wow.
it fucking sucks being sad all the time and feeling like no ones ever there for you anymore, lol. okay that's from a few days ago when I was being a sad bitch but im chillin now. I didn't intend for this chapter to be this log but it just happened so I hope you enjoy!
-Dani
Jayde
Only hours later we arrive in the heart of New York City. Harry being his dramatic self had us land on top of the hotel we are planned to be staying in for the next few days. "Since its still early we have some time to ourself and to relax before the meetings and what not start." I'm still feeling unresolved hostility towards him that I cannot shake and I know that until we actually talk this out, this trip is going to be absolute hell for me. "Tonight isn't much of a meeting rather that it's more of a dimmer party to help us transition into the weekend a little more easier."
Our bags are pulled from the bottom the plane and Harry instantly reaches for mine. "I got-"
"Please take these to our room, 587." Before I can even protest, Harry slips the concierge a twenty and he heads through the glass doors of the rooftop and out of sight. "I could've gotten them myself." I mutter under my breath but Harry consciously ignores me as he takes out his phone with a smirk and begins scrolling through his many unanswered messages. Instead of replying, he simply begins answering texts that were sent out while on our flight and ringing calls back regarding tonight. We walk down a multitude of hallways, turning left and right, going down and back up the elevators due to Harrys own mistakes of forgetting our room number. "What happened to getting our own rooms?" the thought pops into my head just as harry begins slowing down near a door that resembles a glazed chocolate bar. "You do have your own room." He gives me a booklet identical to his and when I open it, the room number written down is the same door he is putting his key into.
"Harry I told you my one stipulation for coming on this trip was for us to have separate rooms-" He pushes the door open and I am met with an apartment style hotel room. As I step further into the the room I notice that it is equipped with a full kitchen, dishwasher and all. A family style dining area and a full living room with a fire place and all that's lit up giving the room a homier feel. "Your room is the second the door on the left." I look to him in disbelief and he only displays a smug smirk before brushing past me and walking down the hall. I follow closely behind him and watch as he walks through the first door on the left and claim I the second on the left just as he instructed.
Upon pushing the door open I am met with the most luxurious room that I've possibly ever seen in my entire life. The room is smaller than I expected but nonetheless rather exceeds all my expectations and then some. The headboard of the bed reaches all the way to the room and a dim light outlines the perimeter of the board, two cheery oak nightstand are accompanied atop on either side of the bed and a ceiling to floor window extends across the entirety of the wall. "Fuck me." Are the only words I can get out being so awestruck over the beautiful room. I don't even give myself time to explore the rest of the hotel room but I throw myself on the bed and actually give myself sometime to relax for the first time in weeks. I know I told myself I didn't want to relax at the moment let alone come on this trip but being in this very moment, I can't thank myself or harry enough for pushing me to come. It was something I didn't even know I needed; it feels as if a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I couldn't be anymore content than I am at the moment.
"I know, youre welcome." I lift my head from the cloud of pillows and see a shirtless Harry perched agasint the door frame. "Harry seriously this is why I wanted actual separate room, your engaged and I'm done playing your games. Im done with this Harry moment okay? Why cant you understand that." He annoyingly rolls his eyes and and walks towards the bed.
"Yeah no problem. You're welcome for giving you an all expense paid weekend where all you have to do is listen to lectures and talk enotes and chill for the rest of the weekend. Yeah no its no issue Jayde. Am I allowed to be comfortable in my own room?"
"Yes you can be comfortable in your own room but there's a level of respect and appropriateness that needs to follow behind with it sense you are engaged, Harry. I swear im not playing with you anymore." He leans forward and rubs his hands together as if he's all of a sudden ind deep thought. "Not even a little, you know this can just be between us this weekend."
"Get out of my room Harry. Your fiancee planted a fucking camera in our office while she was away, in another foreign country at that. This is the time everyone would expect us to be fucking around, so lets throw them a curve ball and not, okay. I dont need any other mysterious things happening in my life, unlike you I have someone coming for my head and dont need anymore issues."
"Fuck, fine Jayde." He seethes under his breath, actually getting mad at me because im the one who doesn't want to play around even though he's the one with the fiancee. Harry is the true definition of men aint shit. "You're not getting mad at me Harry? Like seriously your a fucking joke right now. You have a whole fiancee prancing around inside of your house and your mad at me because I won't let you stick your dick in me. Drop her, then im all yours. Other than that you can just say goodbye to all of this." He tries flashing me a look of sorrow but im not buying into it, im done falling for his shit. "Its getting late, we need to start getting ready." He rises from the bed and stalls by the door for a few seconds. "Im sorry." Is all he says and walks out of view.
