A/N: hey guyssssss, basically I've literally been swamped with schoolwork so I haven't had time to write so I apologise for the late updates😣. ⚠️MENTAL HEALTH TOPIC WARNING!!⚠️ .
Alsooooo SEASON FOURRRRRRR!!!! I was so gassed for it I rewatched all of my hero 🥰. Anywaysss, without further ado...
YOUR POV:
"It's dark out already?" You questioned staring out of your bedroom window. Katsuki had left around three hours ago because you insisted on sleeping at your house. Alone.
"Summer break huh?" You mumbled to yourself as you dropped your back onto the middle of your bed. You turned over slightly and held one hand close to your face, allowing your eyes to trace over the many scars that littered it.
*sigh* "it's been a while" you whispered grazing your fingers over your skin. Suddenly a multitude of thoughts flooded your psyche.
'It's all your fault..they wanted you. You're the reason they attacked. You're the one to blame! I'm Stupid! fucking weak! I couldn't even protect myself. Katsuki had to for me and then he got hurt. Could I even be a hero? I'm already a monster... a murderer...'
A few tears rolled down your cheek as you began to sit up walking over to your bathroom. "I-it's all my fault" you cried rummaging through your things, only stopping as your hand fell upon your razor.
You shakily lifted it then pressed the blade into your (S/C) skin. Taking in a sharp breath you watched as a crimson liquid spilled plentifully from your wrist and felt an immediate feeling of relief rush over you. More tears fell as you lifted and placed the blade again.
'It's been so long..I-I really tried'
Again.
'But it feels so good'
And again.
'Like, I am the one in control for once'
And again.
until you could no longer see the (S/C) of your arm anymore. Your eyes glazed over and became foggy. You slowly began to reach for the pills in the cabinet. You took a moment to stare at yourself in the mirror.
"What a total mess" you chuckled coldly as more tears fell.
You walked back over to your bed and sat with your back to the wall. "It'll all be better when I'm gone...for everyone"
You flicked off the lid and lifted the pills to your mouth. But before you could do it, a single thought pierced your mind.
————————FLASHBACK—————————
"Wait"
"What is it"
"(Y/N)... can I ask you a serious question" he spoke sternly.
"Hey are you okay like seriously?" You asked sitting back down now worried.
"I'm fine" he scoffed "it's you I'm worried about..." he mumbled
"In the court, that Jenkins guy said that you tried multiple times"
Your heart stopped
"I.." You couldn't speak
"Do you still think about doing it now?" He practically whispered, his eyes turning soft as his hand rose to your face.
"Uh, well I dunno sometimes but don't worry I'm fine" You fake chuckled to relax some of the awkward tension.
"(Y/N) I'm being serious!.. look just... if you ever feel like that again come speak to me about it before doing anything dumb okay"
You just sat there dumbfounded
'This is why he was acting so weird today?'
You wrapped your arms around his torso and nodded.
"Hey! What are you-"
"Just shut up and hug me back would ya!" You shouted a little too loudly and you began to feel heat flood your cheeks.
He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling your body closer to his and rested his head on top of yours.
"Don't tell me what to do dork" he grumbled.
——————END OF FLASHBACK——————
You smiled warmly through your tears at the memory however the smile quickly faded. 'I..can't. I can't call him, he'll just try to stop me' you thought as more tears rushed down your cheeks. You gripped onto your bleeding arm tightly, using it to channel your frustration.
"Fucking fine!" You huffed reluctantly, reaching down for your phone.
*ringggg*
'Don't answer'
*ringggg*
'Please don't answer...'
"Yo dork"
'Shit'
"H-hey katsu" you spoke softly trying to mask the fact that you were crying but to no avail.
"Hey? Are you okay?!"
"..."
"(Y/N)!"
"No.." your voice cracked as you cried
"(Y/N), are you crying??what's wrong? talk to me"
"I-i just." Your breathing was very ragged at this point.
"Hold on. Just breathe. Okay?"
"Katsuki, I can't-"
"Can't what?"
"I can't do this anymore" your hand reached over your face and gripped your hair as you brought your knees to your chest.
"W-what? Can't do what?" You could hear him shuffling around,most likely to look for the key to your house.
"Pretend"
"Pretend?"
"I can't pretend that I'm a good person, that I'm gonna be a hero, that-that I'm not weak!" You raised your voice as your cries became fragmented.
"(Y/N), I don't know what you're talking about, you're not weak, you're a fucking amazing person and you're gonna be an even better hero! Look I'm coming over, don't do anything stupid okay?!"
"Katsu.. can I ask you something?"
"Anything" his voice sounded gruff
"How did you do it?"
"Do what?" He sounded confused
"Completely ignore the fact that I'm a murderer- a monster?!" Your tears fell more plentifully
"(Y/N) shut up okay?! You are none of those things!"
"Katsuki I've killed a lot of people!"
