Hanahaki didn't do much for another year or so. At least nothing a few painkillers couldn't handle. But Dick had already begun hacking up full chrysanthemums by this point and it was getting worse. But it was a year of watching Wally and Artemis get close, a year of smiling and being happy for the couple despite the black hand of jealousy clutching at his heart. But Wally and Artemis made each other happy, which made Dick happy, so he was truly happy for them.
Dick was sitting by himself in his room holding a little Kid Flash doll this little girl had given him on his last mission, telling him "It's not as good as the real thing, but you'll love him, right? You need it more than me."
Robin had cried and hugged the little girl and accepted the doll. Honestly, ten-year-olds are a lot more perceptive than anyone ever gave them credit for.
It was a well-made doll, the stitches all hidden and stuffed evenly. The suit was a close match but Dick could see that they missed some details, like the black lightning bolt on the waist and red line below Kid Flash's chin. But the doll had cute green button eyes and a dopey sewn-on smile that Dick let out a small huff of laughter at. It was this stupid kind of cute that reminded Dick of the real Kid Flash. And Dick thought, maybe this was enough.
~
There was a nasty gash on Dick's back and everyone knew it was there. But for some reason, Robin was refusing any treatment, saying he'll do it by himself, in his room.
"Rob, please! It might get infected!" Wally reached out to Dick, who just wedged himself more into the corner of the bioship.
"NO! I'm fine," Dick lashed out, fear curling in his stomach and petals tickling in his throat as Wally watched him with those concerned green eyes. But Artemis had a comforting hand on Wally's shoulders and Wally placed one of his own over hers that served as a cruel reminder to the reason of the flowers in his lungs.
Wally was getting aggravated, "You're not fine! You're freaking bleeding out on the floor, Rob! Just stop with the tough guy act and let us help you!"
Robin just merely closed his eye to stop the onslaught of tears that welled up and violently shook his head. Finally, he let out a quick whisper, "No, please, just leave it alone."
Wally sensed that there was something deeper about this than just a cut and Dick trying to act tough and with a pained face, backed way with Artemis following.
Dick coughed up two bloody flowers.
~
"What the hell, Dick?" Jason looked so distraught and worried and scared and Dick felt really bad, well worse than he already was feeling. Jason was gripping Dick's arm to keep the older teen from falling over as flowers and petals fell from Dick's mouth into the toilet.
They were home alone and Jason had run in to check on Dick when Dick had knocked over a few bottles of shampoo in the tub, causing a huge commotion. Jason had run into the scene of Dick clutching the edge of the toilet, making horrible rattling coughing sounds and as Jason approached, saw that Dick was hacking up blood. Blood and flowers.
The episode finally calmed down and Dick fell back to lean against the bathroom wall, wiping away the blood from the corner of his mouth. Too weak and in pain to speak, he just pulled Jason into him and held him there. Jason was crying. Oh god, Jason was crying. Then Tim was standing at the doorway as well. His face was betraying the horror and fear and concern and shit. Tim was about to cry as well.
"Who is it?" Jason whispered into Dick's shirt. "Dick, who is it?"
Dick didn't reply, he just shook his head.
Tim had a sharp intake of breath, "It's Wally isn't it?"
Dick froze. How-?
"Chrysanthemums can represent close friendship," Tim quickly explained to Jason, then looked to the eldest again, "Dick, why didn't you say anything?"
"It was fine," Dick whispered, sounding like he didn't believe that statement himself either. "It was supposed to be fine."
Jason managed to coerce Dick into his bed. Tim caught sight of Dick's Kid Flash doll and offered it to his older brother, who took it without a word.
The three brothers sat in silence until Bruce found them later that night, all passed out on Dick's bed.
~
Jason and Tim never brought it up to Bruce but did tend to find Dick when he was having an attack or was just moping about life. It made the whole situation more bearable for a while, having someone Dick didn't have to be fake around. Dick could tell they sometimes felt guilty about their matching robin soulmark but Dick loved it.
His little birds were each other's bird as well and it made him so happy that they won't have to feel what Dick was feeling.
Wally and Artemis seemed to be closer than ever, their two year anniversary coming up. Wild that Dick's been living with hanahaki for three years now, Dick thought humorlessly as he cheered happily for them both. He couldn't decide if he was lucky or unlucky. He's merely living longer with the pain.
Then suddenly everything came crashing down.
