Anaya's room was still shrouded in darkness. It was eerily silent... except for the soft sounds of someone tapping away downstairs.
Mom. Already awake and active. Somehow, isn't she always?
It was hours before the alarm usually went off, but school was not where Anaya wanted to be. Today, she would be on a mission.
She followed the light to the ground floor and through the hallway. "Mom?"
"In here." Her mother called from the kitchen imbued in shades of honey and butterscotch. She sat hunched over the breakfast table littered with stacks of blue invoices and red payment receipts. Her fingers flew over a Casio calculator that was so well-worn, the numbers had been rubbed off. It actually printed out results on a roll of cream paper.
I remember them! When did we stop using print-outs? Everything is so electronic now... or will be.
Her mom's eyes were rimmed in red, some sad combination of exhaustion and crying. Her shoulders sagged as if she'd lost the strength to hold them up.
"I need to talk to you," Anaya said, struggling to keep an even tone. Her resolve nearly wavered after a quick look at the red Final Notice stamps glaring from white envelopes that covered the table. "If you're busy though, I can come back later."
"It's all right," her mom said, waving her over with a resigned, but grateful gesture. "I need a break before my eyes go crossed. I keep getting the exact same answer, regardless of how many ways I run the numbers." She gently swiped her work to one side and offered the empty chair next to her, patting it with her hand.
Anaya plopped on to the seat.
Poor Mom!
She clearly had no idea what was coming, but her curiosity had her hooked. She gave a brief nod of her head, a "come on, tell me already!" gesture that, once upon a time, would've made Anaya consider bailing.
But I've come too far - back through time, to be exact! - so there's no chickening out now.
Anaya took a deep breath and then launched right in, hoping her words would sound as logical out loud as they had in her head. "I know I haven't shown much interest, but I've been thinking a lot about what I should do with my life after high school."
If a person's chin could literally drop, her mother's would've hit the tabletop. Her tired eyes popped wide open.
"This is new. I thought... when did this happen?"
"We had a college fair yesterday. I wasn't planning on going, but I didn't really have anything better to do. That's when I realized... I don't have anything better to do. So I talked to someone there and... surprise! Now I want to check out some colleges."
Her mom's expression softened and the barest hints of tears moistened the corners of her eyes. Then a slight smile played on her lips as if she was trying to keep it in. "I wished I'd known. I can help you research some local schools if you want and..." Her gaze darted suddenly off to the side and her smile fell clean off her face.
Anaya sensed why immediately. She jumped in before the conversation could take that awkward turn.
"Mom, I know what you're thinking. I get it, I understand. Dad's business isn't doing so great. I want you to know, right from the start, that I'm not even thinking about asking you guys to pay for it. I know I'm not the model student, but there have to be other options, some kind of financial programs out there. I... have no idea what they are, but I plan to find out. I'd like to try. Maybe I can even arrange to get a job - don't faint, I'm serious - and find a way to help out around the house. So, if it's okay, I'd like to take the day off from school today. I want to see a lady about a student loan."
Anaya pulled in a deep lungful of air. She'd said all of that straight through, without even stopping for a single breath. It was as if she had to get it all out before some tiny voice in her head doused her confidence.
At first, her mother only stared back, her eyes widening even further.
Does she think her daughter suddenly lost her mind? I know I would.
Anaya's pulse throbbed in her ears, but it wasn't going to scare her.
That was yesterday's Ana.
Her mom's eyes welled up. Then she finally stopped holding back and just let them overflow.
"I'll call the office and then take you myself," she said through tears. It was joy and pride and gratitude that caused the waterworks this time instead of spousal anger or monetary woes.
Anaya's vision started to blur with tears of her own. "I'd like that," she said simply, feeling at that moment less alone in the world. "Oh, and Mom... you're crying all over the bills."
Her mom laughed absently. "They'll dry off." Then she got up and pulled her daughter into a tight embrace.
It already felt like a step towards a better future. Not a big leap, nothing was solved yet, but there was light at the end of a very long tunnel. Anaya knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she felt like a door full of possibilities had opened and a whoosh of fresh hope had rushed in.
Despite the fact that her mom was giving her a bear hug that could suffocate an actual bear... Anaya could breathe again.
She dashed upstairs. She had to look conscientious, but not boring to meet with Elle. Something stylish, but also not too flashy. Something that would project confidence as well as humility. Well, "humility" wouldn't be an issue, considering her parents always made her return anything that exposed too much flesh or had a designer label on it.
It's what made me want to go into modeling in the first place. To experiment, to be free.
This time around, she was glad her closet wasn't cluttered with halter tops and mini skirts. Still, Anaya swiped her hands through the ensembles that hung in her closet, coded by color – nope, no, hell no. She disqualified the entire red, blue and black sections too.
