This time, when I wake up, it's because of someone shaking me. The last vision I had just ended up being a repeat of the one I had before. While frustrating, the child in me is just chuffed I won the battle Ava and I were having. Completely unintentionally, sure, but a win is a win, eh?
As I return to reality, it's impossible to ignore the intense aching in all my muscles. My head is sore to the point where surfacing thoughts is painful, and even when I manage to get one through, it's hazy and confused.
"Shit, Ava, what if we can't wake him up?" Carmen's voice chatters from somewhere above me, but I can't open my eyes.
"He's okay, he has to be--I--It can't be that harmful, it's not--I..." Ava is stammering, and it's one of the few instances I've ever heard genuine fear in her voice. "I should've spoken to my mum first, I--I didn't mean to do it, I don't know if the ones before made him sensitive to it or--or, whoa, I don't know."
"Well, we have to think of something because we were meant to alight over half an hour ago now, and I'm not paying a fine because of his incessant--"
"Shut up, Jamie," Carmen snaps, which makes me chortle in my deranged state.
"Felix?" everyone pipes up in unison, which is honestly really impressive. A well oiled machine, this lot.
Just under an hour later than we were supposed to leave the ferry, my feet touch dry land. I think Annabel's finally given up because she's not tried to harass me once since I woke up. She usually holds out a lot longer when I'm stropping with her, and I'm slightly offended she's given up so easily this time, especially after last night.
I'd have thought she'd be way too nosy to not demand answers about what I did and didn't see in my visions. I can still barely see straight though, so I have no issue with her leaving me in peace for a bit. I'm leaning on Tom for support as we walk towards the car, and I'm just grateful for the opportunity to sit down once we all squeeze inside.
"We're not doing that again," Ava mutters as she starts to drive.
"It's fine, I'm fine," I say, but the fact my voice comes out sounding like that of a pensioner's doesn't really sell what I'm saying. I blink a few times to try and clear my vision, but it's useless. "It's probably just because we tried to do it so much. Once or twice is fine, I'm sure."
The fact Tom practically had to carry me to the car doesn't help the act I'm trying to pull off, either.
"I'm fine."
I'm barely convincing myself at this point. I don't remember it happening, but I drift off at some point, and spend the next few hours slipping in and out of sleep. My dreams are weird and fragmented, and I think I'm mumbling a lot because every now and then, I catch the others looking at me with furrowed eyebrows before falling back into one.
Most are flashes that last a few seconds, and they're all related to last night's visions in some way or another. Some of them are just replays of the scenes I saw, while others are bizarre twists on everything I saw. In one instance, we're in the car except nobody is driving and a woman has replaced the man in the passenger seat, and then the next thing I know I'm sitting on Ava's lap while my dad's behind the steering wheel and Jamie sits in the passenger seat, and we're driving through an open field in broad daylight with heavy metal music playing. None of it makes sense.
At one point, I wake up to find someone has taken off my dad's hand-me-down jacket, and my shirt is soaked through. In my daze, I think we're outside and it must have been raining, but we're still in the car and I realise I've just sweat through my clothes.
What feels like forever later, I'm being woken up by Carmen. We've arrived at the airport. I feel better. I think. It's grey and wet outside, but as I step outside the car, the rain wakes me up, so I can't complain. We all rush inside with our stuff, and I manage to do so without Tom's help. We're leaving Ava's car and a bunch of our stuff at the airport while we're away, and all the flowers that were crammed into it have finally been binned.
I don't remember packing a bag for the trip, and the fog in my mind won't clear enough to remember the ins and outs of this whole outing. I think we're going for two days, but I don't think we've booked a return flight, so that might be wrong. Unless we're going with the intention of staying two days, but keeping the return flight open in case. I don't know. I can't remember. What's wrong with me?
I toddle behind the group as we queue up for check-in, partly because of my current state, and partly because I've got no idea how this all works considering I've never flown on a plane before. Not beyond the age of eight anyway. It's loud in here. Everything people are saying, everything they're doing feels dragged out. It's as if the world is working in slow motion, and even then, I can't keep up with what's going on.
I realise I'm staring at the floor, so lift my head to see we're at the front of the queue. The slender woman behind the airport desk is talking to me as she checks my ID, but she's speaking too fast and I can't process what she's saying, so I just nod a bit. I think she asks me if I'm okay at one point. Next is security.
As I'm waiting to have my stuff checked, Tom has several things confiscated, one of them being a full pint of milk for some unexplained reason. Another confiscation is two unopened cans of energy drink, and I stop him as he's about to throw them into the bin. That's exactly what I need. I down both in under twenty seconds each as if my life depends on it.