"I couldn't give a flying fuck if you'd killed whole fucking nations! You need to remember, It was an accident (Y/N)!"
"..."
"(Y/N)?!"
"Goodbye katsu, I-"
"(Y/N) wait! Don't you fucking dare hang up on me!!"
"I love you.." you whispered into the phone
"(Y/N)-!"
*beep**beeeep**beeeeeeep*
You quickly lifted the bottle to your lips once more and emptied the contents down your throat. Sluggishly you waded over to your bathroom where you sat in the corner, knees to your chest. You dropped the bottle to the floor and burrowed your head in your arms and knees a few minutes later you heard your door slam open and shut.
"(Y/N)!!"
"..."
"C'MON ANSWER ME DAMNIT!!!"
You continued to sob as heavy footsteps shook your house.
"(Y/N)! You in here?!"
He threw open your bedroom door and darted over to your bathroom. "(Y/N)?.." his voice sounded so soft.
He stopped at the door and looked down at you. It only took him a glance over to the empty container for him to know what you had done.
"Shit. Shit. Shittt" he cursed under his breath. He lifted your chin with his hand and stared into your hazy eyes. "Fuck"
He dragged you over to the bath tub and used one hand to hold back your hair.
"What are you-?"
"Just shut up and open your mouth okay!"
He lifted his free hand to your face and shoved two fingers down your throat. You tried to bite and resist but before you knew it you were spilling your guts into your bath.
"C'mon, almost there" he spoke reassuringly as he patted your back.
"Stop" you whispered
"I said shut up (Y/N)" he spat, shoving his fingers down your throat once more.
Again, more puke left your mouth. You knelt there gagging for the next minute or so, katsuki wouldn't let you leave the side of the bath until he knew you were done. He lifted you from the bath and got you to brush your teeth to get rid of the taste, then after washing his hands, he carried you to your bed, placing you down on a pillow.
After around 15 minutes a knock was heard on your front door. Katsuki left your bed and came back with a team of paramedics and a concerned Mitsuki.
"(Y/N) baby, are you okay my dear?" She cried, bursting into the room.
The paramedics sat you up and began to check your vitals. All the while you could see Mitsuki trying to console her angry?upset?maybe both? Son.
"Okay honey, you seem to be doing just fine, you're lucky your boyfriend here got to you when he did or it may have been a completely different story" she smiled warmly.
"Here's a list of any alarming symptoms she may suffer, if she starts to display any of these, please contact us" she spoke calmly to Mitsuki before leaving with her team.
You turned to face your wall, not knowing what to say.
"(Y/N)" Mitsuki cried as she pounced onto the bed, hugging you tightly.
"GET OFF HER YOU OLD HAG!!"
"OH SHUT UP YOU DAMN BRAT!"
A slight giggle escaped your lips at their little spat causing Mitsuki to smile once again.
"Sorry for scaring you Mitsuki.." you turned to hug her, burying your head in her breasts.
"It's alright babe, just-" a few stray tears rolled down her cheek "just please don't do that again" she grinned cheesily
"Cool" you smiled
"I'm gonna go fix us some dinner okay? My husband won't be home for a couple of hours yet so it'll be just the three of us" she beamed.
"Alright katsuki, I'm gonna go get some ingredients from our house, look after her okay?"
"Tsk. Don't have ta tell me twice hag" he spat
And with that she left.
The room was filled with an awkward silence and although you weren't looking at him, you could feel katsuki's gaze burning into you.
You mumbled something inaudibly
"What?" He asked, angrily?
"I'm sorry.." you mumbled, still crying, averting your gaze from him.
The room remained silent a moment longer before he let out a huge sigh and walked over sitting next to you on the bed
"Shhh, it'll all be alright okay?"
You looked back up to see that tears were falling from his face now too.
"Your so pretty when you cry..." you whispered
'he's crying because of you'
"Shut the fuck up. I'm hot not pretty dumbass"
"..."
"Hey, I was joking"
"sorry katsu, I'm so sorry" you mumbled, tears still rolling as he hugged you tightly.
"Shhhhh" he just kept on repeating that over and over as he stroked your hair.
"Promise me you won't do it again..."
"I can't do tha-"
"Promise me!"
"Why?" You whispered
"I am not letting you die (Y/N)!"
"Why not?!" You shouted through your tears, pushing away from him slightly.
"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO MORON!!!"
Your heart skipped.
"No.."
"No? What d'ya mean no?! What, so you can drop the L-bomb but I can't?!" His eyebrow twitched as his whole face fell a deep crimson.
"Just stop please, I don't know why you're lying to me or if this is supposed to be some kinda sick joke but please katsuki, I really can't handle it!" Your breathing became more irregular.
His eyes widened and then softened almost simultaneously. "Tsk, Is that what you really think?" He sounded hurt "you honestly believe I'm lying to you right now?"
KATSUKI'S POV:
"..."
'She doesn't believe me?'
