all of the confusion Alex was able to untangle himself from the large beast and regain his footing. He grabbed a fistful of dirt from the ground, hurled it at the mountain lion, and took off in the direction of our school. It all happened so fast I was left a little stunned by what I had just witnessed, especially when the mountain lion decided not to chase after his prey and instead looked directly at me with bright blue eyes.
It's not an exaggeration to say that the entire forest fell silent. My life didn't flash before my eyes, but my body did start moving with a mind of its own. I held onto the branch tightly with one arm while I used my free arm to slip off my backpack. I sat up carefully and was somehow able to balance on the shaky branch while I took aim. I threw my backpack directly at the wild animal, hoping to scare it away, but it missed its mark by a good three feet. Sports were really not my forte.
There was an uneaten apple inside, which he must have sniffed out because he tore into my bag with two slashes of his powerful claws and devoured it whole. As I watched him lick his muzzle clean, I imagined the same scenario would play out if he managed to get a hold of one of my limbs. I started shaking uncontrollably and did the only thing I could think of to do.
"HEEEEEEELP!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!"
Instead of running away from all of the shouting, the mountain lion plopped down on his back haunches, shook his head at me, and said in a clear yet gravelly voice. "Stop screaming, I'm not going to hurt you."
I was so dumbfounded I was rendered mute for a moment. Had I just imagined the mountain lion had talked or was I in the middle of a psychotic break? Seconds ticked by while my mind raced with all sorts of possibilities, each one more implausible than the next. I waited for it to say something else, but after a minute or two it lost interest in me and started walking back into the woods.
"Wait," I called out. He whipped his head around and looked up at me quizzically. It was an odd expression on a mountain lion, even a talking one. My throat was bone dry, but I somehow managed to get the words out. "Can you really talk?"
There was no doubt about it; the mountain lion was clearly taken aback. "You can understand me?"
I hadn't really expected a response and found myself nodding to his question, too shocked to speak. He ran up to the tree and stood on his hind legs, resting his front paws against the trunk. I pulled my dangling feet away from him and carefully stood up. The branch I was standing on let out a distinct crack that didn't bode well for my future, so I inched back slowly toward the massive trunk and attempted to wrap both arms and one leg around it to keep the sagging branch from breaking.
"You can really understand what I'm saying?" This was apparently a huge game changer as far as the mountain lion was concerned. I nodded again, afraid to say anything that might agitate him any further and compel him to climb up the tree. His long tail swished back and forth, reminding me of an agitated house cat. "Come down here," he said in a rush, "I need your help."
I shook my head and gripped the trunk a little harder. This was not how I had imagined my day ending. Amy and I had planned on auditioning for the school musical. I couldn't sing or dance very well, and Amy was wheelchair bound, but we'd both seen our school's production of Cats the previous year and had realized the talent pool was extremely shallow.
"Oh come on," the mountain lion whined, "it's not like I'm going to eat you or anything." Those were definitely not the encouraging words I would have chosen to say to someone stuck in a tree, terrified for his life. "Listen," he explained. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I'm not a mountain lion."
Since it was starting to become obvious that the talking animal wasn't going to leave me alone any time soon, I decided to humor him. "Okay, what are you?"
"It's me," he said, as if I should have figured it out, "Marv Morgan."
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