-noah-
It was about midnight, and I was uncomfortable. Very, very, painfully uncomfortable.
Kate was sitting on one side of me, clutching on to my hand. Ellen was across the living room in the RV, standing with a hand on her hip and a catty expression on her face. Her newest boy-toy, some idiot named Logan, was sitting on the couch with an anxious expression. You could cut the tension with a knife.
"Why," Ellen began with a sigh, "are you here?"
Kate pushed a strand of sleek black hair behind her ear. "Oh, well, um. I really missed Noah and I could tell that he missed me too, from the texts and everything. So I decided to, uh, join you."
"You assumed it would be okay with me? With Noah? You just assumed?" Ellen asked, voice full of ice.
"No," Kate frowned. "Noah said it was okay."
Ellen snapped her head over to me, expression one of pure fury. I was scared, but I just shrugged.
"I thought she would be good company."
This had all taken place when Kate had first texted me. She had mentioned how mundane and boring life was in Oregon, and remarked how cool it would be to come with us. Then Ellen started ignoring me and being cold, pushing off my affections and things like that. I was getting sick of it, so I just invited Kate along. By the end of that day, her bags were packed. She'd taken her car and left it somewhere- I don't even know where- and now here we were.
"So let me get this straight. Kate decided that it would be a good idea to come join me and Noah on this trip. Noah said okay, sure. And, do you expect to move into the same house as Noah and I?" Ellen asked Kate, who shrugged.
Ellen sat down and put her head in her hands. This whole trip, her entire life plan, was crumbling to nothingness. I felt terrible and I wanted to comfort her, but she was beyond mad at me. Nothing I could say or do could fix this, nothing. And it wasn't even my fault.
Not completely my fault, anyway.
I mean, I couldn't believe that I'd actually invited Kate back into my life. She was gorgeous, though- smooth ebony skin with a perfectly clear complexion, and piercing brown eyes that could make any man melt.
Ellen looked at me while Kate and Logan were looking elsewhere. She locked eyes with me, gave me a sad gaze, and shook her head.
"I need you two out of here," she said coldly to Kate and I. "Now."
Kate stood up and took my hand. "Let's go back here, babe," she murmured in my ear, leading me to Ellen's back bedroom. I felt her glare at me from behind but I didn't turn around
"So... do you think this might maybe be a bad idea?" Kate asked quietly. "I mean, you and Ellen have been best friends since forever. I don't wanna cause trouble or anything."
"No, no, no," I assured her in what I hoped was a steady voice. "Ellen loves you, this'll be great."
Kate gave me a hopeful smile and took a seat on the bed. "Hey, what's this?" she asked, pulling out Ellen's polka-dotted inspiration notebook.
"Oh, that's Ellen's," I said nonchalantly. "We probably shouldn't look at it."
But Kate had already opened it up and was flipping through the pages. "Is she like depressed or something?"
"No," I said, surprised. "Why?"
"Because of this," Kate replied. She held up the notebook- there was a sketch of a wrist, one that was battered and cut several times.
"Oh," I said quietly. "You should put that down."
Kate sighed and did as she was told, stuffing the notebook back under the pillow where she had found it. I watched her- she was beautiful, drop dead gorgeous even; and the exact opposite of Ellen.
"Why did you ever kiss him?" I asked suddenly.
Kate looked at me, her brown eyes sliding up to meet mine. "Lucas?" she asked quietly, referring to my closest friend of the male gender.
I nodded.
"Oh. Well, at the time, you were paying no attention to me. None. We spoke maybe once or twice a day and we never texted. So.... I just sort of hooked up with Luke for attention."
I scratched the back of my head. "That makes sense, I guess." I was at a similar point in my life, where Ellen was being cold and cruel towards me, and here I was inviting Kate along for attention.
"And also.... I'm really sorry about it."
"It's okay," I replied with a shrug.
