16
Jiwon reached his cellphone that buzzing under his pillow, it's only been several hours after Lisa broke up with him but it feels forever. Jiwon spent the rest of his day staring at his cellphone, hoping that a message will popped, message from Lisa saying: we need to talk, I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said, I still love you, let's get back together again.
But it never came, he keeps on checking it but nothing really popped up his screen. Despite of dong nothing, he feels sleepy, tired, like having no energy to do anything beside lying flat on his bed.
Jiwon swooped his cellphone, anxious, still got a little hope that he'd find Lisa's name appeared but he got another name instead, Hanbin.
He groaned and slide it into green, "yeah?" he murmured.
"Would you—" Hanbin stopped.
Jiwon furrowed his eyebrows, he sounded hesitated, "what?"
"Would you pick me up?" Hanbin voice trembling.
"Where?"
"I'm at the station, the central."
"Seoul?"
"Yeah..." he said.
Bobby paused, he sensed something's wrong. "uh—okay, man, just wait for me somewhere easy for me to find you."
+
Jiwon glancing at Hanbin who sat beside him in the car, he leaned on the window and said nothing. Jiwon hans't find any ways to ask though.
"Ah, convenient store." Hanbin suddenly pointing at a 24 hours mart.
"Yeah?"
"Can we?—uh," Hanbin realised he's been burdening Jiwon.
"Yeah, I'll stop by." Jiwon immediately turn the sign lamp.
He's waiting for Hanbin in the car, tapping his fingers while watching Hanbin bought some stuffs, not sure what he took but seems like he made ramyun, took some cheese heottang, instant tteopoki, sodas, beers, and some sweet snacks. "Is he holding a party or what?" Jiwon murmured.
Hanbin came back hugging two plastic bags filled with tons of food.
"Are you going to feed an entire country or what?" Jiwon asked.
Hanbin smiled, "hey—do you have any plans after this?"
Jiwon uh-ing before shaking his head.
"Do you want to stop by at the park? There's a nice park near the river right after we exit this road." Hanbin said.
"Oh, that one, yeah, I know." Jiwon says, "wanna go there?"
Hanbin nodded. "If you don't mind."
Jiwon glancing at the plastic bag, "do you have beers in there?"
"A lot."
+
Hanbin sat on the grass, he put his hands behind him, supporting his body while Jiwon sat cross-legged beside him, munching instant tteopoki. Jiwon forgot that he hadn't had his lunch, and now is passed midnight.
"Sorry, I'm hungry." Jiwon smirked.
Hanbin turned towards him and smiled, "I bought all of this for you."
Jiwon chuckled, feel a little discomfort that Hanbin being extra quiet, well, he always been the quietest among him, Jennie, and Lisa, but tonight, Hanbin's silence feels painful.
"Hey, man you okay?" Jiwon enjoying the hissing sound of excess gas rushed out the beer can he just opened. "I thought you said you'll be out of town."
"Uh, yeah, and no—" Hanbin paused, gazing at the can Jiwon just open, he took a can of beer for himself and open it, he sipped it and disgusted by the taste, "ew..."
Jiwon can't help but laughing at Hanbin's baby-like reaction towards alcohol.
Hanbin laughing too while opening can of soda, "hey Jiwon..."
"Huh?"
"So you broke up with Lisa yet?"
Jiwon had this long pause before nodding, "yeah, she told me this afternoon that she needs space..."
"Oh shit..." Hanbin murmured, "shitty, isn't it?"
Jiwon shrugged his shoulders, "kind of... she told me that our relationship is broken, and it's because she feels insecure all the time, and that it will be a burden..." he bitterly chuckled.
Hanbin listening to him without interrupting, even when Jiwon need him to say something comforting, Hanbin just looking at him.
"As much as I disagree with her believes to that she needs to leave me... she didn't give me chance to give it a try." Jiwon sighs, "I can prove her that she's wrong."
