Esmeralda:
"No, no, no, no, NO! Of all the times, NOW? Right now?! Cade, why didn't they work?! They should have worked!"
Five hours earlier
"The absence of Doctor Filmore cannot and will not hinder the progress being done on Liberty Prime. I expect him to be ready to attack in three days. Ad Victorium!"
"Ad Victorium!"
I stood next to Arthur, proud to be one of his loyal soldiers, ready to fight against the Institute. After the fall ball and the long, teary talk I had with him about my son, we decided that moving against the Institute as soon as possible was the best course of action.
"The day is fast approaching Knight. A word?"
I nodded and we walked slowly to a secluded corner, still in sight, but out of anyone's earshot.
"Like I said, the day is fast approaching, are you sure you're alright Mer? I've hardly seen you smile."
I gave him a tired smile, the best I could manage at this point.
"Everything is just taking it's toll on me, I'll be alright. The sooner the Institute is up in smoke, the better."
He nodded and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, the best he could probably manage given the stares we've been getting lately.
I needed a milkshake.
I walked into the mess hall where the closest thing to a milkshake was a protein shake that tasted like sand and Brahmin shit.
"Fucking hell" I muttered to myself.
"You've picked up the soldier vocabulary quite well"
"Thank you Cade"
"Can we speak in private?"
"Sure, there's nothing here I really want anyway".
We walked in silence. I knew what this was, he was going to hand me my birth control pills and reprimand me for having sex in the first place without marrying Arthur first. He knew. Damn, everyone knew at this point. A few people saw us kiss and the rest was spread. There was a rumor going around that I was with Arthur but had Danse's child and was about to engage in something resembling polyamory. I chuckled to myself at the whispering initiates when I walked by. Cade's exam room was very clean. Or, should I say, clean as it gets in this godforsaken Wasteland.
"Very well, we're going to get you on birth control, correct?"
"Sir, yes sir."
"Okay, here, take one of these, once a day, everyday."
"Awesome thank you Captain..." I got up.
"Miss Storm?" He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down to sit.
"If I could just run a few more blood tests? I know it must be tedious to of me to keep asking you but it's... I've never had the opportunity to study the DNA of anyone who lived before the war. Even vault dwellers have been exposed to some radiation, but you're so unmutated, it's fascinating to study."
"Sure Cade, whatever you need."
He quickly wiped my skin with an alcohol swap and started to look for the vein to inject his needle. It was a small prick but I've been shot at, so I suppose it was nothing too awful.
"There we go. Thank you so much Miss. Storm, Ad Victorium."
"Ad Victorium."
I walked out gripping my arm slightly and somehow found myself at the door of Danse's quarters. I lightly rapped at the door. He opened it, not trying too hard to hide the surprise on his face.
"Knight, is there..."
"Can we talk sir?"
He side stepped out of the way of his doorframe and I stepped in slowly.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"Just needed to tell you something."
He raised his left eyebrow, a thing he did often while talking to me, I just noticed.
"Now I know we're not the best of friends, but we're going to be infiltrating the Institute tomorrow, so I felt you should be in the know, you know?"
"Alright."
Here lies the lie.
"The Institute was planning on sending a synth to replace you. It was never dispatched, but there was intent."
His eyes grew wide and there was a fire in his eyes.
"They... what?" He gritted out of his teeth.
"The synth had defects, so the plans were scrapped and while I was there, they were thinking of reviving the project. I just don't want you to get hurt, because I know what a good soldier you are, and I know how much people care about you. Me, Arthur..." He looked at his feet, "Ingram".
He looked up and smiled. It was rare for him to smile like that but he did and I smiled right back at him.
"Thank you Knight."
"Can I ask you a favour Danse?"
"Of course, anything."
I grabbed his bicep gently,
"Take care of Ingram for me?"
"Always. Ad Victorium."
"Ad Victorium."
I walked out of his quarters calmly but at war internally.
You, 'Esmeralda Storm', just lied to your commanding officer's face. You didn't lose that holotape like you told Ingram you had, you didn't tell Arthur the truth about Nate, and Danse is most certainly an escaped synth. Even your name is as fake as the words coming out of your mouth. Why? Why is it so easy for you to do this: to lie without remorse? Just the fact you can do it is disgusting. You're word is shot to hell. You are a Godawful person and you deserve every damn thing that's happened to you...
"Knight Storm?"
"Sir?"
"May I see you for a moment in my office?"
"Yes sir."
Cade nearly dragged me into his workplace.
"What's going on?"
He closed the curtain to his room and looked me in the eye.
"I was doing some tests with your blood. There's no other way to put this Knight, but you're pregnant."
"What?"
"You're 7 weeks along. You're carrying the heir to the Brotherhood."
Everything was muffled as if I were underwater. All I could hear was my pounding heart in my ears and I tried to speak, but it barely came out as a whisper.
"The day-after pills..."
"What?"
