Nicz's POV
I think I stayed sa loob ng banyo for at least 2 hours. Sinunod ko na si Mae at iniyak ko na. Naiinis kasi ako kay Mark, sa situation at sa sarili ko. Siguro sa ibang tao sobrang babaw nung away namin. Tama naman si Mae, maliit na bagay 'to compared sa problems ng ibang couples. Pero I kinda feel betrayed kasi e. Those moments were special. They were supposed to be ours lang. Pero parang wala lang sa kanya sabihin sa iba. And sinabi na niya na di na uli siya mag-oovershare, but he still did.
But I did think about everything. I went over what happened since last night. I thought about all the things Mark said and all the things Mae said.
To be honest, I still feel hurt sa mga nangyari. But I guess nakatulong nga yung pag-iyak ko. Nailabas ko na siguro yung galit ko 'cause now, mas nangingibabaw na yung pagka-miss kay Mark. Kahapon masaya naman kami. Tapos ngayon ganito. Ang hirap pala pag magkaaway kami.
Umalis na ko under the shower. Probably pwede na ko mag-scrub for OR at sobrang linis ko na ata. I wrapped a towel around my body. Since tumakbo lang ako dito, di ako nakapagdala ng damit. Di naman pwedeng suotin ulit yung shorts at cover up ko kanina since basa na rin from the beach. Bahala na.
Naisip ko naman si Mark. I'm not sure if andyan pa siya sa room. Baka kasi nainis na rin siya sa'kin. Nalungkot naman ako uli. Ang hirap talaga ng ganito.
Binuksan ko naman na yung pinto pero kahit na-unlock ko na, di siya nagba-budge. Shet, makukulong pa ata ako dito. Nasa labas pa ba si Mark?
Tinry ko naman na itulak yung pinto. Medyo na-relieve naman ako nung nag-start siya gumalaw ng konti. So tinulak ko pa. But then suddenly, may napasigaw.
"Aw!"
Shet, si Mark.
Nagbukas na ng tuluyan yung pinto kahit di ko na siya tinutulak. Nakita ko naman si Mark sa floor at hawak-hawak yung right hand niya. I realized naipit ko siya.
"Oh my God, sorry!" Sabi ko naman and I instinctively crouched down and checked his hand. "Sorry, Mark di ko alam na andyan ka--"
Bigla naman niya akong niyakap.
"I'm sorry. Please, ayoko nang ganito tayo." Sabi naman niya.
'Kala ko naiyak ko na lahat kanina pero naiiyak uli ako. Niyakap ko din siya.
"Ayoko din naman na ganito tayo e." Sabi ko naman.
His hold on me tighten. "Then let's stop fighting. Please."
Siniksik ko naman yung ulo ko sa chest niya 'cause I was already crying. Mukhang napansin naman yun ni Mark.
"Love? Oh, love. I'm sorry. I really am." Sabi naman niya. "I'm not just saying it. I don't wanna see you like this. Shit, pangalawang beses na 'to na napaiyak kita."
Hinila naman ako ni Mark patayo then papunta sa bed. Nawala siya for a moment pero before ko pa siya hanapin he was back with one of my dress shirt na inoffer niya sa'kin. I realized naman na I was only in a towel. I took the shirt gratefully and donned it on.
After that Mark sat in front of me and for a moment tumingin lang kami sa isa't-isa.
"I'm sorry." Sinabi naman niya uli.
"Sorry din..." Sabi ko naman ng tahimik. "Pero Mark, nasaktan kasi talaga ako e." Sinimulan ko namang sabihin.
Sabi ni Mae sabihin ko lahat ng gusto kong sabihin so I'll do that. I hope he'll listen.
"I trust you kasi e. And alam ko naman na you're just naturally honest, pero yung mga bagay na between sa'ting dalawa lang... Ayun. Akala ko nga sa ating dalawa lang. But you..." I sighed. Parang pauli-ulit na yung sinasabi ko.
He didn't say anything. I hope it's because he's really listening right now. Tumuloy na lang ako sa pagsasalita. Better get this off my chest.
"Alam ko you trust Tim. Kahit naman ako. Kaibigan ko din naman si Tim. Pero are you saying na since kaibigan mo naman si Tim and you trust him, you'd be comfortable with him seeing me naked?"
"Wha-- no, of course not." Sabi naman niya.
"Yun kasi yung naramdaman ko e." Sabi ko naman. "Parang ni-bare mo ako sa kanya when you told him things na dapat sa'ting dalawa lang."
Natahimik naman siya uli.
"I guess sa ibang tao wala lang naman yun. Pero hindi kasi talaga ako comfortable, Mark. OA ko ba? Dapat ba pilitin ko sarili ko na maging comfortable dun?" I asked him sincerely.
"No, Nicz. Of course not." Sabi naman niya kagad. "I'm sorry. I really am. Alam ko na where you're coming from. I'm sorry for everything."
He hugged me again and I hugged him back. Medyo na-comfort ako nung amoy nung perfume niya.
