Chapter 7*
2009-2010
"Zandy, get your *ss down here!" a deep voice yelled, waking me from my first peaceful sleep in I didn't know how long. Months maybe; it seemed like years. But I enjoyed touring with the guys, so I wasn't going to complain.
Let me catch you up, since I did a major time skip.
It's now December of 2009. Christmas actually, that's why Andy wanted me up. Since June a lot had happened. And when I say a lot I mean like in epic proportions. Mostly with the band though, and kind of at school, though, not really.
Soon after Pan (Greek god dude) joined the band, so did Ashley Purdy, a bassist. He was the coolest most rad dude you will ever meet. He was so down to earth and really just loved people. And he loved Hello Kitty, which is a major plus in my books. He played amazingly and he had this thing about him that made girls scream at his presence. He was a rocking guy. We hung out a lot and he seemed to like talking with me, even though he was probably at least six years older than me. He seemed to be a kid at heart though.
I wasn't so fond of Pan, though. He was a bit stuck up and definitely too stubborn for the good of the band. He wouldn't agree with anybody on anything and completely disregarded anything that anyone else had to say. If he was going to make it big in this band, he needed a serious attitude adjustment, ASAP.
Shortly after Ash came about, Jinxx, AKA Jeremy Ferguson, joined the band as the rhythm guitarist. He also is a trained concert violinist and it sounds beautiful in the Mortician's Daughter. Jinxx has a girlfriend named Sammi Doll, yes that's her real name, and she is so beautiful! And she's such a kind person and you can tell she really loves Jinxx. She's one of those fortunate people who are beautiful inside and out.
Pan and Jinxx, fortunately, had some serious disagreements. Jinxx had talked to me about his feelings of Pan, which were like mine, and we talked to Andy about it. He agreed and confronted Pan about his attitude and devotion to the band. Of course, Pan got angry and defensive and stormed out, using some colorful language. It's a wonder that man has a book published.
After Pan left, which was a freaking miracle, Jinxx introduced us to the wonderful and amazingly talented Jake Pitts. The two of them had been in a band before and Jinxx felt like Jake would be the prefect person to fill in as guitarist. Turns out, he was right.
Jake is amazing and is such a nice guy, just like the rest of the band, and he could rock like no other. The speed at which he could play guitar was almost other worldly. Him and Jinxx together were just amazing. The way they played just flowed together so well and it made for really good stage presence.
Amidst all the switching of members, Chris left, saying he was going to experiment with other bands and his leaving had nothing to do with the band itself. Andy understood and bid him goodbye like an old friend. That is the way you're supposed to part with a band. Not by storming out and slamming the door behind you after someone tells you you need to get your act together.
The line up for Black Veil Brides seemed set in stone and they finally got recognized by a booking agent, and they went on their first tour together as a band. The On Leather Wings Tour sponsored by Hot Topic. Of course, being Andy's best friend and making quick friends with the new guys, I went with them. I told Candy that I needed a few months off of work and she had automatically assumed I was pregnant, which was ridiculous. Why did people always think I was pregnant? First my brother and then Candy....
Then I told her it was because I was traveling with a band while they went on tour. She was a smart girl and put two and two together. She hopped up and down in joy and gladly gave me the time off.
We left on tour in this bus thing with the BVB logo on the side. The new one that was shaped like a star that Ash had designed. It was freaking bad*ss. While visiting most of the US, Andy and the guys home schooled me, which turned out to be better than actually going to school. They seemed so much more intelligent and knowing than any of my teachers.
I went to every concert while we were on the road, I even made a video log of the night's events. I didn't post them on the Internet or anything; I just had them on my computer as memories. This was actually the first time I had been somewhere other than Ohio, Kentucky, and California.
At every one of the concerts, Andy did his makeup like I had on my last day of school. He's a makeup design robber.
Finally, we got back a week ago, but my sleeping patterns were so different than the rest of California's. It was ridiculous. But today was Christmas, and the guys, the twins, and Lottie were coming over later tonight. We were all close friends and Skin, Lottie and Bone didn't freak out anymore when they saw one of the guys.
And when I say guys, just assume that I'm referring to the band and Sandra too.
I groaned and threw my covers off of me. I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes with my fingertips. Yawning, I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed my black, square glasses. I did not have enough energy at the moment to get up and put my contacts in.
I looked down and made sure what I was wearing was appropriate for Christmas morning. Lately I had been going to bed in just a t-shirt and my underwear. Today, though, I had on one of Andy's black t-shirts, which I had stolen, and a pair of black cotton shorts that had the BVB logo on them. On the front, Andy had signed it with silver sharpie, writing out 'Andy Six Was Here'. He redid it every time I washed these shorts. He's a dork, but I love him.
Hopping out of bed, I slumped over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of black socks to slip on. I knew the hardwood in the family room was not going to be warm.
I stomped down the stairs, my extremities not really awake yet. Andy was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, arms wide open and that special smile on his face. That's when my body really started going and became aware of it's surroundings.
Smiling widely, I flung myself down the remainder of the steps and into Andy's awaiting arms. He caught me, like I knew he would, and held me close to him. Everywhere our bodies made contact, the sparks rose up and bubbled in my skin.
"Merry Christmas," he mumbled into my hair. Then I felt his lips on my cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Andy," I breathed, my words getting lost in his shoulder, which was bare. I reeled over this in my head, thinking Andy was crazy for not wearing a shirt. This house had to be, at the most, sixty degrees. He was f*cking crazy.
"Andy," I said, mumbling into his shoulder again.
"Hmm?" he asked me, his lips on the top of my head.
"Why are you shirtless? It's cold enough in here to get frost bite," I inquired. He chuckled slightly, making my nose, which was pressed against his neck, vibrate.
