one more update bc the last one was really short
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It's been four fucking days, and I haven't even heard an angelic voice coming from Lisa as I lurk around the hallways to hear her talk to someone just so I can get a record of her amazing voice.
Dammit, being away from the brunette is opening up my unsure feelings to a whole new level and it's not something I can deal with—especially when Joy bailed on me after the grocery and told me not to go to Lisa's yet and to give her some time, because as of now, Joy says that Lisa's walls are too up and high to let me in again.
So everyday, I'd rush to an empty classroom and hide behind the open door whenever Lisa would pass by just so I could hear her talk again. One time Joy caught me and I had to endure a whole day of teasing just because of that. But I have to be honest, telling someone how I feel is not so bad after all, I get to have a person who understands me and be there for me and sure, Alice's great but she's not in my school where most of my shit happens.
"So can I go now? I drag this any longer she's going to think I don't care." I sigh, frustrated as I stay rooted inside Joy's car, waiting for her to either bring me home or to Lisa's house.
Joy clucks her tongue and nods. "Since you want to so badly, I think you should go today."
I jolt on the leather chair and grin widely—stopping my expression before Joy sees it as I slap my face, cursing at myself for turning into such a wimp.
"Then drive before I jump out of this car and walk myself." I hiss, leaning my head on the window as I peek behind me at the grocery plastic bags and the rolled-up bouquet of 5 roses when all of a sudden the nerves come and I feel my body freezing as I shake my head. "I can't do this." I let out, biting my lip. "This is insane—I should be happy, she doesn't want to be bothered by me anymore Joy—I can walk away and pretend like it never happened and continue being a bitch in school."
Joy side-eyes me and stops right in front of Lisa's house, turning off the engine as I peer out at the yellow bricks on top. Sighing, I rub my forehead while shaking my head. "I can't do this Joy, this is not me. I don't give flowers or—"
"You could pretend like this never happened." Joy hums, leaning back on her seat as she reclines it. "And live to feel depressed and lost for your whole entire life or—you can try doing something a bit different this time and tell Lisa how you feel."
I pinch my lips together. "But this isn't me Joy." I reason out again, huffing out in frustration as I cross my arms. "I don't fucking do this shit." I start to ramble curse words, watching as Joy laughs at me. "Bring me home." I sigh, sulking down on my seat as the silence engulfs us.
"Okay." Joy replies, going to turn the engine on again as I frown at her and roll my eyes, pushing the door open as I ignore her giggles and reach for the stuff in the backseat of the car, sending her a glare as she winks back at me.
Before I walk away, I narrow my eyes on her. "I hate you so much."
She hums and twirls her hair in between her fingers as I roll my eyes and gulp down hard, taking the few steps to Lauren's front door as I feel my arm quiver and shake violently when I reach out to ring the door bell.
This is crazy.
The one who opens her door is not someone I'd be expecting right now—especially with me holding damn bouquet of flowers and a bag of some sweet sweets.
This is probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
Brown hair and dopey eyes stare at me curiously, a brown hat tipped on her head as the woman before me examines the objects in my hands with a playful smirk.
"Howdy there, stranger." Husks the adult as I feel my eyes widening and my cheeks blushing—what the heck? Chaeyoung does not blush on the first meet. But there's something about this—woman.
Clearing my throat, I swear I hear Joy laughing inside the half-closed window as I try to hide the things on my hands, which are obviously impossible to do. "Err—hello." I decided to reply, shrugging my shoulders up because I have no free hands.
The woman leans on the open door and chunks her booted foot down on the stone pavement. "Can I help y'er with something, honey?" she chides, winking at me as I scrunch my face together.
Nodding my head, I tell myself to just push away all these damn insecurities with this woman and force a smile—which is too much for my liking. "Yes, Is Bro—Lisa inside?" I hit myself in the head mentally when the damn nickname almost left my lips again.
Remember Chaeyoung, she hates it.
Tipping her head back, she arches an eyebrow at me. "Lili never mentioned having a hot fine ass as I friend before." She quips, causing my jaw to drop at her bluntness. "Oh sorry, I'm Lili's mom, nice to meet you." she grins, waving a salute to me as I narrow my eyes on her again, thoroughly amused.
