On Saturday morning, I woke up to delicious smells reaching my room despite my door being closed. I emerged, sleepy and confused, after having spent a terrible night. I'd been so absorbed by the fact that Tyler might break his promise and go for Tammy, I'd woken up at the slightest sound, listening carefully to make sure no funny business was happening in the room next to mine.
Although I hated sounding like the worst cockblock in history, I still had PTSD from the time some of my closest friends had broken our friendship, because of Tyler's incapacity to not fuck everything with a pulse.
I didn't know what Tammy thought of him, and it was possible she just wasn't into Ty, which meant I had been worrying over nothing. The dinner the night before had gone smoothly, the two of them had connected well, their disability giving them something to bond over. Tammy was incredibly likable, and Tyler was irresistible, so of course, things had gone right. It had turned flirtatious a single time when Tyler had not so subtly asked if she was seeing someone at the moment. My firm kick in his shin, from under the counter, had calmed him straight away.
Ever since I'd moved in over a month ago, I'd been aware of two guys Tamika had brought home. From what I'd gathered from our talks, she was open to the possibility of a serious relationship. She wanted to meet her prince charming, which she so clearly deserved. Apparently, he was taking his sweet time about it. In the meantime, she still wanted to have some fun, hence the few guys she'd welcomed in her bed. Having my brother at arm's reach could have proven to be easily accessible fun. Although, I could hardly believe she would go for my brother without talking about it with me first. Just to be sure I'd be fine with it. Which I wouldn't be. But I wasn't the Grinch either, so I could have been open to negotiations.
I was pretty confident nothing had happened when I exited my room, but I was struck with doubt when I found the two of them laughing in the kitchen. I frowned at them, my sleepy brain trying to process the scene unfolding before me.
Tyler was taking care of the bacon, already dressed up for the day, our pink and blue apron shielding his green sweater from scorching droplets of grease. Tammy was already dressed too and was finishing setting up the things on the high counter where I could spot a fantastic breakfast, with fresh bread, pastries, orange juice, and our fancy set of dishes.
Okay, now I was worried. Why were the two of them so cheerful? Had my vigilance betrayed me and had something happened? And was all this food meant to buy my forgiveness?
No. It was impossible. When it came to sex, Tammy was rather... vocal, and it would have woken me up. Dismissing my concerns, I joined them, wondering if I should change out of my jammies, as they both had. I looked down at my unicorn-patterned pink pajamas, a joke gift from Kate, and shrugged my shoulders. They had both seen me wearing worse at this point, so who cared?
I greeted them with a vague hand wave when they saw me, and it was returned with smiles. I hoisted myself up on a high chair I strategically chose, the one in the middle, and looked at the magnificent meal before me. Oh, this is nice. Tyler should drop by more often.
Tammy soon joined me, sitting to my left, and Tyler came with the bacon, before sitting to my right. We ate in a joyous ambiance, and I was reassured to see none of them was acting flirty. Good.
After our oversized meal, Tyler insisted I go get ready. He'd done his homework and had located a few spots he wanted to visit. Visiting a city with him was never the usual tourist thing. Museums and typical points of interest didn't matter to him. He was more into the aspects of the city that were usually discarded, ignored, or purposefully put aside. His desire was to highlight and put to the front stage the poorer areas or popular neighborhoods, and the people who lived in them. Through his work, society couldn't keep turning a blind eye to the reality of our world, to the marginalized populations it liked to pretend didn't exist.
With my stomach full of pancakes and various things, I made my way to my room and took everything I needed before heading to the bathroom for a quick wash. Since I was on a day out with the big bro, I had to dress up. I had picked a white shirt I tucked under black high-waisted belted shorts. It was already getting colder outside, even though we were on the last day of August, so I had on a pair of black semi-transparent stockings. I went for my usual Chucks and accessorized with round yellow glasses and my black leather backpack. Well, maybe I wasn't Instagram-worthy, but I felt cute, and it was all that mattered in the end.
When I got out, all clean and ready, Tyler, who was never against some exercise, proposed we walked and used public transportation instead of his car. The fool I was accepted, forgetting the fact that his legs were twice the length of mine, which meant I would end up trotting behind, constantly trying to catch up with him.
He brought me to neighborhoods I never thought I'd visit, beautiful spots that were somehow secret to the masses, and twice we broke into abandoned buildings. Sometimes, when he'd find a really good place, he'd just take his time and shoot it from every possible angle. Meanwhile, I found ways to occupy myself. Mostly with my phone or looking at the nearby shops.
Because of our massive late breakfast, we forwent lunch. But when we passed in front of an authentic Italian gelato parlor, we both agreed to take an ice cream break. He picked his usual flavor, two scoops of stracciatella, and I hesitated for almost ten minutes, ignoring his complaints that we were missing some fantastic light. It wasn't my fault if they had so many flavors. It wasn't my fault either if they were mostly written in Italian, which meant I had to ask the lady what each of them was and ask her again every time I forgot one of her translations.
