Chapter One
It's okay, it's okay. You're going to be okay, I tried to convince myself as I walked down the halls of my high school, New Water High. I was trying out a new look today; a long, flowing, Bohemian skirt, bright lips, and heels. If I could pull this off, I'd look just like I came from a Cover Girl photo shoot. But the question is, how long could I pull this off for?
I would have been fine, that is, until I spotted Bryce Leony hanging out by his locker. Caught off guard by his handsome looks, I went tumbling over my heels. The worst part is that I fell right at his feet. Guess that I couldn’t pull that off, after all. Of course with my luck, Ashley Wince had to be right next to Bryce, making a big fuss about it. “Aw, look, Bryce,” Ashley cooed. “Mickey fell for you.” She and the rest of the popular bunch began laughing, as if it were the funniest thing they had ever heard.
I got up and brushed myself off, “It's Kaylie, actually.”
“What? How?” Ashley smirked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Well, ya know, my name is Mikayla. Then, you get Kayla, and then, Kaylie,” I explained in an awkward expression, feeling more and more embarrassed as I opened my mouth. Why did I have to always over explain things? Why was I so awkward?
Ashley made her face into a pout. “Actually it's Mikayla, then Mick, and, lastly, Mickey,” she said before smirking again. With that I shook my head, turned on my heel, and walked away wondering if I could do anything right. It seemed as if I was always the person walking alone, always the one who was yelled at, bullied, etc. To be honest with you, I wasn't sure that I could do anything right. I couldn't even walk the right way, for crying out loud! I would never be like any of the other girls who were just so perfect with the way they did everything. Why was I different than everybody else?
I ran the rest of the way to homeroom, where I took my place at the back of the classroom, as I always did. Mark Langer was there to greet me. “Oh, hi, Kaylie,” he said in his dorky voice as he pushed his big, framed glasses up his pointed nose. I smiled at him and said a quick hello. Langer was a complete dork, but he was always there for me when I needed him. The sad thing is that I don't have any friends, and I couldn't even count Langer as one. I was the lone ranger in class and in the world, but surely someone out there had to care for me. Perhaps I just haven't met this person yet.
“You look as red as a tomato, Kaylie,” Langer continued to talk. “Surely something is up.”
I looked at him and took a deep breath. I tossed my long brown curls behind me before telling my tale. “Well, I was walking through the hall when I tripped over my heels, and landed at Leony's feet,” I blushed. “Then, Ashley Wince had to make such dumb comments.” I shuddered at my embarrassing moment, and Langer gave me a knowing look.
“I've been there before, Ranger,” he saluted me before turning back to his notebook full of equations and A+'s. Mark Langer and the rest of his nerdy squad always held A+'s on everything, and I had to admit that I was always a little jealous and embarrassed when our teachers passed our grades back. Langer and his crew knew that I struggled with schoolwork and always offered me help. However, I was too shy to accept it so I was just smiled and gently refused the offer. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't that smart either. In most classes, my grades would be in the seventies or eighties, with an occasional, surprise ninety. The only classes I was actually “smart” in were Art Class and English. In those classes, I was able to express myself in ways that I never thought possible.
Everyone is excellent in certain things. For me, it's Art and English Class. For Bryce Leony it's athletics. For Ashley Wince, it's pushing people down to make them feel insecure about themselves. For Langer and his group of friends, it was everything. I wanted to be like them, but with my dyslexia, sometimes it was hard to. Trust me, I did try my best, but dyslexia was always preventing me from achieving just I wanted to.
I waited for my teacher to come in, and while I was waiting, I opened up this furry pink notebook that I had decorated, doodling on one of the clean pages. This notebook was reserved for doodling, and I’ve had it since seventh grade. Now a freshman in high school, I’m cramming to find free space in there. I used that notebook all the time because drawing is the only thing I had to keep me happy. During lunch I sat at an empty table and just draw, or on the bus I sat by myself, drawing. In the evenings at home, I laid on my bed, drawing after I had finished with my homework. During the summer months, I would ride my bike to the local park, sit under a tree or on one of the tree's branches, and just draw with my pencils. Nothing was more of a comfort to me.