"I got a fire going when I woke up and it started to get hot sitting there," he said, lifting me up and carrying me into the family room. The fireplace was alight, immense welcoming heat coming from it.
"You should've moved away from the fireplace, you ding dong," I chuckled. He shrugged, setting me on the black couch that used to be the only thing in this room besides the grey paint.
Now there was a six-foot-some tall Douglas fir in the corner of the room, decorated with red and green lights and different ornaments. The pile of presents under the tree was a fair amount, considering we had bought presents for Ash, Jinxx, Jake, Sandra, Skin, Bone, Lottie, and Scout as well as each other. There were also pictures on the wall from the tour, which I had just hung up yesterday. Most of them were just the six of us being complete and utter idiots, messing around before and after shows. The others were of the guys with fans. They were only the ones that I thought were really rad and creative. I loved seeing Andy interact with the fans.
Andy and I kept up our traditions that we had when we were still living in Ohio. We opened the family presents before friends and other relatives came over to celebrate. So, Andy and I carried it on and opened our presents to each other first.
We got down off the couch and crawled to the tree, Andy's iPod playing in the background. We gathered the gifts that we had bought each other. I had bought Andy two things, which were both very expensive, and a few t-shirts and pieces of jewelry. Andy had two packages in his right hand and was rubbing the back of his neck with his left, seemingly deep in thought.
Andy leaned back against the couch and opened his legs wide so I could sit between them, I took my spot, my back against his chest and we traded one gift with each other. I gave him the lesser of the expensive items, setting aside the clothes for him to open later. He handed me a flat, rectangular package that dipped down a bit in the middle, like it was hollow.
We opened our gifts leisurely, not in a big rush since the guys, twins, and Lottie wouldn't be over until later in the morning.
I peeled back the red and green striped wrapping to my gift and about started crying at what was inside. It was a framed picture of the hill and gravestones where my grandparents lay. Andy seemed to have taken the time to actually drive up there one day and take a picture for me. To say the least, it was beautiful. The tree on top of the hill was lush and deep green. My grandparents' gravestones were clearly visible, blue forget-me-nots in a natural patch around them.
Behind me, I heard Andy gasp and then hug me around the waist. I assumed he liked the limited edition Batman and Joker action figures I had gotten him. Okay, I had bought him three gifts, but I had to get Batman and the Joker together. I'm not going to even tell you how much I had to pay for melted down pieces of plastic. But I liked them, and Andy liked them, so I wasn't going to complain...too much.
"Thank you, Zandy," he whispered in my hair, taking a deep breath. I chuckled.
"And thank you, hair raper," I joked. Then I turned serious. "Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me."
He dragged in a deep breath again. "You're most definitely welcome," he said in his husky voice.
We gave each other the second present, opening these ones with the same leisure.
This one was shaped like an oversized ring box, just shallower. I tore off the wrapping paper and saw the same velvety fabric of a ring box. I popped open the lid, hearing a small click meaning the box had only been opened a few times. I gasped and picked up the object from it's cushioned confines.
I held in my hand a silver engraved bracelet. It's links were silver and shaped like infinity signs; it looked like pure silver. The little sections were held together by silver cables, like the ones you'd see on the inside of cords to electronics. On each section, Japanese symbols were written on the sides. It's hard to explain what they looked like, but there were four separate...vowels or sounds I guess. I believe that's how the Japanese use their writing.
I slipped the bracelet on my left wrist, joining it with my other trillion bracelets. I smiled down at it, rotating it left and right to see how it looked. It definitely stood out from my other bracelets.
Suddenly, I was being lifted up off the ground, just slightly, and moved to face Andy. He sat me down facing him, complete excitement and happiness in his eyes. I'm guessing he saw the comic book.
The second thing I'd gotten him was the very first issue of The Batman comics. The original from the 1940's. If I didn't know differently, I'd say Andy looked like he was in love with me right now.
He gathered me in his arms and hugged me close to his bare chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist in return, savoring his warmth and smell. It was that same smell of mint and aftershave, along with a new scent of pine needles. It happened every Christmas.
"Zandy, thank you so much," Andy mumbled, raping my hair again.
"And thank you, Andy, I love my bracelet. It's beautiful," I returned.
We sat just hugging each other for a while. Finally, Andy said, "I've got on more thing for you." He pulled out of the hug and scooted me from his legs. Then he turned around, his back to me, and motioned me closer. I crawled close to him, waiting for what he was going to show me.
Andy reached to the back of his head and parted his messy, long bed hair. My eyes widened and, this time, I really did start crying.
On the back of his neck, hidden well behind his full head of black, upper arm length hair, was my name. It was tattooed in black, in the most elegant, intricate cursive you could ever imagine. He had my full name, 'Alexandria', under an ancient looking tree, it's blackened branches reaching out over it.
Tears started to overflow from my eyes, rolling down my checks shamelessly. I rested my right hand on his shoulder and stroked my thumb over the tattoo. It was beautiful. I loved it.
It meant so much to me that Andy would get my name tattooed on him. People usually think names were reserved for girlfriends/boyfriends or children, but Andy and I thought differently. I had gotten his name tattooed on my side quite a while ago, his full name. Now I was permanently on his body, as he was mine.
I smiled through my tears and placed a kiss on the back of his neck. I felt Andy shiver underneath me.
"Thank you, Andy," I said, pressing my cheek onto his back.
{*************************************BVB***************************************}
I started on breakfast as everyone started to arrive. First to get there was Jinxx and Sammi.
Andy was sitting in the living room, watching Home Alone, when the doorbell rang.
"Andy, can you get that?" I called to him from where I was standing by the stove. I was making gravy for the biscuits and gravy and tending to the bacon and sausage all at once. Thank the gods I'm a woman; no man would ever be able to do this.
Andy got up from the couch and opened the front door. Jinxx and Sammi stood in the doorway, a bag of gifts in their hands. They smiled at Andy as he opened the door.