"What if it turned out that she's right? Not the part where you're gonna hurt her by cheating on her, but what if she's being ridiculously blinded by jealousy, and it she became the poison of your relationship, what if you fed up and couldn't stand her and her insecurities anymore?"
"What if that what ifs never happens??" Jiwon asked. "I don't buy untested theories, Hanbin."
"You're stubborn," Hanbin murmured, "do you realised that you're the type of people who is not talking to have a conversation, but talking to answer."
Jiwon paused, "what?" he couldn't understand.
"A conversation consist of talking and listening, but you—please correct me if I get it wrong—you talk to people, not because you wanted to hear what they say but you want to reply with your thoughts, or stories, you're competing with them." Hanbin sipped his drink, "you're too self centered, Jiwon..."
Jiwon mentally slapped by Hanbin's words, yes he likes to be heard, he never had a conversation where he'll be the one who listens, he always be the one who sets the stories flow, he chimed in every statements, he always chimed in.
"So? So what?" Jiwon raised his voice, "what about you? Are you perfect enough that Jennie left you without words?"
"I'm far from perfect, Jiwon," Hanbin snorted, "but hey, I finally knew why Jennie left me."
"Really? Why did she left you?"
"She... uh..." Hanbin giggled, and then looking at Jiwon in the eyes, "answer my question first."
"What question?"
Hanbin peered at Jiwon's eyes, "you're her closest friend, aren't you?"
Jiwon nodded, strangely feeling a little intimidated.
"You must be knew then that it's not her father who gave her all those fancy stuff to her."
Jiwon gulped. Shit, shit. "Oh that—"
"You must be knew that she has many sugar daddies?"
Jiwon wants to look away but he couldn't.
"Maybe you knew some of them?"
"N-no..." Jiwon said.
"Oh ..." Hanbin put down his soda can, "do you want me to introduce you to one of her sugar daddy? Cause he's my brother in law, his name is Kwon Jiyong."
+
"I just wanted to protect him," Chaerin sat on an armchair in the living room, Jiyong sat on another chair beside her while Jennie across them. Mr. and Mrs. Kim, Jennie's parents is confuse enough about what happened but the y decided that they should give Jennie and the guests time because they seems to talking about something serious. Moreover, they seems to know each other. "And even though my husband said he never slept with you, I still not forgive you for being a leech on my household, or anywhere."
Jennie lower her gaze. The picture of Hanbin leaving the room with the biggest sadness in his face is enough to kill her now.
"I know Hanbin's happiness is a priority for me, and I want him to stop questioning why every woman in his life left him without explanation, I want you to properly explaining to him what's actually happened. But I don't know how, so I searched about you, and I brought Hanbin here to talk to you, I wanted to give you a chance to tell him the truth, but not like this..." Chaerin looking at Jiyong.
"I initiate this trip." He said, "I wanted to let you know that we're coming so you can prepare yourself, but I couldn't reach you, Jennie, you changed your number."
Jennie fiddling her blouse hem. Thinking about how different could it be if she talked to him in person, trying to explaine to him through different approach. Maybe Hanbin will still be here, maybe they could talk it out. But she's sure, hanbin would never want her back.
"Though I want you to come clean, I still not regretting my decision of you breaking up with Hanbin." Chaerin stand off her chair.
"Chaerin!" Jiyong stand up too.
"What? I didn't say anything when you said you want these kids to solve their problems in their own ways! I just want Hanbin to now the truth about his ex-girlfriend!" Chaerin threw the sharpest glare towards Jennie, "from her own mouth."
Jennie keep her gaze on the marble floor, tears are pooling on the edge of her eyes. Never in her life she wants a time machine to turn back time and erase her past, never once in her life he regret any of her life decision, not until she met and fall for Hanbin.
+
Hanbin and Jiwon weren't talking much. Just two boys with crushing hearts looking at the blurry lights on the bridge, counting cars that passes, sipping beers and soda, sometimes sighing.