Today, I was working on this unicorn with long pink hairs. My favorite thing to draw was fantasy because you can really use your imagination when drawing such things. With fantasy drawings, things are the way that you want to make it. Everything becomes so surreal, and it helps me to just get away. I can draw of far-away places, my own utopias. While I draw, it's like I am being sucked into my pictures. I get to know everything that is there, better than anybody else, and I can imagine that if I lived there, somebody there would care about me. My drawings helped me to become me, and go on those adventures I always dreamed about going on, like in all of those fantasy novels on my bookshelf at home.
Langer caught me drawing and commented on it. “Oh, how detailed. You really know how to bring your pictures to life, Kaylie,” he smiled.
I smiled back at him, and continued on with the unicorn. Finally, our teacher showed up and took attendance. We all stood up, said the Pledge of Allegiance, and then grabbed our things to head off to our first class. My first class was Art, luckily. It was always a nice way to start off an easy Monday morning. I was the first one in class, as usual, so Ms. Greper came over to talk to me.
“Kaylie, bright and early again, are we?” she smiled.
“I'm ready for today's lesson,” I smiled back. I brought out my picture of the unicorn and showed it to her. “Today I began drawing this. What do you think?” In the beginning of the year, I had accidentally left my pink notebook in the library, and a student found it, thinking that it belonged in the art room. Ms. Greper then got a hold of my notebook, found that it belonged to me, and made me promise her that I would always show her my doodles from now on because they had amazed her so much.
“Kaylie,” she said in awe. “This is incredible. What inspired you?”
“Today I had a run-in with Ashley Wince (Ms. Greper smiled knowingly, and rolled her eyes at the brat's name.) It really hurt me, and I felt so trapped inside of myself. Unicorns, though, are such beautiful creatures that always get their way. They're just so free, and that's what I wanted to be. Free like a unicorn, I guess,” I told her. Ms. Greper knew all about how Ashley primarily used me as her victim, and she always understood the representation in my pictures.
“This is lovely, Kaylie, but you know, it is odd that all of your drawings come from such negative feelings,” Ms. Greper said, shaking her finger in the air as if trying to figure out what was so out of place.
“But, Ms. Greper, you're always telling me to use my negative emotions to bring out drawings such as these,” I said, confused. “I don't understand what you're saying.”
“Darling, people use positive emotions to bring out magnificent drawings, as well. Every time I ask you for your inspiration, I always get a negative response. Don't you have any positive images in your head that can create drawings from? I just don't feel that it is healthy for you to draw so many things connected to negative images,” Ms. Greper said concerned.
I just shrugged it off, “I suppose that I do, but when I draw from negative events, I feel that all of the negativity is just being drawn out of me. It just completely leaves me.” This wasn't the truth because the hurt I feel always stays, but I do feel much better as I draw, and I wanted Ms. Greper to be relieved.
She smiled and said, “Oh, okay then.”
I set the paints up at my easel as the rest of the class migrated into the classroom. Ms. Greper gave us our assignment and away we painted. I drew a bird soaring through the sky. He was being set free. Freedom was always the key to my paintings because it is what I so desperately desired.
The next class I had was Algebra, and Mr. Kraner spat at me throughout the whole class. “What do you not understand, Mikayla? It's not that hard of a concept! How come the rest of the class can get it, but you can’t?” At some point, I just sat in the class and decided to be quiet. I didn't want to be a pest so I just doodled away in my notebook while the rest of the class flew right through the lessons. We left class with an assignment of fifty equations that I had no idea on how to solve. It would be another assignment that I would fail.
At lunch time, I retired to my usual table in the corner where the garbage cans were. I guess that I’m considered a bit of a loser, but it was a peaceful spot where I could gather my thoughts and let my pencil run free. Halfway through the lunch period, Langer came over to me. “Hey, Kaylie, Dylan said that you were pretty confused during Math class today,” he said smiling, trying to make me feel better.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said, looking down at my tray of food.
Langer took the seat next to me, “Please, let me tutor you.”
“Oh, no,” I smiled, feeling that same shy feeling again. “Thanks, but I think I got the hang of it now.”
“What? Did Billy the Elephant explain the work to you during class?” he asked sarcastically.
I sighed. What would it take to get him away from me? “Mr. Kraner just doesn't like me. He expects me to know every single thing, and he doesn't offer me any help whatsoever. If I didn't get the concepts at the beginning of the year, then there was no way I'd be able to understand the stuff that they are doing now,” I muttered. “It's too late for me. I'll just have to retake the course this summer.”