"Merry Christmas," they said in unison.
"Merry Christmas," Andy replied, pulling Jinxx into a guy hug, then hugging Sammi.
He had them just set the bag in the family room and join us in the main part of the house.
"Ah! Merry Christmas, Zandy," Sammi called as she saw me. She rushed toward me, her white ballet flats clicking lightly against the tile. Her arms were around me in seconds and I was being crushed in her grip. For such a small, slight girl, she definitely packed a punch.
I abandoned my cooking for a moment to wrap my arms around her shoulders. "Merry Christmas to you too, Sammi," I responded. She released me and Jinxx wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
"Merry Christmas," he greeted. I wound my arms around his waist.
"Merry Christmas Jinxx," I replied. Jinxx released me and let me get back to my cooking.
"Do you need any help?" Sammi chirped. I looked around at the little production line I had going on and then at her. The gravy was done and just the meat had to be tended to.
Sammi looked beautiful, as always, in a jade green, low cut top, a lacy black camisole underneath, a cream colored cashmere sweater over top, a short, black, flowy skirt with ripped fishnet leggings underneath and the white ballet flats on her feet. Her hair was blonde now with black and red highlights. And when I say red, I mean bright red, like, Little Mermaid Ariel red. But it looked great on her, of course.
Seeing Sammi dressed up so nicely, reminded me that I wasn't dressed at all.
"Actually, yes," I told her. "I need to go get ready, so can you put the bacon on this paper plate," I pointed to a plate on the counter, "and give the sausage a few minutes before you turn it off." Sammi nodded happily and did as I had asked.
I ran up the stairs, flinging myself in my room and finding something to dress in. I pulled a sheer, black dress from my closet and a black vest-like thing. I discarded my t-shirt and shorts and slipped the dress on. It was made of this ultra sheer black material. If it was just one layer, it would be see through, but there were six or seven layers together, causing the bottom to have that scalloped look. The trim along the sweetheart neck and the hem was red lace and the sequins on the top part of the dress were red also.
Then I put the vest on. It was one of those things that wrapped all the way around my waist and settled just under my chest and had a thin strap that went around my neck like a halter top. It was black with white buttons with a swirly design of black beads on the right side.
I pulled on some black torn leggings underneath and a pair of black, strappy heels. I had on all my regular jewelry, plus the bracelet I had just gotten from Andy. My hair was straight down, as usual, but there was more color. When we were on tour, Andy cut it, redid it black since my blonde roots were showing, and added red and silver highlights. Andy had never done my hair before that, but I was definitely going to be using him as my personal hairdresser from now on.
I added the bare minimum for my make up; eyeliner, kohl, and mascara. I did it rather quickly and was just finishing with my mascara as the doorbell rang.
"I got it," I called as I made my way down the stairs and into the foyer area. I opened the door and was instantly crushed into a lung bursting hug. I tried sucking in a breath.
"Merry Christmas to you too, Lottie," I tried. She let go of me and just smiled.
"Merry Christmas," Skin and Bone said simultaneously, doing their freaky twin thing that even my brother and sister couldn't do.
"Merry Christmas guys, come on in," I said, smiling as I lead them into the house. Everyone greeted each other and wished a Merry Christmas. Bone sat on the couch next to Jinxx, pulling Lottie into his lap. Skin took a seat at the bar next to Andy and started a conversation of sorts.
Sammi had finished the cooking and was placing the dirty pans in the sink.
"Thank you so much," I said to her, rinsing out the pans.
"No problem," she replied with a smile. "You look beautiful by the way."
I smiled slightly at her. "Thanks. There's really no need for me to say this, but you do too. But you always do."
She laughed wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "I do to other people. I don't really think so, but Jinxx and you guys are always there to convince me otherwise."
I raised and eyebrow. "Really? You seem so confident about everything though."
She shook her head with a small smile. "That's just because I have Jinxx. He makes me feel beautiful, even when I'm sick and don't make an effort to do anything with myself. You have someone like that, too."
Her eyes roamed across the counter and landed on Andy in a hinting sort of way. I gave her a skeptical look.
"Ha ha, you're so funny," I retorted, rolling my eyes. She rolled her eyes at me in return.
"Fine, don't believe me," she said, starting to walk away. "But don't say I didn't warn you." Then she was gone and in the living room, snuggling into Jinxx's side. I rolled my eyes once more and got out three cans of Pillsbury biscuits from the refrigerator. I had just opened the first package when the doorbell rang again.
"Andy, can you put these on the cookie sheet?" I asked, handing him the cylinder container. He nodded and took my place by the counter. I walked into the foyer and opened the door.
In came Sandra and miss Scout Taylor Compton. Scout and I were on better terms now, since she had gotten over Andy and me living together. I hugged them both and wished them a Merry Christmas. After that, they both walked with me into the main area. Sandra plopped down on one of the couches next to where Skin had moved to and Scout made a mad dash for the kitchen.
Soon, she had her arms wrapped tightly around Andy and they were rocking back and forth, huge smiles on both their faces. They kissed quickly and I looked away to fake gag, which almost turned real. I hate to admit it, but it actually stung when I saw them look so lovingly at each other.
A few moments later, the doorbell rang again, and Jake and Ash let themselves in. Soon, breakfast was ready and we were all sitting around a dining room table that we just bought. Now our dining room could actually be a dining room.
We talked about the tour and other random crud. It took us a good hour to get through breakfast since we were all talking and messing around. At one point a mini food fight started because Jake flung some biscuits and gravy onto Ash's plate. It didn't take long for all of us to join and and started flinging various food items at one another. After that I made everyone clean up the place since I was definitely not cleaning this up later.
After breakfast we went into the living room and watched Elf. I love that freaking movie! It's so hilarious. I could probably quote the whole entire movie if I had the time.