"Uh—"
"Mom, I'm off to Jisoo's hou—" the familiar sweet voice stops our conversation as we both turn our heads to Lisa and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. She's wearing her usual sweater attire that never fails to make me ask the heavens how she could work out a sweater and her hair is tied up in a tight bun. I didn't even know I was smiling 'till I saw Mrs. Manoban's wicked look on her face as she eyes us both with an eat-shitting smirk.
"—se" Lisa ends, sucking her lips in as she turns to her mom, eyebrows furrowing. "Wha—Who is she?" she dumbly asks her mom as I feel my jaw slacking.
Mrs. Manoban's eyebrows shoot up in amusement as a snicker comes out of the same lips Lisa has.
"I don't know, you tell me honey." She replies, crossing her legs while leaning on the doorframe. "Do' tell, darling."
There comes the accent again—why doesn't Lisa have that Texas accent?
Lisa rolls her eyes and huffs, stepping forward to close the door as her mom jumps to the side to avoid getting hit. "Woah there tiger."
"So I'm off to Jisoo's , I'll call you." she mumbles, frowning at me as her mom continues to study us with a glint in her eye. I open my mouth to say something but Lisa's already walking past me, and to the stones of her house. Sighing, I smile at her mom who gives me a salute again before disappearing back inside her house as I quickly spin on the balls of my feet and chase her just as she nearly collides with Joy's car.
"Lisa—wait up!" I call out to her, flexing my fingers as my arms start to numb with the heavy baggage.
"Can you stop—"
She turns to me, and growls lowly. "Stop following me Chaeyoung, I don't want to hear it." She grunts, shaking her head as she watches me take the last few steps to stand right in front of her, not missing the way her eyes cast down to the objects on my hands.
Frowning, she chuckles sarcastically. "Is that for me?" she asks, tilting her head to the side as I nod furiously. "Thanks but no thanks." She sighs, scratching her head with a frustrated expression.
"Chaeyoung, let's do all of us a favor and not try anymore? I mean, it's better this way—I stay a nerd and you stay head cheerleader, it's never going to work out."
In the corner of my eye, I see Joy watching us intensely through the half-open window which I'm grateful that Lisa hasn't noticed about yet, I don't know if she'd be pissed if I brought along someone with me or something. I just needed Joy to be here. Alice wanted to help but college got in the way.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I stand firm. "No. I wont go, and—and I can't do that anymore." I admit softly, trying to keep my face strong yet vulnerable at the same time—Damn you feelings and your fucking feelings. Ugh.
She arches an eyebrow and crosses her arms together. "Oh? And why can't you?"
Gulping, I try not to fall down on my knees at the intensity of this moment. "Because I'm starting—to care about you." I choke out, slapping my forehead mentally at how badly I said it. "If you know what I mean." I added for good measure, seeing as her shoulders deflate.
"No, I actually don't know what you mean so would you please? I have to go."
I try to reach out for her but remembered there's a ton filled of shit on my arms so I can't even hold unto the girl—I'm going to kill Joy for this later, buying stuff was a bad idea—it just adds on the heavy weight in my shoulders. "Lisa, wait. Hear me out, please." This time it was my turn to beg for her, my turn to let her know how bad I felt and apologize.
She's about to turn around and face me, probably to say more shit to my face about how much I suck when we both hear the sound of a phone ringing.
My eyes narrow to Joy's covered face and scowl when I see Lisa doing the same thing.
Joy hurriedly rolls down her window and brings up her phone, swishing it around like some flag as she lets out a scared smile. "Sorry—" she whispers, clucking her tongue.
"—Just go on and—" "Joy?"
Lisa breathes out and in the corner of my eye, I see her body tensing. "Of all the people in the world—Park Sooyoung?" she chortles, shaking her head in mockery as she snaps her head to me and glares.
"Is this some kind of pun to you Chaeyoung? I already know you like her so don't dig it in anymore." She huffs, throwing her hands in the air as she stomps away and walks to the right, leaving both Joy and I with our jaws down to the floor.
