Warning, mentions of self harm and mental disorders
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I was still giggling when there was a knock at the door, my mind going blank for a second as the sound of one of my mate's voices hit my ears. "midoriya, unlock the door"
My giggling was gone, and a needy whine took its place. I didn't have to open the door to know that they were both there. I could smell them. Their scents were so addicting and unique that I didn't have to look- or smell- twice to recognize them. I guess I took too long to answer because the next one to knock almost took the door down. "open up deku, we know you're in there. We heard you," Katchan ordered, to which I rolled my eyes but whimpered.
Stupid omega hormones.
Wait, they heard me?
Great, now my mates probably think I'm insane!
I whined again at the thought, hoping that the first whine and this one went undetected. Pulling myself up to my feet, I shuffled over to the door and unlocked it, opening it then shuffling over to my bed.
The two alphas entered, I was looking down, so I only saw their feet move until they were standing in front of me. "deku," Katchan growled, making me squirm in my spot. Todoroki was quiet, which was fairly normal, so I hopped he wasn't mad at me. Or worse, disappointed.
I don't regret what I did. In fact, I found it hilarious and still felt like giggling, but I also don't want to be in trouble with my alphas. Even if they don't know there my alphas, or even that I'm their mate.
"hmm?" I hum in response, looking up at him with my head still bowed. I was trying to play the role of the victim again, but by the sound of the growl Katchan let out, it wasn't working. Todoroki did nothing to calm Katchan down, letting things play out for now.
I sighed, giving up the act and laying down on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling as I speak. "what do you want me to say? I was bored and the beach said I was annoying her," I whined, pouting.
"and were you annoying her?" bakugou spoke, trying to be patient. I think he caught up to why I was acting like this. Even if they don't know what caused this behaviour to develop, they are fully aware of the overall outcome from my few outbursts.
"no. maybe. Kinda. Okay, yes! I was annoying her, but she could have just left!" I defended myself, sitting up again and looking at them. Not in their eyes though, I was in trouble, and while I know they wouldn't mind, the omega in me forbid me to look them in the eyes unless given permission. "she didn't have to slap me," I added, my hand going to my cheek which I was almost certain had a bruise on it.
I heard a low growl, coming from both alphas, neither of them liking the fact I got hurt. It was silent for another minute before Todoroki finally spoke up. "you are right, she should not have slapped you. And Kirishima is giving her a punishment as we speak." He stated in his usual monotone voice; however, the authority was not missed on my end. He only stopped to shoot a quick glare at Katchan, who was, most likely, going to complain about how he was supposed to deal out this punishment. Katchan growled softly but closed his mouth as Todoroki continued.
"however, making Uraraka the bad guy to that extreme was uncalled for. I expect you to apologise as she will to you. You are also grounded for the remainder of the week." His tone held no room for arguments, but me being me, I just had to speak up.
She fully deserved what she got, she's lucky I didn't bite her. Which wouldn't be too good for her considering how sharp my K-9s are.
"I am not apologising to her. And you can't ground me!" I protest my eyes narrowing in on the alpha. He doesn't growl or glare at me, like Katchan is. Instead, he raises one eyebrow and says, almost mockingly, "oh really?"
I open my mouth to say something before snapping it shut, glaring at the ground. "that's what I thought," he comments, and if I wasn't so in love with him, I would have snapped. Okay. Maybe not. They are alphas after all, and while I occasionally disrespect them, I don't think I'd snap at them.
It's silent for a while before Katchan speaks up, "I expect you will do as told?"
"yes alphas," I respond, no longer glaring, but pouting at the ground.
"hey cheer up. We can play video games la-"
"katsuki, he is grounded, he can't play video games," Todoroki interrupts his mate. I hear him whine, obviously upset that we can't play, but he doesn't push it any further. I'm actually a bit surprised. We haven't played video games for a while now. Which is my fault, I try to avoid being near them to much. I just can't bare it. Even now, all I want to do is jump into their arms and never leave their warmth.
"stupid punishment," I hear Katchan mumble as he walks out with Shoto, both saying their goodbyes as they leave."
I whine once their gone, already missing them.
^^^
The remainder of the week passed quickly. When I woke up the day after the incident I was back to my old self and instantly felt guilty. I was out of my dorm dressed for school remarkably quick, all to run to Uraraka's room where I apologized repeatedly, I even cried at the thought of losing on of my best friends. Even if she's fake...
Thankfully she forgave me, as did I to her.
Everything was going well. I was able to control, or at least hide, my mood and stay out of trouble. I still think I didn't deserve a punishment such as my grounding, but I did feel bad for what I did to Uraraka. I even got to class on time.
It was all good, and not just for me either. Todoroki's and katchan's little band were getting even more popular. Kiri and denki finally told people they were mates. And Uraraka found her mate. Someone named Toga.
However, it didn't last long. Friday came around and I was 2 hours late for class. I had a particularly nasty nightmare the night before and wound up only getting 30 minutes sleep. When the time for school came by, I couldn't bring myself to get up. I didn't want to see my mates so happy without me. I knew it wasn't their fault but seeing them move on without me would only make my mood worse.
So here I was, laying on the ground of my dorm room, two hours after I'm supposed to be in class. Blood surrounded me as the voices screamed, cuts on my wrist, hips, ankles, thighs, anywhere I could reach really. Despite this I had a smile on my face, my face stained with tears.
I knew this was coming. I guess its expected. After my mum died in an accident, I slowly started to spiral downwards. I thought it was the end of the world. My sun had stopped shining and I didn't know how to cope. My mum was my life, she was the reason my heart had a rhythm. And then she was gone, just like that. She slipped through my grasp and fell into a black abyss, taken by death. Stolen from me. All I had left was Katchan, but he started to pay more attention to his mate, Todoroki. I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted to give up. Everyone seemed happy. Just as I was about to give up. I found them. My mates. And I had a new reason to live. When I discovered Katchan and Todoroki where my mates, I was overjoyed. Perhaps someone would actually love me... I mean, I guess I had uraka and Iida, but there clearly not real.
I couldn't wait to tell them, to find love and acceptance, something I had been devoid of since my mum's death. But then she showed up. Told me I wasn't to let them know who or what I am or katchan's mum, my 'aunty' would be killed, along with anyone else seen fit. And just like that I felt alone again.
I made do with what I could have, I made a potion to hide my mate bond. I made two new friends. I tried to ignore Iida's and uraka's true feelings. I trained with all my heart, learning to love the pain I got when breaking a bone or slicing my skin open. I ignored the side effects of my potion, such as delusions, depression, anxiety, bipolar and more.
It's funny what a fake smile and long sleeves can do...
There better of without you, the voices would whisper. Telling me I'm weak, fat, useless. So, I trained harder, stopped eating, kept cutting. Eventually I got so good at pretending it became real. I actually felt happy! The downside? I would have extreme mood swings.
But it doesn't matter. As long as everyone else is happy, right? Yeah... I couldn't even do that. I lash out at people, lie, manipulate, hurt...
And now I'm skipping class. My studies were all I had left. As long as I became a hero it would all be fine... but according to all might I'm not trying hard enough and skipping? I'll fall behind in seconds.
I... I just...
I just want to be me again!
That's a bit hard though, especially seeming I don't seem to remember how to be me.
Okay Izuku... think on the bright side.
You've still never sworn... so there must be hope...
I feel a giggle build up inside of me, only for it to turn into a choked sob. And just like that I'm crying again. I'm not even sure if I even stopped.
I don't know how long passes, but I end up falling asleep, curled up on the floor with my blood all around me, blood still coming out of my many wounds.
I was greeted by nightmares once again.