IT was a little after eight thirty and I was already on my third cup of coffee.
Alex had dropped me off safe and sound a little after one, but after I rid myself of my make-up and clothes, my mind replayed my interaction with West on a continuous loop.
I had known he wasn't as into me as I was to him, but that didn't stop the pain in my chest when those words slipped through his lips. He didn't like PDA, only settling for a simple hand-holding when we were in school or out on the town.
When I told him I loved him, he had said it back.
But he only said it to hold up his end, to see if saying those three words would change his feelings toward me.
And they didn't.
In a rash decision, I had given him one of the most important things in my life, something that I'll never be able to get back. Any sane person wouldn't let it go that far, they would stop things before there was no turning back.
But he didn't.
And when I woke the next morning, naked and full of love for what we had just done, I found West fully dressed with my clothes in his hands. I remember sitting up, dragging the blanket with me as I asked why he left bed.
And then he broke up with me.
Turns out, West was a better actor than I thought.
"If I wasn't so hungover right now, I'd go over there and give him a piece of my mind." Caroline grumbled from beside me.
I managed to give her a vague rundown of my conversation with West on the car ride here. Alex was racking up his good deeds by driving the two of us to the theatre this morning. I told him I could call us a cab, but he was adamant on having something to hold over Caroline at any moment's notice.
"That's low." She continued to mumble. "Boys are dumb. Complete and utter idiots they are, it's a wonder they live as long as they do."
I knew her thoughts had shifted off West but that was a conversation for later, when the hangover has passed, and she didn't glare at everything that moved.
It was time to run through the show, with tech week being a week away, we needed all the rehearsal time we could get. West met me at the top of the stairs, his blue eyes pleading me to look at him.
"Norah, can we talk?"
"No." I brushed past him.
He grabbed onto my elbow, retracting it almost immediately as he grabbed it. "Come on, we don't need things to be even more awkward than they already are."
"I can be professional." I told him with a blank face, hiding any emotion. "And if you know what's best for you, you will be too."
Thankful would be an understatement at how I felt once Schneider started the show. I could leave Norah Webster behind, step out of her skin and fall into the one of Mitchie Torres, where her life at this point is far less complicated than mine.
Her problems could be fixed by simply telling the truth whereas that's where all my problems begin.
"Tess." I stood from my seat, walking to face Kylie. She towered over me, her heels putting a good five inches between us, and I put on my best face. "Stop talking to me like that. Stop talking to everyone like that. I may be the cook's daughter and my father may not be rich, but I'm a much better person than someone who has to put others down just to make herself better. And I'll take that any day."
"If it's not obvious, you're so out of the group." Kylie stalked away, the two Olivia's playing Ella and Peggy followed suit, disappearing into the wings.
"Then we'll make our own group." Hadley came up beside me, nudging me with her shoulder. I grinned.
I stood off in the wings, waiting for West to get off the stage. Acting like I was falling in love with him while on the inside I was screaming for him to get away stretched my limits.
If only I could gain an Oscar from this performance.
...
Caroline came over later that night.
We sat on my bed, freshly showered and in our pajamas while a sappy romance movie I could recite by heart played in the background. It became mere background noise as we caught up on everything going on in our lives.
"I thought he was the one, you know?" I didn't know, because Caroline says that over every guy she's with for longer than a month. But I sat and listened, handing tissues as her heart broke for Ben Harrington.
I filled her in, too, telling her how West's answers were better left unsaid. We were able to act civil toward one another under his façade that he just fell out of love, leaving out that he was never in love to begin with. I couldn't look at him without feeling disgusted and used, and I knew no matter how many showers I take to cleanse myself from his memory, it'll always be permanently engraved in my skin.
"He's an ass." She told me, picking at the tips of her manicure. "So is Ben. So is Adrian."
I chuckled at the latter, dropping my gaze to my hands in my lap. Needing someone to confide in, I chose Caroline, because even though she has the biggest mouth that didn't seem to have a filter, she stored friend's secrets in a tight locked vault that not even her word vomit could break the code.
"There's so much we need to talk about." I said. "But I don't even want to see his face."
"Boys are like that," she added, "they almost kiss you and then they go out with another girl. Then, they act like they did nothing wrong."
"They're dumb." I voiced out. "Who needs them?"
"I can toast to that." Ellie's voice startled us. She stood in my doorway, her eyes rimmed with tears and had a plastic grocery bag in her hand. She lifted it. "I brought ice cream."
"I really shouldn't." Caroline said wearily, eyeing Ellie as she took the seat next to her. She pulled out a carton of Panda Paws and her mask crumbled. "What's one day going to hurt?"
The three of us dug into the ice cream, munching away in a mutual silence. I was about halfway done with my strawberry ice cream when Ellie let out a heavy sigh.
"I told Bryce I love him."
In unison, Caroline and I dropped our spoons, gazing at our blonde friend who refused to meet our eye. She picked around at her ice cream.
"Well?" Caroline asked impatiently. "You can't drop that bomb on us and then not elaborate."
She stayed quiet for a couple more minutes. "Well, not just love. But in love."
"What happened?" My voice came out soft.
"I got drunk." She answered simply. "People make rash decisions while they're drunk and mine just happened to be calling up my best friend at three in the morning to profess my undying love for him. He answered and seeing as I hadn't talked to him for a week, he was two seconds away from coming to me and taking me home, but I told him I was fine and that there was something I needed to say.
"And then I told him I'm in love with him. And he didn't say anything. He hadn't hung up on me, except I really hoped he would have considering he had brought a girl home, and in that moment of painful silence, she woke up, calling out to him and calling him baby. So, I hung up."
"Has he tried contacting you?"
"Yeah," she nodded, "but I've been ignoring him. He showed up at my house and thankfully, my parents were home and stopped him before he could let himself into my room. I exited through my window, climbed down the fire escape, went to the store and bought some ice cream." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I thought we could all use it."
I'd like to say the three of us chatted until all hours of the night with our conversation taking a dark, twisted turn as we saw four in the morning. But we fell asleep at nine, tangled with one another as we fought to get under the blankets without opening our eyes.
Caroline discussed her dance problems, saying that they needed to host tryouts to find a suitable dancer to fit their group. She already caused three to quit and they can't afford to lose anymore. Ever since her mom bought out the studio, she's had a hand at picking the newcomers. She would pick girls that knew their basic terminology but couldn't out pirouette her. With this being her final year, she wanted to redeem herself by making it to nationals, but she needed an extra member to their team first.
I ranted about my parents. Dad has spent an abundant amount of time at the office, staying late at night while he worked on the case. A lonely sheriff didn't belong on a case, that was a detective's job. Things were tense not only with me, but with mom as well. She's gone more often than not, coming home for weekends to rewash and repack her things. I've barely spoken two words to her, besides the occasional reminder of my show coming up in the next couple of weeks. She blew off our annual dress search because she had jetted off to Milan.
And I sent an invite for the show to my brother who had opened it, but didn't respond with a yes or a no.
Just a few more months until I can jet off to NYC and leave behind this tiny town and all the demons that come with it.
...
author's note:
lots of heavy stuff in this chapter along with some much needed girl time.
please remember to leave a vote or a comment if you enjoyed this chapter! thank you all so much for reading!
I hope everyone is staying safe out there in these tough times!