"Okay, so to summarize: Kae and I are having an affair, Niam and Will have a thing, and Angie and Dolly need to become secret lesbian lovers." Sam grinned, resting her elbows on the kitchen counter and lacing her fingers together.
I erupted into laughter. "It's the perfect plan!"
Kae shook his head and backed away. Pointing at us, he said, "I know neither of you, and I denounce you as my sister."
"Please, you can't deny the love we share, sweetums." Sam shot him a wink.
"And you're stuck with me." I made a face.
He crossed his arms. "I think it's time I told you. Ang, you're adopted."
I spun on the seat to face him and I smiled. "At least Mom picked me. She had no choice with you."
Kae lifted a fist, as though to flip me off, and I stuck my tongue out at him.
Sam rolled her eyes. "I swear, you two get along better when you're several states apart."
Kae and I shrugged at the same time, and I said, "Sounds about right."
We lapsed into silence, Sam and Kae playing on their phones while I continued to tie a bracelet for my growing collection of homemade jewelry.
"What're you guys' plans today?" Kae asked, setting his phone on the kitchen counter and glancing at us.
Sam shrugged. "I think Niam and I might be going out, but I can easily cancel that."
"Poor Niam." I jutted my bottom lip out.
"Tossed aside, neglected."
"Shut up." Sam shoved my brother, and he grinned.
"Angie?"
"Gonna visit Vanessa. Why?"
Kae rubbed the back of his head, and Sam said, "Oooh, do you have plans with your girlfriend?"
He scowled at her but assented. "Yeah, actually. We're gonna play video games."
"That's gonna be an all-day thing," I told Sam.
She nodded.
"Especially since I have to instruct Dolly how to set everything up," Kae grumbled. "Her brother isn't exactly helpful."
Sam placed her hand on his shoulder. "Well, I wish you luck, good sir."
.
At Vanessa's gravesite, my steps slowed. Sitting upon the stone, hot beneath the undying sunlight, rested a bouquet of flowers already. Tears sprung to my eyes and I gave a quick laugh. Dandelions.
A glint caught my eye, and I noticed a cross dangling off a chain wrapped about the arm of the angel statue. I touched it, and it burned from its prolonged stay in the heat. My brows furrowed.
Vanessa had plenty of visitors. She had affected so many lives, after all. Every once in a while, I spotted her boyfriend from back then kneeling at her grave, a single rose in hand and a crestfallen expression. Sometimes, I even saw visitors place flowers at her grave or touch the angel with her arms outspread as though to encompass the galaxy.
However, this was the first time I had seen dandelions placed on her grave and a cross hanging from the statue. The dandelions were too specific to Vanessa for the mysterious visitor to be a mere stranger.
Kneeling before her grave, I settled my bouquet beside the dandelions. I wiped at the escaped tears and sniffled. "It seems you already had a guest today. Mind cluing me in?"
The purr of an idling car answered.
"Fine. Keep it a mystery." I smiled.
I sat crisscross applesauce at the foot of her grave until my afternoon shift at Hope and Miracles. Overcome by a wave of sadness, I hugged the angel and cried onto its shoulder, pretending it was Vanessa and I was nine years old and I didn't know what grief meant.
When I pulled away, I wiped my face on my sleeve and pulled in a steadying breath. I read the words on her headstone, my fingers brushing the matching copy on my phone case: Smile despite the odds.
So I smiled.
"Oh, yeah, before I go. Vanessa, do you have any ideas for a date I could go on with Iggy?"
A dog barked.
Chuckling, I shook my head. "Guess not. Well, I'll be on my wa—" I gasped, hopping in place. "Oh my god, Vanessa, you're a genius. Thank you!" I blew her a kiss and sped off to H & M.
__________ __________
"My gut is telling me to run, far away, in the opposite direction."
I rolled my eyes. I skipped beside him, tapping his arm incessantly. "You can't deter me, Iggy. Please please please, will you go on a date with me to a super-secret date location?"
He shot me his trademark smirk and found my hand, interlocking our fingers. "Alright, I'll go, since you seem so excited about it."
"I am a genius, Ignatius William Koehl."
"I very seriously doubt that, Angela Ana Duff-Valentin." He chuckled, shaking his head. "God, you have such a tedious name."
I gaped at him, scoffing. "Well, excuse me, mister too-lazy-to-say-a-long-name."
"How ever did you figure out my codename?" He grinned, his head tilted.
Ignoring the erratic thumping of my heart, I said, "Codename? What, are you a secret agent or something?"
"No!" he yelled, his dramatics making me laugh. "I've been found out!" He lifted his bare wrist and whispered loudly, "I've been made. Code red, code red."