“Kaylie, it's only January, and although the weather outside is gloomy, there is still hope behind those dark clouds, just like in your drawings. Let me help you, and I promise that you'll get better,” he pleaded. I agreed, and he ordered me to take my homework out, which I did automatically.
The first problem read: 2x-5y=30 and 8x+5y=120. We were supposed to find both the value of x and y.
“How would you go about solving this?” Langer asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. “Alright, then try solving this just to see where you're at,” he said writing an equation on a piece of paper.
2x-5=30.
I looked at him clueless. “Can you solve basic integers, at least?” he asked. I didn't even know what an integer was. I just stared at him helplessly. Langer smacked his forehead, probably thinking how much harder this is going to be than he had thought. “Let's start like this: what do you know?” he asked me.
“Honestly, Langer, I have failed every quarter this year. I have no clue,” I said guilty.
He patted me on the back saying, “Don't worry, Kaylie. I promise you that I will get you on track starting tomorrow at lunch. Meet right here tomorrow with a new notebook and tons of pencils ready.” He walked away from me, and I sat at the table wondering how in the world I would be able to get everything done. I felt that I was too behind to know where to even begin. I couldn't do anything right.
I went home on the bus, sitting by myself, working on the picture of a unicorn. Unicorns represent hope, and that's exactly what I needed. Hope. Freedom. Love. Everything that came to my mind when I saw a unicorn is exactly what I needed. However, there wasn’t any hope for me getting any of that.
When I got home, I did all of my homework, and saved math for the last. Except, when I went to go do the math homework, it wasn't there. Great, so now I really would get a zero. Just another reason for Mr. Kraner to fail me, yell at me, spit at me...
I went downstairs and grabbed a plate filled with a chicken leg, peas, mashed potatoes, and a bottle of water. I grabbed utensils, and took my meal up to my room where I ate on my bed silently, in peace. The rest of my family was downstairs at the kitchen table, eating their meals, and sharing laughs. Poor me was stuck in my room because that was the only place the world wanted me to be. Locked away.
The next day I woke up and grabbed a clean spiral notebook. A new pack of pencils was thrown into my bag and I ran off to the bus stop eager to get the day over with. I just didn't get what the point of my life was. Every day I wake up and got dressed, trying to look pretty, but never successful with my attempt. The rest of the day I'm shot down, called ugly, and feel useless. I spend my days alone, drawing, and then I go home just to go to sleep. Then, I wake up the next day and start the whole routine over again. I didn't understand why I had to live in such a miserable world with such a miserable life.
When I got to homeroom, Langer passed me something. “What's this?” I asked.
“Weren't you missing your math homework last night?” he asked.
Curiously, I looked at it, and saw my Math homework completed. I gave him a big hug, “Aw, Langer, thanks so much! You didn't have to do all that.”
He shrugged it off, “It was nothing.”
I turned to leave for my next class when I heard him call my name behind me. “Kaylie?”
I turned around to face him, “Yeah?”
He looked me up and down. “You look really pretty today.”
I smiled and headed off to class. That was the first time I ever heard someone say that to me, excluding all of those times that I heard Bryce say it to me, in my mind. Today I wore black skin tight leggings, a purple sweater dress, and brown knee high boots. On my wrist, I wore my lucky charm bracelet that my Grandma left me before she passed away five years before. I guess that I looked kind of cute, I don't know.
At lunch I met up with Langer who was happy to see that I remembered my notebook. “Alright, so title this page with the date and call it 'Integers,'” Langer instructed.
“Why?” I asked.
“So that you can find stuff easier. It will just make everything so much more organized, Kaylie,” he explained.
I shrugged my shoulders and wrote it out. “So you have no idea on what an integer is?” he asked, and I nodded ‘no.’ He nodded and began to tell me, but I lost him.
“You've already lost me, I'm sorry,” I stopped him.
“Hmm, maybe if I put into terms that you can understand,” he said thoughtfully. Suddenly his face lit up, it was like a light bulb went off in Langer's head. “Tell me, in Art, you have those three colors that are key to every other color. Right?” he asked.
“Yes. Red, blue, and yellow. The primary colors,” I shook my head, understanding.
“Well, math is the same way. You need to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide both positive and negative numbers. If you can do that then you can make anything else,” he said.