Jinxx and Sammi and Bone and Lottie sat cuddled together on the longer end of the sectional. Ash, Jake, and Skin leaned back on the shorter end. Scout sat in Andy's lap on the black recliner in the corner of the room. Sandra and I took to the floor, resting our backs on the far end of the couch. Where we were sitting we could see everything, but no one else could really see us, especially in the shadows.
I loved this movie, but I couldn't really bring myself to pay attention. The whole time my eyes kept drifting over to Scout and Andy, just watching and thinking. Imagining that that could be me on his lap instead of Scout, that I was the one he loved instead of her.
You know what? I'm sick of this love crud. I wish it would get cancer and die. Kind of like how I wish cancer could get cancer and die.
Sandra bumped her shoulder into mine. "You should just tell him," she whispered to me.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked her, trying to play ignorant. But I was pretty sure that she knew that I knew what she was talking about.
She rolled her eyes at me. "You know what I'm talking about. You should just get it over with and tell him. You never know how he'll feel," she said, trying to persuade me. I grimaced at her and shook my head.
"Nuh uh, no way Jose," I whispered. "Do you see how in love he is with Scout? I can't ruin that by telling him. I'd feel so guilty I won't be able to talk to him."
Sandra groaned quietly. "My gosh!! Fine, have it your way. But don't tell me I didn't warn you."
I whacked my hands on the ground. "You know, you're the second person whose told me that today."
Sandra smiled. "Good, that means Sammi and I are on the same page," she whispered, raising an eyebrow at me and smiling. This was one of the few times Sandra had been in our presence and had her Ray Bans off. She had them on for most of tour, but when we chilled like this, she had them off. She said she wore them because she was shy and got embarrassed easily. I now know it's true. The whole tour, if someone would come up and hug her or compliment her, she'd blush and hide behind her hair. But there was nothing to be embarrassed about around us. We were her second family.
I gave her the death glare, but she held her own. Finally, we just started laughing quietly and resumed watching the movie.
Now, do you really think I was going to take Sandra and Sammi's advice? Of course not, because I'm Zandy Night and I'm way too stubborn.
{**************************************BVB**************************************}
Everyone left around two o' clock, having to get to other families and events. We had time to open presents and goof around some more before everybody left though.
Jinxx and Sammi had gotten me a new digital camera since the one I brought on tour was almost beyond repair from being used so much. Sandra got me Modern Day Escape, Dommin, and Birthday Massacre CDs. Scout got me some Batman and Nightmare Before Christmas paraphernalia that I could put around my room. Jake and Ashley made me a DVD showing me how to play all the songs that were going to be on their upcoming album. I thought everybody's gifts were creative and I was grateful for them.
Around four in the afternoon, our doorbell rang and a UPS delivery was left on our porch. One was a slim manilla envelope and the other was a small box. I stared at them as I brought them into the kitchen, setting them on the counter. I opened the envelope first and pulled out...two white envelopes. One had my name on the front and the other had Andy's. He was standing next to me, examining the delivery, so I handed him his letter, or at least that's what I thought it was.
I slid my finger under the sealed tab and ripped it open with my thumb. I took a look inside and discovered it was, in fact, a letter. I walked over and sat on the couch before I started reading it.
When I unfolded the creased papers, several twenty dollar bills fell out. I rolled my eyes and set the money off to the side. I looked over the letter quickly and saw the first page was my mom's, second Dylan's, and third Taylor's.
I began with my mom's:
Dear Zandy,
Merry Christmas, baby doll! I hope it was a happy one filled with new friends and people you now consider family. It's your first official holiday away from home. I didn't think I'd be saying that until you were eighteen, but you're only sixteen. It's weird how time passes by.
I never got to tell you this before you left, but I am so proud of you. You've conquered through hard, emotional times without ever procrastinating or giving up. You're not a little girl anymore, you're a woman. A woman with different tastes, but a woman nonetheless.
I remember when you were born, I was so happy to finally have a little girl to dress up and play with, since I only had Jordan, who was an average boy and wanted to play with cars and get dirty. I felt like I finally had a child that I could share something in common with. But we both know how long that lasted.
I had my way with you up until about age twelve. You were the sweet, every mother's dream, little girl. You'd do anything for your mommy and daddy and you'd never question it. When your father died, I noticed a decrease in your effort as the perfect angel. And then things spiraled quickly downward around fifth grade and then hit rock bottom when your brother left for college.
Being away so often made me blind to the pain and suffering you were going through. I hadn't realized how much you'd been cast aside and mocked by your once friends. When I did see you, I felt like I was being a bad mom; especially by letting you get all those God awful tattoos and piercings and letting you wash out your beautiful blond hair. Also, because I left you to play mommy with the twins. You were an outcast of sorts.
And then you met sweet, wonderful, caring Andrew, and your happy, buoyant mood was back. I knew that boy was the answer to your problems, the key to your treasure chest, the axe that could break through your shell.
Each day you spent with him, getting to know him and soon becoming best friends, made that beautiful smile more prominent on your face. I admit, I was afraid he would be a negative influence because of the way he dressed and the music he listens to, but it turned out to be the exact opposite. He didn't get rid of the way you dressed and your new personality, but he enhanced it, showed you how to be a more confident, self-respected you. I will forever be grateful to Andy, for everything he's done to help out in your life.
Every time I would see you, you seemed to grow into a more mature individual; not exactly a woman yet, but taking the steps to get there. Even when Grammy died, you held strong and used Andy as your support through it all.
Forgive me, but I used to be embarrassed to go out in public with you. To let people see you with the tattoos, piercings, crazy hair style and colors, and your choice of dress. But what I didn't realize then, was that that is your way of being an individual. You're speaking out and saying 'I'm not going to let what anyone else says bring me down and drag me away from what I'm aiming to do', and I admire you for that, and Andy too. It's a valuable trait that I didn't have naturally. It was something I had to learn in college, not something that just clicked in my brain.