Habang yakap-yakap niya ko, tinuloy ko naman yung gusto kong sabihin.
"I'm sorry if may mga nasabi ako. I was really angry. Nasaktan talaga ako, Mark e."
"Nevermind that. I understand. I deserve them anyway." Sabi naman niya. "But please, Nicz, 'wag ka nang tatakbo sa'kin. 'Wag ka na lang biglang mawawala or biglang magiging cold. I really panicked, Nicz. Tell me what you're feeling. Kahit ano pa yan. I promise I'll listen properly na."
I nodded naman. Yeah, I guess mali din na I tried to punish him by giving him the cold shoulder.
"Okay. I'm sorry. And I do appreciate na you were honest with me." Sabi ko naman. "Promise me you'd always be honest with me? Kahit na you think I'd get mad. And I promise I'll try to let you in na. I'll try not to run away. Pero Mark... minsan din kasi nakakaoverwhelm ka. I..."
"If you need space, I'll give that to you. Pero tell me. Talk to me. Please." Sabi naman niya.
"Okay." I said and held him tighter. But he eventually pulled away to look at me.
"I love you." Sabi naman niya.
"I love you, too." I said sincerely.
He sighed in relief then pulled me back to him. "I know I have lots to learn pa about relationships. Please be patient with me." Sabi naman niya.
I nodded against him. "Ako din naman."
"So bati na tayo?"
I nodded again.
He sighed again and then his body relaxed. I didn't even realized na sobrang tense niya. I then felt him kiss the top of my head.
"Strike 2 na ko. Thank you di mo ko pinagsasawaan." Sabi naman niya in a murmur.
"Sabi ni Mae una lang daw 'to. Madami pa daw dadating..." Sabi ko naman.
"Not if I can help it."
"Wala namang may gusto mag-away. I guess nangyayari lang talaga with any relationship. Basta let's make a promise na we'll always fix it." Sabi ko naman.
He nodded. "Basta bawal mag-break." Sabi naman niya.
"Bawal mag-break." I said with a nod.
We stayed like there sa bed for a bit more. We weren't talking, we were just holding each other.
I guess medyo nakalimutan namin parehas na we were with others. 'Cause me, naalala ko na lang talaga when I heard Mark's tummy growl. Parehas kaming di pa nagla-lunch, and konti na lang dinner time na din.
I got up and dressed properly na since nakapangtulog ako and I'm not even wearing undies.
It was already 5PM. Pumunta kami sa kubo pero wala na sila dun. So dumerecho na kami sa cottage.
Andun nga silang lahat at nag-aayos na ng gamit. Ang napag-usapan, dito na kami magdi-dinner. Pero hanggang 6pm lang kasi yung check in namin so ibabalik na namin yung keys ng rooms/cottage before 6 at ililipat na yung gamit sa cars before we had dinner.
I was grateful naman na when they saw us, they didn't make a big deal out of it. Sinabi lang nila na mag-ayos na rin muna kami ng gamit at magkita na lang sa resto. I felt a bit embarrassed sa kanila. Kasi nag-drama pa kami ni Mark during our vacation. I wanted to say sorry but since they were pretending nothing happened, sinunod ko na lang din sila. Ayoko naman na dagdagan pa yung drama na ginawa ko. But I did say my thanks to them. I think na-gets naman nila.
So inayos na nga namin yung gamit namin and nilagay sa car ni Mark. Nag-usap kami ni Kriz kanina na sa'min siya sasabay but I guess nag-change of plan na since mukhang kay Jonna na siya sasabay. I guess she wants to give us more time alone. Di naman na need since sa iisang dorm naman kami uuwi pero siguro okay na rin. Baka maging awkward lang if sumabay siya sa'min.
We were holding hands nung pumunta kami sa resto. Wala pa sila so pumili na kami ni Mark ng table para sa'ming lahat.
Di muna kami umorder pero nagtinin-tingin na kami ng food habang hinihintay sila. Hindi pa rin binibitawan ni Mark yung kamay ko.
"I love you." He said randomly. I smiled at him. Kanina pa siya nagpapaka-sweet. And I get it. Same naman yung nararamdaman ko ngayon. I just feel relieved na okay na uli kami.
"I love you, too." Sabi ko naman. Nakailang beses na rin naming sinabi but that's how we feel.
He smiled back and caressed my face. Then he quickly leaned in and kissed me. I smiled into the kiss.
But we pulled away nung may nag-fake cough. Medyo nahiya naman ako when I realized andun na silang lahat.
Mark immediately pulled away and whispered an apology. I squeezed his hand silently telling him I wasn't mad.
"Ayun, back to regular program. Operation: Patayin sa Inggit Ang Mga Single." Sabi naman ni Jonna.
"Shet, Mark, di ako sanay!" Sabi naman ni Kate ng natatawa.
"Uhm, order na tayo?" Sabi naman ni Mark, changing the subject.
Tumawa si Clifford pero wala naman nang nag-comment. Tumabi naman si Kriz sa akin and nag-smile. I guess she's also happy na okay na kami.