By the time we make it past security, I'm awake. Hell am I awake. My vision is still messed up and my body feels heavy, but I'm definitely awake. We're gathered around a row of chairs in the departure lounge, and while Carmen sleeps, everyone else sits quietly eating some snacks they bought from one of the airport shops. I don't know why no one is speaking. I'm the only one standing, and I hop from one foot to the other as I fill the silence.
"I've never been on a plane before, did I tell you that? Never done it. Didn't really do holidays as a kid. Well, that's a lie, this one foster family of mine went to Cornwall a few times a year. Boring as hell. Nice beaches though. Sheffield doesn't have beaches." Still no one's speaking, so I figure I might as well continue. "Have you guys ever been to Cornwall? Shit, right? Bloody sheep everywhere. At least have some cows, maybe throw a few horses in there, y'know? Sheep are shit."
"Mate, what the hell are you chatting?" Tom finally inputs into my one-way conversation. He laughs. "I should've slipped you an energy drink months ago."
"Y'know, farm animals. If I wanted to turn to farm life, I'd pick something more interesting than sheep, y'know?" I'm still dancing on the spot. "I was never allowed energy drinks as a kid. Don't even know when I last had one. Don't know if I ever have actually, come to--Oh wait, no I definitely have. In rebellion when I was, like, twelve or something. Got into some right trouble from it. Did I tell you I have ADHD? Energy drinks are bad for it apparently, but I read somewhere that caffeine can help concentration for people with ADHD, so pretty sure I was bullshitted as a kid. But yeah, I've got it anyway, just a heads up."
"Really? I wouldn't have guessed," Jamie scoffs under his breath. "Can you go back to quietly talking to yourself in a corner, please? You're giving me a headache."
"Huh? What do you--Oh, in the car! I'll have you know I was dreaming. About you, in fact." I wink at him. "That means exactly what you think it does." It doesn't really, but I think he was in the car at one point in one of my dreams. I don't know, probably. "Does the world feel weird to any of you guys? I know I'm a bit hyped up from the drinks, but not that, more like... like everything is kind of hazy and slow, y'know?"
Everyone just stares at me in response, except for Carmen who's somehow managing to stay asleep. That's a no then. I really need a pee. I excuse myself from the group, and wander around the departure lounge until I find the men's toilets. I'm glad I don't feel exhausted anymore, but I wish everything else was back to normal. I stare into the bathroom mirror to try and steady my vision, but it's fruitless. I sigh. I probably just need to sleep on it.
As I'm heading back towards the gang, I take a detour to explore one of the shops. They've got a basket of small cuddly toys, and they're well cute, so I buy a koala with huge eyes along with another energy drink. Only costs me a fiver all together. I'm already halfway through the can when I reach the guys.
"My pee looked kind of green, should I be worried?" I ask as I tuck my new koala into my jacket pocket, making sure his head is poking out so he can see what's going on.
"Jesus Christ, I'd rather my ears bleed than listen to him any long--"
"Felix, Lucy's annoyed at you for ignoring her," Ava says, cutting Jamie short.
"Huh?"
"Is that a racoon?" Tom interjects, his head tilted as he gazes at my pocket.
"She's been trying to talk to you," Ava replies.
"What? No she hasn't."
Ava responds with a dumbfounded look, while Carmen sits up with a yawn. She looks at me, then smiles.
"Aw cute, where did you buy that?" she asks as she gets up and inspects the koala.
"Felix, she's talking to you right now, can't you see her? Or even just hear her?" Ava again.
Carmen turns back around to face the group. "What's going on?"
"Lucy's been trying to interact with Felix, but he can't see her." Ava says it as a statement, but it comes out like a question.
Everyone's eyes are digging into me, and I suddenly feel extremely self-conscious.
"Oh. Shit," is all I have to say.
Our plane ends up getting delayed, so three or so hours later, once my two and a half cans of energy drink have worn off enough for me to stop being an idiot, I'm sitting on the floor feeling exactly like I did when we arrived at the airport.
"Still nothing?" Ava asks from one of the chairs above me, to which I shake my head. "Whoa, this isn't good. This really isn't good. What if I did something? What if something happened last night that messed up your abilities?"
We both figured the disappearance of my abilities could've been linked to the energy drinks, like how alcohol screws with them. But they have to have worn off enough to write that theory off by now.
"On the bright side, if this is permanent then problem solved, eh? The ghosties won't have any use for me now."
"When was the last time you saw Lucy?" Ava asks.