“Okay so that kind of makes sense,” I said, and he tutored me for the rest of the hour. By the end of lunch class, I had already learned a week's worth of material.
“Thanks, Langer,” I said smiling at the end of lunch. “I'll work on this more tonight, and I'll see you back here tomorrow.”
Later that evening, I laid on my bed feeling somewhat accomplished. When you put things into terms that I can understand, everything becomes much easier to understand. I went online and found some integer practice problems, solving each of them correctly. It was an improvement, at least.
Our lessons continued every day at lunch, and by the end of just two weeks, I was completely caught up. I'm telling you, Langer is a genius. However, whenever a bit of sunshine begins to rain down on my life, or anyone’s, Ashley has to storm in and ruin it. One day at lunch, she came over and just towered over us with her arms folded across her chest, and a smirk spread out across her face. Her blonde hair framed her face perfectly, and those huge blue eyes of hers said trouble. I tried to ignore her because I didn't want to get mixed up with all of that drama.
“Wow, Mickey,” she said, loud enough so that the whole cafeteria heard. “Just a couple of weeks ago, you were falling for Bryce, and now you're all over Langer. How did your taste get so low? I mean, we all know that Bryce could never have been yours anyway, but were you seriously this desperate?” Her voice, expression, and rude presence drove me crazy, and I lost it.
“His name is Mark!” I shouted. “And I do not love him. He has been tutoring me in math for the past two weeks, and that's it. He's my tutor, that's all. And another thing, I do not love Bryce, nor do I like him. He's just like you and the rest of your little posse! You think that you're too cool for anyone, and that doesn't make you cool, but an inconsiderate jerk!” My voice and confidence surprised me, but it made me feel satisfied that I could stick up for myself in such a way.
“Wow, so little shy girl does have a voice,” snobby Ashley said in her pouted voice.
“Yeah, and it speaks louder than your cruel words do,” I said, looking her dead in the eye.
“It’s amazing how love can change a person,” Ashley smirked.
“Love did not change me for I have not yet experienced it,” I replied. Langer stood up from his seat, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away from Ashley. I gave her dirty looks the whole time that I was dragged away from her, but she was persistent with her goal to hurt me.
“I have to tell you something, Kaylie,” Langer said, looking me seriously in the eye.
“Oh, look! Langer and Mickey are holding hands!” Ashley squealed. A crowd that had gathered around us began to roar with excitement and laughter.
“Kaylie, I really need to tell you something now,” Langer said grabbing both of my hands now.
“Aw, how sweet,” Ashley snickered. “Loser Langer wants to tell his little girlfriend something!”
It was then that Bryce came up from behind her, and yelled, “Stop, can't you see that you're hurting her?” He turned to the congregation, “How heartless are you all?”
“Who am I hurting? Mickey?” Ashley asked, trying to pull off an innocent voice, with a slight pout of the lips. Anyone could see through her little act, and I really hoped that Bryce could, as well.
“No, you’re hurting Kaylie,” he said sternly, leaving Ashley to just stand there, looking at him blankly.
“We used to have fun making fun of her, and now that we're given the golden opportunity to completely humiliate her, you're going to back down? You are such a chicken, Bryce!” she squealed.
“Chicken? No. You should listen to her because you really are just as petty as she says! Honestly, you should be ashamed. Ashley, you're not having fun, you're being rude,” he yelled at Ashley. Then he looked at the crowd, and added, “All of you.”
As the crowd broke out into silence, guilty for their actions, Langer chose this moment went in for a kiss. Once it was over, I just stared at him, somewhat frightened. Ashley and the rest of them stood there finally silenced, with their mouths hanging wide opened. I felt tears starting to rush down my face so I ran out of the cafeteria to the nearest bathroom and hid there until the day was over. I didn't even bother taking the bus home that day. Instead, I walked two miles to get home, only stopping to get myself a drink at Starbucks, something that I had hoped would cheer me up a bit.
The next day I rode my bike to school, and when it came lunchtime, Langer tried to come sit with me. I gave him the cold shoulder and ran to eat my lunch in the abandoned girls' bathroom, and I did so every day afterward. Langer had completely ruined whatever reputation I had left. Mikayla Brookes was now the laughing stock of the whole school, and remained that way until three weeks later when Ms. Greper talked to me after Art class.
