Cyrus' POV
7 Years Ago
"You're still unpacking?" Buffy questions. "How much stuff do you have?"
The girl peaks over my shoulder, trying to sneak a peak at what I'm looking at. I knew when I agreed to share a dorm with her that the next few years at Shadyside University would be a lot of her getting even more into my life than she already was, and even though I would usually not care, I know that she will certainly have an opinion about this, me staring at an old photo of TJ and me from back when we were in high school. It's the last good photo we took together, a selfie of us on his couch, my chin on his shoulder, eyes gazing up at his lips. He kissed me after that. I remember it. I remember everything about him—his seafoam green eyes, the slight crookedness of his smile, the way he touched me so delicately like a treasure he couldn't bear to lose. It's ironic thinking about that now.
Although I press the photo against my chest in an attempt to block it from Buffy's view, she's already seen it, and she immediately goes into overprotective best friend mode.
"No, Cyrus, don't do this to yourself," she orders. "Get rid of that."
I can't even respond. I know she's right. I know that it's not healthy for me to be holding on to this picture. It only makes me miss him more.
"I've never tried it for myself, but Kaitlin's told me that when she breaks up with a boy, she takes every old photo she has of them and burns them in a fire pit," Buffy illustrates.
"I'm not burning this," I reply in a heartbeat. No matter how much I need to forget about TJ and move on, I refuse to do something so permanent, so tragical, to this piece of paper which depicts who held my heart for the past five years. He still holds it, even though he tried to give it back.
"Fine," Buffy huffs. "Then just give it to me. I'll keep it safe and away from you so that you can move on."
Reluctantly, I hold out the photo, and Buffy swipes it away so fast I have no time to change my mind. She walks it over to her dresser and pulls out a little, wooden box then tucks it into there. I frown at her from where I'm kneeling next to my suitcase on the carpet, not purposefully wanting to give her this expression. I just can't hide my sadness.
"You'll be okay," Buffy assures me. "You'll meet someone else in no time, and pretty soon you'll forget he ever existed."
I know that's supposed to be comforting, but it's not. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to move on from him. I want him back. But he doesn't want me.
"You know he's hanging out with Reed and Lester again now?" I mention.
Buffy raises her eyebrows at me. "How do you know that?"
"I—" I sigh. "I saw it on his Instapic."
She instantly holds out her open palm, saying, "Give me your phone."
I do as asked, unlocking it for her. I know exactly what she's doing, and I know it's only best for me.
"There," she says as she passes me back the device. "You are not following him anymore."
I look at the screen, curious more than anything about what the blue bar by his name says. A throb hits my chest when I see that it says "follow back" rather than just "follow." He's still following me. But only digitally. In person, he hasn't spoken to me in a month.
I'm not sure if it's for myself or for him—to give myself an extra guard or to force him to let me go—but I tap the three dots in the top right corner of his profile page. The options pop up, and I press the one I never once imagined I'd press on his profile. I press "block."
Present Day
By the time Jamie and I are finished with his session, TJ is already home. When Jamie exits my office and sees my husband sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, he bolts in his direction. I've never seen him so excited before. He skids to a stop in front of TJ, and TJ looks up from his phone.
"Hi," Jamie says.
"Hi," TJ responds.
He flicks his eyes over to me, silently wondering what's going on, but I just shrug, not knowing the answer.
"You're Cyrus' husband?" Jamie asks.
"I am," TJ answers, a smile spreading on his face.
"I'm Jamie."
The boy sticks out his hand, and TJ politely takes it to shake.
"Nice to meet you, Jamie. I'm TJ."
Jamie grins wide looking at TJ, but responds after a moment, "Unfortunately, my dad is waiting for me outside, but I'm ecstatic that I had the opportunity to make your acquaintance."
TJ and I share a glance, both surprised by the 13 year-old's vocabulary.
Jamie heads toward the door, giving TJ and I one last wave before stepping out to the street. I close the door behind him, and TJ stands up to come over to me.
"He's interesting," TJ says, "a ball of energy."
"He wasn't that way the first time I met him," I respond, "but he seems to have become more comfortable with me, and apparently you too."
TJ puts his arm around me to give me a little side hug. Then he moves on to a new topic.
"Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" he asks me.
"Actually," I say, "I promised Buffy we'd watch Sabrina. She and Marty are having a date night, and they needed a babysitter."
"You said I'd babysit?" he says with a laugh. "And they agreed? They're entrusting me with their kid's life?"
"I think Marty's hoping if she spends enough time around you, she might become a star basketball player," I joke. "Between you and Buffy, I think it would be inevitable."
"Well, if that's the goal, then how can I say no," TJ replies.
"Wonderful." I get on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek then say, "They expect us there in fifteen minutes."
"Fifteen minutes?" TJ echoes.
"Yes," I confirm. "So let's go."
TJ looks taken aback by the short notice, and I can't help but chuckle a little at that as I reach for my coat.
__________________________________________
Buffy and Marty live in a quaint, two-story house with plenty of character. Arabian-style tiles coat the kitchen floor, and white cabinets with funky, floral edges hold their items. Now that Sabrina is in bed, TJ is busy washing the dishes, which are all colourful plastic plates and cups to avoid being broken by the baby. After spending the evening playing and entertaining her, TJ and I are both a little tired. I can't imagine how Buffy and Marty must feel all the time.
"Has everything else been cleaned up?" I ask.
"I think so," TJ responds.
"Great," I say. "Then I'm gonna go check on Sabrina."
TJ glances back at me with a grin. "Man, you just can't leave that baby alone, eh?"
"She's so cute," I reason.
He lets out a breathy chuckle and turns back to his work. I go toward the stairs to head up to Sabrina's room. A tiny elephant-shaped nightlight illuminates the pale blue wall in a small ring of light by the floor. On the far end of the room, a crib sits in the shadows, and I quietly go over to see the baby lying soundless in it. She's not crying anymore like she was when I left her to go to sleep. Now she's motionless like a little doll, and I can't help but feel a little jealous of my friends who have been blessed with the opportunity to raise this little girl.
Suddenly, I feel a pair of arms wrap around me, and a warm kiss is pressed to my head. My eyes stay on the tiny human in the crib, but my body softens in TJ's embrace. In the quiet of the moment, a thought comes to my head.
"TJ," I say, "have you thought about having kids someday?"
TJ and I sway together gently as we stand, and his voice comes in a whisper.
"I think that's something I want at some point in my life," he replies.
"Me too," I agree.
"I'm glad we're on the same page." He waits for a moment before adding, "You're going to be an amazing dad."
In response, I don't say anything. Instead, I spin to face him and bring my lips to his. We stay together, letting our kiss fill the silence with its own music, a song that can't be heard but can be felt louder than any sound produced by the Earth alone. We are something greater than the physical universe.
A/N: None of you were wondering why TJ was so upset in last chapter's flashback, eh? Well, it wasn't because of his parents. Uh, thanks for reading. I love you all. Let me know your opinion on, I don't know, Christmas carols before December.