.................................................
Remus was right to assume he was going to be interrogated for disappearing when he returned. But they seemed to buy his lie about falling asleep and the rest of the evening was a peaceful one.
However, the next morning when he woke early as usual in order to change and shower in peace, he found James waiting for him after the fact.
His friend was sitting on his bed, fully dressed, and seemed possibly bothered by something.
"Happy birthday, James. You ok?" Remus asked, wondering why the boy was up so early and frowning thoughtfully as he was.
"Remus, can we talk?" James asked, looking upset and definitely bothered by something. Remus could tell due to the way his friend was holding his chin like he always did when displeased by something he couldn't figure out.
"Um, sure?" Remus was considerably confused, rather than concerned. Perhaps it was school-related, as he didn't associate James with deeply uncomfortable questions. In fact, out of all his friends, James seemed to give him the most space, either because he knew Remus needed to in order to balance Sirius or because he didn't know what to say.
So it didn't occur to Remus it might be different this time. He simply followed James, having dressed in the bathroom like always, and the two of them went down into the common room which was deserted. The remains of someone occupying the area earlier was evident by the roaring fire, candy wrappers, and pillows on the fur carpet rather than the couch.
It was only when James resumed his position that Remus realized with concern that he had been up before him.
"Why didn't you sleep last night?" Remus asked worriedly.
James looked hesitant. Sitting up, hugging the pillow close to his chest, he leaning back against the couch. He patted the spot next to him, an invitation for Remus to join, and seemed to be thinking carefully about how to respond.
Remus hesitated but ultimately sat down. This was James after-all. Not Sirius.
"Well...I'll tell you, but...can I ask you a question first?" James ventured unsuredly.
"Sure," Remus replied, still drowsy and tired, not a morning person despite what all his friends thought. Besides, he was used to James' questions, each more insignificant and silly than the last one. James had recently been asking 'would you rather questions' to all the boys in the dorm. Remus wasn't sure if James did it to ease tensions, cause people to laugh, or because he was actually curious about the answers. But he had come to expect such questions from James by now.
James nodded. He wasn't smiling nor was he frowning. He looked rather neutral as he sometimes did when he was in what Sirius called a 'Pensive Potter' mood. Remus was beginning to feel a little worried now. He wasn't used to James being so serious around just him like this.
"Where did you go during my party? I was hanging pretty high up you know..." James' tone was calm, though he sounded hurt. Remus realized in horror that James had seen him exit the Slytherin bleachers, coming from exactly where the Slytherins who attacked had been.
"It's not what you think! I wasn't one of the attackers, I promise!" Remus shouted, terrified this would be like the letter fiasco all over again.
He wasn't sure what he'd do if they all started thinking he was some sort of Slytherin supporter. They already gave him trouble over hanging out with Severus. What if they didn't see it as a big stretch? Then he saw James' baffled look before the birthday boy burst out laughing.
"Blimey, Lupin, that's not where I was going! You honestly think I'd think that? I'd trust you with my life, mate," James replied earnestly.
Remus was surprised to hear this. He knew they were all friends but he hadn't had any idea how much James trusted and valued his friendship. He felt his cheeks go red, and James' got a bit pink from Remus' embarrassment before he shook his head grinning. "Even if you hang out with Snivellus because of Lily, I know that's because you're just a good person and not some sort of secret Slytherin supporter," James laughed again at the thought.
"But...the letters..." Remus muttered, feeling embarrassed and defensive. James gave him an apologetic look and put a hand on his shoulder, his expression saddening when Remus habitually flinched, though he said nothing about it.
"We didn't know you then, yeah? Besides..." James suddenly sat up straighter, a very familiar cocky expression on his face now. "I was the one who thought something was off, don't you remember? My mum says I have excellent deduction skills." The pride on James' face switched quickly to sadness and he slumped over, looking upset.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked, concerned by the dramatic change. Why was the mention of James' mum making him sad?
"You first, mate. I haven't forgotten, you know."
Remus looked at James' scrutinizing gaze and recalled all the times he had a calm demeanor. Remus realized that if he could tell anyone what had happened, it was James.
