TWENTY-FIVE
I SLIP my hands into the back pockets of my bermuda shorts and toss my hair behind my shoulders as Mia grabs the handles of a woven laundry basket and motions her head to the side for me to follow behind before walking ahead. It's Sunday and Mia's mom has her washing.
"It's kind of werid, you know." She breaks the silence and takes a quick look back at me. "Well, ish, I was just thinking about you yesterday and-boom you reappear out of nowhere today."
I shyly lift my shoulders and lower my eyes to her shoes. "Maybe, it's a sign." I kid, but cringe when I realize I sounded like Sebastian.
"What kind of sign?" Mia tips her head sideways and lifts the basket higher up her body.
"That we are meant to be friends?" I say, more like question, and look up and force an airy laugh out to further disguise the grimace threatening to seep through.
Mia mouth opens wide into a toothy smile and the high point of her cheeks crinkle, causing her eyes to shrink in. Happiness waves off her in high intensity that I can almost feel it smothering me in a hug.
"I'm happy you're here, Vanessa." She tells me and turns away before she can see the knotted feeling in my eyes.
I don't respond and trail behind until Mia stops at the clothesline extended across the front of her house and sets the basket on the ground. She bends back and cracks her back and turns around to face me with a hand held out.
I pull my hands from out my pockets and take out a small amount of clothespins. I cup my palms around the clips to avoid dropping any and stretch my arms closer to Mia. She grabs one and crouches down to pick up a damp T-shirt and extends it on the clothesline. As she reaches for another clip, I hear the sound of laughter coming from my right side and I turn my head in that direction to spot a small group of teenagers pushing each other around. It's hard to decipher them from where I'm standing, but it's easy to tell that they're a couple years younger than me.
"What are the other kids like?" I ask.
Mia looks over to the young group, laying the clothing in her hand over her shoulder, and then over to me. "Have you not talked to any of them?" I shake my head and she returns to looking at them. " Well, they're nice and amazing people. You should say hi to them, we're all family here anyway."
I like being with Mia and talking to her, but looking at her right now, all I can see is a flashback of my time here streak through her eyes all in just a second, and I suddenly can't stand the thought of being anywhere near here. The reason I came over to Mia's was to get away from Sebastian and the nauseating feeling that I get every time he looks at me, but I'm starting to realize he's everywhere.
"Maybe," Is all I can manage out.
Mia squints her eyes at me for a moment and then looks down at the basket before going back to hanging the clean clothes. When the clothespins can now fit in one palm, I bend down to grab a piece of clothing and begin hanging alongside her in silence, occasionally taking a glance at the teens that are still playing around.
There's a small pit of jealousy starting to simmer in my stomach.
"They're waiting for you to speak to them first. They're being respectful of your space." Mia explains when she catches my eyes gazing over there.
I met her look and raise my eyebrows. "You spoke to me first,"
"Oh, that's because I couldn't wait. I was excited to meet you." She leans in and gives me a half smile, her tone spirited.
I'm unsure of what to say again. I know Mia means no harm, but I'm scared she might get the wrong idea and truly believe being on this island is the best thing that has happened to the both of us.
Without responding, I continue pinning the rest of the clothing on the line and attempt to keep a tiny, fake smile ghosted on my lips so I can mask my feeling from Mia. I can see her looking at the ground and then at me, back and forth, from the side of my eye before mimicking me actions and plastering a real smile.
I lick my lips and rub the side of my nose before veering my head over to Mia. "What...what did Sebastian tell you about me?" She dents her eyebrows forward. "Like before I got here?" I clarify.
Mia's mouth stretches open and she quickly pins the last of her clothing. Her eye contact is steady and her arms swing loosely. "He told us you're from America." She starts off and pauses, as if trying to remember what Sebastian had said word by word. "And he described you a bit to us. He said you're brilliant and artistic, that you're curious and headstrong, kind and soft, and sometimes funny." Mia faintly chuckles and her eyes glaze into a daydream.
"What else?" My tops of my ears feel warm at the rush of thought raging through my head, or maybe it's the flush of emotions I'm getting by the vision of Sebastian describing me like that to a group of strangers, but, I want to know what they know about me.