Nag-order na nga kami nun and nagstart magkwentuhan. Napansin ko naman nun na maya't-maya napapatingin sa amin si Charles. I don't know why pero tinry ko na lang na di pansinin.
After ng dinner naghiwa-hiwalay na din kami at umuwi na. Bukas lahat kami may pasok na uli. Alam kong 2 days lang naman kami nawala sa hospital, pero parang feeling ko ang tagal na.
Nag-start naman umulan habang bumabyahe kami. Medyo weird kasi ang init-init ng panahon kanina. Nung nag-park na si Mark sa may dorm nila, malakas na yung ulan. And since mainit nga yung panahon kanina, wala sa'ming may dala ng payong. Buti na lang may long sleeve hoodie si Mark dito sa car. Pinasuot na lang niya sa'kin yun.
Iniwan na namin yung mga gamit sa kotse at tinakbo na lang namin ni Mark. Parehas kaming nabasa pero okay na rin. Nakauwi na rin naman kami e.
Dumerecho na kami sa room ni Mark. Pagpasok namin, pumunta naman kagad si Mark sa bathroom at kumuha ng dry towels para sa aming dalawa. He carelessly placed one sa balikat niya tapos lumapit siya sa'kin and put the other one on top of my head. He was grinning.
"Ako na." Sabi ko naman but he shook his head.
"Let me." Sabi naman niya and started drying my hair.
"Ikaw nga basang basa pa oh." Sabi ko naman. I took the ends of his towel and nag-start na rin magpunas sa may braso niya.
When he stopped moving, napatingin naman ako sa kanya. Hawak pa rin ng mga kamay niya yung towel but he was only looking at me now, smiling a little.
"I love you." Sinabi niya, I don't know for how many times na today.
"I love you." I said back.
He smiled and leaned in, kissing me slowly. To be honest, I was already expecting this. I kissed him back, placing my arms around his neck.
He bends a little and slowly carried me up and I placed my legs around his middle. He then walked towards the bed without our lips separating.
--
"What did you and Mae talked about?" Bigla namang tinanong ni Mark.
"Hm?" I asked. Narinig ko naman siya pero inaantok na kasi ako. Usually kasi nakakatulog na kami parehas after. So medyo lutang na 'ko.
I could feel him playing with my hair. I don't see his face since nakaunan ako sa chest niya. "Naalala ko lang." Sabi naman niya. I heard his voice through his chest. "Tim mentioned nakita niya kayong magkausap before they went home."
I yawned and looked up at him sleepily, leaning my chin on his chest instead. "Ah..." I said. "She said sorry."
"Sorry? Why?"
"About sa sinabi ni Tin." I shared. To be honest medyo nakalimutan ko na 'to. Parang ang tagal na nangyari nung pag-uusap namin ni Mae, pero kaninang umaga lang yun.
"Pasensya na daw and sana daw di ako galit kay Tin or kay Julie. I wasn't naman. But I did appreciate her apologizing on behalf of them." I said sleepily and slowly, my voice a little hoarse. "Then I asked her to forget about what happened last night. She said she didn't hear anything. Pero sabi niya na yun nga, Honesto ka talaga since before. That's it, basically."
"I'll talk to her na lang about it." Sabi naman ni Mark, sounding apologetic. I shook my head naman. "Okay na yun. I think we can trust her naman. Baka kung ano nanaman masabi mo." I said jokingly.
He smiled naman. I was a bit relieved na di na niya sineryoso masyado. I do want us to move on from this issue na rin.
"I'll do better." Sinabi naman niya and caressed my cheek.
I nodded. "Me, too." I told him and kissed his chest 'cause ayoko nang mag-effort pang abutin yung face niya.
Medyo nahulog yung comforter and I shivered when I felt the cold air on my bare back.
"You cold?" Mark asked and I felt him move. Inabot niya yung comforter and wrapped it snugly around me.
"Inaantok na ko, Mark..." I told him, already closing my eyes.
"Go to sleep na, love." Sabi naman niya and I nodded. I hugged him then siniksik ko yung face ko sa kanya. I felt him put his arms around me.
"Good night." Sabi naman niya.
"Good night." I replied.
"Love you." He said naman.
"Love you, too." I said with a yawn, and before I forgot, I said, "Bawal mag-review bukas."
I smiled as I heard him chuckle just before I let sleep take me.
---
BONUS: MAE'S BG STORY:
Mae actually don't want to be a doctor. gusto niya sana maglaw pero gusto ng parents niya med so ang plan niya, magmemedico-legal (doctor-lawyer) na lang. she'll take med, tapos ang specialty niya is law instead of pedia/ob/surg/internal med. kaya sila unang naging close ni mark kasi he's the son of a doctor and a lawyer. and kaya din sinabi ni Nicz yung "Di ka talaga pwede magwitness sa korte" nung nag-aaway sila ni Mark. she got that from her conversation with Mae. may buong scene ako for that, actually, with dialogues and all. pero di naman kasi super need sa story so nicut ko na and nisummarize na lang diyan sa last update. Ganito ang background niya since marami talagang instances na ganito. Marami akong kilalang doctors na initially, iba ang gustong career. Pero pagdodoktor ang gusto ng parents so yun tinake nila. Then they just learned/try to learn to love it.