Maybe I don't need Joy with me when I apologize to Lisa. It's probably better that way. Yeah.
"You like me?"
Clenching my eyes shut, I ignore the way Joy's smirk is so up her face and smug when I throw the things back in the backseat and dump myself beside her, crossing my arms together as I try to tune out the sound of her obnoxious laughter as she leans on her seat and slams her hand hard on the steering wheel, doubling over.
"Fuck—who—" Hissing, I slap her arm and roll my eyes at her. "Shut up—" I say, sweat dripping down my forehead because the car was off and the only thing surrounding us is closed heat. "—I don't like you even in a friendly way, so don't let it get into your head." I scold her, slumping down on my seat as I groan and whine and throw my legs around like an arrogant child.
Joy doesn't stop laughing though. "That's not what Lisa said—"
"Well that's what I said, so step on the pedal before I step on your face Barbie." I rebuke, pointing my finger hard on her as she playfully puts her hands up in defense.
"Okay girl-who-likes-me, let's think of plan B since—"
Shaking my head, I stop her. "No. No plan B—you're not helping me anymore." I cut her off, shivering at the thought of her second plan. "Just keep the rumors away about the sex-bet thing and that's all I ask—other than that—I'm doing this on my own turf."
She frowns while turning on the engine. "What? No fun, I want to know what more things Manoban knows about your crush on me." she jokes, sending me a wink as I nearly decide to myself to just open the door and fall out, wanting nothing more than to get away from her and chase after Lisa—but I'm too much of a chicken. ____________________________________
"Lisa, will you fucking talk to me?" I scream in the top of my lungs as she walks out of the school grounds to the field in her P.E. uniform which is unusual because she's too early to be wearing that uniform—she has about 30 minutes left but maybe it's because I angered her when I intruded her in the bathroom with a lot of words and hand gestures. She stops in the front and sighs, scratching her messy mass of hair as she turns to me with dark circles under her eyes, probably from lack of sleep.
I snap my mouth shut and wait for her to reply first.
"What if I don't want to talk to you Chaeyoung? What if I just want to be alone for a while?" she sighs, shaking her head with a cluck of her tongue.
I whimper at her words and clench my fists tight, walking close to her. "I want to, I'm telling you, I want to leave you alone but—but I'm going crazy Lisa—I need to talk to you, the guilt is eating me up."
She rolls her eyes at me. "And are you sure you're not just desperate for a good fuck buddy?"
she quotes the words with venom in her voice, body quivering with frustration.
My eyes widen and I immediately shake my head, negating her words. "No—no, I'm not here for your body Lisa—"
"—Well, first time we met you told me all you want is—" she points down to her crotch. "Sex."
Reaching out for her, I touch her cold arms. "That was before—"
"—Before what?" she hisses, shrugging my hands away from her. "Just leave me alone," she begs, clasping her hands together. "I need to think, I need to get away from you, I just need some me time—can you give me that Chaeyoung?"
I nod my head but bite my lip, fixing my back straight. "Okay, I'll give you that, but let me say what I have to say first." I tell her, nudging my chin up. "Just let me say what I have to say and I'll give you your space."
She throws her hands up in the air and sighs, giving up and giving me the go as well.
"Okay—It was a bet." I tell her, tilting my head when I see hurt flash in her eyes. Immediately, I hold my hand up to stop her from reading me too close. "—but I didn't go through with it."
Lisa throws her head back and laughs, sarcastically.
"Fine, yes I did go through with it—but only the sex—I didn't tell anyone, not Joy, not Yeri, not Sungjin—no one." I mumble slowly, keeping my eyes locked with hers.
"Why didn't you just tell them that you did fuck me and win the bet?" she asks, exasperated with the news as I step forward and grip her tightly on the wrist, stopping her from any movement as I glare at her face.
"Can't you fucking see that I'm trying to protect you?" I shout, releasing all the frustrated anger out of my body as I know that soon, in about 5 minutes or so, I'll regret screaming in front of her face as it contorts to disappointment and shame—shame for me. But it's all out now, and I can't stop myself.