They decided to leave the park several hours later, Jiwon's car entering Hanbin's building area around 3 am in the morning.
"Hanbin," he said.
Hanbin turn his face to Jiwon.
"I think you have to listen to Jennie's explanation."
"Why?" he asked, "do you know something?"
"Uh, not really... just, I think she has the right to talk to you." Jiwon murmured, "And, and she return everything the sugar daddies ever gave her after she met you, she blocked their numbers, so please," Jiwon pleaded, "also... about your cousin... I'm sure she didn't know, so..."
"Doesn't matter, Jiwon, the fact that she sleep around with married men disgust me enough." He said it coldly and reach the door handle.
Jiwon grabbed Hanbin's sleeve, "wait."
Hanbin grunted, "what again?"
"She was utterly, deeply, helplessly, desperately in love with you, Hanbin. I knew it cause she told me."
Hanbin closes his eyes in frustration, "what fucking ever, Jiwon."
"You never know what makes her like that! You have to listen to her!"
"Do you ever think about how it feels to be the wives of those married bastard who slept with Jennie?? My fucking cousin is one of them!!"
Jiwon swallowed, "I'm—I'm sorry..."
Hanbin open the door forcefully then slam it behind him.
+
Hanbin lift his head when the bell jingling in his coffeeshop, heavy sighs released when he saw Jiyong stepped in.
"I didn't know a small coffeeshop will attract you, hyung." Hanbin didn't even look at him, "I thought only fancy dining and high end clubs with escorts will catch your attention."
"I never slept with her."
Hanbin's hand that were busy wiping the counter stops.
"I paid for her tuition because she's a smart girl who trapped in a wrong environment but fool enough to face reality, Hanbin." Jiyong said it in a low tone, "she was a rich girl, and she wants her old life back, and short cut is her answer."
Hanbin lift his eyes, meet Jiyong's eyes, "I don't care."
"You care! You still fucking care about her."
"I don't."
Jiyong paused, then he straighten his back, "okay, okay if you don't care... I'll stop my funding to her anyway, let's hope she found a job to keep her enrolled... or scholarship if she's smart enough." Jiyong look around before bid himself goodbye.
Hanbin didn't move.
Found a job?
Scholarship?
His mind flew to the days where he went to the library, when Jennie is studying harder than she ever was, she wanted the scholarship.
Jiwon was right, she was silently trying to erase her past.
Hanbin took a deep breathe. Heck, I don't care.
+
Jiwon walk across the street towards Hanbin's coffeeshop when he saw Lisa, she's walking with her friends, the tall guy he often saw in Hanbin's coffeeshop, and another guy who he met at the birthday party long time a go, the birthday guy, Jiwon couldn't remember his name, maybe DK or DC?
Lisa is talking with them, the tall guy showed something from his sketch book, they were discussing the drawing and seems serious about it.
Jiwon remember Lisa is going to join a sneaker design competition.
How's it going?
Does she finish the design?
Will she got the prize and go to Paris?
If she go there, will she got the chance to meet Virgil Abloh?
Unknowingly Jiwon smiles, he hopes she will meet Virgil Abloh, the man behind brands Lisa adores, Jiwon wants Virgil to notice Lisa's talent. A small delusion gets into his mind, Jiwon wants Lisa to reach her dreams, working for the coolest shoe designer, be succesful, be happy and keep her passion.
Jiwon realised the lights is turning red again, he missed the first green and had to wait again, he was busy looking at the girl he's ever love. The one that not his anymore. But the anger dissolved, now he only want Lisa to be happy, so he swooped his cellphone and type something
To Lisa:
Hey Lisa, you don't have to reply this message. I know we're over, but I juts wanted to thank you because I got to feel real happiness when I'm with you, you really introduced me to the meaning of living. I'm sorry to put you in such anxieties, Lisa, I love you. Goodbye.
-
A.n/ sorry for the angst, hang on, ok?