-ellen-
"Everything is awesome," sang the Lego cartoon characters on my iPad. "Everything is cool when you're part of a team,"
"I don't see the appeal so far," I said to Logan, who had recommended the Lego movie to me.
"Shh, it gets better," he said. "I promise."
It was around 9 in the morning. I was always an early riser, so I had gotten Logan awake as well. Surprise, surprise, Kate decided to join us too.
We were all sitting on my bed, watching a movie and eating food. Noah was still asleep but I didn't particularly care- I was fuming mad at him, I'm surprised smoke wasn't pouring out of my ears. I couldn't believe the nerve he had, inviting Kate on my trip. I could kick them both out, if I wanted, but then I would have no one to drive and no one to keep me company. That would be a lonely road indeed.
"So, if this is a number two pencil, then like, what's number one?" Kate asked in a ditzy voice, holding up one of my pencils. "Because they always say, like, bring a number two pencil, but what's the best kind of pencil? A number one? Do those exist?"
I snatched the pencil away from her. "No one cares," I replied nastily, though I started to think about it myself. Is there such thing as a number one pencil? The world may never know.
"Well, I was talking about it with Noah last night," Kate giggled. "And we couldn't figure it out."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that's not surprising, Noah doesn't really take the time to ponder things."
She turned to me with an icy glare. "I know. After all, he was my boyfriend for quite awhile."
Surprised, I raised an eyebrow. It wasn't like Kate to be nasty to my face- usually she did it behind my back.
"Are you implying that you know him better than I do?"
Logan suddenly bursted out laughing as something from the movie exploded. "Guys, you're missing the funny parts!"
Kate glanced at the screen for a second, and then turned back to me. "Yeah, I do know him better. Maybe he tells you stuff, but he's gotten quite intimate with me."
I wanted to gag. "You're joking, right? You're joking! I'm his best friend!"
Kate smirked and gave a little shrug. "Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm his best friend as well."
I was about to smack her, but Logan was sitting right inbetween us and I had put that poor guy through enough already.
"Morning, guys," I heard Noah say sleepily. I looked up and there he was, in a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants with his hair adorably tousled. I forced myself to look away before he saw me staring.
"Morning, Noah," I said with a tinge of bitterness. It seemed that that was my native tongue these days. "Why don't we eat some breakfast and then hit the road, hmm?"
I shut off the movie and ushered everyone into the main room. It was a mess, with pillows and blankets all over the floor.
"Who did this?" I asked tiredly, gesturing to the dump in front of me.
"Well, that was our bed," Noah admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "It was kinda cozy, you know?"
I massaged my temples in an effort to calm down, something I had been instructed to do back when I had to go to counseling. "Could you not be bothered to pick it up?"
"Jeez, I don't remember you being such a neat freak back in high school," Kate muttered as she started cleaning it up.
"Oh, shut up," I spat as I hurried off to the back bedroom to change out of my pajamas. To both my pleasure and discomfort, Logan followed me.
"So... I just wanted to talk to you," he said as he took a seat on my bed and started fiddling with a blanket. "Do you not like Kate?"
"Not particularly," I grumbled. I pulled out two sweaters from my closet and held them up side-by-side. "Which one?"
"I like the one on the left," replied Logan, pointing to a green hoodie. "Why is it that you hate her? Did she do something to you in the past, back at school?"
I rolled my eyes and slipped the hoodie over my head. "No, not really. Just... she has a thing with Noah, or at least she used to, and I think they're at it again."
Logan stood up and raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you don't like Noah, do you?"
I sighed. "No, but he is my best friend, and I want him to end up with the right person," I replied with a shrug. "You've seen Kate, the way she can be ditzy and annoying and messy, getting on my nerves in just the right way, and temperamental and slightly condescending but just enough so that you don't realize it. You know?"
Logan had put his head in his hands. "No, I don't know. You just notice all this stuff because you're so willing to hate her."
I stepped into the closet and shut the door so that I could put on a new pair of pants. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well," Logan began. "I think that there was some big event that inspired a dislike of her, and since then you've been finding all of these little traits and characteristics that you find unpleasant. You wouldn't notice them, or care as much, if you didn't hate her in the first place."
I pulled my pants up and stepped out of the closet. "Well, Mr. Psychologist, I think that's very intelligent of you."
Logan shrugged. "I'm an honor student. Well, I was, anyway."
"Are you not going to college?" I inquired.
He shook his head, chocolatey curls bouncing around. "I don't know, man. My parents think I should, but I don't know if it's for me. I'm thinking a two-year university thing, maybe."