"Aren't you smart, Lisa?" I hiss, shaking my head. "—Cuz you're like our Valedictorian, right? So why didn't you think of this—"
"Think of what?" she spits back, pushing me against the shoulders as I stand firm. "And protect me from what?" she goes on, not believing a single word coming out of my mouth.
I slap my hands down to my thighs and grunt. "I'm protecting you from that being exposed." I point to her crotch and pray to the heavens we're alone in this field because my mad voice is anything but loud.
Her eyes widen and she ducks down to see where I'm pointing at even though she knows what I'm talking about anyways and there's a mixture of expressions in her face.
"I—Don't you think I didn't know I'd win it all if I told Joy and the other cheerleaders that I had sex with the girl we've been bullying since we could walk? Don't you think I know how top the rates would be for me if I told everyone about your member?" I shout some more, wanting nothing more than to zip my mouth shut as the pale look Lisa has on her face haunts me. I should shut up right now, I've done enough mistakes to hurt this poor girl who I'm starting to have feelings for.
"Didn't you think I know that?" I end, licking my dry lips for measure as Lisa blankly stares at me with no emotion. "But I never told anyone about our intercourse because even before I knew it myself, I do care about you."
It was out, my confession—my feelings, everything. I'm like an open book now and anyone can read me.
"I care about you and you should know that if I told anyone—especially any of the cheerleaders —" I scream, pointing back at me to High School doors that gives me déjà vu with my talk with Joy, and I laugh. "You wont just be regularly bullied—you'd be god knows what they would do to you if they found out you had a penis, Lisa."
Her head snaps up and she glares at me, cold and hard. "So that's it? You didn't tell anyone because you were protecting me? Well awesome Chaeyoung—but you're missing the picture here." She snaps, flicking her tongue with sullen eyes.
I arch an eyebrow and cross my arms together. "What's that, Brown eyes?" I bite my tongue for saying that name again and curse at myself when I see her disappointed eyes, telling me that she's going to give up—and she probably did already. I hate how bitchy I am—I hate how bitchy I am to Lisa.
She grits her teeth and shrugs her shoulders. "I honestly don't care about you not telling anyone because just as you said—I'm smart enough to know why you didn't tell and yes, I'm thankful—" she mutters, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "—But what hurts Camila," she chokes, closing her eyes.
"—Is that you agreed on this bet—" she sobs, looking down to shield her face with the use of her slick black hair as I feel my heart drop.
"—A-and, it's the fact—" She's tugging on the straps of her sweater. "That if you never agreed to that freaking bet—you would never had come to me—you would never have talked to me—you would never had come to care about me. It all started with that bet." She sighs, shaking her head. "It all started with you knowing it was a game from the very beginning."
I close my lips tight and look away, knowing this confrontation goes to Lisa because no excuse of mine will mend us. Nothing will, not after everything I've done to her—not since kinder when I pushed her down the sandbox and grade school when I placed glue on her chair and changed her lunch to bugs instead of sandwiches and not when on the first year of high school, I sent an anonymous text to her saying classes started the day before it actually was supposed to start that she had to wear an all red costume to show appreciation to SM High and fucking then—take a picture of her covered in even more red slushy as a picture gets taken then gets posted viral on Facebook.
No, the thing is—I can apologize for this one, but for not the many other times I've bullied her and treated her like shit. And maybe it is better, maybe it is fine that she gets to walk away from me again after another attempted apology while I'm left standing in the middle of the field as she joins her classmates on the far end for P.E. class while she wipes her tears away.
Defeated, I spin on the balls of my feet and walk back to the direction of the school, chin held up high while I cross my arms together and stomp my feet harder than usual on the dirty ground.
(And I never noticed Momo was doing her homework behind the bleachers next to where Lisa and I were talking loudly)
(I also never noticed Momo staring at Lisa while she walks away from me with disgust and horror in her eyes as she stares down at her crotch.)
So walking back inside the school, I put my bitch face on and see a kid tumbling over his feet. I smirk and walk up to him, pushing his back to the side as he stumbles some more before I slide my shoe against the tiles of the school and watch him as he flies back and hits his head on the ground, screaming in pain as I nod and twitch my right eye.
This bitch is back in business.