"You can't tell Peter, and you especially can't tell Sirius," Remus double checked, pulling one of the plush pillows from the ground into his lap and squeezing it tightly.
James nodded like he had been expecting this.
"Promise?" Remus insisted, knowing he couldn't risk Sirius finding out.
"I solemnly swear," James answered immediately, raising his hand like he was taking an oath. Remus smiled at the dramatic ways of all his friends. Then he took a deep breath and explained what happened. Remus had to give his friend credit, because James stayed calm to the end, making only a few outbursts even though the birthday boys' hair was getting more messed up as he kept running his hand through it visibly stressed.
When Remus finished, James gaped at him for a second then took a deep breath.
"I'm gonna kill them!" James declared passionately, directing his glare out one of the windows in the common room as if a Slytherin was lurking outside of it.
"James! You're supposed to be the calm one!" Remus exclaimed aghast. His friend was now on his feet, his eyes blazing with intensity.
"I am calm," James replied looking fired up, "and I will calmly go and murder the bloody hell out of every single Slytherin."
"Then be serious," Remus groaned, getting to his feet as well.
"I am," James shot back, his eyes certainly filled with a grave determination that Remus didn't like the look of one bit.
"No Sirius is Sirius," Remus teased, hoping to break James' concentration who still seemed to be planning the demise of every individual Slytherin, even though Remus stressed how it had only been a small group of them.
But James just gave Remus an unamused look at the weak joke. Remus sighed, realizing that while his friend before him was less likely to confront him on matters when James did confront him he was much less likely than Sirius or Peter to be distracted after the fact.
"Well, I won't actually kill them, but on my pride as a Gryffindor, I'll get them back for hurting you...and for dangling me in the air," James added as an afterthought, and Remus' chest hurt at how protective James was of him.
"If you retaliate, then they will and it will never end. Be logical, James."
"I am being logical. And my logic is they need to pay for what they did."
"They could have done worse..."
"Remus, don't do that. Please don't," James pleaded, sounding pained and Remus shut his mouth, preventing himself from saying that it hadn't been that bad. James seemed to know that what Remus had told him had happened, which was most of the truth, was an under-exaggeration of what had actually happened. Remus realized he wouldn't be able to stop James. But if he couldn't stop him he knew he could at least stall him.
"Not until after spring break," Remus pleaded. James looked him over, considering the matter before asking why he needed to wait. "Because Sirius will join in even if he doesn't know why, which you can't tell him!" Remus concluded, making sure to drive home the importance of not telling Sirius. While Sirius didn't tell James everything, Remus was pretty sure James told Sirius, and basically all of his friends, everything.
James reassured him he wouldn't tell Sirius, then asked why the young Black couldn't participate in the revenge as it would be downright rude to leave him out of it.
"Because spring break is soon and...well he'll be around his family," Remus pointed out carefully.
James' eyes widened and he looked nervous. "But he said they'd be on vacation and it wouldn't be a problem!"
"Well, that's true," Remus said quickly, despite not really knowing if it was. He hoped it was true. "But if Sirius gets in a bunch of trouble, especially for targeting Slytherins...well, it's a sore spot for his family and he may get in a load of trouble...which...would be bad..."
"Oh," James said dumbly, looking pale now.
Remus looked away from him, feeling self-conscious. He could almost hear James' thoughts connecting more pieces of his friends' lives. Realizing that if Sirius couldn't for sure say he'd be safe then neither could Remus.
"Remus...." James began sounding pained and Remus shook his head, not about to talk about this.
"It's your turn," Remus replied quickly, desperate for a topic change. If James heard the high pitched desperation he was kind enough not to say anything.
"Fine. But I really need to talk to both you and Sirius about spring break. I.....I'm really worried about that. And don't say I shouldn't be, because we both know that's a load of rubbish," James added sharply. "As for my turn, well it seems sort of a foolish problem now..." the birthday boy trailed off, sounding self-conscious. But he believed Remus, who was able to convince his friend that whatever it was it wouldn't be foolish.
