***Kai's POV***
"Come on," I groaned, reaching for my phone. "Come on, I need you!" I wriggled my body, trying to get my arm further down as my fingertips grazed my phone.
"Ah, the question I find myself asking far too often. Kai, what the hell are you doing?" I looked up, seeing Derek and Cam standing there looking at me oddly.
"My love! And Derek!" I grunted. "My phone fell into the crack of no return!"
Cam blushed and Derek snorted. "I thought that was your ass," he smirked.
"Oi, I don't want some super felcher talking about my ass," I said, giving him an uncomfortable look.
He turned red, redder than Cam usually did-who just looked confused. "I am not a felcher!" He shouted.
"W-What is a felcher?" Cam asked curiously.
"There's one standing right next to you!" I pointed at Derek in mock alarm. "Cam, come here quick. I fear for the safety of your butt."
"W-What?!" Camden exclaimed, looking between Derek and I with wide eyes.
"I'm going to kill you. Not just kill you, but skin you, blend you and feed you as the mystery meat in the school cafeteria." Derek said dryly.
I grinned. "I knew you always wondered what my meat looked like."
Derek face-palmed. "Imbecile. And I all ready know what it looks like, dipshit. We grew up together."
I furrowed my eyebrows as Cam grew more and more confused. "You've seen my meat? But I hid it so well!"
"Yeah, okay, helicopter pilot. Have you got your damn phone yet? It's pissing me off seeing you wriggling around like that," Derek said impatiently. "You did say we were going to hang out and play video games today, right?"
"I know that! But I can't seem to-ow! My arm is stuck and it's cramping like a menstruating woman," I groaned.
"If you even pretend to know what that feels like, i'll hurt you. Why is there so much groaning in here? I thought you guys were having a threesome or something." Pearl said, poking her head in my room.
"H-He dropped his phone in the c-crack between his wall and bed," Cam explained, shooting me a concerned look as I grunted again.
"Why don't you just have Cam crawl under and grab it? He's the only one who will fit besides Naomi, but she's at work." Pearl suggested.
I gave her a horrified look. "I am not sending Cam under my bed! God knows what waits for him down there. I all ready fished out a slice of pizza that was so rock hard I could have used it to bludgeon Derek!"
"Lovely," Derek muttered.
"I-I'll do it for you Kai," Cam said, biting his lip. "Y-You need your phone, so..."
"So cute! Derek, get me out of this trap so I can canoodle Cam!" I commanded. Derek sighed wearily, getting on the bed.
"Here goes nothing," Derek said, sounding more excited than hesitant. "And, heave!"
He yanked on my free arm, and I yelped, but didn't come all the way out of the hole. "Ow shit! That hurt, be gentle with me!"
"If you wanna get out of there, deal with it. Heave!" He shouted, yanking again.
I lifted up, but then fell back down as my wrist caught and my head knocked against the wall. "Son of a felcher!" I exclaimed.
"B-Be careful!" Camden said, standing off to the side and watching in concern.
"And stop saying felcher!" Derek snapped.
"Oh whatever. I'll help." Pearl said, getting behind Derek on the bed and wrapping her arms around his torso.
I snickered as I saw her hands begin to roam.
Derek jumped. "Pearl! Behave!" He admonished, blushing.
"G-Guys, you should really pull him out n-now." Cam said, and I met his worried gaze with a grin.
"Yeah, pull me out! Listen to my lover!"
"Fine, fine! Pull!" Derek said, and with firm grips he and Pearl both leaned back, and all their weight finally managed to pry me out.
"Ah!" I yelped as I came free, falling on the bed. Derek and Pearl fell backwards onto the floor, Derek landing on Pearl seeing as she was behind him.
"A-Are you okay?" Cam asked, and I thought he was talking to them but he looked right at me.
I smiled reassuringly, tugging him onto the bed and into my arms for a hug. "Yep! Not so sure about those two, though...yikes." I said, and we both looked over.
Derek was still ontop of Pearl, but his back was pressed to her torso and she had her arms tightly wrapped around his chest.
"...Pearl, you can let go anytime now. Anytime." Derek said blankly.
"What? I'm not doing anything." She denied.
"Can you feel, the love tonight..." I sang, rocking side to side while hugging Cam from behind.
Derek glared at me. "No. No I can't. I can't feel my lovehandles, either, seeing as Pearl's legs are wrapped around them so tightly they've gone numb."
I looked, and indeed Pearl had wrapped herself around him like a baby monkey. Camden giggled as he noticed as well, and Derek glared at both of us.
"Oh yeah, just laugh away. Chortle and cackle as my organs fail and I die on top of your sister." Derek grumble bitterly.
"That's not the way I imagined you on top of me, but i'll take what I can get," Pearl said offhandedly.
"Aw sick, don't make me picture that. Aren't you losing circulation or something by now?" I asked Pearl.
"No." She said simply.
I sighed. "Well, it's best to let love blossom uninterrupted. Let's go play some Battleblock Theater, Cam."
