I gaped at him, unsure of what to say. He stood in front of me, his eyes searching mine for answers that I couldn't give-at least, not at this very moment.
His words kept replaying itself in my head. Then why does it seem like you want me to stay? Because that's the truth. I want you to stay by me and never go away again. Gong Tae Kwang, didn't I tell you that I am a liar?
"Go Eun Bi." His soft voice brought me back from my stupor. "Why are you crying?"
"W-What?" His fingers brushed my cheek, catching the traitorous tears that fell. I immediately leaned back, wiping away the evidence furiously. "Mianhe, I just thought of something, that's all."
"And that something was enough to make you cry?"
I chuckled mirthlessly. "Ani. I think I just don't have a good grip on my emotions these days."
"Ah." He gingerly sat back down on the bench beside me, seemingly fighting an internal battle. "You know, you um, never did answer my question."
Should I do that? I wondered. Should I let him know of my feelings? I knew nothing would change between us, no matter what I say now. I was six months too late, and he deserved better than the girl who trampled all over his heart.
But I also know that no matter what excuse I make, in the end, I still owed it to him to be honest even for just one more time. Even if it meant losing him for good. What are you saying, my mind taunted. You've already lost him the moment you left.
Shut up, I retorted. You don't need to rub it in. Shaking my head to rid myself of unwanted thoughts, I turned to the boy sitting quietly beside me.
"Gong Tae Kwang. Do you remember what you told me before, six months ago?"
He peered at me sideways in confusion. "Ani. What was it?"
"You told me not to feel burdened by your feelings," I mumbled quietly. "Because you already knew the truth. You even told me that we could pretend you said nothing."
He inhaled sharply at my statement, no doubt remembering the pain I had inflicted on him willingly. "What does that have to with anything?"
"Can I-," I swallowed. "Can I ask you for the same favor?"
"Huh?"
"Can you pretend that I never said anything after this?"