"I told Sirius but I knew he wouldn't get it and he didn't. And I didn't tell Peter because Peter is...well Peter. He looks up to me, see? He looks up to me so much that I don't want to let him down or anything with him being the youngest out of our mates and all. But...um, it's my first birthday away from my mum and dad. I know it's dumb and I've been away so long it's not like I'm a homesick baby or anything....but, well, I mean I miss them on my birthday. That's not crazy right? I mean you get it, not with your dad obviously, but your mum...oh, sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned her, right?"
Remus wasn't sure if he felt more like laughing out of relief the problem wasn't a big one, which he never would because of offending James, or crying, because his friend's problems seemed so normal.
"You can mention my mum, it's ok. She...she's doing a bit better. But it's not stupid, James. I bet loads of students felt that way during their first birthday away from home. You were telling us last night what a big deal birthdays are for your family, so it makes sense you're feeling a little homesick and all. I'm sure they are missing you too. Have you floo'ed them yet?" he asked, wondering why his simple words seemed to console James so much. As soon as his friend heard Remus say him missing his parents wasn't stupid, James relaxed considerably. Then at Remus' suggestion for James to floo his parents, the sleep-deprived Gryffindor smiled brightly.
"That's a great idea! I was worried it would make me feel worse. But...well I wasn't even thinking about how they're missing me. It's my duty as a son to check in on them, after all," James pointed out, going on and on about how he needed to make sure his parents were alright and that him checking on them was a noble thing to do.
Remus nodded, agreeing as James continued to justify talking to his parents today. It took a while, but the birthday boy decided that he was going to floo them before everyone else woke up.
"They always get up really early. You'd really like my parents, Remus, and they'd love you! They keep telling me how proud they are of me and you're just as good a student as me, if not better. You've gotta come to see them. Maybe over summer. They really are the best!" James gushed happily over his parents as he dug around in his bag for his tin of floo powder which students had to provide themselves with.
"I'm sure they are, James," Remus replied, simply since he was at a loss at what else to say. James was now so excited to talk to them that he didn't notice Remus growing upset, both at the mere thought of summer and because James' parents certainly wouldn't love him. For a second, Remus tried to think about what it would be like for James and his parents to find out his friend was a werewolf. But that quickly became much too depressing and Remus tried to excuse himself so James could have privacy, only the birthday boy didn't want him to leave.
"Oi! Just say hi real quick then you can go. I've told them all about you...er not all," James amended, this time noticing that Remus had gotten a bit upset. The paranoid werewolf sincerely tried to get out of it but finally relented. If he was being honest with himself, he was curious.
After all, James talked about his family only a little less than he talked about Quidditch. His stories about both topics never bored the many people he told them too, even if they were being heard a second or third time. James was a natural storyteller as much as he was a natural-born leader, his friends often looking to him for the final decision on things, even Sirius.
"Fine," Remus finally gave in and James beamed at him.
"Brilliant! You're the only one they haven't met yet, since Sirius and Peter were here when I talked to them once before at the beginning of the year. It was hard not to floo them every day at first," he admitted, with a sheepish grin. Remus nodded as if he understood since he sort of did. It took months before he stopped fretting over his father, and it was only the fact that he was too poor for floo powder that stopped him trying to reach his father earlier.
Thinking of his father made Remus feel sick, and he tried to ignore the thoughts reminding him constantly that his father was ill, didn't want to see him, and knew him to only be a burden. Remus shook his head as James crouched down by the flames which quickly turned green and clearly announced his address. Then he stuck his head in and back out the flames, becoming normal colored once more.
Remus expected James to be disappointed since he couldn't speak to his parents, but the boy was grinning. When he noticed Remus' confusion, he explained his parents would floo him back. Marveling at the fact the Potters were rich enough to waste floo on a few seconds of a transaction, he waited for the fires to go green again.
There were a few moments where nothing happened, and Remus felt bad that for a second he hoped James' parents wouldn't floo back because then he wouldn't have to see them. Remus busied himself with positioning himself at the edge of the couch, out of sight, just in time as the flames crackled and two heads appeared, though Remus could hardly see them from where he was at.
"Happy Birthday, James!" Two loving voices cheered together and James laughed at their exuberance.