I couldn't breathe, I laughed so hard. Hearing Iggy laugh caught me in an infinite loop of laughter. I had to let go of his hand and squat on the sidewalk, instructing my lungs to breathe.
"You good?"
I sucked in a large breath. "Uh, yeah, I think I am now." I brushed at the water that had built in the corner of my eye.
Slipping my hand in his again, we continued down the street.
The sweltering hot of the August day brought waves of heat to the distance, and the meager layer of clothing we donned was still almost too much. I wore an orange tank top, decorated in sloppy butterflies I had drawn, and denim overalls covered in peeling stickers. Iggy dressed in a solid blue T-shirt, khaki shorts, and his usual accessories. Sweat rolled down the back of my neck, I had pit-stains (attractive). I could see sweat glint off Iggy's forehead, and I wondered if it were gathering at his collar.
"What did you say the color red was?"
"A hard high-five."
"Ah, that's right."
Blushing made me hotter. "Um, actually, I want to rescind my original response."
He quirked a brow.
"The color red is – it's – it's smearedchapstickfromakiss."
He let out a quick laugh. "You wanna run that by me again?"
"Okay. It's, uh, smeared chapstick. You know, from – from kissing." I took immense interest in the store windows to my right.
"Hmm. If that's what the color red really is, I might have a favorite color now."
When I glanced up at him, he grinned. It brought a somersault to my stomach. I resisted the urge to remove his aviators from his nose to see his crinkled eyes. I lifted onto my tiptoes and planted a light peck on his cheek.
"That's pink," I said quietly.
"I like both those colors very much," he whispered.
__________ __________
When I exited the car, the fatal flaw in my plan hit me square in the face: the smell. My nose scrunched and I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Iggy. His face had contorted and he coughed, touching his nose as though trying not to plug his nose entirely.
"Hey, angel-cakes?"
I linked my hands behind my back and swayed. "Yes, Iggy?"
He quirked a brow in my direction. "Are we at the zoo?"
"Yes?" I grabbed his hand before he could say more. I dragged him to the pay-counter, bought our tickets, and led him through the gates.
His head jerked toward the sounds of sheep, pigs, goats, donkeys, and dogs. I watched his chest rise and fall in quick succession—small breaths until we habituated to the overwhelming smell.
"What's your favorite animal?" I asked, surveying the pens and watching the free-roaming chickens scamper from a group of giggling children. I smiled.
"Dragons."
I glared at him. "Real animal."
He smirked at me before releasing a slow sigh. "Deh."
"What?"
He groaned. "Deer, okay?"
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah." He shrugged a shoulder.
I gave a broad smile. "That's awesome! They're such elegant creatures. But, uh, unfortunately, there are no deer here. So, second favorite."
"Sheep," he deadpanned.
"Yessir!" I saluted and ushered us off to the sheep pen.
With gentle fingers, I lowered Iggy's hand to the back of a nearby sheep. My eyes remained glued to his face. His lips pursed together, a twitch in the corner of his mouth like the beginnings of a smile. I let go of his hand, and he brushed the sheep's wool. Meanwhile, I bought a cup of feed and shook it, garnering the attention of most of the herd. I erupted into giggles when they sniffed at me, pushing against me to get to the food.
After the invasion of pushy sheep, we wandered to the goats. Iggy fed them and pet their coats. His expression softened, no longer wincing or holding his breath. He seemed to gain courage, breaking from my side with his arms out to find the next animal.
We fed the pigs, pet the donkeys, chatted with the random dogs, and scattered feed for the roaming chickens. Iggy opted to pet the ponies while I hopped at the opportunity to ride one of the horses.
Hungry, we ate salads and drained bottles of water, dehydrated from the hot day. We lingered beneath the shadow and chill of the umbrellas. Iggy listened to the laughter and squeals of the children while I watched the endless activity.
Satisfied with our visit, we took our leave. As per usual, I dropped Iggy off at H and M. Unwilling to leave him just yet though, I walked with him toward the nearby park.
"Thanks," he said, giving my hand an appreciative squeeze. "That was actually a lot more fun than I thought it'd be."
I smiled up at him. "Of course. You gotta admit now that I am a genius."
He threw his head back, laughing. "Creative, angel-cakes, but not quite genius level."
"I am offended."
"Mm-hmm."
I squinted at the sunset that painted the sky in vibrant tones: an almost transparent blue fading into a light pink before the mountains cut into the horizon. Now that the sun was falling, it cooled down. A needed reprieve from the blistering day.
When my hand shifted in Iggy's grasp, I glanced at him. His shoulders lifted near his ears and he had shoved his free hand into the pocket of his shorts. His lips pressed into a taut line, nostrils flared, wrinkles on his forehead. I cocked my head, curious as to what went through his mind.
