In the morning Jimin woke up to find Nayeon sitting with her legs crossed beside him. She had a loose black t-shirt and a smile plastered on her face.
"You're cool as hell." She told.
"Oh, no. How long have you been staring?"
"Not long enough."
Jimin sunk under a blanket laughing. Thinking of how awful he must've looked sleeping made him so embarrassed.
"Do you know that you talk in your sleep and you held me tightly throughout the whole night?"
"I did? I do? I'm sorry." He apologized uncovering himself.
"Who said I mind?"
He smiled sweetly and straightened himself up. "I'm going to rinse my mouth, okay?"
"That's fine. I have a new toothbrush in the drawer if you'd like to use it."
"That sounds great. Thank you."
He walked towards the bathroom and she stayed behind playing with her fingernails. She had that familiar chest tightening feeling. The one you get when you knew you'd get your heart broken.
A few minutes went by and finally he was out. He got back on the bed and kept a smile. She did too, but the look in her eyes betrayed her.
"What's the matter?" He asked.
There were black circles under her eyes and a tension headache in the center of her head. Her heart was breaking and she felt like she could throw up.
She couldn't sleep the whole night, though she tried. All she could do was think, and think, and think some more.
How could she close her eyes when beside her was her entire world?
How could she waste the time by sleeping when she knew she wouldn't ever get to sleep by his side again?
"I shouldn't have done it." She told.
"Done what?"
"Kissed you last night. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I was just being selfish."
"Selfish? You-you're the kindest and sweetest person. You're not that. I-I didn't mind it. I...I just..."
"The reason you didn't mind it is because you don't want to hurt me. So, you received my kisses without hesitation because that's the type of person you are and for that I adore you."
"I didn't do it because I felt forced to. I really didn't. I just feel this connection with you and it's almost like..."
"We're together in another universe?" She laughed sadly.
He nodded his head and she looked down at her lap. In order to put herself back together she had to gulp down her emotions.
"Are we married in that universe?" He wondered.
She looked up with a grin, "Of course we are. And we live in a gorgeous place and we're very happy."
"I know we are." He agreed.
"You know, I do like to think that you and I are together. In another dimension or another universe. I told you that I love you too much for one life only and I mean it. I believe the reason I feel this way is because we're together somewhere. Maybe, we were meant to be but our path changed courses."
"I'm so sorry. I wished I felt the same. I honestly do. If I could trust me I would be with you."
"Yes, but unfortunately this is our reality. I was stupid to jump into this madness. I knew you didn't feel the same and I should've tried to stop it. But, that night at the party we danced and you held me like I was enough. Like we were enough. And as much as I tried to let go of that fantasy of mine I couldn't. It stayed in the back of my head like a record on repeat. I thought about it over and over hoping that you'd change your mind."
She laughed and threw her head back, "It's so silly I know. Last night when I kissed you I felt your love, but I also felt that your heart doesn't feel the same. I didn't kiss you out of lust, I wasn't naked in front of you out of lust. I crave you in a pure way. I want to touch you, hug you, caress your hair, feel your warmth, look into your eyes, and hear your voice next to my ear. It's physically impossible for us to be together, I know, but last night I couldn't help myself. I craved your presence next to me and I wanted you to be mine forever."
Jimin kept quiet. He didn't know what to say. No one had ever confessed their love to him. He'd never been so loved by another person before and the feeling was surreal.
"However, that was last night. I needed the kiss and sleeping next to you as form of closure. I'm ready to let go of this possibility of you and I. I'm going to keep being your friend and I will continue to be by your side. You can sleep now knowing that I am ready to let you go. You don't have to feel sad or guilty because of me. This isn't your fault at all. Like I've told you you're so easy to love and—"
Jimin cut her off by wrapping his arms around her. She started bawling unable to contain it in anymore.
He kissed her head over and over holding her closer. "It's not raining today, but that's okay. I'll cry with you." He whispered with tears in his eyes.
He didn't move until her cries were softer. Then, he laid down and held her hand. "I've never skipped class before. You're a good reason to."
She smiled wiping her tears. It was useless, they kept coming either way. She thought that if she kept crying she would crumple to pieces.
She laid on his chest and her eyes were closed though she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her tears kept coming down as she held his hand tighter.
"I know this is the worst time to tell you this, but I want you to know that you're my soulmate. You will always be my soulmate and I love you so much." He told kissing the top of her head.
At that moment, with all the pain in the world she slowly let go of his hand. Knowing that even though they wouldn't be romantically together her feelings for him would never stop growing.
•••
"You look so pretty." Jimin smiled as he held open the door for her. They had skipped the first two classes to just lay in bed.
"Don't lie. My eyes are puffy and ugly from all the crying. Look at my face! It is so red!" She chuckled.
"All I see is beauty."
She stopped laughing and looked down sheepishly. How would she ever stop her heart from beating this way for him?
"Thank you. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Okay." He responded giving her a hug before walking the opposite way to his locker.
Yoongi happened to be walking out of the bathroom when Jimin was walking by. He looked at him from his peripheral vision and kept on going.
This time the one that was looking at him was, Yoongi. Now he understood what Jimin felt when he didn't look back.
It hurt like a mother fucker.
Jimin saw a few people staring, but he tried to ignore it. There was probably a new gay rumor going around about him. He had learned to brush those off. At least, he had learned to pretend to.