"I wanted to check in on how you two were doing without me there," James explained, still grinning ear to ear. If James' parents knew he called also because he missed them, they didn't show it. They discussed how much they missed James to the point it would have seemed drawn out and fake if it wasn't for the sincerity that was somehow communicated clearly even through the flames.
James told his parents about his party and the Slytherins attacking. His parents both seemed strongly opinionated about the students, and it wasn't hard to figure out where James got his desire for justice and deep dislike of dark arts from. His mother seemed to think reporting them to Dumbledore was justice, while James' father had hinted that the only way to stop a Slytherin was making them back down. Then Mr. Potter added that he had a gift for James that would help with the Slytherins, but Euphemia Potter gave her husband a sharp look and the matter was dropped, despite James' persistence to find out what the gift was. Just as James started talking about school Remus was thinking he could slip away the boy crouched by the fire remembered Remus was there and beckoned him over.
"Mum. Dad. I've finally got Remus here. I figured you'd want to meet him."
They both assured James they very much wanted to, and reiterated to James once more that any of his friends were welcome to visit.
"Remus, come on over. I told you my parents would want to meet you," James called encouragingly. James beckoned again when he realized Remus wasn't coming over. Sighing heavily to himself, Remus forced himself to walk closer to the fire, now properly able to see what had before been blurry movements in the fire.
The Potters looked old, but it was hard to tell with floo. However, Remus knew the Potters had James later on in life as their son had bragged about how special he was to his parents because of this many times. Both Mr. and Mrs. Potter looked as kind as James described them being, though they also appeared a bit terrifying as their faces were currently made out of flames.
"It's nice to finally meet you, Remus," Euphemia responded with as much warmth as she had to her own son. It was rather unnerving, but Remus tried to match the radiance of her smile though probably failed.
"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am," he replied kindly hoping Mrs. Potter couldn't tell how nervous he was.
"You have such polite friends, James," Fleamont responded, sounding proud of that fact. His tone sounding much like his son's did when James was proud about something. Remus was even willing to bet that the older man had sat straighter and puffed up in a similar fashion to how James did when he was really proud of something. Remus supposed it made sense that James' choice of friends was important to his parents, and they also seemed supportive of his friends, which were both things Remus wished his father did.
"I'm so glad you recovered, Remus. James was quite upset," Euphemia mentioned briefly.
Remus was worried the adults would ask about what had caused the coma, but they didn't. In fact, they moved on to talking about classes and interests, and somehow Remus felt included in the conversation with the Potter's in a way he never had quite felt before.
Remus found that he felt rather warm as he listened to James and Fleamont jokingly argue about their generation of Gryffindor quidditch players being the best, and realized it wasn't just from the fire.
"No dad, the current team is the best. There are still players on it from last year when Gryffindor went undefeated!" James boasted loudly.
"Yes, but their star player is gone. Perhaps I'll agree this current generation's team is the best when you're on the team, son."
James beamed. While he was typically a happy child, the joy on his face talking to his family was the sort of joy Remus had only ever seen him have while flying. By the time students were coming downstairs, Remus felt he had gotten to know his friend better somehow, or at least understand a little more about why James' parents were so important to him.
"You two boys get a good breakfast, it's very important. Pay attention to your classes and have a wonderful week. Happy birthday again, love! Your father and I can't wait until you return home!" Euphemia called in farewell happily. Fleamont added "stay out of trouble" but winked when Euphemia wasn't looking.
"Bye, mum, bye dad. See you soon," James called, waving goodbye. The birthday boy now seemed so much happier and he thanked Remus profusely as they climbed back to their dorm. As they neared their dorm James flung his arm around Remus and demanded to know his impression of the Potters, satisfied only when the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. Remus wasn't even lying. He did like Mr. and Mrs. Potter a great deal. It also made him miss his family terribly, especially his mum.
When James fell back asleep, the 'only half an hour' turning into nearly two, Remus pulled out his mother's quilt. He sat in his bed with his curtain drawn and held it to his chest, trying not to think too hard about how excited his mum would be to speak with him through floo, and how proud she would be of his choice in friends.