I ended up with one scoop of 'Pesca e Mango', peach and mango, and a 'Fragola' scoop, which I would never forget again meant strawberry – not after asking for the translation four times. Tyler paid, which he totally owed me, given how he was making me run all over town, and we were off again.
By the time we returned to the apartment, it was almost 6 pm, and Tamika wasn't back from her Zumba class yet. My pedometer showed around twenty-five thousand steps, for ten miles, while my feet felt more like half a million steps. That six thousand steps per day goal was hella reached. I was painfully realizing how sitting on my ass all day, every day, had made the sole of my feet vulnerable and not resistant.
As soon as we reached the living room, I let myself fall on the couch, face first, absolutely exhausted. I hadn't had that much activity in ages. Contrary to me, Tyler was doing great, which made me wonder if we had that many genes in common. As energetic as this morning, he quickly gathered his computer to take a look at the pictures he'd shot today.
Since I was taking up the entire space, he pretended to sit on me, adding just enough pressure to make me groan in protest. He moved up when I wriggled, to allow me to switch positions. As I was bringing myself up, he harshly whacked the outer side of my left cheek.
"Ah, you dick!" I yelled.
Swiftly turning around, I kicked his side, shoving him away from me as retaliation. Damn, the whole side of my ass was stinging with pain. I sent a soothing hand there, to appease the ache from the violent blow he'd bestowed on me.
"Be faster next time. Even abuela is in better shape than you."
With my eyes throwing daggers at him, I forced myself to sit up while he took the spot next to me. I watched as he scrolled through the pics, and my annoyance quickly faded, replaced by mad respect for his talent. Once more, I was impressed by his ability to make everything look so different. I recognized the places we'd just visited, but it was as if I was discovering them anew, through his eyes.
Now and then, I spotted a photograph I was in. Actually, there were a bunch of candids of me in there. Every time I wasn't looking, Ty had snapped a pic. Oh, I'd caught him on this one, and was flipping him off. It's crazy how different we look when photographed, especially when unaware of it happening. Was it really the way I normally looked? Well, I didn't exactly have a bitch resting face, but I didn't look friendly either. It also made me realize I had to work on my posture. And objects in mirrors were apparently not always closer than they appeared, because my ass hadn't seemed this big in these shorts when I had checked myself in the mirror.
I didn't exactly mind the pics, as he was my brother, and he wouldn't do anything with them, but I sure wished I had been on a good hair day. Those curls were all over the place.
There were a few cute ones, with my yellow-tinted glasses and pink gelato, and I asked him if he could send them to me. It was about damn time I got a new profile pic for my Facebook account. I barely ever went there, and the current one was maybe four years old.
We were just reaching the last of the photographs when I heard the sound of Tammy's keys at the door. She quickly joined us, holding her gym bag, all dressed up and pampered.
It was odd. Usually, she came back in her gym clothes, her dark skin still gleaming with a thin veil of sweat. The studio she practiced at was two blocks away, and she enjoyed cooling off before showering.
"I'm sorry I'm late, we can go now," she signed after she'd dropped her bag by the counter.
Confused, I frowned and looked at the time on the clock behind her. What was she late for? "What are you talking about?"
"Game Night. Did you forget?"
Oh, shit! I totally had. With Tyler's surprise visit, it had completely slipped my mind. Oh, no... I wasn't feeling like going out after today, but it was at Dakota and Julia's place, and I was really curious to see what it looked like.
As someone who enjoyed being alone but also enjoyed socializing, I often made plans and then found ways to get out of them. Past Andy liked the idea of meeting with people, and present Andy usually preferred the idea of staying home to chill. I couldn't count how many times I'd changed my mind last minute and canceled on parties, nights out, and even a girls' weekend once. It was a little shameful, to be honest. But with Tamika right here, there was no way I could find an excuse other than my laziness. I had to go this time, there would be no escaping it.
Looking down at myself, I tried to figure out if I should change or not. I hadn't been sweating. I wasn't that out of shape, and walking was still a thing I could do that didn't require extra physical effort.
Sensing my inner debate, Tamika snapped her fingers to get my attention. "You look great, just get your lazy ass up. We have to stop by the store to get food and drinks. I told Dakota your brother was coming with us. She is good with it. We just have to take an extra pack of beers."
Ty was following the conversation, very entertained, and he sent me a mocking smile. Oh, the little... He perfectly knew I was ten minutes from passing out from exhaustion. I stuck my tongue out at him and stood up, ignoring the pain that flashed in my heated soles. Okay, I really had to walk and stand up more.
In under five minutes, we were outside, walking to Tyler's car. After a quick stop at the supermarket, to get what we needed, which Tyler generously paid for, we were off to Dakota and Julia's suburban house.
We were late, but we weren't the last ones, so it was all good. The two-story house was just outside of the city, in a very calm neighborhood. The interior was a perfect mix between Dakota's sleek tastes and Julia's candor. It was chic, with a well-thought color palette and minimalist furniture, but also had touches of warmness here and there, with pictures, plants, souvenirs... I really liked it, so when Julia offered a tour once everyone would be here, I gladly accepted.