"It isn't, though," she said intensely. "I was acting like a stuck-up, unregretful bitch, and that's not who I am. I don't want to ever think that I'm too great or too pretty or powerful to look someone in the eyes and give them an apology, because I'm not. I'm not that great. From the bottom of my heart, Noah, and to the top of the universe, I'm sorry."
Anyone can give an apology. It's just words, it doesn't matter.
What matters is when you can hear the apology, not in their words but in everything else. You can see the sadness in their eyes and the regret in their voice. You notice when they look down in guilt or fidget with their clothing because they're too embarrassed to look you in the eye. That's when you forgive them. That's when it's okay.
And so I pulled Kate into a slow, tender hug, and she started crying. Not sobbing, just dainty little gasps that made my heart ache for her.
"I never stopped thinking about you," she whispered. "You were always on my mind."
I smiled down into her hair. It was nice to know that Kate could be that person for me, especially since Ellen apparently couldn't.
Suddenly, I was okay. Kate made me feel appreciated and accepted and actually wanted, and I was truly happy. Kate was who I needed, not Ellen. I would be okay.
Once Kate had calmed down a bit, we went back into the living room holding hands. Logan and Ellen looked up from a heated discussion- her hair was tied into a topknot, something she only did when she was really upset or stressed.
"Here's the plan," she said with a deep breath. "If Kate comes, Logan comes."
I eyed him suspiciously. "But I barely know him."
"I don't fucking care," she replied.
Kate squeezed my hand a little tighter. "That's okay with me."
Ellen stood up and shook her head. "It doesn't matter if it's okay with you or not, you don't get a say. This is my RV, my birthday gift, my plan and my future!"
It was silent for a moment. Then Logan stood up and patted Ellen on the back a few times. "Calm down," he murmured. "It's okay, Ellen."
I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach, watching Logan touch her like that. I couldn't help but think that it should be me doing the consoling, her best friend of many years.
I glanced at Kate. She was wearing a polka-dotted top with some colored jeans, and she had on gray ballet flats that went with the whole thing. She smelled like a flower, a lily or rose, and her hair was in a loose braid that hung down her left shoulder.
Kate was beautiful. Kate was perfect. Kate was a person that every boy wanted to date and every girl wanted to be, back in Westview anyway. And she wanted me, which was more than I could ever say for Ellen.
I squeezed her hand a little tighter and she smiled up at me.
"Okay, so it's nearly one in the morning, we should all go to bed," Ellen grumbled. "I get the bedroom, Logan's going home for the night, I don't give a damn about the rest of you."
We watched as Ellen stomped off to the back of the RV. Logan turned to Kate and I, gave a little blurb about how it was good to meet us, and then quietly left the RV.
"All right then," Kate sighed. "I'll just go get my bags from over here."
She scurried over to one of the couches, behind which she had safely stowed her things. She pulled out a big pillow and a fluffy blanket, then gave me a suggestive smile.
We ended up taking all of the cushions off of the couches and making a giant mattress-type thing on the floor. She took her hair out of the braid and splayed it out all over the pillow. It was getting in my face whenever I rolled over, which was annoying. I stayed with my back to her, but we still talked a little.
"Where are we going tomorrow, captain?" she asked with a giggle.
I sighed. "Not sure yet. I'm sure Ellen will want to get the hell out of Idaho by now..."
Kate nodded. "And into Wyoming?"
"I would assume so."
We stayed in silence for awhile. I didn't know about her, but I was wide awake, thinking. It's hard to sleep when your body is tired but your mind is working overdrive.
Kate. She had hurt me, once, but only because I was hurting her too. She made me laugh and smile and feel great, but at the same time it was all so sudden. Everything was sudden, and I hated the spontaneity that Ellen lived for.
I thought about it for a long time, hours upon hours. It must have been around 4 in the morning when I rolled back over to face Kate.
"Are you awake?" I asked in a soft voice.
No response. Her breathing was rhythmic and steady, her eyes closed and facial expressions frozen in a peaceful way. I sighed and stood up, stretched for a moment, and then quietly left the RV.