She settled on a cream blouse, tucked into khaki pants, with tan pumps, and gold hoops. Instead of letting her hair fall loose past her shoulders, as she normally did in her previous life, she decided to face her destiny in a ponytail, puffed up neatly in front.
Her mother was waiting by the door, purse, and keys in hand. "Look at you! I'd give you a loan myself if it were up to me," she nodded in approval as Anaya descended their gold-rimmed stone floater staircase. "And accountants are pretty tough judges of character when it comes to money."
Anaya flushed. In the past, she'd dismissed her mom's compliments as a parent's blinded love. Now, she knew it was the purest form of truth.
"Ready?" her mother asked reaching for the door handle.
Anaya nodded. "More than I ever was."
Soon they were on the road and heading toward the highway. Anaya felt butterflies multiplying in the pit of her stomach.
Her mother smiled from the driver's seat. "Honey, I'm so proud of you."
"Mom, I haven't even stepped foot into a college yet."
"But yesterday you weren't planning on going at all! Yet here you are today, figuring it all out on your own. Not many teenagers can do that."
Maybe that's because I'm not one. Not mentally at least. And this time I'm not alone.
"I'm glad you're here with me, Mom. It means a lot that I have your support."
"I'm always here for you, Anaya. You can always count on me," her mother affirmed, before adding, "...and your father, too."
Anaya squeezed her mother's hand and sank back into the passenger seat.
Outside the window Anaya gazed at the reds, browns, and yellows as they flew past the window. She could hear the very subtle crunch of the car wheels driving over the ones that had fallen from their branches to the black, tar roads.
What kind of questions will Elle ask me? Will I have many options for tuition money? I guess it depends whether I can even get a school to take a second look at my transcript.
A trickle of sweat trailed down the back of Anaya's neck as the car pulled into Jean-Baptiste University. The fluttering butterflies in her gut had swiftly grown into monstrous carnivores. She gritted her teeth and shook away her nerves.
Relax, it's just a consultation. It'll be easier than picking out what to wear!
Besides, if this didn't work, she'd find something else that would. If Elle couldn't help her, Anaya would keep looking until she found someone who could.
Fall seem milder in the town of Faircrest. A few students sat around the gardens with their noses in their textbooks. Others lounged on blankets spread over grass or sat at the various tables in the courtyard. Some passed by Anaya and her mother carrying cappuccinos, quietly chatting while walking to class.
Anaya knew she wanted this... she wanted to experience it all, to be part of college life.
How could I have not been interested in this when I was seventeen?
The Administration building was an impressive piece of architecture. They certainly were keen on making an impression on anyone visiting its hallowed halls. The heavy front door reverberated through the corridor as Anaya quietly closed it behind them. Even the click of their heels echoed as they crossed the walnut parquet flooring. The walls were covered in carefully brushed gold suede that bathed them in old-world elegance. It oozed the charms of a different era, one she'd be hard-pressed to leave behind if she didn't get in.
"We're just here to talk," her mother said. "No use worrying over a conversation."
How does she know I was so concerned? Is it all over my face?
When Anaya just nodded, her mother leaned in and whispered, "They're going to love you, trust me."
The door to Elle's office was ajar, so Anaya knocked gently and peered inside. Elle was seated at a large, mahogany desk concentrating on her computer screen. She looked up, a surprised smile spreading across her face.
"I knew I'd see you again. Ana, am I right?" Elle stood politely and motioned for them to enter. She looked as sophisticated as Anaya remembered in her pencil skirt and maroon blouse with matching black blazer.
"You are, on both counts. I wanted to see JBU, and speak with you if you have some time..." Anaya spoke as if in a rush to catch the last midnight train home.
"I'll make the time," Elle replied and extended a hand to Anaya's mother. "I'm Eleanor Wright, Dean of First-Year Students."
"Lovely to meet you." Her mother shook her hand.
"I'm so glad to see you both. Please make yourselves at home."
Anaya gingerly sank into an oversized leather armchair colored varying tones of olive green.
Oh my God! If I had a chair like this in my doctor's office, I might never have come back.
The prominent centerpiece on Elle's desk grabbed her attention before Anaya could ask her first question. Some kind of giant pincushion or a globe split in half? No, it was a keyboard of sorts, with an unfamiliar arrangement of the alphabet on brass keys.
Elle picked up on Anaya's distraction. "That's a Hansen ball designed by a principal of the Royal Institute for the Deaf-Mutes." Elle smiled, her cool grey eyes twinkling. "We decorate all our offices with mementos that signify our inclusive teaching methods. Here we are grounded in love rather than reprimand."
That was her cue. Now or never. "Elle, I would love nothing more than to gain a place in your amazing institution. The thing is, we're not in a position to make the substantial payments required for a college education." Anaya pointedly avoided looking at her mother. This was not an attempt to shame her and their situation, it was simply the facts. "And to be honest with you, this opportunity was something I never thought would be on the cards for me, so I didn't even try. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes from here on out to make it happen if you'd help me find some financial options that can make it work for me."
