At the end of the fourth week, to celebrate my progress, we made a special trip to the salon to have our hair and nails done again, then dressed up in little black dresses, black hose, and heels (I chose a fire engine red pair) and Aunt Jill took us to really expensive Italian restaurant downtown on the river.
I asked my aunt about our diet cause I know Italian foods are high in carbs and totally not approved. She said it was a celebration and besides, the goal for me was one pound per week and I had already lost 6.8 lbs in three weeks.
I thought she said there would be no cheating. I knew she said that but I wasn't about to remind her.
After dinner we got us delicious low-carb keto ice cream from a street cart and took a stroll down the beautifully lit riverwalk.
There were a lot of couples and families out walking as well and our conversation quickly turned to our futures and kids.
Kelli went on and on about how many kids she wanted to give birth to, what she would name them, and what kind of man she wanted their dad to be. All, she pointed out, after she got a college degree and spent several years in a career first. She said she wanted all that but not before she was at least 29.
I kept quiet because I was deep in thought. I was busy imagining myself on each side of the situation and trying to decide which parent I'd rather be if I was raising kids of my own.
I didn't come to any conclusion at that point but I did learn something about myself. I discovered that if I ever had kids I would be okay with having a boy or not but I definitely wanted to raise a girl.
At one point Kelli interrupted my thoughts, "Destiny, you okay? You've been awfully quiet. What you thinking?"
I answered with, "I'm fine," then quickly changed the subject."These heels are starting to make my calves ache and I haven't been wearing them nearly as long as the wedges at the mall. How do girls do this?"
"Well, Destiny, those heels are higher than the wedges and spiked too, so of course they are harder on your legs, that's why girls only wear shoes like that, for special occasions."
Aunt Jill suggested we take a break on the park bench ahead of us.
When we sat down, Kelli told me I should take my heels off. She showed me how to carry them by the heel straps.
"And just walk bare-footed," I asked." Won't that ruin my hose?"
"Yeah probably," Kelli answered. "Girls do it all the time though. With practice you'll find yourself able to wear them longer and longer, but for now you need to give your feet and legs a rest from the heels."
"But these hose look expensive with the seam up the back and the lacy black swirls up the side of one leg. I don't want to ruin them."
"Sweetie, you don't worry about that," Aunt Jill chimed in. "With the amount of money your dad gave me to buy whatever you would need this summer, there's enough to replace those if they get ruined, and buy you several more."
That was all I needed to hear, my legs really were aching. I crossed one leg over the other and quickly unstraped the shoe.
As I slipped out of the heel, Aunt Jill and Kelli watched me curiously. "You know, Destiny," Aunt Jill offered, "Sometimes you gotta wear these heels and walk around in them even if they hurt. Its a part of being a lady." She smiled warmly, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
"Mom, you see that, " Kelli quietly asked just as I switched my legs and began to remove the other.
"See what?"
"That boy over there, I think he's following us. I saw him right after we left the restaurant. He passed us going the other way. Now he's just right there and he keeps looking over here."
"Well with two pretty girls such as yourselves walking along the river, do you blame him?"
Kelli nudged me with her elbow as she replied with a laugh, "He's prolly checking Destiny out."
"Um, no," I harshly replied." It's you, he's checking out, not me," I told her.
I really believed that while she was undeniably smoking hot, I, on the other hand, was way less attractive than her. So much so that when she suggested we find out, I agreed.
She said she would take our ice cream trash and go throw them away in the trash can near the boy. She said if the boy tried to talk to her it would show that I was right, but if she was right, the boy wouldn't pay attention to her and would continue looking my way.
Kelli hopped up and headed over with our trash. She dropped the containers and plastic spoons into the trash, with the boy watching her every step.
I was relieved to see he wasn't still looking my way.
"Whew," I exclaimed to Aunt Jill. "That's a relief. Look at him. He stopped her before she could even get the trash in the can. What do you think he's saying to her?"
"Well, he's pulling out his phone . . . Wait for it . . . See that. He's putting her phone number in his phone."
I slid backwards against the back of the bench, recrossed my legs, and adjusted the hem of my dress. I really was relieved that it wasn't me he was interested in.