"He also said that you're the most beautiful girl that he had ever met," Mia hums at the me memory and her eyes return to reality. "But that you weren't happy with your life back home and that it made you insecure and doubtful. He said someone like you didn't deserve to ever feel that way."
"Oh." I squeak, my voice rocky and pitched.
Mia's smile wanes and she drops her head so that she's looking at her hands. She runs her palms over her thighs before taking a peek at me through the strands of hair framing the side of her face. "Were you unhappy?"
My throat feels like cotton and it takes me awhile to answer, but Mia waits for me.
"I don't know."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask such-" She rushes her sentence out, but I cut her off from finishing.
"No, you're okay, really." I reassure her and offer a frail smile. "I...I just never saw it that way."
Mia returns the smile and she moves closer to me with an arm sprawled out. She places a hand on my shoulder and slowly pulls me into a hug. Her arms hug my upper body tightly while my arms flimsy wrap around her torso in a fiddly position. It feels weird to be hugged, and I soon realize this is what I need so I give in and move my arms to securely warp them around her.
I had people that I use to consider great friends back home, hell, I called Avery my best friend, but not once did I ever hug any of them or showed any compassion really. It's odd to imagine myself hugging Avery, or anyone really from home. With Mia, it feels safe and comforting.
I pull back, sudden, and slack my jaw with my face eased. "Thanks."
"For what? Giving you a hug?" Mia giggles at the thought and rolls her head onto a shoulder.
I pick at my bottom lip with my teeth and shrug. "Yeah, I needed it."
She gives me an unreadable look and takes a hand to my forearm, running her fingers softly down the length of it. "You don't have to thank me. It's what friends are for, right?"
"Yeah." I repeat and she puts her hand back tp her side and take the chance to bend down and grab the empty laundry basket. "Any more clothes?"
"No," Mia rolls her eyes, playful. "Well, not for now."
I bring the basket up to my chest and fold my arms around it as I take one last look at the group and begin walking back to her house. Mia kicks around the tiny pebbles that are coating the top of the sand and I kick the ones that are in my way in her direction. We do this until we reach the front porch and Mia immediately focuses on something behind me.
I turn around to see what she's looking at, and as the anxiety from just a couple minutes ago returns, I spot Sebastian from a distance talking to an elder, and feeling our stare, he twists his head in our way. He lifts a hand and waves, his movements sluggish.
I unwrap an arm and my hand hovers over the basket for a moment while hesitation settles in, but sensing Mia's eyes on me, I copy Sebastian's movements and return the wave with Mia waving along. I can see his grin from all the way here and I just want him to turn away.
Quickly, I round behind Mia and set the basket on the edge of her porch, keeping my eyes trained anywhere but at Sebastian. I probably look awkward with my posture hunched and my eyes darting all over the ground, so I scratch the back of my neck to make myself seem distracted.
"So, what are you and Sebastian?" I choke on the salvia I was about to swallow and my eyes dilate at Mia's abrupt question.
"What?" I cough.
She tucks her hair behind her ears and tips in closer into my space, her mouth wobbling as if searching for the right words. "I mean, the way Sebastian speaks about you and looks at you, and you're living on an island with him, it gave most of us the impression you guys are...together, but you don't reciprocate the same feelings back. You're kind of distant around him."
"Uh," My sentence fades somewhere into my throat and Mia's blinking is long as her eyebrows gradually raise. I flicker my eyes back to the place where Sebastian stood, but he's not there anymore. "We're just friends." I briskly finish and sink my fingernails into the base of my neck.
And maybe at this moment, I can tell her the truth and end this nightmare for good, but there's this expression on her face that makes me think twice. She doesn't seem bothered by my reaction or response, she looking at me like I'm trying to hide my relationship with Sebastian. Avery use to give me that look a lot when she would ask me if I liked a certain guy in our grade and I would deny everything, but my stutter and blush would confirm her suspicions.
"We're just friends." I say again, emphatic this time.
Mia nods, "Okay." I don't miss the grin that takes over her before she directs towards the basket and takes it inside.
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I told Mia I had to go and left her sitting on the porch with a plate of fruit. I felt bad leaving her like that, but I didn't want to deal with any more questions she could possibly have. I don't blame her for being nosey, putting myself in her shoes, I can see why she's curious about everything. After all, both Sebastian and I are complete strangers on their island.