I smiled. "Well, you've got awhile yet to figure it out."
We headed back out to the main room, where Noah and Kate were eating breakfast.
"So what were you two doing in that bedroom?" Kate chirped as she swallowed a bite of oatmeal. I narrowed my eyes at her and was about to reply with one of my signature sassy remarks, but Logan silenced me with a pointed look.
"Nothing," I huffed.
"Well, I have to go use the little girl's room," Kate said, standing up from the table. "Noah, can you join me? I need to talk to you about something."
Noah glanced up from his food, surprised. "Uh.. sure. I guess I could do that, yeah."
Confused, I watched them go. Kate walked with a purpose, but Noah just trailed behind her like a lost puppy on a leash.
"Well, that's a little weird," Logan murmured.
I didn't bother to respond. My gaze fell on Noah's phone, which he'd left sitting on the table. It had one of those ultra-durable black cases on it, because Noah dropped his phone at least twice a day, usually more.
I was struck with a toxic idea. I'd known Noah's phone password ever since he first got his phone- he told me all of his passwords, actually, just in case he forgot them. (I should mention that it was way more likely for me to forget a password than for him to forget one, because Noah was usually really good with remembering the important stuff and I was the forgetful one.) So of course I knew his current code, and of course I was going to type it in and do some snooping.
I entered the four digits (1108, his grandpa's birthday or something obscure like that) and analyzed his wallpaper for a moment. His lock screen was a close-up of a photo he'd once taken- it was supposed to be a selfie of him and some guy on the basketball team, but there was a stranger walking into the frame who had sneezed at exactly the wrong moment, or exactly the right moment, depending on how you look at it. Noah had caught her mid-sneeze and now cherished the photo, so it had been his lock screen for several months. He thought it was just the funniest thing ever.
His home screen was what really surprised me. It was a photo that I was in, but I didn't remember it- Noah and I had painted our hands and went around town sticking our handprints on different things that day. We'd played at various playgrounds, plastering the equipment with blue and purple. We had hit street signs, placing prints under the STOP or YIELD symbols. Whenever the paint dried and crusted onto our hands, we'd simply re-apply it. Noah and I had finished off our paint day with a massive fight, flinging what was left over at each other and becoming walking canvases of purple and blue (or as we called it that day, blurple). In the photo, he and I were high-fiving, and paint was flying off of our hands as an effect from the slap. The photo was courtesy of Noah's mother, Beth, who adored me as if I was the daughter she never had.
My heart swelled as I studied the screen for just a second longer, then tapped on the messaging app and opened up Kate's conversation.
"What are you doing, Ellen?" Logan spoke up tentatively.
I didn't glance up from the screen. "Shh."
My eyes skimmed over the conversation bubbles for a few minutes. Nothing really caught my attention, other than all the heart eyes and kissy faces after Kate's name in his contacts.
I heard the bathroom door open, so I jumped and set the phone down on the table. Noah and Kate came back, and it didn't look like either of them suspected anything.
"I think that we should play Confessions," Logan said suddenly, smirking.
"Oh, Jesus Christ," I moaned, tipping my head back to the ceiling. "What is it with you and this confession game? It's an easy and fun way to learn all of our secrets."
"And that's the appeal," he replied. "When you know things about each other, it brings you closer."
"Can't argue with a psychologist," I muttered under my breath.
"So are you all in?" Logan asked, looking around at us. Kate nodded eagerly, while Noah was just apathetic.
"Okay, here are the rules," Logan said, beginning to recap what I had learned the previous night. "I ask you a question, and then you reply honestly. Then you get to ask someone else a question."
Everyone nodded and we took our respective seats in the living room. I sat on the couch, Noah sat next to me, and Kate took the floor right in front of Noah. She leaned back onto his legs and he started playing with her hair.
I moved from the couch so that I was sitting by Logan at the table, which was only a few feet away from the couch anyway. Noah gave me a questioning look, but I ignored him .
"Okay, I'll go first." Logan volunteered. "Noah, who do you like?"
Noah gulped and took his hands out of Kate's hair. "Uh...."
I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow, genuinely interested in his response. I saw Kate giving a similar reaction- she was almost glaring at him, as if astounded that he hadn't said her name yet.
"I like all girls," he said finally. "They're just nice."
"Oh, please," I snapped. "You've been playing me like a damn fiddle, Noah, I'm not in the mood to get another unclear answer and I'd be willing to bet that Kate isn't, either!"
Logan, Noah and I all turned to look at Kate for a response.
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah, I really thought you liked me, but this hesitation is just...."
"Pass," Noah stammered finally.
