Naturally she hesitated on the doorstep. Lily could be scary when she was angry, and no doubt she was livid with Marlene at the current moment. But eventually she would need to get it over with, especially since James had likely already revealed to her that Marlene had finally arrived home. The only thing that could be worse than Lily being angry at her disappearance would be Lily being angry that Marlene hadn't bothered to stop by first. Putting it off for a minute longer would only test Lily's temper, and she wasn't willing to risk it.
As her hand poised ready to knock the thought crossed her mind that running away seemed like an awfully better alternative to what she was about to do. Sirius's hand rested on her shoulder in a possible attempt to calm her, but it didn't do much to subside her nerves.
She shifted her gaze to survey that he was watching her carefully, like he had been ever since she had arrived home. He had insisted on accompanying her to the Potters house even though she asserted that she didn't need a chaperone. He brushed her off with a lame excuse about how he was planning to visit with James anyways, but it seemed much more likely that he wasn't willing to lose sight of Marlene just yet. She finally managed to push away the thought of running, and brought her fist down onto the door.
At first she thought they weren't home. It took a second knock and a few minutes before she could hear the undeniable shuffling of feet headed for the door. And then the lock clicked and the door swung open.
But it wasn't Lily that answered. It was James. He didn't appear angry like he had the night before, but Marlene suspected that could change shortly.
Sirius had insisted that James did not resent her for Euphemia Potters death. Since they had drawn a boundary to the physical aspects of their rekindled relationship, they had spent a large portion of the night conversing about everything that needed to be said. Marlene was unfortunately unable to tell him what she had been up to during her months away, but he hadn't seemed frustrated nor did he attempt to pry it from her.
Even though Sirius told her that James did not hate her like she suspected he did, she still felt apprehensive standing in his presence, awaiting whatever judgment he had ready to bestow upon her.
And then his arms were around her, pulling her into him with such force that she felt the wind expel from her lungs. She had never embraced James before and noted that he smelled an awful lot like something sour. She wrinkled her nose in disgust and pushed away from him.
"James, what is that smell?" she asked while suppressing a gag.
"Smell?" he looked confused. Then his eyes glanced down to his shirt where Marlene's head had been resting. "Oh!" His eyes suddenly lit up. "You know we have a baby, right? They tend to have trouble keeping things down, if you didn't know."
Marlene felt her stomach lurch. Baby vomit. Disgusting.
But then his face became serious again and his gaze hardened on her much like she imagined it would. She stared back at him with equal intensity. James Potter would not get under her skin this time.
"Lily's – "
"She's going to kill me," Marlene interrupted before rolling her eyes. "Yes, I figured she would."
"No," he shook his head. "I was going to say that Lily's going to be so relieved to see you. I had a hard time convincing her to stay in last night after I came home. She was determined to hunt you down at Sirius's."
"Oh," she said, surprised. But then she also realized that it didn't mean she still wouldn't hesitate to take her head off after the initial shock had worn off.
"I'm relieved to see you," he said gently and his eyes softened behind his thick framed glasses. "We thought you were dead."
"Yes, I've heard" she replied. She could feel Sirius shift behind her and James's eyes flitted between them.
"Wasn't expecting to see you today," James said to Sirius with a joyful laugh.
"So much for already coming over here today anyways?" Marlene shot Sirius an annoyed look but he only looked back at her with feigned innocence. So he definitely was tagging along behind to keep tabs on her. "So is Lily home then?"
Before he had the chance to answer, Lily's voice floated from the hallway behind him. Her soft footsteps could be heard walking closer and the sound of a baby's soft cooing accompanied.
"James? Who's at the door?"
James stood to the side so that Lily could see for herself.
Marlene had never seen her friend so disheveled before. Her brilliant green eyes appeared dull and lifeless, her beautiful hair that Marlene had spent years envying was pulled backwards with strands of hair carelessly falling out of place, and her skin looked sickly pale. She looked a few years older than she was, and Marlene hardly recognized her as the same Lily she had known for years.
And in her arms rested a bundled green blanket; a pink, delicate hand stuck out the top, grasping onto a fold in the fabric with a mop of jet black hair poking out from the top where she imagined the baby's head must be.
"Marlene?" Lily's voice wavered. Marlene observed her lip quiver ever so slightly and her eyes began to fill with tears. She handed the baby into James' already outstretched arms, as though he was expecting it. Then she stepped forward so that she was a foot away from Marlene, towering over her in an intimidating sort of way. Marlene felt instantly inferior.
