"Still no luck?"
Madeleine shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid not, miss."
It had been four days since Leah had gone missing, and there had been no word from her. I glanced over at Kate, who was changing the sheets of the bed, her eyes dull and lifeless.
"I'm sorry. I don't know that I can do anything else." I hated this helpless, weak feeling. And yet, underneath it, I knew there was something I could do, but I didn't want it to come to that. I sat down at the wooden desk and ran my fingers along the letter that had arrived a few hours ago, requesting my presence for a date with the prince this afternoon. I couldn't wait for the distraction.
Kate looked over and mumbled something under her breath. Madeleine gave her a warning look, and I stiffened. "What did you say, Kate?"
"I said it's awfully convenient for the prince to be spending all his time with girls who've lost their heads over him when there's important matters at hand," she snapped, ignoring Madeleine's frantic gesturing.
I stood and crossed my arms, forcing her to look up at me. Being tall did come in handy sometimes. "You know very little of all he's been doing for Illéa in the past few weeks. You're assuming he holds out the Selection because he wants to -- did you ever wonder if that wasn't the case?" I slammed my hand on the desk.
"I understand that you're hurting over the potential loss of your friend, but that doesn't give you an excuse to take it out on him. And from the way they've been acting, you're taking it out on Opal and Madeleine, too." Kate looked away.
"You should know that he has soldiers inquiring after Leah all over. He doesn't even have to have them search; after all, she's a servant. He could simply hire a replacement if he wanted. But he didn't. You have no right to talk about him like that."
I turned and left the room, a hot coal still burning in my chest. I hurried to the fourth floor and knocked on Piper's door with a force that surprised me. Almost immediately a fair-haired maid opened it.
"Calypso, is that you?" Piper called. I spotted her at her desk, drawing something, and I sat down on her bed.
"Something wrong?" Piper asked, and I shrugged. Her brow creased. "Lenore, close the door, please." The maid hurried to comply, slipping out as she did. "Now, tell me what's going on."
I rested my chin on my hand. "I'm just confused."
"About?"
"Everything!" The frustration and weeks of questioning and bewilderment finally exploded. "I didn't even want to be a part of this in the first place because I was provoked into it, but now I'm terrified that I might be eliminated and I don't know why. I get so angry when someone speaks bad about him, but I'm afraid of being with him. I'm scarred and weak and I don't like it. I'm tired of being confused and helpless and I just want to never feel again, because no matter what happens, there's always too many obstacles!"
"Calypso." Piper sat down beside me, her hand on my back. "Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. Just breathe."
I slowly inhaled and exhaled, refusing to let the tears burning behind my eyes spill over.
"Now. Let's start with the first thing. Do you really think you love him?"
I laughed bitterly. "How should I know? Every time I've thought I loved someone, they betrayed me. Maybe love isn't even real. It's been distorted and twisted too much. And even if it is, I don't think I want it."
"Oh, Calypso." Piper leaned her head on my shoulder. "Love is real, trust me. Attraction comes on its own, but love is a decision -- wanting what's best for the other person and choosing to provide it. I am only just finding that out myself. But I know. I have chosen to love Jason, and he says he loves me, and I trust him. That's all anyone can do. Of course there's going to be trials and maybe heartbreak, but that's a risk you must take."
"But is it worth it? Why not shut yourself away entirely?"
"From what little you've said about your past, I'm surprised you haven't already. And you know what that is? It's strength. Even through what you've endured, you've kept yourself open anyways. That's amazing. And give Leo a fair chance, Callie. Let him know about all this."
"There's...there's other reasons why I could never be with Leo." I leaned into Piper.
"You mean your past? I think that could be avoided, if you worked hard."
"No, there's more than that. I'm in trouble, Piper. It's safer that you don't know what it is." That cold feeling of dread returned as I pictured one of my uncles pouring strychnine into Piper's drink one day.
"If you mean someone your father helped is still pursuing you to work for them, I might be able to help." Piper's hand slid off my back. "I've had my suspicions."
"How, exactly, could you help, in a hypothetical situation?" I swallowed.
"I don't know yet, because you haven't told me."
"I....what if they hurt you? I couldn't bear that, Piper." Another wave of panic rose, and I forced it back. "You don't know what they're like."
"You're right, I don't know. But I couldn't bear it if they hurt you when I had the opportunity to help. At least let me understand the situation, Calypso," Piper pleaded.