The missing guests quickly arrived, and to my surprise, Oliver was one of them. "Hi, stranger," he said with a smile when he reached me. I was, of course, sitting by the table where all the food had been set up, my hand in a bag of Doritos.
"Hi, yourself," I answered in the same tone, taking out my hand with a single chip as if I hadn't been about to take a small fistful instead. I ate my Dorito while he looked around to see who was there. "It's nice to see you're part of Game Night too, now."
"Yeah, Tammy had invited me before last time, but I never motivated myself to join," he explained, taking a seat next to me.
"What made you change your mind, three weeks ago?"
He didn't answer, and instead looked at me, an embarrassed smile on his face. Oh... I made him change his mind. It was my turn to be disconcerted by my lack of tact, and I blushed slightly, looking away.
Tyler eventually joined us, and I let the two of them exchange while I observed the room. As she had offered, Julia gave us a quick tour of her house. Oli, Ty, and I were the only ones who had never been here before, but Tammy tagged along, always happy to snoop around.
The festivities were eventually declared open, and the moment to team up arrived. Naturally, I went for my brother, but this idiot, who'd been talking with Soo, decided to partner up with her. I looked around, only to find out most people already had their teammates. Only Oliver was looking for someone, too, and when our eyes met, he smiled with a light shrug.
I forced myself to smile back, feeling my stomach tighten. We had been a great team the first time around, and I should be delighted that we were together once more. But since our first game night, a lot had happened. Like that time I'd forcefully shoved my tongue down his throat, while practically assaulting him.
We had talked about it, though, and he knew I hadn't been myself. He knew I wanted to put a halt to things while I tried to clear my head. We both knew that. So there were no reasons for things to be different. This time we'd finish first, not fourth. We were going to nail it, ace the different games, and come out the proud winners.
We didn't.
I couldn't tell exactly what it was, but something was off between us. Our easy-going friendship was gone, replaced by awkward interactions and latent apprehension. Once more, I was pissed at myself for that night, the night of our date, and the way I had acted. I'd ruined it. I'd ruined what Oli and I had.
That tension between us was so apparent that even Tammy noticed and gave me some questioning looks throughout the evening. I couldn't wait for this party to be done, my eyes often glancing at the clock hanging on a wall. I was pretty confident minutes usually passed faster. Fuck, even time is against me.
After what felt like ten hours, and not just four, people started to leave, one after the others. Once we were all ready to go, I felt so relieved it made me ashamed of myself. Oliver didn't deserve this. I shouldn't be avoiding his company. None of this was his fault. All of it was mine.
Still, I was relieved when we got home, eager to get some time alone after having been with people the entire day. Despite my exhausting day, sleep eluded me, and I turned and tossed in my bed.
Before moving to Seattle, I'd never had an issue with falling asleep. I was a healthy sleeper, and could even doze off on a couch at a party, music blazing. But in the weeks I'd moved here, I'd found myself struggling with insomnia on several occasions. This was getting out of hand, to the point where I considered investing in sleeping pills.
When I thought about it, and why it was happening to me, I realized it was all connected to one issue. All of my sleep deprivation revolved around one man. Lex was the reason for my world to be turned upside-down. I wasn't sleeping because of him.
Well, I wouldn't mind him preventing me from sleeping in another manner...
Since it was the last coherent thought that crossed my mind before I finally dozed off, the dreams that followed were populated with images of him, giving me everything I craved, fulfilling each of my fantasies.
Sunday was a lazy one, thank God for that, and the only outing we did was at the farmers' market. It had become a ritual for Tamika and me. No matter how tired, hungover, or lazy we were, we'd drag our asses out of the apartment, and go for some good ol' organic groceries. We did our shopping while Ty snapped pics, apparently inspired by all the colors, products, and people present.
When came the time for him to leave, late in the afternoon, we hadn't done anything productive all day, but I wasn't feeling an ounce of shame about it. I could have empty days too. Those were nice to refill my batteries, which definitely needed some refilling.
A twinge of sadness struck me when I accompanied him to his car. Since he'd stayed such a short time, he promised to keep me updated on his move back to Portland. He was giving himself a couple of weeks to find the right place and organize his return. We hugged goodbye, and I watched his car roll away until it disappeared at the first turn.
Back in the apartment, the excitement of the weekend was gone, as well as the distraction Tyler had offered. Reality slowly sunk back in my head. The weekend was gone. The very weekend I'd given myself to think about what I should do about Lex was over, and I hadn't given it a thought. I had no more clues than before.
By the time I went to bed, it was all I could think of. How should I act with him? How should I handle things? Was Kate's solution the only possible one?
I didn't want to think of the most important question. I didn't want to let my feelings take over my conscience. Those thoughts were dangerous. It was impossible not to wonder, though.
Regardless of consequences, implications, repercussions... what did I really want, deep down?