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Medyo late kami dumating sa hospital kinabukasan, pero okay lang din naman since late din yung iba, even yung residents namin. I guess lahat may hangover sa saglit na bakasyon.
Nagstart na rin naman yung adcon nung dumating na yung mga residents na duty. Mukhang kumonti nga yung mga pasyente during the Holy Week. Sabi naman ni Ate Ara madami daw kasing nagrequest umuwi kasi nga Holiday and syempre di naman sila pwede i-hold ng hospital kahit pa di pa advisable na umuwi na sila.
Pero ang dami din talagang late. Si Hannah yung huling dumating sa clerks, nakakalahati na endorsements nun. Tapos si Doc Kenji, nung dumating patapos na yung endorsements.
After adcon, nagsipuntahan naman na kami sa posts namin. OPD ako ngayon so dun na ko dumerecho. Nag-endorse naman na sa'kin si Mark kung ano ginagawa dun. Mostly same lang sa ER, S-O-A-P. Meaning Subjective--interviewhin kung ano yung nangyari, ano naramdaman, Objective, yung physical examination namin, Assessment, yung diagnosis namin tapos Plan, kung ano yung ibibigay na treatment or diagnostics or whether maaadmit.
Sabi din ni Mark na si Doc Dani, dumadating ng OPD ng around 9am pa since siya din ang rotator sa ICU. So usually daw nauuna na siya mag-interview para pagdating ni Doc, mabilis na lang. 'Pag daw kaya ang assessment at plan, ilagay na tapos iche-check na lang. Pero if hindi, basta matapos na at least yung history and PE.
Pagdating ko sa OPD, grabe ang haba na nung pila. Na-mention nga ni Mark noon na maraming patients dito. I guess dapat lang talaga na mag&start na kahit wala pa si Doc para mabawasan na.
--
Ang maganda dito sa OPD, kahit madaming patients, sobrang bilis lang ng consult since if di naman admissible, bibigyan mo lang ng reseta then uuwi na. If may need na lab exam, bibigyan lang ng request then uuwi pa rin, babalik na lang pag may results na. Marami din na patients na for clearance lang--meaning need lang namin i-assess based sa dala nilang labs and imagings if fit sila for operation whether Surgery ba or OB. Tapos meron din na follow up lang and natapos na sa treatment.
By 12pm, naubos na namin yung patients namin so sakto naman kami sa lunch break namin. Isa pa 'tong difference ng OPD sa ER. Sa ER kasi no breaks. So decking kami.
Sabi naman ni Doc Dani na bumalik na lang ako ng 1pm. Dun ko lang na-check yung phone ko at may mga new messages pala.
Di na ko nakareply kay Mae.
Shet. Likely na sila nga yun. Pumunta naman ako sa FB at inunblock panandalian si Bona at nakita ko nga yung post. Ang caption lang ni Bona is a simple "Oops." Pero obviously, malicious ang pagpost niya nun. I don't know how it happened at may picture siya nung dalawa (siguro naman nagkataon lang na nakita niya?) pero yes, si Hannah nga yun at si Doc Bryan. Anyone who know them would be able to tell. Hay, I think need uli namin kausapin si Hannah.
Di na muna ako nagreply kay Mae. Sana isipin niya na nabusy lang ako or something. Nagreply naman ako kay Mark.
--
Dumerecho na nga lang ako sa dietary. Mamaya ko na lang talaga rereply-an si Mae.
Nakasalubong ko naman si Mark sa tapat ng dietary. Ngumiti naman siya agad the moment that he saw me at lumapit sa'kin. Autamatic yung akbay niya and subtle na pagdikit ng cheeks niya sa may temple ko.
Hindi kami usually affectionate dito sa hospital since it's not proper, but I wasn't very surprised. Simula kahapon nung nagkabati kami, extra sweet na talaga si Mark. I guess yan nga ang nagagawa ng first na away? Milestone din talaga no? Even kagabi when we... yun, mas sweet siya and mas gentle and even after, he was really attentive sa'kin.
Pumasok naman na kami sa loob at nakita naman namin na ang daming tao. Saktong lunch din kasi. Usually nakakakain na ko late na o kaya take out lang so di ko naisip 'to.
"Love, gusto mo ba sa Jalikod na lang?" Tanong naman sa'kin ni Mark, obviously spotting the same problem. Walang vacant seat.
Mag-aagree na sana ako ng biglang may tumawag sa'kin.
"Nikki!"
Napatingin naman ako at nagulat ako na makita si Hannah dun. Hindi naman unusual na makita siya dun, pero yung kasama niya... Kasama niya si Doc Bryan.