I open the front door and find Sebastian arched over a couple of small cardboard boxes. These have no writing on the sides of them and are securely taped over with different colored duct tapes.
"Hey," He says.
I look between him and the boxes, remaining silent, and then walk to the couch across from him. I sit on the arm and pluck at the fabric until a thread from the stitching loosens. "Mia told me the things you said about me."
Sebastian hums and straightens his back, rubbing his jaw and warping his mouth to the side.
"They're thinking the wrong thing about us." I continue.
"Like what?"
I press my lips together to hold the scream I'm swallowing back at his challenging response. "You know." I spit through with eyes narrowed and nostrils somewhat flared.
Sebastian laughs out loud to this and it makes my insides wince. It's a sound that I don't hear often coming out of him, and it sure didn't suit him. "No, I don't, Vanessa."
"I was going to tell her the truth." I change the subject. The amusement on his features dim and his mouth parts a bit open. "I was going to tell her everything."
"Why didn't you?"
I pierce my fingernails into the fabric of the couch until a white shade blushes over my knuckles. "You have these people brainwashed."
Sebastian lets out another laugh and shakes his head. "What has gotten into you?"
Scowling at him, I release the pressure I was driving into the arm of the couch and exasperatedly sigh, looking at Sebastian up and down. I notice he changed from the clothes I saw him in earlier and is now wearing match color shirt and pants. I take the time to look at his face and his tattoo again, familiarity sinking in when my eyes glaze over a tiny scar beside his left eyebrow and his hair. He hasn't trimmed his hair in awhile and it's beginning to get long and curl beside his eyes, and something about seeing him in a solid color is triggering something forgotten.
"I have seen you before." I say, impulsive, and the anger on my face washes off. "After when I was nine."
Sebastian half-smiles and tilts his head, and looking at him like this, vague images of him spot around in my head. Images of seeing Sebastian around my neighborhood, somewhere in the park...around my school.
"Where do I recognize you from?" I push for answers, but he takes his time to give me any.
"Remember, I've been following you."
I wave my hand in dismissal and steadily stand up. "No,"
"I lived nearby, worked too." He shrugs and his smile grows. "I met you at the butterfly pavilion, remember?"
"No, somewhere else." I mumble over and over, attempting to recall where exactly. "Did you watch me at school too?"
"Yeah, mostly. I ended up working there later."
"Working?"
Sebastian gives me a single nod. "You know, as a groundskeeper. I would see you and your friends get kicked out of your English class when I had to pick up the trash in those bushes beside the back exit."
"How long ago?"
"I think it was like three years ago." He pauses a moment to think if he's right. "Yeah, three. I did it for awhile, on and off."
I think back to all the times I sat outside in the hallway and remember dozing off and staring out the window on the back door. I can vividly see the bushes and the bleachers that were a good place to smoke out of an apple when we would skip the next period after getting kicked out, but Sebastian is nowhere in the memory, well, not this Sebastian.
"Your hair was long then and curly, wasn't it?"
Sebastian's teeth gleam through his smile and he nods once again, and then, that's when I remember the lanky boy with curly hair wearing a solid color jumpsuit, his head lowered down that his hair would hide the large bandaid beside his eyebrow but still peek through when he would look up, the boy that was too consumed in his work for anyone to notice him.
"That was you?" I crease my brows and look around his face.
"Maybe."
"We use to talk about you. Avery and her friends use to think you were attractive. " The words come out before I can even think about what I'm saying.
Sebastian chuckles. "But what did you think? You were the one I was watching after all."
The tops of my ears start to feel hot again and the apples of my cheeks heat alongside, feeling static knots underneath the skin of my face. I slowly begin to regret pressuring for answers.
I clear my throat and blink rapidly. "That's just creepy and weird to think about you watching me like that, so close and all."
Sebastian wedges his bottom lip into his mouth and rubs a shoulder. "Sometimes it was a good thing."
I'm not sure what he means, but he doesn't explain further and returns bending over the boxes. He stacks them up and pushes them to the wall that's beside the door. I want to ask what's inside, but I contain myself, and instead, follow Sebastian into the kitchen and wait for my plate.
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