Zandy, baby, I want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you, I don't care what you do, say, how you act, look like or how you choose to express yourself. I will always and forever love you with all the love a mother can give. No matter what I've expressed toward you, I am so proud of you. You've gone through what no girl should go through in one life, and you've pulled through it all.
So, I want you to thank Andy for me. Tell him he's like a third son to me and he's always been a welcome part of the family in my eyes. (And hopefully, one day he really will be part of the family *wink, wink*)
I love you with all my heart, Zandy. Never forget that.
P.S. Inside the box is keys to your and Andy's new cars. Have fun sweetie pie!
With love,
Mom
By the end of the letter, silent tears were rolling down my cheeks and staining my skin. Before I could get carried away with my weeping, I read through the twins' letters. Both put a lot of emotion into it and they made me laugh through my tears at times. I love my little brother and sister so much, I just don't think I've said it often enough.
I put down my letters and swiped my hands over my face. On the other end of the sectional, tears were spilling down Andy's cheeks too. It made me cry even more to see my best friend get so emotional. I got on all fours and crawled over to him on the couch. When I got nice and close, I removed his hands from the letter and put it by his side. I wasn't going to read it unless he wanted me to.
Slinging one leg on each side of his lap, I straddled his thighs and sat on his legs. Andy was looking down at his lap, letting the tears fall into his shirt and jeans. I brought my hands to both sides of his face and pulled it up so I could see into his eyes. They were filled with sorrow, grief, and happiness all at once. I wiped the tears away with my thumbs and he brought his hands up to do the same with mine. We sat there, holding each other, reveling in what our families had written.
Andy inched his head closer and rested his forehead on mine. I moved my hands and pushed away his bangs so I could see this face better. He smiled sadly at me and put his lips down on my cheek. I closed my eyes, breathing in his unique scent, the one I'd become so familiar with.
I think we fell asleep at some point because in the morning we were in each other's arms, laying side by side on the couch.
{*************************************BVB**************************************}
~January of 2010~
"Zandy, let's go into Hot Topic!" Lottie shouted, trying to pull me along.
"Lottie, it's my day off, I don't wanna go back in there," I complained, trying to rip my hand from her strong grasp. "Besides, I just went shopping there yesterday! I used my 15% off, and I'm saving my cash for college now."
Lottie stopped trying to pull me, turned around and put her hands on her hips. "Zandy, you do not need to save up for college. You're smart enough to get a scholarship. And if you didn't, your mom would just pay for it."
I rolled my eyes. "The whole point of me moving here was so that I'd stop having to mooch off of my mom."
"No, it was to get Andy boy all to yourself," she responded in a whisper, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Shut up," I hissed, hitting her on her shoulder. She jumped back and started laughing. I glared at her.
"Come on Lottie," Sammi said, pulling Jinxx behind her, "Jinxxy and I will go with you. Let's see if anyone will recognize him." Lottie's eyes lit up and she walked with Sammi and Jinxx to Hot Topic.
We had decided to go out shopping and California sight seeing today. The guys finally had a break from the studio and the twins and Lottie were on holiday. BVB was recording their debut album and I no longer attended school. Andy home schooled me (still does, when he can, otherwise the other guys help me) and it was a perfect solution to my school-aphobia. I hated school, and now I never had to go back. I could graduate in the comfort of my own home.
Andy, Jinxx, Jake, Ash, Sandra, Lottie, Skin, Bone, Sammi, and I were out shopping in one of LA's many shopping centers. Jinxx, Sammi, and Lottie had just went into Hot Topic while the rest of us decided to stay together. It was nice to just be able to walk around LA and not be crowded by a mob of obsessed fans.
Yes, much of America was starting to recognize Black Veil Brides and the guys and Sandra were usually stopped by quite a few people in the streets when we did decide to go out. They had learned not to wear the warpaint, makeup, and usual concert attire when we were all together; otherwise, it was pretty obvious to the local fans.
Today, none of them had any type of foreign chemical on their bodies, except for whatever was in the clothes and tattoos they were wearing. They were all dressed somewhat "normal", I guess you could say: Andy was in a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, a red My Chemical Romance t-shirt, a black Alkaline Trio sweater and black Vans; Sandra was wearing a black t-shirt and lighter wash skinnies, classic Converse and a light, pink sweater; Jake had on an old AFI tee, black skinnies, and a black hoodie; and Ash and Jinxx were dressed basically the same. Nothing flashy but not "subtle" in any sense of the word. The all still had all their piercings in and some of their tattoos were still showing.
I think out of all of us, I was the most noticeable in my (Andy's) F*ck You And Your F*cking Doublemint t-shirt that went with a shirt that Ash had, black skinnies, a silver studded belt Andy had made for me, a leather jacket, knee-high, black, flat bottom biker boots and my crazy hair and dark makeup. Yep, definitely stood out the most.
The six of us were walking around the area, waiting for Sammi, Jinxx, and Lottie, looking into store windows. Suddenly, I see a flash of an all to familiar image out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head quickly to the left, seeking out the figure I had just seen walk past.
Then, there she is. The tall girl with the Black Veil Brides shirt on. She had naturally black hair with red and blue streaks, large square glasses, hiding her chocolate brown eyes, and a tattoo of a sparrow under her right ear. She's all alone.
She had seemed to sense me staring at her and looked in my direction. She cocked her head to the side as her eyes met mine. The girl raised her eyebrow at me and then looked around at the rest of my group. If she was judging and thinking of mean things to say in her head, she had another thing coming. I had had enough bullsh*t from disrespectful locals while we were on the road and I wouldn't tolerate anything anymore.