Lily did not pull her into an immediate hug. She stood staring into Marlene's eyes as though searching for something. The uneasiness of being watched with such examination was almost too much to bear and she finally had to drop her gaze away from Lily's.
"I thought you were dead," her voice whispered low, almost inaudible.
"I know," Marlene replied back. She was likely to hear the same sentiment at least one more time if not many more.
And then Lily's hands were on her shoulders with a large shove and Marlene went flying backwards. She stumbled on her feet a few steps back but did not fall. Lily did not advance on her but the deadly blaze that omitted from Lily's eyes combined with the grotesque look of pure fury told Marlene that she was very angry. In fact, she couldn't recall a time that she had ever seen Lily look so furious.
And then she was screaming at Marlene so loudly that it woke the baby, and his screams accompanied those of his mother.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE PUT US THROUGH THE LAST FEW MONTHS?!" She continued yelling. "YOU JUST LEFT ME. MY PARENTS DIED AND YOU LEFT ME. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!"
Marlene recoiled. She hadn't really been expecting the dead parent's card, but she definitely deserved it. It was not the right time for her to explain to Lily that she had felt abandoned by everyone and hadn't properly thought about how Lily would react to her sudden disappearance after losing two other people she loved. That blow hit harder than she imagined it would and her eyes too began to water.
"I'm sorry Lily," she said meekly.
She endured another good twenty minutes of being screamed at by Lily on the front lawn before her friend finally grabbed hold of her in a hug. Like so many others before her, she held on so tightly that Marlene had a difficult time breathing amidst the constricting grasp of Lily's arms.
"Don't you dare do that to me again Marlene McKinnon," Lily sobbed hard. Her anger had finally dissipated. At least for the time being, anyways.
When Lily pulled away to look at Marlene there was a sparkle in her eye that she hadn't seen in a while. Lily grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her towards the house and inside where James was still watching nervously at the door. In one arm he held the crying baby, and in his other hand was his wand as though he had been preparing to utilize magic should Lily's temper get too far out of control. Sirius was watching with amusement, no doubt enjoying Marlene's justifiable agony.
"Get in here," she said as she dragged her inside. "We have a lot to catch up on. And what happened to your hair?!"
Being in the Potters living room felt familiar and comfortable, but more importantly the company surrounding her made her finally feel like she had made it home. Sirius somewhat respected the agreed upon need for space by sitting in a chair opposite the room from her. But she still felt his gaze locked on her for the majority of the visit.
Even though she had been initially annoyed when he showed up at her flat an hour prior ready to escort her to the Potters cottage, the need for his presence superseded any ill feelings she held towards him. Selfishly she craved his company, much like that of an addict unable to break free of dependence.
"I don't suppose you're going to fill us in on what you've been up to these past few months?" James looked at her inquisitively once Lily had brought in four cups of tea from the kitchen.
Marlene shook her head, "I can't."
"Well that's annoying," Lily pouted childishly. "You leave us without warning and then show up claiming to have been on some top secret mission that nobody even knew you were on –"
"Dumbledore knew what I was doing," she said pointedly. "It's not my secret to tell. You know that I would if I could, but I can't."
"You'd think I could understand that," Sirius let out a deep sigh, "but it's different sitting on this side of the fence."
"It's not easy keeping secrets from you guys," she smiled apologetically. "Hopefully I can share this one with you soon."
"At least tell me that you weren't in any danger," Lily pressed. "No. Wait. I don't know if I want to know the answer to that. You're here safe now, that's all that matters."
"I wasn't ever in any danger," she answered Lily anyways, all the while looking at Sirius to convey the importance of the information being delivered. He seemed to relax slightly in his chair, but his careful analyzing gaze remained locked upon her.
They spent the rest of the day reconnecting, and Marlene was acquainted with Harry, her new godson as she was informed by an emotional Lily who had been unable to stop crying while asking Marlene if she'd accept the honorary title.
"Don't mind her," James whispered in an undertone while Lily went to change Harry's nappy. "She's been quite emotional lately. But she's glad that you're home. We all are."
"So am I," Marlene admitted truthfully. She had been apprehensive of a return home but was quickly becoming sad that she had missed out on so much while she had been away.
"Can I talk to you about something else though?" The lines between James' brows folded inward and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose from where they had started slipping. Sirius pulled himself from the chair and moved out of the room, and instantly Marlene felt her insides begin to squirm.
What was so important that Sirius needed to remove himself from the conversation?
**
A/N: What do you think it is that James wants to talk to her about? Thanks for reading! Please remember to vote/comment if you enjoyed the story :)