(Gloomy atmosphere. Sound of rain in background. Poultry Man is in a brown hat and trench coat)
Poultry Man: January 5th, 2019. Happy new years, hermits. The server has descended into chaos. A series of events has led to the creation of two factions. Both are under the allusion that this war has meaning. A contingency plan to prevent a prank war was futile. No matter how many eggs were thrown, they just kept pranking. It just kept... egg-scalating. Now the two sides have established headquarters on the island to settle their differences. A ceasefire has been called while they prepare for what is to come. There's little I can do for this server. I will have to go into hiding until this is all over. I have no choice but to blend in with normal hermit society. Who knows when this feud will truly begin. Until this thing is over, no one is safe.
(Thunder claps. Iskall appears and sits in a fancy suit in one of three chairs. To the side of him is a chair for Grian and in front of him is a chair for Mumbo. He waits. The faint sound of rain continues but fades away throughout the scene)
Poultry Man: I wish I was yolking. But I'm not. This is Poultry Man, end of transmission.
(Thunder claps. Poultry Man disappears into darkness)
(Grian enters in a fancy suit and sits in his chair)
Grian: Is Mumbo here yet?
Iskall: Not yet. He said he'll be here soon.
(Mumbo enters)
Mumbo: So you called me over...
Grian: Sit in the chair, Mumbo. Let's have a chat.
Mumbo: This doesn't seem good. Why are you two dressed so fancily?
Grian: 'Dressed so fancily'?! Says the person who always wears a tux-
Mumbo: Alright, alright. I get it. So, why are you two here?
Iskall: So, Mumbo, have you noticed the pranks going around the server lately?
Mumbo: I have.
Grian: There's kinda, y'know, a war going on right now. The majority of the server has split into two sides. One called the G-Team, which me and Iskall are on, and the other called Team Star. Me and Iskall are on the G-Team because we, and all of the other members, have G's in our names.
Mumbo: I'm assuming you want me to join the G-Team.
Grian: No, because that's what you and everyone else expects you to do. But no, we want you to NOT join the G-Team. We want you... (looks around) to be a spy. A mole. The G-Team's man on the inside.
Mumbo: Wait, you want me to be a mole? Espionage? You're bringing espionage into this war?
Grian: It's perfect! 'Espionage' has a G in it!
Iskall: You need to make the Star team believe that you've joined their team. You have a perfectly good reason to. I mean, we pulled that AFK prank on you.
Mumbo: So, I'm officially joining the Civil War?
Grian: Why not? It'll be fun.
Iskall (to Grian:) You're gonna regret saying that.
Grian: I will.
Mumbo: So (starting to exit) I guess I'm off to do some mole duties-
Grian: No! You have to WAIT until they invite you! You can't just walk into their base and say "hey guys I'm a mole."
Iskall: Grian, I think this is a mistake.
Mumbo: Look at my mustache, right? You think I can grow this without knowing a little about things?
Grian: He's got a point.
Iskall: Fair enough.
Grian: Pinkie promise?
Mumbo: I all-finger promise. You can somewhat count on me!
Grian: Alright...
(Mumbo exits)
(Transition into outside Team Star's base where Doc is working)
(Mumbo enters with a shulker box)
Doc: Hello Mumbo, and welcome to the Star Team base! What brings you here?
Mumbo: So... I heard that you had a little accident and blew up 40 stacks of TNT... so I decided to lend you about a half a shulker box of TNT. I'm sorry it's not a full box. I thought I had more-
Doc: No man, it's good! I really appreciate it, Mumbo. I've been trying to cut a deal with ConCorp but Cub (gazing to Cub, who is sitting on the ConCorp desk) hasn't been responsive... Might just be me, but I think they're trying to drive up the prices.
(Beat)
Mumbo: Uh, you're welcome!
Doc: So, Mumbo. I know some people call you a clueless guy, but I'm sure you're aware that there's a civil war going on on the server.
Mumbo: I'm aware.
Doc: And the guys over there, the G-Team, are our enemies. In their Brita water filter of a base.
Mumbo: I mean... I think they're alright!
Doc: What?
Mumbo: No, I think they're okay. I mean, they're nice- I- they're- like- erm- uh - you- nice- y'know- I mean like- erm- I've- I'm not-. Look. I'm not IN the base...
Doc: (laughing at Mumbo's stuttering) Alright... So, Mumbo, have you chosen a side?
Mumbo: Nope, I'm neutral.
Doc: Come. (gestures to a large redstone contraption) Come here. I want to show you something.
(Doc shows Mumbo the creeper cannon)
Doc: Gaze upon it, Mumbo. Gaze upon its beauty.
Mumbo: Woah...
Doc: Redstone's your bread and butter. I'm sure you want to be part of a team that does amazing redstone, right?
Mumbo: I...
Doc: Unless you're already part of the G-Team...
Mumbo: ...Look, Doc, I got something to confess. I'm a spy.
Doc: Wait what?
Mumbo: Grian and Iskall came to me earlier. They gave me a seat, and even put arms on the side to make it look more comfy. They sat me down said that they wanted me to join your team, but not join your team. Essentially, I'm a mole for the G-Team.
Doc: They went to recruit you to be a spy? They really went that far? That's next level!
Mumbo: I know.
Doc: I'm really glad you came to me and confessed. Since you've broken the G-Team's trust, I guess that means you're on the Star Team now.
Mumbo: Wait-
Doc: And you can be our mole!
Mumbo: Wait, so I'm a mole.... for... Wait, let me get this straight. I'm a mole for team G, then I come to you, and you know I'm a mole, but you also want me to be a mole to team G. Like a roundhouse mole?
Doc: That's what I call a classic double agent.
Mumbo: I think I need a cup of tea or something to wrap my head around this. But I'll make sure to do all the moling I possibly can.
Doc: Alright, see ya, Molebo Jumbo.
Mumbo: See ya!
(Doc exits)
(Grian enters)
Mumbo (panicked and confused:) Grian!!!
Grian: Yeah?
Mumbo: I'm a mole for Team Star!!!
Grian: That's great! That means they trust you.
Mumbo: But I'm still on team G?
Grian: Well obviously!
Mumbo: So, I'm a triple agent?! How does that even work?!
Grian: Beats me!
(Grian exits)
(Mumbo stays in the corner of the stage for the next couple scenes)