"Guys," I said, keeping my voice at an 'indoor' level, "that girl has one of your band tees on." I tried to discreetly point them over to where the girl was standing. They eventually caught on and looked non-discreetly at her.
Not liking all the attention, the girl grimaced at us and raised her hand, like she was prepared to flip us off. In the middle of this motion, she froze and her jaw dropped open, almost hitting the floor. Then, she looked down to the ground, or appeared to be, but I know she was doing something else. She was examining her shirt, which had a picture of the guys and Sandra on the front surrounding their logo.
The girl raised her head back up and walked over to us with steady deliberation. When she was close enough, she finally talked.
"You're Andy Six." It wasn't a question, she was stating it.
Andy raised an eyebrow. "Am I?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. He was trying to mess with her.
The girl nodded. "Yeah, because that's Ashley," she reasoned, nodding her head toward Ash. "And that's Sandra and Jake." This time she gestured to the two of them where they were standing at the edge of our little half circle.
Andy smiled. "How kind of you to notice. I like your shirt, by the way."
A huge smile split across her face. "Thanks. I'm Christina." She stuck out her hand to shake it with Andy's.
Andy grabbed her hand, but pulled her to him in a hug. "I like hugs better than handshakes. I save the handshakes for business deals." he explained, after he released her. Christina looked over joyed by this whole situation.
"Well, you know the four of us," Ash said. "This is Bone," Bone waved and Christina returned the gesture, "Zandy," I smiled and she smiled back at me, "and Skin. Skin and Bone are twins."
"Hey," Skin greeted her, giving her his 'you know you can't resist' smile. She bit her bottom lip and looked away briefly before waving.
"There's three more with us, they just went inside a store real quick," Jake said.
"Yeah, Jinxx, Sammi, and Lottie should be back soon," Sandra added.
"Do you live in the area?" I asked her suddenly. She seemed about my age, like I should have seen her around school or in the store when I worked. Everything she was wearing was Hot Topic products.
She shook her head. "No, I live in an itsy bitsy town called Apple Valley. You've probably never heard of it. I came down here with my older brother to get out of the house for a while," she explained.
Andy shook his hair out of his eyes. "I know where that is. Scouty's from there," he said.
"Scouty?" Christina asked, sounding confused.
"My girlfriend, Scout Taylor-Compton," Andy supplied, trying to help her out.
Christina got that 'oh' look on her face, like she had made a mistake. "Oh, I thought..." she trailed off, pointy between Andy and me. I was leaning against his side, his left arm wrapped around my shoulders. We both shook our heads.
"Oh, I just thought, 'cause all the videos I've seen from this tour, she's always with you, practically glued to your side," Christina said, trying to make amends.
"It's cool, we're really good friends. I wouldn't be me without him," I offered, smiling at Andy.
"Yep," Andy gave my shoulders a squeeze. "I've known her since she was thirteen. She's like my sister." It was his turn to smile. I internally cringed at the mention of a platonic relationship with him.
Christina smiled and changed the subject.
We talked with her for a while, but then her brother came by and called for her to leave with him. We told her we were sorry that she didn't get to see Jinxx, but she brushed it off. She handed Skin her number and told him to call or text her whenever he came to the area. He took it gratefully and waved to her as she left.
Not two minutes later, Sammi, Jinxx and Lottie joined us. We told them about Christina and then joked around with Skin about having a new girlfriend. He blushed like crazy and pulled his hood over his head to hide it. We laughed but told him we were just joking.
We started walking again, just kind of wandering amidst the different shops and the few street vendors LA actually had. When we were in New York there were vendors everywhere. You couldn't take three steps without being yelled at by the men working the carts, trying to get you to buy what they were selling.
"Where do you guys wanna go?" Ash asked after a little while. We all got this pondering look on our face.
"Well, it's lunch time, I'm hungry, and it's getting hotter out here," I complained, taking off my leather jacket and rolling the short sleeves of Andy's shirt up to rest on my shoulders. Everyone nodded and we silently agreed to eat at Vince's, a great Italian place. It was just a few blocks over so it wouldn't take us long to get there.
As we were completing the second block, I got a call on my cell phone. I read the caller ID and sighed. She probably was calling to ask if I could come in today.
"Hey Candy, whats up?" I asked, trying to faux my happiness as to her calling.
"Nothing much, I'm on my break. I was just calling to say that Jinxx sent half the girls in the shop into panic attacks a few minutes ago," she replied, an obvious smile on her face. "It was freaking hilarious!"
I laughed. She hadn't called to ask me to come in. "He did, did he? We didn't think anybody would recognize him since he's not exactly dressed up," I responded, laughing in between sentences.
I looked over at Jinxx and he smiled mischievously. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, well, he did," she laughed. "The girls started to freak out and hurriedly whisper in their little groups. One of them was actually brave enough to go up and ask for an autograph and picture. It was hilarious."
I laughed again. "That's awesome. I'm glad they can recognize the guys without their makeup on."
"Yep, yep. I just wanted to call to let you know. It was a good laugh. You're coming in Monday, right?" she asked, sighing.
"Yeah, I'll be in after learning time," I said jokingly. She laughed and I continued. "Have fun trying to tame the spastic girls."
She scoffed. "Yeah, fun." I laughed and then we bid goodbye. I closed my cell phone and looked down to put it in my front pocket.
Suddenly, I was having eight voices yelled at me, telling me a jumble of words. Before I could react to anything they were saying, I ran into something tall and kind of hard. I reeled backwards and placed my hand on my nose. It was throbbing a little bit from running into somebody's chest.
I looked around for who I had ran into and saw them on the ground. I kneeled down next to them as my friends gathered around us.
"You okay, Zandy?" Andy asked me. I nodded, my full attention still on the guy on the floor.