Finally, I broke down and let the whole ugly story pour out. Piper was a good listener. She didn't react with surprise or disgust to any part of it, and kept quiet and still.
When I had finished, she released a long breath. "I can't believe you've kept all that to yourself for so long."
I had to laugh. "I did that for years. I could take a bit more for a few weeks."
"Still, it's not right." Piper frowned. "Let's see, do we have any bargaining power? What do they want, and how can we get control of it?"
I forced myself to think logically. "Their end goal is to control Illéa, obviously. They want me to get as close as possible to Leo so that they can....use me to influence him, I guess? But I don't know why they think I could make much of a difference."
"They could do everything in their power to place you on the throne, and then, if they kept threatening you, they'd have a very powerful ally in a very high position, and they'd attempt to get all sorts of state secrets and information out of you. But as queen, or even princess, you'd have infinitely more power and could probably find a way to destroy their whole operation, so that's risky." Piper rubbed her forehead. "I wish we had Annabeth with us. If I told-"
"Don't!" I burst out, remembering Hyperion's threats. Even if I no longer cared for Percy, my uncle would never believe me if I said so. "That's a really bad idea. Don't get her involved."
"A--alright." Piper looked taken aback at my vehemence. "How can we stop them from bringing that plan to fruition? We could get you eliminated, but the minute you step foot outside the palace, you're very vulnerable to their attacks."
I nodded, secretly relieved that she'd found a plausible flaw with that plan.
"Or we could encourage it. We do everything in our power to get him to pick you, and if he does, we hunt them down. They can't threaten people you love forever -- who do they have, Leo, Hazel, Reyna, and me? They could threaten acquaintances, of course, but that wouldn't be particularly effective on their behalf."
"There's so many 'ifs' to that plan, though," I countered. "There's no guarantee they'll wait that long, and there definitely isn't a guarantee that Leo will pick me, even if we talk to him about this. What if they have plans for other kinds of leverage against us? Surely they've planned for that option."
"So you put on an act. Come up with a reason why you've completely changed your mind. It would help if you hadn't already told them no, but we'll figure out a way around that. Convince them so fully that they let down their guard a bit, and they might let you be privy to a few useful bits of information." Piper raised her eyebrows. "And then, when the opportunity arises, maybe we can at least weaken their defenses."
I shuddered. "That would be extremely difficult."
"Do you have a better plan?"
"Fine. But what reason should I give as to why I've changed my mind? If it just comes out of nowhere, then they'll be very suspicious." I paused. "We might have to wait till they make another move."
"You're right. I suppose we could....no, I don't know." Piper shrugged. "We don't have to decide immediately. Let's both think about it for a day or two, and we'll watch what happens."
"Alright." I sighed. "Some days I still wonder what being normal would look like. If things were different, if we'd been born in a different universe...."
"You and Leo could already be engaged. Jason and I could be, too, and we'd live as commoners, with normal friends and relationships." A smile curved Piper's lips. "Wouldn't that be lovely?"
"If only." I rose, brushing the creases from my skirt. "Piper, thank you so very much for listening."
"Are you serious? It was nothing, Calypso, I'm happy to listen to you. And if any more developments arise, please come to me right away, alright? Two minds working on a dilemma are always better than one." Piper squeezed my arm.
"I will. Thank you, again. Be careful." I opened the door.
"You too, Callie."
As I made my way back to my room, I realized how much lighter than normal I felt. It was as if a burden I'd been carrying for weeks had been lifted. In a way, I supposed it had. I'd never had a real friend before, and now that I had one, I was filled with utter gratitude for her and her kindness.
When I entered my room, both Kate and Madeleine had disappeared, and Opal had settled in the corner, her head down as she knitted a small green square.
"Where's Kate?" I asked, intending to apologize for raising my voice at her. She hadn't exactly been respectful, but I'd still returned the favor.
"Down in the lower levels, miss." Opal looked up. "They found that other girl, Leah."
"What?" I almost tripped, and grabbed the back of a chair to steady myself. "Where is she? Is she hurt?"
Opal winced. "I shouldn't have said it like that. I meant, they found her body."
It took me a moment to realize what she meant. My legs gave way beneath me, and I sank to the floor, a hand covering my mouth to hold back a scream.
Another friend gone, because of me. When would this nightmare end?
~
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A/N:
I didn't mean for this to happen. It just kind of did.
I know it's been far too long since my last update, and I apologize again. Just to be clear, I have no intention of ever abandoning this book. I know exactly how it ends ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)