"Tapos na kami, dito na lang kayo." Sabi naman ni Hannah.
"Uhm, okay." Sabi ko na lang, still looking at them.
Mukhang sabay silang kumain. They weren't really talking or touching, pero magkasama sila.
So malamang sila nga talaga yung pinost ni Bona. Anong nangyayari? Di na sila magtatago? Pero pano si Doc Shy? And ano na lang sasabihin ng iba about Hannah?
I really really have to talk to her.
Umupo naman na kami ni Mark dun sa ni-vacant nila na table. Nakatingin naman sa akin si Mark na nagtataka.
"What was that about?" Tinanong naman niya.
"I'm not really sure." Sabi ko naman.
He looked like he was about to say more but he shook his head.
"Well, anong gusto mo? Ako na bibili." Sabi naman niya.
Nag-smile na lang ako sa change of topic. "Ikaw na bahala, love." Sabi ko naman. "Alam mo naman kung anong gusto ko."
He nodded naman. "Okay. Balik ako." Sabi naman niya at tumayo na rin.
"Thank you." Sabi ko naman.
Pagbalik niya with our food, pinakita ko naman yung post ni Bona at text ni Mae. Pero di na namin pinag-usapan. Mahirap magsalita, kilala ng lahat si Hannah at Doc Bryan. At madami kaming kasabay na nurses at ibang employees dito sa dietary.
"Kakausapin ko na lang siya." Sinabi ko naman kay Mark nung palabas na kami. Hindi naman namin pinag-uusapan so it was out of the blue pero na-gets naman niya kagad.
"Better you than me." Sabi naman niya ng natatawa.
"Mark..." I scolded although I did find it funny.
Umiling naman siya. "Ang complicated talaga ng pinasok niya." He commented. "Hope it really was worth it."
"Yeah. Sana nga." Sabi ko naman.
Naghiwalay na rin kami nun at bumalik na ko sa OPD.
Hindi na ganun kadami yung tao ngayong hapon compared nung kaninang umaga. Medyo nakuha ko na rin yung style pano mapapabilis yung trabaho so before mag-4pm naubos naman na namin ni Doc Dani yung patients.
By 4, pumunta na ako ng ward para kumuha ng endorsement. Inisip ko naman na ngayon na lang kausapin si Hannah.
Pero mukhang inexpect niya na rin, kasi paglapit ko pa lang sa kanya, kinuha na niya yung kamay ko at hinila ako papunta ng quarters namin.
Hindi ko na need magsalita, siya na nag-start.
"Kinausap na namin si Doc Shy." She said.
"Huh?" I asked, flabbergasted.
Ngumiti naman siya pero medyo malungkot yung mata niya.
"Nung Saturday, after ng duty." Sabi pa niya. "Ayaw actually ni Bryan. Pero pinilit ko siya. Ayun, nag-sorry kami parehas."
"Anong nangyari?" Tanong ko naman, feeling a little stunned.
"Nagalit siya." Sabi naman ni Hannah. "Pero expected ko naman yun. Sabi niya ang selfish ko daw at nagso-sorry lang ako para sa sarili ko. Para mabawasan yung nasa konsensya ko."
Hindi naman na ko naka-react dun.
"I guess totoo naman." Sabi ni Hannah. "Pero iniisip ko din kasi yung sinabi ni Kriz. At gusto ko na din talaga linisin yung kalat ko, kahit konti..."
"Kaya ba open na kayo ni Doc Bryan? Okay na na makita kayo ng iba?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Ah, yung kanina di naman namin niplano yun. Nagkasabay lang kami sa pila. Dapat nga magte-take out lang si Bryan pero sinabayan na lang niya 'ko since mag-isa lang ako. To be honest, mas gusto ko na lielow muna siguro kami. Anyway, malapit naman na matapos yung clerkship." Sabi naman niya.
Kinuha ko naman yung kamay niya.
"Okay ka lang ba?" I asked.
"Mas okay na." Sabi naman ni Hannah. "I think nakatulong nga sa konsensya ko. Selfish na kung selfish. Alam ko di naman mawawala yung kasalanan namin pero ayun... mas magaan na pakiramdam ko."
I just looked at her, frowing a little.
"Anong gusto mong sabihin, Nik?" She asked, smiling a little.
"Okay." I said, sighing. "I just think na... sobrang hassle ng pinasok mo. So I'm really hoping that this will make you happy in the long run."
"Yeah. Me, too." Sabi naman ni Hannah.
--
Bumalik na rin kami sa wards nun at kinuha ko na yung endorsements nila. After nun, derecho na kami sa PM rounds then sa errands. Maaga naman akong natapos at bumalik na rin ako sa quarters. After a while, dumating na rin si Mark.
Tumingin naman siya sa akin expectantly. So nikwento ko sa kanya yung sinabi sa'kin ni Hannah.
"So ano na after clerkship? Di ba sa G. Silang si Hannah? Di magkakahiwalay din sila." Sabi naman ni Mark.
