He didn't like the feelings he was starting to develop, not one bit
.... FRIDAY UPDATE BUT IT'S LATE LOVE THAT
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Dazai stared at the clock on this dull white wall. His eyes grew tired as he continued watching it tick. Soon enough his eyelids got too heavy to keep open and he fell asleep.
Then, a gasp was heard and Dazai jumped up, covered in sweat, his chocolate brown hair all over the place. He looked down at his bandage-covered arms and his eyes travelled up to his palms. The bandages just about reached his thumb and after that, you could see pale and rather uncared skin. It definitely showed that he really lacked in self-care.
As he stared at his palm memories of his dream came back. The image that stood out was him on the beach walking with Chuuya when the ginger took his hand and started excitingly dragging him somewhere. More specifically, Chuuya holding his hand. That was what was making him boil inside. Not because he hated Chuuya, but because inside he craved for that touch. Inside him, there was something that wanted that dream to be true, and wished he could hold that soft hand in reality as well. But he immediately shook off that thought. His head fell to his chest and he grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling it in frustration.
Why did he feel this way?
Chuuya was a man. He shouldn't feel this way. No, he couldn't feel this way. His parents would never let him.
He locked that feeling in a box in his heart and buried it away, hoping it would just disappear like a cold in autumn. He refused to accept it. Instead, he refused it and denied it.
Dazai looked up from his misery on the bed at the clock. It was at 5 am. It had only been about 20 minutes since he had fallen asleep staring at the very same clock. He decided to crawl out of bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom. As he approached the mirror he could see his messy figure in the mirror. His eyes lacked the spark they once had in them when he was a child, his hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in days and the dark bags below his eyes definitely completed the look that proved he had been getting very little sleep the entire weekend. Similar dreams and thoughts had been bothering him through every night and day.
He brushed his fingers through his hair in an attempt to make it look decent and settled for what little difference it did.
Time went by and soon he was in the hallways of his school. People rushed to classes around him while he calmly walked towards the maths classroom. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Dazai", Chuuya said in a serious tone and Dazai immediately turned to look at him. "Where have you been I tried to reach you yesterday but you wouldn't answer? And why do you look like that?" Chuuya went on asking questions but Dazai's eyes wandered to Chuuya's hands. Everything he was saying was drowned out by the memories of the dreams flooding in. "Dazai? Hey, Dazai!"
He finally snapped out of it. "Oh, yeah, sorry I spaced out. What were you saying?"
Chuuya sighed and crossed his arms in frustration. 'Cute' Said something inside Dazai but he mentally slapped himself. "Nothing, forget it. At this rate, I'll lose the bet." Chuuya said grumpily.
"Bet? What bet?" Dazai asked in confusion.
Chuuya took a step back and held his arms up in defense. "Nevermind! Forget I said anything! See you later!" Then he walked away and Dazai was left standing there dumbfounded. A small smile crept onto his lips as he watched Chuuya walk away.
A day of school passes. Another sleepless night tormented by similar dreams and thoughts. Now it was Tuesday which meant he had a lesson with Chuuya. Absolutely fantastic.
Most of the day was dull and like always but that one lesson he had with Chuuya...
He couldn't stop his heart from beating and he, without realising it, kept stealing glances at Chuuya as the boy took notes. There was just that little spark in his eyes that Dazai wished he had as well and that he adored Chuuya for. Again a thing he would not admit though.
The rest of the week continued similarly until the last lesson on Friday.
Dazai felt a pen poke his side and he jumped at the sudden feeling. "Ow! The hell Chuuya?" He yelled dramatically.
"Calm your ass Osamu," Chuuya said, rolling his eyes. Dazai's heart beat fast as he heard his first name be used by Chuuya. Such a small thing that had a big impact on him emotionally. "Anyway, want to come to hang out at my house tonight? I got no plans so yeah." Chuuya continued. The feeling inside Dazai that had been continuously growing stronger made it impossible for him to refuse and he just nodded eagerly.
"Cool! Come at 8 o'clock."
"Okay, I will."
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5 pm
6 pm
7 pm
Finally, he could start getting ready without seeming too eager. Dazai grabbed clean clothes from his closet and tried on multiple combinations. He didn't know why but he wanted to look his best for Chuuya.
Then after settling for some bright jeans and a black turtleneck he started walking towards Chuuya's house.
He opened the chat between him and Chuuya and copied the address Chuuya had sent to him. Then he pasted it into a GPS app on his phone and started walking.
It turns out Chuuya didn't live that far away from Dazai's flat. Maybe he should visit more often. Dazai ringed the small bell next to the white metallic door and tried to look natural as he waited for someone to open it.
Okay, so it turns out Chuuya had kept his hair up and his hair was actually much longer than Dazai had realised and when Chuuya opened that door with his hair down Dazai was frozen in place. It was like he had stepped into heaven and an angel had greeted him. "Hey Dazai", Chuuya greeted with a smile.
Dazai quickly shook his head and stepped in. "Hi. Thank you for inviting me." He replied, still a little panicked.
He wasn't gay.
He didn't like Chuuya.
No.
Not one bit.
But damn that man was beautiful.
Chuuya and Dazai sat down on Chuuya's soft carpet in his room and Dazai's attention was immediately caught by the posters all over the walls. "Rock bands?" Dazai asked.
"Yeah. You know any of them?" Chuuya asked, proudly eyeing his collection. Dazai shook his head which made Chuuya's jaw drop. He immediately grabbed his phone and a pair of earbuds. "Come closer I'll show you real music." He handed the other earbud to Dazai and put one in his own ear. Then once both had earbuds he started playing a playlist. He gently put his phone down on the carpet and tapped his fingers along to the beat.
Dazai's heart was like a drum adding to the song as he could feel his shoulder touching Chuuya's and he couldn't take his eyes off Chuuya's pretty ocean blue eyes and the genuine excitement in them. Chuuya turned to look at Dazai as he noticed the other staring at him. He saw the light blush on Dazai's cheeks and the adoring look in his eyes.
The next thing Dazai knew, Chuuya was slowly closing in on him and he could already feel his breath hitting against his lips. Then their lips touched and Dazai felt a tingle, a sense of comfort and warmth, it was something he couldn't explain. Something new. Something he craved more of. He put his hand on Chuuya's neck and pulled him closer, needy for more. And Chuuya didn't complain. Not at all. He melted in Dazai's touch and enjoyed it just as much. It was like this was what both of them had been longing for and now finally got.
Then they slowly pulled back for air. Dazai backed away a bit and covered his mouth with his hand, his lips still tingled and he could hear You shook me all night Long by AC/DC playing, but the sound was muffled by his heartbeat. "Wow", Dazai breathed out, not knowing what else to say.
Maybe he was gay.
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Writing a chapter instead of sleeping yo
Got really inspired to finish this in one session.