"I'm so sorry," I said hurriedly, trying to get him to look at me. "Are you okay?" He finally looked up at me and rubbed his chest where I had hit him.
Oh my gods. This couldn't be him, not after four years. I wouldn't even know what he looks like, right? I mean, a lot can change in four years. But, he seemed to be him, his wavy blond hair, his strong, squared jaw, the warm chocolate brown eyes that I used to go to for comfort. But now, those eyes were always bright, vibrant blue, and I could never seem to get them out of my head.
I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. He smiled at me and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good," he said casually. He didn't seem to even recognize me. But how could he? Gone was my dirty blonde hair, my un-tattooed skin, my whole free lips, ears, and nose (I had taken out my tongue piercing; it was too much of a bother). And my eyes were no longer the same brown; today, they were a cloudy grey.
I bit on my right lip piercing and kind of just stared at him. Everyone around us was silent, waiting for me to say something.
"You don't recognize me," I accused in a low voice. The guy cocked his head to the side and gave me a questioning look.
I shook my head, angry now. "Of course not, why would you?" I stood up, throwing my hands in the air. "It's not like you'd remember someone after four and a half years."
I felt Andy come up behind me and hug me from behind. "Zandy, what are you talking about?" he asked me in a whisper.
"I'm talking about Jordan over here!" I snapped angrily. A look of realization crossed over Andy's face. I had told him about Jordan before. "Obviously, he doesn't remember the people who love him back in Ohio. California has gotten the best of him."
Jordan stood up with an apologetic look on his face. "Look, I'm sorry, but I don't recognize you. I haven't been in Ohio for four years. Did I date you or something?"
Uh, ew! He was twenty years old, that is sick.
"Why the hell would I date you?" I shouted, unwrapping Andy's arms from around my waist. I stepped up closer to Jordan and shoved him back a little. "I'm your f*cking sister! It's good to know I had a high place in your heart."
Right before I turned to leave, I saw the recognition flash in my brother's eyes. He reached out and grabbed ahold of my bicep, turning me to him.
"Alex?" he asked in a whisper. He searched my face and eyes for some type of response. Well, he wasn't going to get much because I had perfected my blank face over the years. My eyes were emotionless, even though I was wrought with anger and adrenaline, and my face was blank when I really wanted to grimace at him.
"I'm surprised you even remember my name," I spat at him, trying to rip my arm from his grasp. He suddenly got this angry look on his face, tightening his grip on my arm. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't exactly comfortable.
"What happened to you?" he asked angrily, avoiding what I had said.
"Me? What happened to you?" I yelled. "You leave to college one day and then we don't hear from you for four years!"
His grip tightened further. "Don't turn this on me, Alex!"
"But this is about you, Jordan! This whole conversation is about you!" I stood on my tiptoes to get in his face.
"Tell me what you did to yourself!" he demanded.
"You wanna know what I did?" I asked angrily. "I found a best friend who's closer to me than my own brother! I found myself, hidden underneath all those lies and designer clothes! I moved to California with my best friend to start a new part of my life, to get away from all the memories! I succeeded in pushing down all the bitter memories from Ohio! That's what I did, Jordan.
"But you...you left to college when I was twelve, never called, never visited, never sent word about how you were doing. You just left me, Mom, Dylan, and Taylor back in Cincinnati! Mom was always gone and that left me to look after Dyl and Tay. And you were out here in California, living up the college life, drowning out your past with new people and probably alcohol. Thank you so much for your participation in my life, Jordan. You really made an impact on me." I stated the last part sarcastically.
"I didn't mean why you moved to California, I meant your looks," he ground out through clenched teeth. "When I left, you were in a jean skirt, a light blue tank top, butterfly earrings, and you wavy blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. And now..." he shook his head. "You've gone and dyed your hair black, among other colors, you've got piercings in your ears, nose and lips, you've got heavy all black makeup and clothes on and you're covered in tattoos! Who let you do this?"
"Mom did," I stated, my voice low. "She paid for my first box of hair dye, my first tattoo, all these clothes, and my piercings."
"And when was that?"
"The hair dye was at twelve, my tattoo was fourteen, and the clothes since I was twelve also. I got my industrial put in when I was thirteen, my snakebites when I was twelve, my nose when I was thirteen, and my tragus when I was fifteen. Happy?"
He gripped my arm tighter still. It started to get painful.
"Uh, we're just gonna leave..." I heard Jinxx mumble then there was the shuffling of feet and the only people left was Jordan, Andy, and I.
"No, I'm not happy, Alex!" he yelled. "You've thrown you future away because of the dumb decisions you've made now!"
"I did not throw my life away! I'm determined to graduate from high school and college and do something productive with my life. I'm not gonna hide from my family for years and completely forget I had parents or siblings! I'm not like you, Jordan!" I was almost in tears now.
"You don't know anything about it, Alex! And I didn't just abandon you! I'm trying to live my life!" His grip was immensely painful, his short nails digging into my skin, but I wasn't going to complain and make him let me go.
"Stop treating me like a child! I will be seventeen in three months; I think I'm entitled to some knowledge as to why my big brother was gone and didn't seem to care that he left!" Tears were brimming in my eyes, not from the pain though.
"You are a child, Alex! You're still a teenager, and you're not entitled to know anything about me. I'm an adult and can keep things from you," he screamed, driving his nails further into my skin, making me bleed.
I had had enough. I couldn't take the pain from his hand anymore. I was tough, but I could only stand so much.
"Jordan..." I whispered desperately. "You're hurting me." He didn't seem to understand. "Jordan, let go! You're making me bleed. Get the f*ck off of me!" He still wouldn't release his grip.
Andy's hand whipped out and caught Jordan's wrist. He clamped his four main fingers down on the tendon in my brother's wrist, trying to wrench his hand off of me without making an even bigger scene.