"Yun nga e. Tinanong ko siya about that. Sabi niya kino-consider niya na magpa-unmatch at dito na lang mag-internship. Or sa Manila mag-internship tapos dito mag-residency. Pero ang complicated talaga. Eh OB ang gusto niya. Kung dito siya, magiging senior niya si Doc Shy."
Napailing naman si Mark. "She must really love him." He commented.
"Dami niya niri-risk 'no?" I said.
He nodded. "Sana mutual. But why would he make her a cheater if he really cares about her?" Sabi naman ni Mark.
Nag-frown naman ako dun. "I really hope he loves her din." I said.
Mark sighed. "Ako din naman. But I really can't imagine... well, baka iba lang kami ng pananaw sa buhay." He said.
"Anyway, let's get some sleep na, Nicz. Baka mamaya magtawag sila sa ward, at least nakapagpahinga na tayo." Sabi naman ni Mark.
"Sige matulog ka na, may paakyat na patient daw from ER. Hinihintay ko lang. Kay Doc Kenji e." Sabi ko naman.
--
Medyo busy kami ni Mark nung gabi. Medyo toxic kasi yung inakyat na patient from ER. So ang dami pang nadagdag na errands. Pero nakatulog naman din kami by around 3AM. Wala naman nang tawag sa amin after that.
Nagising naman kami ng mga 6:30 so kumain na muna kami then pumunta na sa confe room. Nag-adcon na rin naman pagdating ng residents and nung tapos na, tatayo na sana kami kaso pina-stay muna kami ni Doc Ojano.
"Guys, sa Saturday meron pala tayong Med Mission ha. Need ko ng two volunteers. Pwede from or pre duty clerks." Sabi naman ni Doc.
Nagtinginan naman kami. Saturday? Pre-duty kami ni Freia at Mark. Sila Hannah at Kriz naman from duty.
Nakalimutan ko na na merong nga pala kaming ganito minsan. Di ko pa kasi natry. Ang naaalala ko na last med mission, nasa Pedia pa kami. Ang sumama nun si Ate Ara at Ericka. Nung OB kami, si Mark naman saka si Freia. I think meron naman din after nun kaso sunud-sunod kasi yung outside rotation namin na Electives, Community saka Psych. Tapos buong Surg namin wala namang med mission.
"San po, Doc?" Tinanong naman ni Freia.
"Sa Sto. Domingo." Sabi naman ni Doc.
"Shet ang layo. Pass ako guys." Sabi naman kagad ni Freia.
"Di ko kakayanin yan ng from. Ang layo e." Sabi naman ni Kriz.
"Pass din. Yung lovebirds na lang." Sabi naman ni Hannah.
Mark looked at me. "Gusto mo ba?" He asked.
"Okay lang naman." Sabi ko naman. "Never pa ko nag-med mission before."
"So si Mark at Nicz na?" Tanong naman ni Doc Ojano.
"Sige po, Doc." Sabi naman ni Mark.
"Okay. Si Yza ang makakasama niyo." Sabi naman ni Doc Ojano.
After nun back to post na kami at bumalik na nga ako sa OPD.
--
Medyo late na kami nakauwi dahil ang daming backlog ni Mark at tinulungan ko na siya. Mga pending na CF4 forms from Holy Week. Syempre, wala naman kasing med records nun so lahat ng na-discharge that time, nadelay ang mga CF4 forms.
Sa labas na rin lang kami kumain at tinamad na ko mag-prepare para sa amin. Late na din kasi. Para rin wala na kaming need na hugasan.
Nagsabi naman ako kay Mark na dun muna kami sa dorm ko. Medyo matagal na rin kasi kami na lagi lang sa dorm niya. I think need ko na maglinis sa dorm ko. He agreed easily naman.
Binuksan ko naman yung pinto sa dorm ko at pumasok na rin kami. Buo pa naman siya. Medyo dusty lang.
"I did miss your place din." Comment naman ni Mark.
Natawa na lang ako. Binaba ko na yung gamit ko at dumerecho na rin sa banyo after magsabi kay Mark. Medyo toxic yung duty at kulang ako sa tulog so gusto ko na rin talaga matulog agad.
Paglabas ko, wala si Mark sa room. Nagtaka naman ako. Di naman siya nagsabi kung umalis siya. Tinawag ko naman siya and fortunately, sumagot naman. Mukhang nasa labas siya.
"Anong ginagawa mo diyan?" I asked him.
"May kinuha lang ako sa car. Pero ngayon ko lang napansin, may rooftop pala 'tong dorm mo?" Sabi naman niya.
"Ah. Oo. Diyan sa 5th floor. Pero di naman ako pumupunta dun kasi 3rd floor lang ako. Usually mga taga-5th tumatambay dun." Sabi ko naman. One time lang ata ako nakapunta dun. Nung tumitingin pa kami ni Mama ng dorm. Maganda dun sa 5th actually, kasi may common sala din sila, maliban dun sa vacant space na matatawag mo nang rooftop. Dito sa 3rd kasi room lang talaga namin so yung kama na nga ang bed and sofa in one. Pero mas pinili ko na 'tong sa third since wala namang elevator dito. Eto na rin pinakamababang room na available.