Dick didn't have time to care for himself because Jason was dead and Tim wasn't okay and the Light had picked up more effort and there were new members here and there that needed training and Dick really just wanted to sleep.
And it was getting worse, it was harder to breathe. Each breath was shallow and it hurt. There were enough flowers everywhere that Dick could open a flower shop. Nightwing almost ran out of tears to cry, holding Tim as they cursed the world for making soulmates a thing.
But the disease and soulmate matter was pushed to the back of his mind when Red Hood appeared and Kaldur joined the villains. Then Damian appeared in his life. Dick had to be a leader. Dick had to be a brother. He had no time to be a best friend, and that hurt more than anything. But Damian. Dick had never in his life hated the idea of the surgery so much as while watching his newest little brother learn to be a kid. Losing his ability to love was never an option anyway.
Then Wally and Artemis left. And Dick couldn't do anything because he had to make sure Tim and his team didn't kill themselves trying to stop Lex Luthor and Klarion, of all people.
~
"It hurts sometimes."
"I don't think pretending it doesn't is healthy."
"Shut up, Jaybird, let me wallow in my unrequited love as I wax poetry about Wally's glorious ass in peace."
"Seriously, Dick?"
"Yes, Tim, but in all seriousness, I really just need someone to talk to before I explode from repressed emotions, guys. Like I know that I'm bad at taking care of myself but I know when to ask for help."
"Never thought I'd see the day."
"Grayson, you're a disgrace."
"Well, you and Jon seem to be getting along well, so..."
"I won't hesitate to maim you, Drake."
"I'm so happy for you guys, you know?"
"TT, why do you even love him in the first place?"
"The brat asks a good question, is he's fucking hurting you and in another relationship..."
"You can't help who your heart likes, Jay. Like, for example, if Tim didn't like you, and was with Kon or something, would you still love him?"
"But it's not-"
"Just imagine, okay?"
"I...yes. I...see your point."
"So just keep me company while I'm sad okay? I don't really want to be cheered up, but I don't want to be alone, so. Let's just hang, watch a movie or something, yeah?"
"I refuse to participate in such domestic activities."
"..."
"Todd is choosing the movie."
And Dick smiled softly as he ushered his brothers into the living room of his apartment. Casting a look back, the acrobat decided to grab the Kid Flash plush from his bedside table before following his siblings.
Dick loved his brothers and his family. Loved Wally despite everything, Hanahaki and dying be damned. If he was going to have a limited amount of days, Dick was going to go out with no regrets.
~
Dick was laying in bed in his own apartment when someone knocked on the door. Painfully, Dick sat up. The flowers were getting to a critical point. Despite the pain, Dick plastered a friendly smile onto his face and opened the door.
A not-quite-okay Wally greeted him.
Pretending like nothing was abnormal, Dick invited Wally in and asked what was up.
"Artemis and I broke up."
Dick waited because he knew that wasn't the end of it.
"It was a mutual thing. We realized we were better off as friends, you know? We were in denial about for a while, to be completely honest. We were just grabbing at straws to make it work but earlier today, we finally admitted that it wasn't and it wouldn't. So. We broke up. I know we both agreed, but it sorta hurts? It's just that I thought she was the one, man. But I can see clearly she wasn't and I don't know what to do."
Dick pulled Wally to sit on the sofa. With a soft, bittersweet smile, Dick started, "It's totally normal to feel sad after a breakup, dude. Like, even if it's mutual, leaving a relationship hurts, I get it. Feel free to cry and stuff, I won't judge."
Wally let out a watery chuckle. "Thanks, dude, you always know what to say. Maybe I should've talked to you earlier and I would've admitted that Artemis and I weren't working out much earlier before we dove so far down the deep end."
"Artemis is a great girl, but I guess you guys just didn't click correctly," Dick shrugged, leaning back into the couch to look up at the ceiling. "You're an amazing person Wally, you'll find someone who fits you just right, she's out there somewhere, I know it."
Wally didn't reply but placed a hand on Dick's knee and looked back to give the teen a grateful smile.
Suddenly Dick's throat seized up and Dick sat up in a panic. He couldn't have an episode now. Please, not in front of Wally. But of course the universe hated him and Dick coughed up an array of chrysanthemums and blood into his own hands. He caught a glimpse of Wally's horrified and terrified face. Dick tried to get to the sink or bathroom or anywhere else but in front of Wally but the world careened to the left and-
"Dick!"
It was darkness.