I remember the day she told me she was leaving. There were trails of makeup running down her face. It hurts to know she’s happy now that she’s moved on. It hurts to even hear her name. After all the late summer nights sneaking out of the house, I never thought there’d be a last time.
It was around two in the morning when I made my way to the park bench where we always sat when we would sneak out to see each other. I just sat there with a knot in my stomach, I knew what was about to come. My thoughts were racing at a million miles per hour as I sat there in suspense, drowning in heartache. I couldn’t stop thinking of all our incredible memories and moments we shared. The way my name seductively rolled off her tongue was captivating and engraved into my brain perfectly. I adored her angelic voice. Everything I’ve ever done to hurt her had kept remorsefully echoing in my mind. How could I have been so stupid to ever hurt something so special? I’m an idiot. The long list of “what-ifs” only grew as I sat there and waited.
And there she was….
The sound of crunching leaves beneath her favorite pair of black converse caught my attention and silenced the chaos in my mind. I looked up to see the most beautiful girl in the world walking towards me. She was so graceful with the way she walked, she never missed a step. She was a dancer, so it just came to her naturally. Her hips swung with confidence with every step she took. Compared to her, I look like a fool while I trip over my own two feet all the time. But no one could really compare to her anyway.
She was wearing a pair of jean shorts with the ‘UConn’ sweatshirt she always wore. Her beautiful brown hair glistened magically under the moonlight as it swayed freely with every step. She looked tired, I could tell she had been crying. But she was still stunning. I could never get enough of her perfect lips and her rosy-pink cheeks. The way her lip curled when she flashed her adorable crooked smile would get me every time. But her eyes were my favorite, by far. They were striking, ice blue and could hypnotize anyone in an instant. I could stare into them forever and be perfectly enraptured by her crystal irises. Oh god, I loved her. She had me wrapped around her finger, and I was completely in love with her.
“Hey.”
“Hey, babe.” I couldn’t stand the tension between us. Our bubbly, flirty conversations had turned into emotionless exchanges. I wondered if she could hear the pain in my voice like I heard in hers.
“So, what is going on Luke?” she questioned. To be honest, I had no idea.
“You tell me. What happened? What happened to us? Why are we even here having this conversation?”
“I don’t know what happened. I guess I just don’t feel the same anymore.”
“So, you don’t want to be with me anymore?” I asked. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“People change. Things change. I don’t know. I’m just not sure if it’s worth it anymore.” There was a long pause, we both knew it was true. “We aren’t the same as we use to be. We always fight and our conversations hardly go anywhere anymore. It’s just not the same.” Tears started to wander down her face at this point. Her eyes were brighter and more striking than ever when she cried.
“Baby, don’t cry. We can fix this. I can fix this. People do change but we can work through this, I know we can.” I pleaded.
“Luke, how many times have we been through this? And here we are, still questioning our relationship.” She was right again, we’ve had this conversation a million times too many. “Maybe we were right for each other three years ago, but not anymore. I love you, Luke, but I just can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for happiness that isn’t going to come. I need to focus on myself and find my peace of mind. My brain has been all over the place lately and I just need to get myself together.”
I was speechless, my heart sank to my stomach. Now it was my turn for the tears to start falling. The most beautiful girl in the universe was breaking my heart and I didn’t know what to do.
“Please, love.” I managed to get a few words to fumble out of my mouth. “Don’t leave. Let’s start over. I can change, I’ll do anything. But please, don’t leave.”
“Luke, I-”
“Please, don’t leave. You’re the light of my life. You’re the reason I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. I never knew what true happiness was until I fell in love with you. You bring out the best in me and I’m so grateful. We may not be the same anymore, but my feelings for you haven’t changed at all. I love your voice and the way you walk. You’re so gorgeous and I love being able to call you mine. All mine. I’d do anything for you, love. I’m so enamoured. Oh, please don’t leave me.” I poured my heart to her, hoping she would change her mind. I really couldn’t lose her.
We sat there for a while in each other’s arms as we cried. It felt like the world had stopped spinning and we were frozen in time while being the only people on earth. Nothing had mattered in the moment except for her. It felt like the first time I had ever laid my eyes on her, she took my breath away. We sat there and gazed up at the stars that shined almost as bright as her eyes. Oh, how I wanted to stay there forever with my arms wrapped around the girl of my dreams. I wondered if she knew how special she was; she was like no one else.
After some time she broke the silence and said, “I need to go.”
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late.”
“No, Luke. I need to go. I’m so sorry. I love you.” And with that she escaped from my embrace and gently kissed me on the cheek before she left.
“I love you, too.” I said softly under my breath as I watched her walk out of my life.
Now here I am, months later, still thinking about her. She’s moved on and I’m still heartbroken. I still can’t believe I let her go, but I guess everything happens for a reason.
I always drive by all the places we use to get wasted and fall harder for each other. I remember our last kiss; the way she felt, the way she tasted. The question always lingering in the back of my head is that if what we had was real, how could she be fine? ‘Cause I’m certainly not fine at all. If today I woke up with her right beside me, like all of this was some twisted dream, I’d hold her closer than i ever did before and she’d never slip away.
I wish that one day I could just wake up with amnesia and forget about all the stupid, little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to her, and all the other memories of us racing through my brain. I’m sure by now these things that mean everything to me, don’t mean anything to her anymore.