Elle regarded Anaya for a moment. It was mercifully brief, as if she'd already decided to help. Or had never let a case such as hers walk out her door unresolved.
"Alright then, let's see what we have here," Elle said and reached for her files.
Anaya didn't breath while she watched, afraid to shift away the focus.
"First up, we have a host of scholarships. They are provided by our donors and partners to reward academic and extracurricular achievements."
Anaya's heart sank as she went through the list of merit based awards Elle placed in front of her.
"That's not applicable... I can't apply for that scholarship... and I don't have the grades for that one..." Some of the light in her eyes dimmed as one by one options were ruled out because of her grades.
Anaya's feelings rotated like a tumble dryer from excitement to fear, doubt to hope. From the minute she'd found out her parents' financial losses would prevent her changing course, adrenaline had taken over. Up till now, she'd been acting on the romanticized idea that everything was going to be different this time, that she could fix it all. Now that she was in the thick of it, her mind was desperately trying to grapple with the depths of the dives this could take.
How readily we crush our dreams, without even turning over the first stone, so willing to be the victims of circumstance!
But she refused to waste this second chance Greg had given her, refused to let everything she'd already done crumble to dust. Doing as you pleased at this age, without seeking the help and advice of those qualified to give it, equaled marching into a minefield.
Anaya had already made that mistake once, and it'd incinerated everything around her. Before Greg gave her the watch, she'd still been trying to rebuild her life out of the ashes. Maybe in another ten years, she might've created something halfway decent, maybe not. But Greg gave her a precious gift and she would not let it go. She just wished he was around to ask about it.
Elle broke the silence to cross off another avenue Anaya could take. "We also have a very few positions for subsidy programs such as work and learn, but those have been applied for and filled already for the next year."
Damn my teen priorities. Whatever could've been more important than this? Boyfriends? I don't have one. Clothes? I'm not allowed too many!
She should never have let things get this bad. Honestly, did she really think she could make a whole life for herself with straight Cs and Ds, and a modeling career?
Elle seemed to pick up on Anaya's optimism fading fast and turned to her mother instead. "Do you have income and assets that could supplement a loan application? There are ranges of funding, such as government student loans or even private loans we might look into. Of course, there are pros and cons of each, but some easier to obtain than others. We could even explore other lines of credit that may be open to you."
Anaya didn't leave her mother any time to feel cornered. She cherished her support and wasn't about to make her feel guilty in front of a stranger, no matter how hard they were trying to help.
"I really want to do this for myself if I can, Elle. I think that would give me direction, purpose... a real sense of responsibility that will ground me throughout my time at college."
This time, Elle's gaze was heavier and lingered. Her eyes pinned Anaya from behind her reading glasses. She indicated a different folder on her desk with the tip of her pen.
"We do have a very few case-specific options at JBU too." She drummed her fingers on her desk, then took off her glasses. "It's still early in the year, Ana. If you commit yourself to turning these grades around and maintaining a good record, you'll find several new doors open for you."
Anaya finally let out her breath. She could do this. If she could do the work, keep her grades up, and stay in school, she could really do this.
"I can. I will. I promise to put in all the work it'll take. Please help me get there."
"It's my job. Finding a way to make things happen is what I do. The rest is up to you. I have faith that you can do whatever you set your mind to do."
"That I will. And much more."
This isn't a pipe dream, this can be my reality.
"Fill in these forms as best you can and I will be in touch about the funding opportunities as they open up." Elle held out the folder for her.
"Thank you for everything, Elle. I will not let you down." Anaya took her hand and shook it firm and hard.
It was then that Anaya looked to her mother. She'd observed, for the most part, letting her daughter take the lead. But the warm look of heartfelt gratitude she flashed to Elle as they walked to the door would've melted a glacier.
They continued in silence for a while before her mom pulled Anaya into a hug. "You did it, baby! You handled yourself beautifully in there."
She had. She really had.
"I'm going to do this, Mom. I will make the grades so you don't have to worry about financing it. I'll be with you to figure out what to do about the house and the bank. I want to help you as much as you've helped me. We'll work together as a family."
Her mother smiled back, her eyes aglow. "Really? Who are you and what have you done with my Anaya?"
Anaya laughed. "Same girl. I... just have a different outlook on life now, I guess."
"Well, you got that from me. The self-determination."
"I guess I did," Anaya agreed.
That and my adult brain that's back in my teen body because of a magic watch and a hundred-and-one-year-old watchmaker.
Anaya felt as light as the falling leaves that had piled up on their car. She allowed herself to bask in this feeling of weightlessness as she enjoyed the car ride back home and her new, uncharted future.