Kelli returned as the boy got up and headed away, in the direction we had come from. She was grinning from ear to ear.
"Guess what," she announced. "You were wrong, I was right."
"Wait what? But he talked to you. He got your phone number."
"Nooooope. He asked me about you and asked for yours."
"You didn't! Please tell me you're joking!"
She continued to grin.
"Kelli, please, tell me you didn't." I pleaded.
I was beginning to panic.
"Kelli," Aunt Jill scolded, "Stop teasing your cousin like that. She's gonna have a heart attack."
"Okay, I did and I didn't. He did ask about you and wanted your number, but I have him a number that wasn't yours. . . Then I told him you currently had a boyfriend but was getting ready to dump him."
"Why did you lead him on like that? Poor guy."
Wait, had I really just gone from fearing the guy to feeling sorry for him?
"Thank you for not giving him my number."
"I told you I would never do that to you, cousin . . . buuuuut, if you decide you want me to, I will. He was very cute. I actually gave him mine."
Keli sat back down next to me and continued talking, "Hey, I'm here to guide you, right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, so check this out. If a boy ever tries to talk to you and you want to get rid of him, try this. Turn your body towards him, keep your gaze on his face and look him right in the eyes. Then reach up and play with your hair."
"Really? That works? How will that get rid of him?"
"Well," she smiled a devious smile, "it will make him nervous having you lock gaze with his eyes and will creep him out. Playing with your hair will non-verbally communicate to him that you are bored and not interested."
At this point I saw Aunt Jill side eye Kelli.
"Wait . . . Aunt Jill, is she trying to trick me? Wouldn't that stuff actually communicate to the boy that I was interested?"
Aunt Jill shrugged her shoulders and with agrin on her face, she said, "I guess you're just going to have to find out for yourself. You'll learn. It's part of being a girl."
This is how it was every time we went out, Kelli teasing me, scaring me with boys, and trying to trick me into showing guys I'm interested. And Aunt Jill letting her do it. For them it was fun and their way of teasing me.
It was so constant that after a while, I began to play along. I told myself it was just because it helped me to not get so freaked out, but deep inside I wondered if I was going along with Kelli's stuff because subconsciously I kinda liked the idea of a boy liking me.
Don't get me wrong. I had no interest in actually dating a boy, my crushes, have always been with girls. I might have subconsciously liked the idea fit a boy liking me, but that just made me feel more girly and confident, I guess.
During that first month of the summer, my chest continued to slowly develop, and thanks to Kel and Aunt Jill, I was so immersed in feminity and so devoid of anything masculine that I was beginning to think like a girl.
So much so that I began to wish my breast were growing faster, and by the end of the fifth week I was actually feeling a little depressed that they weren't bigger yet.
I was becoming so adapted to living as a girl that I was starting to think of myself as one.
My hormones were making me feel and act more feminine, and my mind was slowly but surely changing too. I found myself enjoying the things Kelli and Aunt Jill exposed me to, like shopping and talking about boys and makeup. As mt confidence grew, even my posture had changed; I was standing up straighter and walking more gracefully.
After about six weeks of living with Aunt Jill and Kelli, Aunt Jill pointed out just how natural at being girly I had become. She said that at this point, if we were to tell someone I was really a boy, short of me physically proving it, they wouldn't ever believe it.
As I lay in my bed one night considering this truth, I had another thought. In all honesty, it really didn't bother me that I had become so good at presenting as a girl. Regardless of how difficult it might be for girls to constantly live up to society's expectations of beauty, I was enjoying every moment of it.
That was the night after the pool party. Yes, I agreed to go and yes, I experienced it the way I needed to; in a monokini. That suit was technically one piece but didn't cover much more of my body than a bikini. It wasn't like I realy had much choice. Kelli was going regardless and Aunt Jill talked me into accompanying her. After going and once I got over the nerves and fear that made me not want to go in the first place, I was glad I did go. We had a blast and no one ever gave me a second glance, that I know of. To them I was just another one of the girls.
The only real negative of that day was that I couldn't stop comparing my breasts to the other girls and feeling shame that mine was so small compared to them.
I tried to tell myself that I was fine just the way I was and that it didn't matter, but it was hard. I could feel myself becoming more and more self-conscious about my body.