I fall again the bed once more and groan in frustration. Besides all the events occurring at the moment, Harry is the single most thing that is continuing to stress me out beyond words. It doesn't help that ive been feeling sick for the past few weeks and has yet to subside even after taking medicine. As I think to myself while staring at the ceiling, I feel a lump rise in my throat and I begin to get hot and nauseas. "Shit, shit, shit." I rush to the bathroom and make it to the toilet in just enough time to release the contents of my stomach into the bowl. Gagging and half choking could be heard throughout the entirety of the hotel room because only moments after I make it to the toilet, Harry comes rushing in and grabs my hair into a fist to keep it out of my face.
"Its okay, it's okay. Just let it all out." He repeadtly voices words of eencourafment and rubs my back until I think ive thrown up everything ive at within the last twenty-four hours. I sit back agasint the cold glass of the shower and shut my eyes closed for a few moments. When I reopen them, Harry wears the same face of concern thats been written across my face since I entered the bathroom. "Jayde." I drop my eyes to the floor and begin shaking my head.
"Harry you're about to get married-"
"If you're actually pregnant im calling the wedding off and im breaking things off with Jenna. I wasn't there for your first pregnancy and im damn sure not going to miss this one either. If you are pregnant I want to be there for you all the way and I want to be here for this baby. I dont need any other outside distractions." My heart swells but at the same time I feel numb to his words.
Any pregnant woman would love to hear those words from their babies father, its the most ideal situation for anyone bringing a child into this world; to have both parents there and actively parents who are still with one another but this doesn't feel right. As much as I want to be happy about what he's saying, I just dont feel like its for the right reason. "What are you thinking?" Harry tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear and rubs my cheek with the back of his finger. I look to him with sadness in my eyes, hoping to hear the answer I defiantly want but knowing it may not possibly come out.
"So say if I wasnt pregnant, would you still call everything off with Jenna?" I see the wheels turning behind his eyes, his being deep in thought and as much as that should settle this uneasy feeling I have, it only make it worse. "I want to." Are his first and only words voiced and I feel my heart plummet.
"You'd only be with me because of the baby is what you're saying. Thats not a legitmate reason Harry, and I dont want that to be your reasoning either. If youre in this you're in this, if you're not then dont even bother. The twins weren't enough so if I am pregnant how would this be?" He slumps back against the counter and keeps his gaze away from my general. "Do you realize the words the are coming out of your mouth right now, and that im an actual person with actual feelings. This shit is ridiculous harry and you just think it's a game. I thought that after all this time, all these years, everything we've been through that you would treat me with some form of actual respect but I was so wrong. You couldn't give a shit about me; your words are one thing but your actions show something completely different and it's beginning to become sickening. Its to the point I don't even wish I was pregnant anymore, let alone with your child. Im already stressed beyond words and I don't need your infidelity or inability to keep your dick in your pants to push me over the edge. Im fucking done harry, I'm done with you."
I watch as each words slices deeper and deeper into him, cutting him to the point of destruction. I want him to feel what he makes me feel on a daily basis, my words and what I just said still wont able to do that much damage but to definitely is a start.
"You better hope and pray that this damn test comes out positive because if it doesn't, im taking the first flight back to Toronto, quitting at your company and moving as far away from you as possible and with the kids. You're toxic to everyone around, yet you blame everyone else. Grow the fuck up." I lift myself from the bathroom door, making myself dizzy in the process but I ignore the lightness of my head and move forward into the bedroom. As I'm walking I see small black patches clouding my vision until it consumes all the light that once filled the room.
"Mommy!" The twins shout in unison and come racing towards me. Little bodies fling themselves onto my being and grab hold with tight grips. "Hi babies." I wearily voice as I look around the all white office that belongs to Harry. "Um, where's daddy?" The twins look at me as if I've grown a second head or so.
"He just said he was going to get Porter." I become even more confused as I take in the contents of the room. Family pictures are hung all around the room of Harry, the twins a little baby and I. "Hey, hey, hey," I ask mostly to myself while studying all the baby objects staged in the office. "Whats Porters full name?" By the point, Preston has already walked away and Aaliyah rolls her eyes. "Porter Amaal Styles, you and daddy literally couldn't decide on a name until President ask I came up with that and told you." My heart sink into my chest just as Harry holding a blanketed bundle comes waltzing into the room. I see a run head and little fists fight to free its self from the blanket. A wide eyes Harry walks up to me and pecks me not he lips a few times before settling onto the couch and pulling me onto his lap. "So what would my wife and kids like for dinner tonight?" My eyes go wide but shoot down to our hands, which both are adorning rather extravagant rings. "Wife?" All too soon the room begins to fade away just as fast as it appeared and I am left in a room of nothing but darkness.
"Jayde, Jayde!" My eyes snap open to a frantic Harry who is hovering over me with my head on his lap. "Why are you freaking out Harry, I'm okay." Tears prick his eyes as he rocks back and forth on his legs. "No you're not, no you are not. You just passed out on the floor." All I remember is getting up from the bathroom floor and now we're here.
"Were going to hospital right now."