It was a simple night with the two Scouts together. Jean wasn't so shy around Mikasa anymore. Mainly because how close they became. Almost as if they were bestfriends who could tell each other everything. The male was pretty sure she would never return his feelings. But it didn't matter, as long as she was happy.
"Dare..." Jean narrowed his eyes slightly at the female, prepared for her to give him a good one. Sitting in front of her under the trees. It was getting pretty dark outside now but they didn't care. Captain Levi knew where they were, and gave permission since Eren was with him.
"I dare you to call yourself a horse to everyone." Mikasa said with a smirk crossing her arms. "The joke that Eren always says about you." She sounded quite amused at the thought of it. Knowing how much the brunette hated it.
He dropped to his knees. "UGH. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Jean whinnied like a child, but still did his dare. After a moment he walked over to where the other scouts were. Telling them the joke then returning to Mikasa wearing a annoyed expression on his face.
After a few more childish dares and truths the important part came up.
Mikasa sighed and nodded slightly. "Fine." Mikasa walked away and came back. "I did it." She said with a slight giggle and pleased with herself. "Okay, truth or dare?" Asking the male with a smile on her soft pink lips.
"Ermmm... Truth.." Jean gave a little nod of his head. A feeling of nervous washed over him. Staring at the gorgeous female with his brown-eyes full of affection.
"Why are you so jealous of Eren?" Mikasa asked curiously, clueless of what he was going to say.
The question made him flinch. Not really wanting to answer it he looked away. But he picked truth, meaning he had to whether he liked it or not. "Only one reason.. because he has someone I always wanted since I first laid my eyes on her.. And all he does is take her for granted." Feeling uneasy he scratched the back of his head. "Does that answer you?" His words were a mumble.
Mikasa pulled up her scarf over her mouth, letting out a light sigh and looked away from Jean a little; knowing she was the 'her'. "Oh, I didn't know that was the reason.." Mikasa said with sorrow in her voice again. She felt bad now, like really bad and had sympathy for him. All Mikasa wanted from Eren was to be cared about as much as she cared for him. But Mikasa never got that Jean offered it to her a long time ago.
"Oi, baka." Jean didn't want anyone's sympathy, including hers. He was in a happy relationship now, so why would he need it? "I use to be really sad, y'know? But I'm not anymore.. so don't give me your sympathy." Giving her a bright smile he hugged her tightly. Of course he was always gonna love her. But it didn't sadden him anymore.
"Alright." Mikasa said as she lightly hugged him back with the tight hug. She had to admit, he was really warm and cozy. "Jean, I am sorry. I didn't know, all I ever wanted it for Eren to care for me, and love me maybe.. but I have lost all hope of that and realized I was so selfish all the time." Mikasa lightly buried her head in his chest and clenched to him a little, and then slowly started to let go. "Sorry. I really am.."
Jean couldn't stand that fact that he made her unhappy. What was wrong with him? He promised himself that he would protect her no matter what, not make her feel upset. Wrapping his arms around her tightly he sighed. "Mikasa.. It's not your fault.. You love Eren, you can't help it.. I'm sorry I made you feel this way.."
"No-" Mikasa didn't want him to feel bad, it wasn't his fault at all. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I should have noticed a long time ago that I could never be together with Eren.."Mikasa felt on the urge to cry, but she sniffed and kept her tears back as always and hugged Jean again tightly. "What I am trying to say is, I am stupid. Falling for Eren, being selfish, being mean to you for all this time, I just can't stand myself.." Mikasa sniffed again as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Jean felt his chest tighten upon hearing Mikasa's words. It was as if her sadness was eating away at him. "Look, we love who we love. It's not something we can hel-" He heard her sniff as if she was crying. That caused him to pull away from her just so that he could see her face.
Upon seeing her tear made his legs become weak. "...Mikasa.. please don't cry.. It's nobody's fault.." Placing his hands on her shoulders he stared at her blankly for a brief moment. Giving into the urge, he leaned forward and kissed her gently.
"Jean, I-" Interrupting what she was about to say wasn't words, it was a gentle, warm kiss. Mikasa didn't know what to do; this was all new to her. She hadn't ever been kissed before, it was a new feeling that she hadn't experienced. As the kiss parted slowly, MIkasa was then speechless and looked over to Jean. "Jean, you didn't have to..." Her words trailed off and then she was just silent, guilty of what just happened. Mikasa knew he was in a deep relationship and that he loved the girl. Tears started to roll down her face once again of the thought. "I am sorry, I am so sorry." All Mikasa wanted to do now was go hide somewhere and not be seen.