"THE DAY-AFTER PILLS CAPTAIN"
"Please Storm, keep your voice down."
"No, no, no, no, NO! Of all the times, NOW? Right now?! Cade, why didn't they work?! They should have worked!"
"Please remember that most of our medicine is not made here since we don't have the resources-"
"What does that mean Cade?" My mouth was full of bile, I was going to be sick.
"Those pills I gave you were from before the war..."
I let that sink in.
"You gave me pills that were OVER 200 YEARS OLD?"
"I know you're under stress, and I can understand your frustration but..."
"Frustration? Fruster-oh no, Cade, no, I'm not frustrated. In fact in fucking ecstatic! What better time to be pregnant that during the week of TOTAL WAR but no, no, no, of course I'll calm down. It's not like there's a possibility of me dying in the Institute. It's just full of coursers and shit, nothing to be worrying about! Frustrated, Captain? No, definitely not frustrated. Frustrated would be carrying the hope of the Brotherhood of steel in your womb while you're being shot at. I'm... terrified, Cade."
I didn't know when Cade had helped me sit down and gotten me a bottle of water or when the shaking began but I couldn't find a way to make it stop.
"We must inform Elder Ma-"
"No" I begged, "No, please, Cade, if he knew I was pregnant, he'd never let me go, and even if he did, he'd be crushed if I died carrying his child..."
"You don't think he'd be crushed if you died, regardless of whether or not you were pregnant?! The future of the Brotherhood in growing inside you at this moment. I'm sorry, but you can't lead the soldiers with Max-"
"Cade you can't do this to me because it's not Maxson's."
Where in the actual fuck did that come from?
"It's... Are you..."
"Please don't tell him"
He saw right through that petty lie,
"So you're saying if I had Elder Maxson take a paternity test..."
"Ok no, don't do that, you got me, just... let me tell him, okay?"
He eyed me suspiciously, most likely contemplating whether or not he could trust my intentions.
"Please?"
He looked away and I knew my fate was sealed,
"For your sake, I will keep silent. As far as I'm concerned, you are not at the stage where it is safe enough to announce pregnancy. However, if you die, I am informing Maxson of what you just forced me to do, and that man will be devastated. Is that understood?"
"Yes! Yes, oh Cade than-"
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Right, right okay. Ahem, thank you Captain, Ad Victorium."
"Knight."
"Yes?"
"You are aware that if you don't come back alive, Elder Maxson will slit my throat for not telling him this earlier. My life is in your hands, I hope you know."
"I won't let you down Cade."
"Knight?"
"Yes?"
"Congratulations. Ad Victorium."
"Ad Victorium."
This baby will be born into lies. His father knows nothing about him, his mother's Past is incomplete, his step-brother is a synth as is 1/8 of all the members of the Brotherhood of Steel.
The rest of the day went in a blur. I somehow found myself sitting alone in Arthur's bathroom in a a tub of hot water and soap. I looked down at my named abdomen.
"Hey there ya little parasite" I said in the most loving way possible. The way my dad used to call me before my mother would swat him on the head for it.
"First ever war, you excited? Haha, looks like we're gonna be battle buddies."
I wrapped my arms around my stomach,
"Mamma's done a lot of things in the past, but she's not gonna lose another baby to the Wasteland. You got nothing to worry about. Momma's got you."
My tears started mixing with the water in the tub and my voice was strained and cracking.
"Momma's not gonna let anything happen to you o-Kay? Nothing baby. I promise."
I gave my stomach another squeeze before getting out of the water, towelling myself off and crawling into bed. The plans were set, but Arthur still had to work later than me. It was 2 AM before I faintly heard a door open, heavy boots hitting the floor, the shower faucet turn on, the faucet turn off, and felt the weight in our bed shift towards my left. I turned my head slightly to let him know I was awake.
"So?"
"So."
"Almost done?"
"Almost. I can't believe the day is almost here."
He held me tighter, I was the little spoon tonight.
"I love you Esmeralda. So much." He breathed into my hair.
It felt wrong. So wrong. I sighed in defeat.
"Jacqueline"
He lifted his head, I could feel it without looking,
"What?"
"My name before the war was Jacqueline Eloise de Botton. I thought you should know."
There was silence for a little while, just the steady sound of our breathing and my heart beating loudly in my ears.
"I like that."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Which name do you prefer?"
"Esmeralda in public, Jacqueline is for you, and you only."
I turned around so we could snuggle even closer.
Please don't ask, please don't ask...
"What should I say when I climax?"
He asked.
"Pfft, whatever floats your boat... er, battleship I guess."
"I love you Arthur. All of you, no matter what happens in 2 days, you're my love."
"I love you Jacqueline but nothing is going to happen to you, I won't let it."
I couldn't tell him. If he knew about our child, I'd never be able to do the Commonwealth the justice it deserves.
Instead I snuggled closer to him and kissed his collarbone gently, hoping my nightmares would let me rest.