I walked into the parking lot of a pharmacy where the RV was parked for the night. Behind the building and a little further back, there was a chain-link fence that blocked off the property from some woods. I hopped over it and delved into the trees. Quietly,swiftly, I went further and further in until I seemed nice and secluded.
And then I screamed. Loudly, at the top of my lungs, a tortured sound escaped my throat and flew into the harsh air. It was satisfying, there was something really liberating about it.
I screamed for Ellen and what I had done because of her. I screamed for Kate and how she was making me feel. I screamed for both of them, because of how confused I was getting. I screamed for Logan because I was still annoyed that Ellen was into him like that.
"Hey," I heard someone say from behind me. I spun around and saw a girl standing there, her features delicate and lovely as an angel's. She had long, straight hair that was so blonde it was almost white. Her cheeks were rosy and pink and she had a cute little button nose right in the center of her face.
"How's life?" she asked, placing a hand on the small of my back. "You don't look too good."
"I don't feel too good, either," I replied miserably.
"Why's that?" she asked sympathetically. "What's your name?"
"Oh, I'm Noah. What's your name?"
She was quiet for a moment. "I'm Evelyn, but most everyone calls me Eve. Now, what's bugging you?"
I took a deep breath. "It's just... I was supposed to go on this trip with my best friend. So we left, and it was weird for a night- we slow danced and went skinny dipping and even kissed. But then we got into a fight and she started ignoring me, and I don't know where we stand anymore, because we used to be friends and then it was more like siblings and then suddenly we were almost lovers and now it's like I'm a stranger."
I paused, then shook my head and continued. "So I invited my ex on this trip, just to piss the best friend off, and it worked and she's so unbelievably mad at me that I can't even fathom it into words."
Evelyn winced. "That sucks, man. A love triangle, huh?"
"Well, more of a square," I replied. "She has a boyfriend, I think. She invited him on the trip too."
"I heard you screaming," Evelyn said quietly. "You sounded really, really upset."
I nodded. "Yeah, that's accurate."
She sighed and kicked some leaves with the toe of her boot. "Well, love can make you do some crazy shit, I know that for a fact. One time I broke up with a boy and he jumped off of a bridge." She looked like she was trying not to cry.
"Did he make it?" I asked carefully.
"No," she replied. "He died. So I can tell you this- decisions are some of the hardest moves in life, especially when you don't have a certain feeling to guide you. Noah, you don't even know what you want. That's dangerous."
"I know," I replied.
"Just don't make any permanent choices, okay? This is a temporary problem. I have to leave now, but I know you'll do the right thing."
"Wait-"
Evelyn had already retreated into the darkness. I watched her go and grow smaller and smaller until she disappeared into the woods.
I stood there for a moment. Who was that? Where did she come from, where did she go?
I was still confused, probably more so than before. But at least I had calmed down.
I wanted Evelyn back, but she was gone, probably forever. I sighed and started heading back.
When I got back to the RV, everyone was awake and nearly all of the lights were on.
"Oh, thank god," Kate sighed.
"We thought you, like, ran away or something," Logan admitted with a shaky laugh. "We were scared for a minute. None of us know how to drive an RV!"
"It's not that hard," I replied matter-of-factly. "It's sort of like a bus."
Logan looked at me blankly. "Well, we don't know how to drive buses, either."
I shrugged. "I'm sure you could figure it out."
"Okay, let's just go to bed," Ellen said, cutting us all off. "If we don't get to Wyoming tomorrow, then I'm turning this RV around and we're all going back to Oregon. Even Logan."
It was a lie, of course. Ellen would rather travel with an RV full of monkeys and escaped criminals than go back to Oregon, so I didn't worry too much about it.
I settled back into the bed that Kate and I had made earlier, and all of the lights went out as Ellen turned them off.
"Sleep tight," she said icily.
(A/N): Wow this was a tough chapter to write. To be honest, it's not one of my best works and I'm sorry for that. And ayyyy it's edited kinda