"(Y/N) I-"
'She doesn't...'
"(Y/N) do you not trust me?" I asked softly as I used her chin to tilt her head towards me.
"Of course I do! I just- I don't trust myself"
"Hey-"
"I'm sorry" she whispered as she pulled me into a tight embrace once again.
"I told ya to stop fucking apologising" I huffed as the side of my lip curled into a smile. "You'll believe me one day..."
I pecked the top of her forehead before pulling her down onto the bed with me.
"What're you doing?" She mumbled
"We are watching naruto"
"I'm not in the mood" she looked to the side
"Fine, then we're watching no game no life"
"Still no"
"No game no life zero? "
"Whatever" she yawned nuzzling into my chest "thank you" she whispered
"Hmmm?" I cocked my brow
"Thanks for caring" she hid deeper into me.
"Always"
I grabbed her laptop and began the movie. Soon after she fell asleep. I watched as her chest rose and fell and allowed my fingers to twist and twirl in her hair.
I looked up to the ceiling and frowned. 'All this time she felt like this...and she didn't say anything. I couldn't even tell that she was fucking depressed. I'm a shit excuse of a Boyfriend'
I groaned pinching the bridge of my nose.
"I won't let you die on me (Y/N). I didn't fight to get you away from that abusive asshole and out of that forest just to watch you kill yourself" I whispered before planting a soft kiss on the side of her head.
*knock* *knock*
"Dinners ready kids!" The hag sang as she pushed open the door.
"Shut up!!" I whisper shouted at her motioning towards the sleeping (Y/N)
"I'll go home and leave your food in her microwave" she winked before finally leaving the fucking house.
I interlocked my fingers with hers but they felt fucking weird so I looked down at her arm which was now covered in bandages.
"What the shit?" I cursed under my breath
'How the fuck did I not notice her fucking arm?!'
I gently shuffled out from under her, hoping that she wouldn't wake up and walked over to her bathroom.
"Tsk what a fucking mess" I scowled "doesn't she have any fucking gloves?"
After finally finding some yellow rubber gloves I cleaned out her bath and washed the blood from her sink.
*grumbleeee*
My ear twitched at the sound. I walked towards her bed and sat next to her lifting my hand to gently shake her awake.
"Yo dork" I whispered
"..."
"(Y/N)"
"..."
"Ptssss"
"Ngggh" she groaned turning over a little too much.
*thud*
"Arghhh!"
I couldn't help but laugh at her and her stupid fucking face
"Did you fucking push me you asshole?!"
"Shut the fuck up. I was tryna wake you up to eat, you fell on your own you damn nerd"
I looked down at her spread out across her floor.
"Are u not gonna get up you freak?"
"Leave me alone.." she huffed hiding her face in her arm.
*sigh*
"Are you really gonna make me force you up" I smirked
She just grunted in response
"Alright then" I mumbled squatting down to lower myself. I poked her side with my index finger.
"Move"
"No"
I placed my hand on her hip
"You sure?~" I sang teasingly
"..."
"don't say I didn't I warn ya"
I began to emit tiny explosions from my hand, only strong enough to tickle her.
'One'
"..."
'Two'
"..."
'Three'
"OKAY!OKAYYY!MERCYYYYY!!!"
"Did you say more?~"
"P-PLEASEEEE!!STAWPPPPPP!!!!"
"Cool now hurry up let's go downstairs I'm fucking starving" I chuckled helping her up.
"The stairs are too much effort. Wanna bring mine up for me?"
"Tsk. Fucking slave driver"
"Thanks spike~" she sang as I walked out the bedroom door causing my hair to jolt up.
"bitch" I cursed under my breath.
* . • 〰️➿〰️ • . *
*later on*
YOUR POV:
"Katsukiiiiiii!!"
"What!" He huffed aggressively
"Come hereeee!" You whined
"The fuck d'ya want?!" He spat as he walked into the front room.
"Cuddle meeeee!" You grinned laying on the sofa with your arms stretched out.
"Tsk... you're such a fucking kid, you know that right?" He grunted walking over to you and laying down with you in his arms.
"(Y/N).. I'm serious."
"Huh?"
"Please don't try that again" his grip around you got a bit tighter.
"We spoke about this earlier katsuki.." your smile deflated into an emotionless expression
"Not properly"
"But I don't wanna talk about it. Please"
"Fuck no. Look I understand wanting to keep shit to yourself but please, if you won't talk to anyone else. Talk to me"
"Okay... hey katsu"
"Yeah?"
"Did you mean what you said before"
"What did I say?"
"You know..the 'L-Bomb', or did you only say that because you thought I was like..dying?"
"Fucking moron. I meant what I said alright"
You looked up at him slightly as he spoke, lowering his head towards your own
"I love you okay" he spoke softly as his lips brushed against yours.
"I love you too" you smiled as your lips met
'I trust him. I believe he's telling the truth. Please don't be lying katsu...'