"Can we try going there? Or do you wanna sleep na?" He asked naman.
I smiled at him. "Okay lang naman. Di ka pa nakapunta dun e."
He grinned. "Wait, I'll just prepare something."
--
Natawa naman ako nung nakita ko siyang magprepare ng 2 mugs of milk. Parang gets ko na.
Umakyat naman kami dun sa rooftop. Luckily, walang tao ngayon dito so solo namin. May mga benches dito so dun naman kami umupo. Wala nga lang table so hawak-hawak lang namin yung mugs namin.
"It's nice here." Sabi naman ni Mark.
"Yeah. Presko no? Saka ganda ng view." Sabi ko naman.
He nodded naman then took a sip at his milk.
Napangiti naman ako. "Hindi natin 'to nagawa with Tita last time na andun tayo." Sabi ko naman.
"Oo nga e. But she was busy din naman with all her grandkids there." Sabi naman niya.
We were just quietly sipping for a while. It was nice, hanging out like this. Nakaka-refresh din yung new view and yung silence. Di masyadong rinig dito yung ingay sa baba.
"When we get our own house, we need something like this. A rooftop or maybe a simple lanai would do." Sabi naman bigla ni Mark.
Medyo nagulat ako sa sinabi niya na hindi? It was so out of the blue but it was also just like Mark. But either way, di ko pa rin talaga alam kung ano yung sasabihin ko so I just stayed quiet. Ubos na rin yung milk ko nun so I placed my mug sa floor next to Mark's since kanina pa rin niya naubos yung kanya.
Both of us were quiet for a moment pero mukhang naghintay pala si Mark ng sagot ko.
"Can we talk about these things?" He suddenly asked.
I looked at him and he looked worried. Nag-smile naman ako sa kanya and nodded. He didn't look convinced though.
"But everytime I say things like that, you'll just stay quiet..." Sabi naman niya.
I moved closer to him. "Okay lang talaga. Kaso hindi ko din kasi alam sasabihin ko e. But it is nice na you say these things. It's nice to imagine." Sabi ko naman.
"Naiilang ka ba?" He asked this time.
"I guess kasama na yun..." I said quietly. "Pero yun nga, di ko lang talaga alam kung anong sasabihin."
"Tell me about what you want, then."
"Huh?"
"How do you imagine your future? You don't have to think about us. Pero even before you met me, may pangarap ka ba na bahay or anything?" He asked.
Napaisip naman ako.
"Actually, inisip ko noon na dun na lang talaga ako sa bahay namin." I shared. "Sa'ming dalawa kasi ni Christy, ako yung mas sentimental, tapos siya talaga yung mas ambitious. Bata pa lang kami sinasabi na niya na pag nagkabahay siya, yung may swimming pool daw, yung may terrace. Mga ganun. Pero ako, okay na ako dun sa bahay namin. Parang di ko rin kayang pakawalan kahit simpleng bahay lang siya. Andun memories ni Papa e."
He smiled at me. "So if ever, that's where you wanna live for the rest of your life?"
"I guess so. Medyo malayo siya sa Manila pero kaya naman ang byahe. Tahimik dun sa lugar namin e. A lot like here. Kaya mas naging madali adjustment ko dito." Sabi ko naman.
"Actually," Mark started saying naman. "Since ako yung bunso, sila Kuya sinasabi din na baka sa'kin din mapunta yung house nila Dad. May sari-sariling bahay na rin kasi sila Kuya Mart at Kuya Don. Si Kuya Rolly naman parang wala nang balak umuwi. Baka dun na siya mag-settle down sa Utah." Sabi naman niya.
"So if ever, bahay natin sa Manila yung bahay niyo. Bahay natin dito yung sa Laomay." Bigla naman niyang sinabi.
"Hoy Mark." I warned.
He laughed. "Well, possible naman di ba?"
I pursed my lips. "Pero Mark..."
"Yeah?"
"I've always thought na I would be the one taking care of Mama." Sabi ko naman. "After Papa died, kami na lang ni Christy ang kasama niya e. You know naman na never ko naman naisip na... maiinlove ako or anything. So I guess before, yun na ang plan ko. May boyfriend na rin si Christy nun e so iniisip ko, ako nang bahala kay Mama."
Nilagay naman ni Mark yung isang arm niya sa shoulder ko and pulled me to his body.
"We can do that." Sabi naman niya. "I'll take care of both of you."
I looked at him. "Talaga ba? Baka sinasabi mo lang yan. Then 'pag totohanan na, ayaw mo na."
"Of course not." Sabi naman niya kagad. "I think okay naman kami ni Tita di ba? So why not?"
"Hoy, swerte ka kay Mama if siya magiging in law mo 'no. Napakabait nun. Kahit si Ken--yung boyfriend ni Christy, close dun." Sabi ko naman.
"See? So bakit naman ako aayaw?"