"She told you to let her go," Andy stated in a deadly calm voice that let me know he meant business. His grip on Jordan's wrist tightened visibly, the muscles in his own hand standing out.
The blood had started to drip down my arm, covering Jordan's hand and making a trail down to my wrist.
He must have finally realized the harm he was causing me, or Andy was hurting his wrist, because Jordan released me and took a half step back. My left hand flew to my right arm, wiping the blood away. I let out a pathetic whimper as I saw the deep gashes that his nails had dug out.
Andy was instantly in front of me, his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his chest. I saw that I was getting blood on his sweatshirt and tried to push away, but he refused and just held me tighter.
Over Andy's shoulder, I could see Jordan sporting his 'WTF' face. There was still anger in his eyes and he was breathing raggedly. Then Andy turned to look over his own shoulder.
"Call the house when you calm down. You may be Zandy's brother, but I won't let her near you while you're so angry," Andy said, basically shooing Jordan away.
"How will-" my brother began to ask, but Andy cut him off.
"I'm the only Biersack in the phone book for all of LA. Just call it when you're ready to sit down and actually talk instead of having a scream-off."
Jordan nodded and walked away, casting me an apologetic glance over his shoulder.
Andy held me to him for a bit longer and then pulled back to examine my arm. The blood was still coming out and had gotten onto Andy's sweater. He pressed his fingers to the deep cuts to try and stop the bleeding.
"Do you wanna stay and go eat or do you wanna head home?" he asked me in a hushed voice.
"Let's just go home," I decided. "Everyone can come over and we can still hang out. I just don't wanna be out in public anymore." Andy nodded and pressed a kiss on my forehead.
"Stay right here, I'll be right back," he said, releasing me completely. Before I could protest or call out, he was gone, rounding the corner of the street and disappearing from view.
Just a few seconds afterward, the rest of the group came back and made a small circle around me. Sammi, Sandra, and Lottie came over to wrap their arms around me. Sammi leaned her head on mine.
"You alright, Zandy?" she asked me in her concerned, motherly voice.
I sniffled and reached a hand up to wipe away my tears. My mascara came off onto my fingers. "Yeah, I'm cool."
Sammi leaned back and gave me a small smile. "Okay, hon."
She, Sandra, and Lottie stepped back, Jake, Jinxx, and Ash quickly filling their spaces.
Pretty soon it turned into a whole group hug, which was pretty awkward since there was eight of us, but I appreciated it.
Andy returned quickly with a wad of napkins in his hand.
"I'd be angry that you had a group hug without me, but I really just need to get to Zandy right now," he said, his voice humorous. I laughed slightly and pushed everyone else aside so Andy could get through.
He placed the napkins on my arm and held his hand down on them to stop the bleeding. After a few minutes, it still hadn't stopped completely, so Andy decided it was time to head home.
{************************************BVB****************************************}
It was days before I saw my brother again. And when I did, it wasn't exactly the happy reunion I had wanted when he first left for college all those years ago.
Jordan had called Andy and they had settled that Jordan could come and see me the next day and talk. So it was now a Wednesday afternoon, Andy had left early from the studio and was here to supervise my brother's and my rendezvous. Jordan was sitting on a couch next to me and trying to apologize for cutting me.
"Alex, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to. I was just angry," he pleaded with me. He'd been begging me for forgiveness for the past ten minutes and it was finally getting annoying. I couldn't get anymore satisfaction to see him almost literally on his knees with his hands clutched in front of him.
I sighed and interrupted him in the middle of one of his 'please forgive me' mantras. "Fine fine, I forgive you for cutting me. It was really no big deal, it didn't even hurt too much. A few Band-Aids and I was good to go," I said. "But I can't forgive you for just leaving."
He sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I left like that, though."
"I know you are. But, like I said, its not gonna make it better."
"So, what happened in the time I was gone? Especially with you, you've changed a lot, Alex."
I nodded. "Yeah, I have. I even go by Zandy now. But I don't really mind you calling me Alex.
"Let's see.... Mom's a super successful clothing designer, Dylan and Taylor are in high school and they're gonna be fifteen soon. Dylan's a heartbreaker and Taylor's turned into the popular cheerleader. They're quite the duo. I think they completely run that school now, even though they're only freshman.
"I met Andy when I was thirteen and we've been best friends ever since. And since I know you're gonna ask, no he's not my boyfriend. He's two years older than me and his birthday was the 26th of December. He just turned nineteen. I've had only one boyfriend in my whole life and he turned out to be gay. I left Ohio almost a year ago and I haven't seen Mom, Taylor, Dylan or Andy's parents since we left. I have a job at Hot Topic now and I've been promoted. I've dyed my hair a multitude of different colors and have gotten a billion tattoos. Anything else you'd like to know?" I finished.
He was silent for a moment and then asked, "Can I see your tattoos?" I was kind of taken aback, but I nodded.
The first one I showed him was the one on my palm for my dad, then the ones on my legs. Then were my arms and sides and back. Then I showed him the one on my neck and then the newer ones.
Very recently I had added a lot to my left arm. Taking up my shoulder to right above my BVB tattoo was one of Heath Ledger and Christian Bale back to back as the Joker and Batman with a moon and the Batman sign in the background.
Then, on my right ankle there was a snake wrapping around it and eating its own tail in silver. Higher up, on my right thigh, was a tattoo of a sketch-looking girl with tears of blood running down her face. Underneath it, in the artist's own cursive, was 'The Mortician's Daughter'. It was by far my favorite song that Andy had written.
Jordan didn't look too happy about all of the tattoos, but he didn't say anything. And for that, I was grateful.
The rest of the time, we just talked about everything we had both missed in each other's lives. We really reconnected that day, and I did eventually forgive him for leaving and never coming back. I finally knew my big brother again.