When the kiss was over guilt hit him hard. He was in a relationship with the woman he loved. But if that was true then why did the kiss feel so right to him? Trying to think of what to tell her but nothing came to mind. Able to feel his heart beating in his chest he looked down at the ground then back to her. "I know... I know I didn't have to but I really wanted to.." Jean confessed as he then saw how her expression changed. She had the look of guilt, just as he might have had. "Don't be sorry, Mikasa... It was my doing not yours.. I just really felt as if I had to do it..." Trying his best to comfort her, but her tears showed as if it was all meaningless. He simply grabbed a hold of her hand as his eyes glimmered with confusion. "Just stop crying.." That was all he said before he pulled her close to him, hugging her more tighter then before.
Mikasa felt terrible, she didn't know her heart could be so fragile until this. Mikasa's chest had a pain and it stung, she didn't know what to do but just cry pathetically and say sorry over and over again. The tears fell from her eyes, as if they were never sending. Everything she touched surely died, because of her. She ruined everything.
It was cold, or was it just cold all along? Jean provided the warmth for her but she always stayed shivering trying to find it even though it was there the whole time. Mikasa gripped the back of Jean's shirt and sobbed a little more. Pathetic, just pathetic she thought to herself. The kiss felt so right; like it just had a spark for that brief moment. Jean was truly amazing, but she knew he belonged to someone else that wasn't her. "Don't worry about me Jean, it's just a waste of time cause I am a waste." Mikasa said bringing on of her hands to her face and wiping the tears.
Jean has so many mixed emotions. It was pretty clear to him that his love for Mikasa hasn't gone anywhere. The kiss just caused more pain for both of them, reminding them what could have happened. Mikasa must have felt the same way he did if she was so tore up about it. But he couldn't help but ask himself was she sad because he had a girlfriend, or how she loved Eren instead of him. Feeling his heart break over and over from the tears rolling down her cheeks as she blamed herself. Trying to catch his breath so that he could explain everything to her but it was futile. Grabbed her by her shoulders as he looked down at the shorter black haired girl who was broken. "Just.. stop.. Mikasa.. Everything about this is my fault.. I shouldn't have kissed you or anything like that.. All it did was bring you pain.. You're not pathetic, useless or anything that has to do with that matter.." Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself as he could feel that he was also gonna breakdown. That would make everything else so much worse.
"Jean, you don't have to apologize.. I am actually mad at myself because I liked the kiss when I am not supposed to. And I am mad at myself cause I..." Mikasa couldn't say it. Deciding to stay quiet, they stood there in silence not knowing what to do. As Jean's hand's were still on her shoulders, she laid her hands on his and just kept quiet, speechless cause she already said what she needed to say. In all honesty, Mikasa didn't know what Jean liked her so much or like her in the first place. Mikasa was broken, maybe she had been broken all along but she just now noticed she was making it hurt even more than before. Mikasa really could't stand herself. She took her hands off of Jean's and then unwrapped her scarf from her neck and then dropped it onto the ground carelessly. Eren always told her that the scarf wasn't necessary to keep, but it was important to her. Her neck felt bare and different; like it was missing something and that the scarf belonged there. Mikasa looked away from Jean and stayed quiet.
The silence was dreadful for him. Their was a part of him that wanted her to finish the sentence, but then again he didn't. He really wanted to open his mouth and tell her everything that was crossing his mind. About how he was sorry this had to happen, and him enjoying the kiss just as much as she did. But he stared at her, watching her every movement. Waiting, waiting for something to happen. Seeing her take off the scarf made his stomach turn painfully. Was she really that broken that she would throw something that meant so much to her on the ground. Everyone knew she held on to it with her life. So was this a good thing for him or a bad thing? His eyes were full of questions he wanted to ask her. But when he looked up from the ground she was looking away.
".......Mikasa... why did you do that?..." His words came out in a faint whisper. Jean waited another moment before he took a step near her once more. Slowly starting to embrace the girl sloy, seeing if she minded. Closing his eyes he sighed. Now what was gonna happen between the two?
Shivers went up and down her back as he asked her that question. He knew that the scarf meant the world to her. As he slowly got near her, she started to embrace her. Mikasa let him and then wrapped her arms around his neck, and looked at him for a whole in the silence. Mikasa then laid her head on his shoulder; hearing herself inhale and exhale cause it was so deadly quiet.