Meanwhile, Nayeon was approaching her locker to see a pink note stuck on the metal door.
The word SLUT was written over it in bold. She quickly took it off and bawled it up in her first. Ever since that anonymous post about her, she'd been receiving slut shaming comments and notes.
It had calm down some and today was the first day in a week that she'd seen a note on her locker.
"You're so desperate for dick that you fucked the school fag?"
She turned around with a frown plastered on her face. He stood in front of her with a grin.
"Fuck off." She said emotionless.
"No wonder you're a slut. Have some dignity. Everyone knows about you. No guy is going to take you serious now. Guys are starting to say things about you. They're even leaving notes behind." He snickered pointing a finger at her.
"Does it pleasure your to slut shame females? A guy can fuck whoever he wants and multiple females, but he's praised for it. Why is it different with a girl?"
He shrugged, "Its fun slut shaming you. In all honest, I'm impressed. Tell me, how do you get dick with a body like that? I don't see much." He said wrinkling his nose and cupping his chest.
"I say the same. If we're body shaming now let's talk about yours. Hmmm, it looks big enough to thumb wrestle with my thumb. I've felt it too when I nearly ripped your balls, remember that? Did you tell your friends?" She smirked glancing at them.
He instantly stopped smiling and stepped closer. "What are you going to do? Hit me? Slut shame me? Ooh, I'm so scared. Please stop! Don't! Don't!" She screamed sarcastically.
"Shut the fuck up. You think a whore like you intimidates me? Hope you enjoy getting it in the ass from that fag."
"At least he's getting some." She huffed walking by and shoving him.
His friends chuckled in the background and he rolled his tongue angrily. "You're still the schools slut!" He yelled.
She kept walking only sticking both middle fingers up in the air. As soon as she was out the door she started looking for her roommate.
"Momo,"
"Nayeon! Hi!" She squealed running towards her with a hug.
"Why did you tell people about Jimin?" She asked annoyed.
"Fuck, I'm sorry. I told my boyfriend and I told him not to say a word! I didn't think he would. I'm so sorry!"
"Holy shit, you told Sehun? Fuck, you know he's a snitch bitch."
"He didn't mean to!" She shyly said.
Nayeon shook her head and turned around to walk. "Wait! We're cool right?" She asked nervously.
"Yeah, however your boyfriend and I aren't."
"He really didn't mean to!" She yelled as she kept walking.
She went to the nearest bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her face was bare, and the circles under them only highlighted her fatigue.
People were thinking that she was lacking sleep from having sex with, Jimin. What they didn't know is that all the did was cry together while cuddling in bed.
"And I told him..." a girl stopped talking to her friend when she landed eyes on, Nayeon who was leaning over the sink.
They looked at her and smirked at each other. Nayeon walked to the nearest stall to avoid a confrontation.
She heard them whispering to each other and laughing. She looked up at the ceiling waiting for them to finish and then her eyes came across the word slut written beside her name on the bathroom door.
Her heart sunk a little. The word itself hunted her day and night. How could they say it so bluntly without thinking of her feelings? Of how she felt being shamed in such a way?
What hurt her the most was that females were saying this about her too. Weren't they suppose to help each other out? Encourage one another? Instead they turned their back on her when she needed support more than ever.
After they left she walked out. Her class was starting in less than three minutes, but she didn't feel like going.
She headed to the parking lot to her car. She wanted to look for Jimin . And wished she would've stayed in bed with him to ignore the world a little more.
She stood by her car feeling the wind hit her face. Her hands were shaking and she felt almost like she was having an anxiety attack.
"Hey—" Namjoon said approaching her with a big smile.
"What the hell do you want? Are you here to ask me if I slept with, Jimin? Do you want me to sleep with you? I'm not a slut. Can't you get your head out your ass and stop being so judgmental? I slept with him naked and you know what we did? Sleep! That's all we did! Why can't I sleep with him without it being sexualized? And I don't care what you think or what anyone thinks! I love that kid!"
"I...I was just going to offer a piece of apple pie that I cooked for class." He timidly said.
Nayeon sighed embarrassed and looked down at her shoes biting the inside of her lip. She could feel her chin quivering and her eyes with tears.
"I don't believe what they say. Don't listen to them. They're jerks."
She closed her eyes when she started to cry. He almost felt like he was kicked in the throat. How could they be mean to her?
Immediately, he put the pie on top of her car and bent down to her height. He was easily about eight inches taller than her.
"Don't cry. I'm sorry. If you don't want my apple pie that's fine too. In fact, I'm not a good cook. Thought I'd let you know before."
She shook her head and kept weeping. "Can I...hold you?" He wondered. And she didn't say a word just wrapped her arms around his waist burying her face on him.
He held her tightly for comfort. "You want to know something?" He asked her quietly.
She nodded her head slowly.
"They're trying to take your colors away, they're trying to dull your shine, but what they don't know is that you have the fucking sun by your side. You are bright and you are light. I know because every time you come around I see it. You probably think that you are broken, but if you broke it's because you're putting yourself back together stronger and more fierce than ever."
He reached over to wipe some tears from her cheek and she still had her eyes closed while listening to his voice.
"Smile beautiful, it takes a lot of strength and courage to go through all the shit you've been through."
And so she did.