I was upset. I jumped up and turned to Logan, pointing at Noah angrily.
"No passes! No passes!"
Logan shrugged. "Well, Ellen, I did give you passes when we played earlier at Amelia's..."
"But I didn't use them!"
"That's not the point," Kate spoke up snottily. "You had them avalible, and that's what matters. Noah gets a pass."
Noah shot her a thankful smile, which she easily returned. A seed of jealousy settled into the pit of my stomach.
It just wasn't fair. I was his friend first, I was closer to him, she's the one that cheated on him. I wanted to be Noah's favorite, but it was clear he made his choice.
"Ellen," Noah said with a smug look. "Who is it that you like?"
"Logan," I answered instantly. Two could play this game.
When I glanced at Noah, I was satisfied to see that he looked a tiny bit crestfallen. I sat up straighter and pasted a grin onto my face.
"Okay, Logan, then. Give your honest feelings on each person here, at least three adjectives each."
Logan blushed furiously. "Um. Okay. Ellen- beautiful, witty, enchanting.... inspirational?"
I giggled and felt my cheeks grow warm. "That was more than three."
He shrugged. "I know, but I just had to get that last one in there. I used to be so serious and focused, and with just a few days with you, I'm already finding a whole new me. One that I didn't know existed. That might not make sense, but that's okay."
I smiled so hard that my cheeks started hurting, and Logan smiled back. For a moment I thought that we were going to kiss, but then the magic was broken by Kate clearing her throat.
"Okay, moving on?"
"Right," Logan sighed. "Anyway, Kate- um, alluring, somewhat duplicitous, and.... ah, insightful?"
I couldn't help but laugh. Logan had managed to call her a two-faced ditzy bitch and make it sound smart. I didn't think that was possible.
"And Noah. You're a bit befuddled, but carefree and seemingly optimistic at the same time," Logan remarked with thought.
Noah shrugged. "I don't know about that."
"Just how I perceive you."
"Who's left, Kate?" I asked before they got into some sort of hissy fight. "Noah, ask Kate something."
I was scared that he was going to ask her something clever like "Will you be my girlfriend?"
Instead, he just flopped back on the couch and said, "Will you go get me some apple juice? I'm thirsty and we should probably get going."
The group wordlessly disbanded as we all headed off in separate directions. I, as always, went to the bedroom to be alone, but yet again I was followed, this time by Noah.
"We need to talk," he murmured, touching my upper arm.
I brushed him away and sat down. "Damn right we do," I sighed. "Noah, what's happened to us?" I sounded whiny and clingy, but I didn't really care.
"I don't know," Noah admitted, taking my hand. "I'm worried about you, El."
"Why's that?"
"Are you slipping back into your, er, habits?"
A cold rush flooded through me as a billion old repressed memories came back in clear view.
In tenth grade, I had felt alone and hopeless because my dad had taken a new job somewhere fancy. He was never home and my mom was always paying attention to Joey, my flawless younger brother who could do no wrong. Noah was my only friend, and even he had other people to hang out with.
I eventually started slipping into depression. It was like I always had a raincloud above my head, but it was easy to hide with smiles and promises of "I'm fine".
And then I started cutting. At first it was once a week, at the most it was three or four times a day. Eventually Noah found out and he started freaking out, telling my parents and never leaving my side.
"Don't waste your time on me, Noah," I said coldly, yanking my hand out of his.
"What do you mean? El, you're my best friend and I want to make sure you're okay."
Unable to have that conversation, I shooed him out of the room and sat alone for a few minutes. Eventually, Kate barged in and stood right in front of me. She was tall, and model thin, while I was short and just sickly skinny. It wasn't even pleasing to look at.
"Noah just wanted me to tell you that we're leaving in five minutes," Kate said as she inspected a purple-polished nail. "Also, he told me he likes me."
I widened my eyes. It couldn't be true, of course- she could easily be lying to me. Noah went through a phase where he liked everything with a vagina. Hearing her say it, though, with such confidence and bliss... it hurt.
"Oh," I replied. We regarded each other closely for a minute, then she pivoted on her heel and left my room.
I crawled into my bed and pulled the blankets up to my chin.
I had always thought that Noah was under my spell. I had the false illusion that he would always be there for me, as if I could just use him to my advantage and throw him away afterward.
But that couldn't have farther from the truth. He had his own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and he was obviously into Kate. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah, I thought that Noah would always be mine. But the truth was, he had me wrapped around his finger. He didn't even have to try.
(A/N): That picture that I added is Nina Dobrev. She plays Kate. this chapter is edited a little so i hope you enjoyed it!