".....Jean?.." Mikasa said as his name trailed of her tongue and lips. "I have mixed feelings right now, I really don't know what to say anymore.." Mikasa putted it at that and just stood there laying her head on his shoulder. The pain in her chest then trailed down to her stomach; causing knots and twists in it. Mikasa had to show him she wasn't mad at him and that it wasn't his fault. Picking her head up off his shoulder, Mikasa then slowly leaned in and laid a soft kiss on his cheek.
Jean tried to piece everything together as if it was a puzzle he couldn't finish. When his gaze met hers it felt like she somehow calmed him. He wasn't a mess anymore, just his normal self. The pain and emotions stayed but that was it. When she laid her head on his shoulder he looked off in the distance, remembering the first time he met her. Honestly he never saw anything like this happening, Jean was almost sure that she would stay with Eren. No matter how many times he pushed her away and things such as that.
Shoving Eren away from his mind he replied to what she said after the kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah... So same here... But I take it as we both having feelings towards each other.. we both feel pain when we think of us.." His voice was deep, trying to talk clearly instead of using his bad grammar. Giving her a kiss on her forehead they both had to decided were to go from there. "The real question is... what's next, Mikasa?" Feeling the need to ask her. She was smart after all.
It was true, Mikasa did have feelings for Jean. Not knowing if she did for Eren anymore, she sighed. Everything was just so complicated. "I don't have pain when I think of you Jean, no not at all.." Mikasa said faintly as if she was whispering. "When I think you of I have this warm feeling in my chest and I just think of that really goofy smile you give me all the time when you're trying to comfort me.." She said with a slight smile pulling the corners of her cheeks. That was the first smile she had for a while since what had been happening.
"What just upsets me is that... I can never be with you." Mikasa finished faintly as her voice was really quiet. The kiss he planted on her forehead was warm and gentle, also comforting like always. "It's not that I don't want to be, it's just that I don't want to hurt anyone in the process, I know I would, I am positive I will.." She said with more sorrow. Everything was extremely complicated. Mikasa needed to get her mind off of things. She was hungry. "I don't know anymore, I just don't know. I shouldn't have said anything."
He stared at Mikasa for what it seemed like forever. Everything she said was right. It was the ugly truth that they couldn't be together without destroying his girlfriend in the process. Jean felt as if his heart was in two places. One half with Mikasa and the other half in the relationship he was in. He looked up in the sky, almost as if the answer to the situation were in the stars that glowed brightly at night. "When I think of you I do feel pain.. It's like the pain knowing that you can't be with the person you have feelings for.. so you keep them all bottled up.." Giving a slight smile to hide the pain as he looked at the girl. "It's okay Miikasa... Whatever you wanna do I'll do it.. No matter who gets hurt.." Jean placed his hands on her shoulders again. "This maybe complicated.. but that's what love is.. right?" Thinking to himself that if he acted cheerful maybe it would lighten Mikasa's mood.
Mikasa smiled a little when he said that and just placed a palm along his cheek. "Then keep me in a bottle, I will wait.." Mikasa said softly looking up at Jean and she trailed her hand from his cheek to his chest, and leaned into to hug him again.
For some reason, Jean's warmth was like being wrapped around with a warm blanket. Her neck still felt bare, Mikasa kept taking glances down at the scarf she had dropped to the floor carelessly. She still loved Eren, she knew that. But what type of love? Family? Lover? She didn't know. She looked up at Jean again and just asked for one simple request. "Can you get me my scarf?" Mikasa asked quietly still whispering. Mikasa wanted Jean to wrap the scarf around her so she could feel right having the scarf on her. She would have the two she loved to think about when she looked at that scarf. "...please?"
He looked at her in silence, trying to collect his thoughts. Jean didn't wanna keep her in a bottle. That would be hurting both of them, he knew it. Giving her a short nod he agreed, hating himself for doing so. "If you say so Mikasa... I rather not..But I trust your decision with my life." Her touch was his calm, it told him that she would be there for him no matter what. His brown eyes were fixed on her hand the whole time. "Alright.." He responded to her request, kneeing down to pick up the red scarf that she threw down earlier. Jean didn't know what to think about this. Him placing the scarf around her neck. Looking back at the girl quietly he stepped forward then slowly started to wrap the thing she loved most around her neck. Able to feel his emotions twisting and turning he gave her a kind smile. "I love you, and your scarf, Mikasa Ackerman...."