When I woke up that morning I wanted to hop in the shower as fast as possible. The lights were cut off as usual.
"Shit"
I shut the door and put my long curly hair in a bun, and lit my cigarette. I let the shower run so I can watch the steam rise up from the tub. I put my back against the door so I could slide down.
"There's no way in the fucking world my life is going to be like this forever"
I said to my self
When I looked up my phone was going off, it was Casey calling at least 10 times a fucking day trying to see when I was going to bring my ass back to work. I know God is going to be mad at me for not counting my blessing but shit he died for our sins anyway. I took a deep breath and answered the phone
"Hey wassup"
I said rubbing my face while pushing the back of my head against the door
" Autumn , I been calling you all night long you good? Look we got some big shot niggas coming through tonight I need my sexiest dancer there tonight?"
I took a deep fucking breath before I said anything. I know this nigga wouldn't let me get a piece of fucking mind.
" yeah I'm good, and nah, I gotta go see my little sister today at her foster home so I'll be busy during the day but I'll slide through tonight but can I call you later baby I got a lot of shit to do today?"
" CLICK-"
I hung up the phone before that nigga could even talk my fucking head off. I put my cigarette out and hopped in the shower. I just couldn't hold my tears back. Maybe Aj is right I should go work for her, make some bomb ass cash. I know she'll look out for me. I don't even know if I'm made for that type of game.
" Autumn bitch where you at? Hurry up and finish washing your pussy juice"
When I heard that voice it was nobody but my ratchet ass Bestfriend Joyce. I got out the shower and put my towel around my body and ran into my room and jumped on her.
" bitch get dress, we don't got time for ya freak ass goofy shit"
She said slapping my ass while we was laughing.
" why you here so early"
I said putting my panties on.
" because Aj and Henna about to come by so we can get something to eat"
She said popping her gum crazy loud .
Henna was some chick we use to go to high school with. Im always catching her watch me dance at Karma's. She was such a hood nigga. Her locks were always freshly twisted and the had the most sexiest vibe. Which made her dangerous. I had ever seen someone hustle as much as her. She was a thug, but a classy one at that. She never kept her hands dirty, and if they were, she ain't never had a problem getting them clean. She owned a lot of project houses on my street. Most of them were on Welfare. Aj never mentioned what this bitch do for a living, but she was humble though, never forgot where she came from. That was Grind to me.
"Ayoo!!! I wish yall bring yall fine ass outside I'm hungry shidd it's crack heads running all around this bitch"
Aj said scream outside my fucking window like she lost her fucking mind.
"Ima go outside and hurry up bitch I'm hungry too"
Joyce said running out my room down the steps.
I throw my light blue ripped jeans on and my pink crop top. I went to my body mirror an put my big hoop ear rings in. I had to stare at my self for a second. The struggle was getting harder. I needed to think of some money moves quick only being 22 shit was getting harder day by day , but for some reason the hustle wasn't in me no more. I grabbed my jean jacket and slipped my light tan uggs on. I ran down the steps and looked at my mom pasted out drunk on the couch. It hurt to watch my mama drink her life away. But it wasn't shit I could do about it. I'm tired of taking care of grown folks. I walked out an seen Henna leaning on her light blue Mercedes Benz looking at my body up and down.
" damn Autumn what you don't know how to speak?"
" I should say the same thing when you be watching me dance?"
She look at me and bust out laughing . Like shit was really that funny.. Every Saturday night a Karma's Henna was always there watching me , wishing for me, craving for me.
" ride with me"
Henna said , as she lifted her body up off the car and opened the car door for me. I walked down the steps, and got into the car.
" you gunna put ya fucking seatbelt on, shawty this a ain't no rental, if I cash you ain't suing me"
Me and henna bust out laughing as I put my seatbelt on me. For this first time in the a long time those 15mins I had a piece of mind. It was silent. I could breathe with wind blowing in my face, and just relaxed. I turned my head over and looked at Henna she smiled at me and asked,
" what that pretty little mind of yours thinking about ?"
"For a little mind trust me it's got some big dreams".
I said as I turned my head and looked out the window, going into a complete anxiety attack just thinking about how i will even make my dreams become a reality instead of a fantasy. Aj, Joyce, and my little sister Kiki was all I had until now.
" let me take you some where real fast, I wanna show you something"
I looked over at Henna like she was crazy.
" you ain't finna kill me, then burn my body somewhere in a damn alley way, hell no"
We bust out laughing as she turned on to the freeway. After 25 minutes of driving we drove past this these woods and stopped in front of this lake.
" come on get out I wanna show you something baby"
" Wow this is beautiful Henna, I didn't even know this was back here. You come here ?!"
She took my hand and pulled me closer the lake. She stood behind me wrapped one arm around my waist and her other hand to closed my eyes.
" Just listen, feel it. One thing that is scary is God creation. It's all knowing. You don't have to see the blessings. But you damn sure better learned how to recognize the sound and the feeling. You got what you need to creat what you are seeking. Your problem is you don't believe in your self. Feel it shawty, it's coming".
When Henna said those words, tears came down my eyes. She turned my face to hers and asked me what am I crying for. And I didn't even know how to explain it to her. She looked me deep in my eyes as I licked my lips. She whispered " come here" real sexy, soft, and deep. She kissed me nice and slow, and picked my body up off the ground. This shit wasn't supposed to happen. Henna was someone I just knew from growing up. Yeah she was my type but was I hers. I stop her from kissing me. And asked why would she do that out of know where. I'm not just a fuck to anybody.
" work with me, I got this business plan I'm trying to put together and I can't do it with out you, and I do like you, I didn't kiss you because you got a fat ass, that's just a bonus"
When I looked at henna, the bitch had me thinking . How long has she been watching me dance? What business plan? Why did I have a feeling it involved Karma's. When we got in the car. It was silents. You could hear a pen drop in that bitch.
" so you wanna hear the business plan or you just going to keep looking out my window like a lost puppy"
After she said I turned my head over and rolled my eyes.
" why me henna, I don't do that dirty money shit"
I looked out the window waiting for her response. I never had my heart beat so heavy.
" you working tonight right ? I got a big ass business meeting at the club tonight, with Shakes. I need you to be a distraction. I need you to be Black Mamba tonight. He's expecting you anyway. I'll get us a V.I.P spot while you dance and I'll be right there. I know how you get when all eyes are on you, and none of them are familiar. 25,000 stacks he trynna put on the table. You show him what Black Mamba can do, and I'll show you how easy it is to become a business partners with me"
I looked a Henna and bust out laughing " business partners" . And how many business partners do you have so far. I couldn't stop laughing at the facts that she was dead serious. I mean I know Karma's not a clean. But damn. We pulled up to the Restaurant where Aj and Joyce was waiting out side. After we ate Henna dropped me off back home while Aj took Joyce back to her crib so they can do there thing. When I got out the car Henna just looked at me. As she pulled off I pulled my phone out.
" just dance, that's all I have to do. Nothing more nothing less. Henna I can't get into any kind of fucked up shit. But I'll dance for you tonight, just protect me, don't let nothing happen to me,"
After I said that on the phone with Henna, I took a breather.
" relax Autumn, I'll be right there the whole time. I wouldn't put you in room full of niggas you don't know . I gotchu baby"
When I hung up the phone and went straight up stairs into my room. I had to cry for a moment. Being Black Mamba was hard. The drama, pain, jealousy, heartbreak and even low self esteem. I needed someone to see Black Mamba had purpose. It's not just a stage name, or a hood bitch with just another dancing job. It was time for me to pull out my Leather Black Mamba outfit for one last ride. And wear that bitch with a purpose.