"Don't you dare leave me!" Derek shouted, staring at me with incredulous fury as I took Cam's hand and inched out of the room, grinning.
"Who am I to stand in the way of love when it's on the warpath? Try not to get your pleasure fluids all over my room. Adieu, Derry!" I said cheerily, tugging Camden out of the room behind me.
"You traitor!" I laughed as I heard him call out, sounding distressed as I shut the door.
"W-Will he be okay?" Camden asked as we walked to the living room.
I chuckled evilly. "Absolutely. Maybe. Let's file that question under 'I hope not'."
I rolled the bean bag chairs over from the corner, grabbing two controllers. I bent over while setting things up, and when I stood and turned around Cam's eyes jerked away with a blush.
"Cam...were you just ogling my ass?" I questioned incredulously. It made me want to laugh, but judging by the alarmingly red shade of his face I probably should not.
"N-N-No! I was-there was-oh." He just gave up, covering his face with his hands.
Now I couldn't help but laugh. I chuckled as I pulled Cam into a hug, wrapping my arms around his entire frame. "It's okay, these buns are yours to do with as you please."
"Kai! T-That's even m-more embarrassing!" He cried, the sound muffled.
"Yes, well, relationships are embarrassing, Derek is embarrassing-life, life is just embarrassing. I don't know how you've survived this long to be honest." I said in wonder.
"J-Jerk," Cam mumbled. "Can we stop talking about e-embarrassing things now? I think it's b-bad for my complexion."
I laughed again, tugging him by the hand and sitting us both on bean bags in front of the tv. We played Battleblock Theater for an hour or so, when Cam got worried and said Derek should have joined us by now.
"I don't wanna check on him," I whined as Cam gave me an adorable yet stern look. "She probably just wined him, dined him, and 69'd him. Nothing to worry about."
Cam wrinkled his nose at me. "It's b-because I know you that I even know what 69 means."
"And your life is all the better for knowing me, isn't it?" I grinned, kissing his cheek. He blushed lightly.
"Well it's not like i-i'm the one doing 69..."
I blanched. "C-Cam! Did you just make a dirty joke?!"
He looked down, blushing but smiling a little smile that made my heart thud.
"M-Maybe. It's your fault, you're a b-bad influen-gah!" I wrapped him in a hug before he could finish his sentence, my arms circling his entire torso.
"And you, my little cake pop, are bad for my heart!" I exclaimed, nuzzling the top of his head.
"C-Cake pop...?" I heard him mutter, but he wrapped his arms around me just as tightly.
"Sh, don't question it. You know what, i'm feeling generous. Let's go see if Derek still draws breath!" I said happily as I pulled back slightly from the embrace to smile down at Camden.
He smiled back, taking my hand and leading me down the hall. "I knew you had some g-good in you besides your kissing skills," Cam said with a giggle, and I gasped but couldn't keep the smile off my face at the playful mood he seemed to be in.
"Well I never-wait, so that means you think i'm a good kisser, right? Right?" I nudged him with my elbow as we stopped in front of my bedroom door, but he shushed me and furrowed his eyebrows.
I suddenly got an ominous feeling, and in my minds eye I saw a dark aura emanating from the door. I stepped in front of Cam and listened closely, when I heard a gasp come from inside.
Instantly I grabbed the door handle, fearing for Derek's life for real. "Derek! Are you all right in there?" I called as I swung the door open. "Cam and I were-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH OH SWEET MOTHER OF BEYONCE!" I shrieked in terror at the sight before me.
Derek and Pearl-DEREK and PEARL-were naked and scrambling under the blankets-MY blankets-to get away from each other and make it seem like they weren't just takin' a trip to pound town!
I heard a strange noise from beside me, and looked down to see Cam malfunctioning as he took in the images that were now burned into his brain. I gasped as I remembered his innocence and hastily covered his eyes.
"K-Kai, it's not what it looks like!" Derek exclaimed, and I gave him an incredulous look.
"Yes it is." Pearl said matter-of-factly before I could respond, receiving an exasperated look from Derek that said 'not helping!' pretty clearly. I had to agree. Not. Helping.
"You know what," I said, pursing my lips with a raised hand. "You're gonna get up, and get dressed. Then you're going to burn my bedding and disinfect my mattress, and heavily febreze my room. Heavily. Then, and only then, will we discuss what I just witnessed. Kai out." I then backed out of the room that now smelled of things I never wanted to smell, still covering Cam's eyes.
Shutting the door, I removed my hand from Cam's eyes to see some of the life returning to them. "Oh praise," I said, and Cam blinked up at me.
"Kai...I d-d-don't think Derek needed rescuing." He said quietly, eyes wide as he looked back towards the now eerily silent room.
I grunted in disgust, and the look on my face must have been something to see because when Cam looked back up at me his face contorted with concern. "No. I don't think he did need rescuing, my little lamb chop. But he will...oh yes, he certainly will."
----------COMMENT SORRY THIS TOOK WHILE college started up again for me and I was like...bruh, I don't have any brain juice left. BUT YEAH PLS COMMENT----------