"Angie?"
"Hmm?"
He rolled his shoulders back but they ended up by his ears again. "Your exes. They – they called you beautiful, right? I mean, when they called you beautiful, you – you liked it, didn't you?" His voice was small and unsure. Suddenly, Iggy had transformed into a hesitant child instead of the mature adult I had always seen him as.
My eyes widened and I searched the sidewalk for an answer. "Well, yeah. But – why do you ask?"
"Nothing." He shook his head but the tremble in his tone made me think maybe he lied. "It's just." A long sigh escaped his mouth. "Angie, I – I can't do that?"
The lack of confidence upturned the end of his statement, turning it into an unintentional question.
Now my lips pressed together. I stared into his face and said carefully, "Because you can't see me?"
He gave a single nod.
"Oh, Iggy."
"Yeah, it's stupid." He angled his face away from me, steps clumsier. "Forget it."
"No, no, it's not stupid at all." I stopped walking, forcing him to pause as well. "We should talk about this."
He forced his exhale, running a hand through his mussed hair. He whipped about on his heel so I didn't have to stare at his back. "What more can I possibly say? I can't see you, at all, except for a goddamn outline. A contrast that's a little less blurry than everything else. I have no idea what you're wearing. I have no idea if – if the sun stares at you too when you smile or – or if your hair is a different style – or if those earrings look good on you. I can't tell you you're beautiful."
I frowned. I gripped his hand and guided it to my shoulder. "I'm wearing a tank top." I let his hand rest on my hip. "And an old pair of overalls." I brought his fingers to my hair. "My hair's pulled back in a ponytail." I smiled and brushed his fingertips across it. "This is my smile." I led him to my earlobe. "I'm wearing stud earrings."
I dropped our hands between us and took a step closer to him. I settled my hand on his cheek, a slow, soft gesture so as not to startle him. "Now, I want you to tell me you don't find me beautiful. I want you to tell me that beauty can only be seen. If that's how it works, I won't call bullshit.
"But if you do find me beautiful, if beauty is so much more than something eye-level, then I'm calling bullshit on this theory of beauty you seem to have."
His mouth opened and hung open. He rested his hands on my shoulders again and dropped his head. He stayed still for a long time, and then I heard him sniffle.
My gaze fell to the sidewalk, where a couple of dark blots spotted the walkway. Eyes wide, I placed my hands on his arms and bent at the knees to get closer to his face.
"Iggy? Are you okay?"
He turned away from me. From over his shoulder, I saw him wipe at his cheeks and his nose. "Sorry," he croaked.
I rubbed his back. "Don't apologize. It's okay."
We stood in silence as the sky darkened overhead. A dog barked, a car honked, a passing breeze rustled the leaves. I simply rubbed circles on his back, occasionally giving a light scratching.
"I do," he said at last, voice raw and rasping.
"Hmm?"
Slowly, he faced me again. He sucked in an unsteady breath. "I do find you beautiful."
A smile bloomed. "I know."
"You don't mind?" His bottom lip jutted out a little bit, like a child pouting. "That I can't see you?"
"Iggy, you see me in different ways. Valid ways. You find my soul beautiful, far before you saw my face beautiful."
His signature smirk dared to grace his face, and it lightened my heart. "Actually, you smelled good and you had a nice voice. We aren't saints, Angela."
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop smiling. "It doesn't matter what came first. What matters is now. Now you find me beautiful. That's what matters, isn't it?"
He heaved in another heavy breath. "I guess you're right. I just – you're right."
We embraced, letting night descend upon us and the chill nip at our skin. When we pulled away, Iggy kissed my forehead and buried his nose in my hair.
"Are you smelling me?"
"It's how I check you out, okay?"
I erupted into laughter, and soon he joined me.
Goodbyes were slow, but as I turned the key in the ignition of my car, the driving lights illuminating Iggy as he shuffled down the sidewalk with his probing cane, something tugged on my stomach.
I knew Iggy felt better. I also knew we hadn't resolved everything.
__________ _________
a/n: to help me out in this chapter, i had Iggy and Angie take a "what is your spirit animal" quiz. here are their results!
Iggy: Deer
The deer symbolizes intuition and sensitivity. One's approach to life includes determination and gentleness.
personally, i think this is pretty accurate? and why Iggy's fave animal is the deer 🙃
Angie: Butterfly
The butterfly symbolizes a need for transformation in one's life and personality.
This. Is. So. True. in my opinion. this entire book is about Angie's transformation and a snapshot of her journey in finding herself. so go random quiz i found thanks to Google!
Wanna know your spirit animal too? Here's the url: http://www.spiritanimal.info/spirit-animal-quiz/