I shake my head as I try to think, but the movement intensifies the ache in it, so I stop. "I don't... I don't know. Last night, I guess? Definitely before we did the aura stuff, anyway."
Ava sighs, and buries her head in her hands. That's a good sign. No one else speaks, but the deflated look on their faces mirrors the mood right now.
"What about Annabel?" It's Jamie who asks.
Crap, what about Annabel? I assumed she'd not rocked up this morning because of my strop with her, but what if I was wrong? What if I never see her again? I shake my head in response to Jamie. I can't not see Annabel ever again. I'm not that angry with her.
"Oh." Ava. She pauses for a moment. "Lucy says she was here--Annabel." Ava pauses, shuts her eyes, then reopens them about ten seconds later. "Lucy's saying you both had a fight or something, so Annabel thought you were just ignoring her this morning. You've not seen her today?" she asks, to which I shake my head slowly. "Shit."
Ava's not usually one to swear, so I'm not feeling awfully reassured right now. I stand up, but have to steady myself as I do so. How am I still so dizzy?
"Look, I still feel really weird after last night. I might just need a good sleep to shake it off. Once I feel normal again, everything else might be. Well, normal as in abnormal. Most people don't have daily chats with dead people. You know what I mean."
Everyone nods, but none of them look especially convinced. The energy drinks must be really starting to wear off now because my thoughts are turning more and more hazy, and my body's feeling ten stone heavier. I sit back down onto the hard floor, too exhausted to stay standing.
I must end up falling asleep again because the next thing I know is Ava shaking me. She says something about a hotel, which is really confusing because we've definitely not boarded any planes. Jamie and Tom pull me to my feet, and I'm still in a daze as we leave the airport and get into a car. A taxi? We're definitely still in Aberdeen. God, I'm confused. Ava and Jamie are arguing about something beside me.
"Whoa, how was I supposed to know it would get cancelled? I'm a spirit talker, Jamie, I can't predict the future," Ava snaps, and the taxi driver gives her some confused looking side-eye.
"Our flight is cancelled?" I question.
The driver now looks at me with raised eyebrows through his rearview mirror. He must think we're complete freaks.
"Just when I thought I preferred him in this state," Jamie ridicules in response. "He's an imbecile in any state."
I don't bother arguing with him. I'm not entirely sure I'd be capable of it anyway. I shuffle around in the back of the taxi, hoping to get more comfortable. God, I miss my own bed. I wish we could all just go back to uni. Give up on this ghost hunt. Maybe we can. Maybe I've lost my abilities, and we can call it quits. We can head back to uni, thank Ava and her family for all their help, and start again. Everything can be normal.
For the first time ever, I can just live a normal life. Without ever knowing what happened to my family. Without Annabel. I wonder if she's here right now. She must be. Why wasn't she in the car before it crashed that night? Nothing makes sense, and I don't know if it's because of the messed up state I'm in, or because literally nothing makes sense.
I'm going through the motions as we arrive at whatever hotel Ava, or whoever, has booked. We leave the car, head into the lobby, check in, and go straight for our rooms. My mind is so distant that I don't even process who I'm sharing with. I just fall onto the first bed I see, and bury myself under the covers. I'm actually really damn glad we're not flying now.
I don't know if there's another flight booked, or if we're getting to Belfast another way, but I can't say I have the energy to care at the moment. My muscles are throbbing more than they have all day, and it feels so much like I'm underwater that I'm half questioning how I'm able to breathe.
Maybe this is life now. Maybe I'll feel like this forever. Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow perfectly okay, and I'll be able to see Annabel, and Lucy and every other dead stiff. Or maybe I'll wake up feeling normal, but still not be able to see anyone. That might not be so bad. I don't know what life would be like without Annabel, and I can't pretend the thought doesn't terrify me, but it might be okay. At least I could be normal, and all this could be over. That would be nice.
I'm playing out scenarios of life without abilities when I start dozing off, and the last thing I remember is imagining myself walking through a graveyard to visit my parents' graves, and there being nothing around me but silence. No one trying to speak to me, no one staring at me, no one screaming at me to give them attention. Just silence. It leaves me to fall asleep in a good mood.
Unlike the past few times I've had a snooze, I wake myself up the next day. It's light outside, but dim, so I figure it must still be quite early. Then it occurs to me that I feel normal. Merely existing isn't physically painful anymore, and I can see perfectly. In fact, the first thing I see is Annabel's face.
"Can you see me?" she practically screams as she stands over the bed.
I've barely started nodding when she dives forward, and I feel her energy wrap itself around me, almost knocking the wind out of me.
Just when I was starting to warm to the idea of losing my abilities.