My life I just keep hurting people I mean I don’t mean too.
After I hurt people I hurt myself just to make it even.
I am so afraid to hurt people OMG
I start crying as I see that I hurt someone they texted me saying that I told a secret that I wasn’t supposed to tell.
I mean I didn’t mean to the person just beat it out of me and then told the person the secret.
I really didn’t have mean to. But of course I never do.
I start a mistake and it would be fine if I only involved me…but somehow I get others involved and they get hurt and it just isn’t fair.
But of course its my fault and I feel horrible.
I am not emotionally stable.
I could start laughing and then start crying in the middle.
Whenever im in pain Ive learned to laugh to cover it. Which sounds stupid but hey it works!
But now they didn’t trust me anymore
I text them saying that they don’t have to be friends with me anymore. If they don’t want to.
I feel like I want to be homeschooled.
I cant take this at all school is too much.
Im giving up!
Ive done way too much to even have a good future. I mean I cant take it with the work I don’t strive to do well anymore! I HONESTLY DON’T CARE
I mean same with the pressure with popular kids.
I have this bad character trait that I had hate anyone and get jealous of anyone who can do anything better than me. I need to be good at everything.
I didn’t used to be like that but my parents got me like that.
They expect way too much from me when im still barely a teenager.
COME ON
TOO MUCH
School used to be fun but I guess it got old fast.
I only liked school so I didn’t have to go home. But now it just backfires and its too much pressure with everything I hate it soo much.
None of my friends are in my wing at all they are all in other classes together.
I have new friends but lots of my friends closest bffs from last year moved. So its not cool anymore. They aren’t what im used to. But whatever its just I got to get used to it. Like I do with everything else
I wanna see the counselor.
My parents already have me with a therapist! BIG SURPRISE THERE RIGHT
And but sometimes I wish I could go to the school counselor they are actually good.
And im allowed to go whenever I want of course unless she is with someone else in a meeting.
But I don’t want others to really know.
Plus I don’t wanna miss work because that’s extra stress that I don’t need to get the work done and ill miss learning stuff
UGH
I am usually pretty funny at
I just wanna scream and not care what others think!!!
I have seen some people that actually cut. They have some band on their arm like a thick sporty headband but when they take it off you can tell.
But then I will care at the end because then I will be known as THAT GIRL
Everyone will think I am a psycho and I don’t need that right now I am dealing with enough.
My mom says that my brother isn’t actually going into residential but whatever now he has to live us.
That’s sooo hard though because now we have to watch my brother.
But the school he is going to is going to hold him afterschool until dinner and then they will send him home.
My guy though (the one I like and likes me but we aren’t dating) is still well…he is so nice to me.
I went Halloween trick or treating with some friends and we got deep into games.
First we played truth because its hard to play truth or dare with just a couple people without guys as well.
So we ended playing KMF (kill marry fuck)
So you give 3 people and that person has to say 1 person for each of the categories. It got pretty…well haha far. It was soo much fun though J
I don’t know when was the last time I smiled and laughed so hard and actually meant it!
But anyway I guess that was good I don’t know I still get these really guilty feelings all the time.
People wouldn’t probably believe me if I told them half the stuff that’s going on in my life.