“Kaylie, are you okay? You haven't drawn at all since the whole incident,” Ms. Greper said concerned. “I mean, you’ve drawn in Art class just to keep up your grade, but there’s no love behind your drawings! Outside of this class, you haven’t picked up a pencil, so says Langer and your parents. People say that you don’t even bring your notebook to school anymore. I’m a bit concerned about you!”
“No, I’m not okay. Langer just came up and kissed me. We weren't even friends, and there was no way that I would ever have feelings for him!” I vented.
“Not even friends, eh? Well, Kaylie, I don't know, but if that wasn't friendship than I don't know what is. He saw you when you were in trouble, in need. He spent all of his time helping you, and even did some of your homework for you. That's dedication, Kaylie. That's friendship,” Ms. Greper said, looking amused. How did she even know those things?
“Maybe so, but that didn't mean he had to kiss me,” I argued.
“Maybe not, but that doesn't mean that you should ignore him after everything he has done for you, doll,” she said with a smile on her face.
“I am fifteen years old, Ms. Greper, and I do not need a guy in my life or a nerd. His actions were rude and completely uncalled for,” I stated.
“I agree, but that doesn't mean that you must treat him like you do,” Ms. Greper stated with an icy tone in her voice.
“Well, then, Ms. Greper, maybe I'll just skip town, and then I won't have to deal with neither him nor the rest of you,” I argued, storming out of her classroom.
At lunchtime, I sat at my normal table. Langer didn't dare talk to me, but Bryce did. He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder as to cheer me up. I’m not sure what I did next should be classified as stupid or not, but I smacked his cheek. When he still didn't leave, I poured lemonade on his head. That boy was persistent, and I couldn’t figure out why. Even after the lemonade, he still wouldn't leave me alone so I finished my lunch in the abandoned bathroom again. There was no one who I could speak to or turn to, and it was all Langer's fault.
After my talk with Ms. Greper, things began to really change. Now that I was the hottest gossip, everyone wanted to talk to me, but there was no one that I could trust. I was the center of attention, but I didn't care because I just wanted to be left alone. Langer had ruined my life and my reputation as the shy girl, so I decided to recreate myself in a new image. I began dressing differently, wearing more Gothic, rocker-type clothing. Skulls, crosses, black, and heavy boots were always incorporated into my looks on a daily basis. My hair was consistently put up into a messy bun, and heavy dark lip sticks covered my lips. I was no longer the girl who wore such free clothes. I was ruined, broken, and there was nothing anyone could do to fix me. I mean, I couldn't do anything right except for making a fool out of myself.
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Author's Note:
Dear friends,
Thank you for reading the very first chapter of my novel, The Child That Never Was, written for NaNoWriMo 2014. I have had this idea for this novel for quite some time now, but never had time to execute it. Of course, I tried to write it before, but it never worked out. (I ended up deleting the novel, but not the idea).
When it came time to think about my novel for NaNoWriMo, I wrote a few plot summarys and started a couple of outlines, but couldn't exactly come up with anything great. Then, I thought back onto my idea for this novel, and said, "This is the one." I am more than excited to finally carry out all the ideas I've been capturing away for this novel, and hope that you will all enjoy reading it as much as I will writing it.
Basically, this novel will be about a girl who loves art and is swept away into her works, uncovering a tragic secret about her true self. Nothing will ever be the same after she learns it.
That was the quick two sentence version of the novel. Ready to read the whole thing? Then check back every day or so for a new chapter- I'll be ready to post!
My goal for this novel is 30,000, but I hope to exceed it. The only thing is that this month is the month before the fall (well, techinacally winter...) play, which will take up most of my time, but I'm excited to try to write a novel. (Fun fact: The first novel I ever completed was last year in just under a month, and was 28,151 words. This novel is known as, The End Journey, and as I have been furiously editing it these last few months, I'm taking a break to write this novel. The End Journey will be put back up onto Wattpad sometime during December-January.
I've been working all day on just this chapter and will start Chapter Two following the posting of this... So, this will be my whole day, lol.
Thank you, and I'll post soon! (My upcoming Author Notes will NOT be this long!)
Lots of love,
Ali xoxo
PS: Please ignore any writing errors, including spelling mistakes, since this month is about writing and just getting the novel out there. December is NaNoRevMo (National Novel Revising Month).