Napatigil naman ako as I realized what exactly we were talking about. We're talking as if we're already engaged. Napalo ko naman siya without really thinking.
He laughed. "What was that for?"
I shook my head.
He was grinning as he also shook his head. "No, I think yun lang ang knee-jerk reaction mo whenever you feel embarrassed." Sabi naman niya.
Napalo ko uli siya. He started laughing.
"Di mo naman need na mahiya sa'kin, love. We can talk about anything. I love talking to you, you know that." Sabi naman niya.
"Don't you think... I don't know, masyado pang maaga to talk about these things?"
"Bakit naman?"
"We've only been together for--"
"Doesn't really matter. Si Kuya nga pinakasalan agad si Ate Cza e." He cut me off. "Nicz, you do realize we're practically living in?"
I sighed. Yes, alam ko naman.
"I haven't even told my mom about that." Sabi ko naman in a whisper.
"My mom knows." Sabi naman niya bigla. "So probably alam na rin ni Dad. And I guess kaya alam na rin ni Kuya Mart."
"Huh?"
Nagkamot naman siya ng ulo. "I guess nung last na bumisita siya sa dorm. You know, when I got injured? Nakita ata niya gamit mo." Sabi naman niya.
"Oh." I blinked. "Pero what do you mean alam ni Kuya Mart??"
"Well, he told me na we should start talking about this."
"This?"
"Yeah. Mga plans for the future. Preferences sa house. Any house rules. Since dun din naman daw tayo papunta." Sabi naman niya.
I felt somewhat embarrassed nanaman.
"...I think alam na rin ni Christy. Since she follows both of us sa Twitter. I don't know lang if alam na ni Mama."
"Do you mind if she does? Or that my family do?" He asked me.
Funnily enough, I don't really.
"I guess malalaman din naman nila sooner or later. Ako I wasn't planning on hiding it from Mama naman. Di ko lang talaga alam pano ko uumpisahan." Sabi ko naman.
He smiled. "So pakasal na tayo? Pwede na ko mag-propose?"
Pinalo ko naman siya. He laughed again and then he pulled me a little closer. "I'm gonna miss this 'pag nasa Manila na tayo." Sinabi naman niya.
"Yeah, me too." I said.
"So pakasal na tayo?" He asked yet again.
I shook my head.
"Kaylan ba pwede?"
"Mark..."
"Hindi nga, when would you prefer it?"
"I don't know... Siguro pag parehas na tayong may direction sa life? Ni hindi pa ko sure kung ano talaga kukunin kong specialty." Sabi ko naman.
"Di ba Optha na?"
"Ideally. Pero may exam pa di ba? So hintayin ko muna siguro if makakapasok talaga ako sa Optha."
"Then pwede na?"
Natawa na ko. "Mark!" I complained.
He just shook his head and hugged me from the back.
"Just humor me, love."
"I don't know..."
"If I proposed right now, would you say yes?"
Pinalo ko uli siya.
"Yes or no?" He insisted.
"I don't know. Maybe no. I don't think I'm ready." Sabi ko naman honestly.
He nodded naman, still hugging me. "Okay, noted."
"Mark! Kinakabahan ako sa'yo e!"
He laughed again. "I'm just asking. Don't worry, wala pa naman talaga. I just wanna know."
I sighed half in relief, half in exasperation.
"Pero you know it'll come to that sooner or later di ba? I've told you a lot of times na na I'm sure about you." Sabi naman niya.
I nodded na lang. I guess I know that naman. Kahit naman ako, siya na rin talaga. Sana talaga.
He pulled away a little and kissed me on the temple. Then pulled me back to him.
For a little while, ganun lang kami. And it really felt nice. Sana nga lagi kaming ganito.
"Mark..."
"Hm?"
"Did you notice? Or is it just me?" I asked.
"What, love?"
"Parang may nagbago...? Sa'tin? I don't know. I just feel like may nag... shift?"
"Huh?" He asked again and pulled away to look at me.
"I mean sa'tin. I don't know. I just feel like we changed somehow." Sabi ko naman. I can't really explain it.
"Oh." Sabi naman niya. "Yeah... I guess medyo nga. After our fight, right?"
I nodded. He placed his chin back to my shoulder. "It's a good thing right?" He said. "I guess we just got more closer. I feel like mas nakilala kita after that.
"Yeah. And I feel like you understand me more."
"Same with you. Parang mas open ka na sa'kin. You're a lot more comfortable saying your thoughts." Sabi naman niya.
"So okay din pala 'no? Pero ayoko na uli na mag-away tayo." Sabi ko naman.
"Kahit naman ako. Pero I guess it's part of any relationship. Basta yung napag-usapan natin, if ever it happens we'll fix it, okay?"
"Okay. I promise."
He kissed me on the cheek. "I promise." He said then hugged me again.
I felt so comfortable right there that I couldn't help but yawn. From duty pa rin kasi kami.
"Tulog na tayo?" He asked.
I just nodded, smiling contentedly.