"What brought you here today?" Leon asked as he switched the hairdryer off, and his fingers twirled the wavy locks of my hair playfully
Because I missed you.
But I'll never tell him that.
It had been a month since we met since he had been busy with his projects and I had also been occupied with all the rehearsals for my recital. It was funny how the both of us used to spend a lot of time together that we were almost inseparable, till life happened and things changed. I guessed they were right when they said that growing up also meant growing apart.
I never knew that all the hopes and dreams that we talked about under all the starless nights turned out to be a pain I had to bear. Since Leon was two years older than me, he left for college first. I would never forget the day I stood at the airport's departure gate, that one tight hug and a wave goodbye. My heart nearly shattered as I watched him move out of the city filled with us and flew all the way across the country to chase a dream that felt too far for me to reach.
Determined, I worked so hard in the two years so that I could also attend college in the same state as him. All the sleepless nights and gruelling college applications into the most difficult music academy just so that I could be in the same state and same city as him. Even after everything, Leon still felt kind of far away. As though all that had changed would never be the same, and that all that was different would remain foreign with the passage of time.
"Mom made some raspberry jam and they came through the mail yesterday. She told me to share it with you," I said, finding the perfect excuse but it was somewhat the truth anyway.
"I would kill for those!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Of all the bad things about being away from home, not having Pam's homemade jams was the worst."
"You can't be serious," I rolled my eyes.
"I'm dead serious, Rae," Leon frowned. "You haven't been here long enough, but you'll understand it eventually. That taste is what I defined as homesick."
When he let go of my hair, I pushed myself to stand and went to my bag which I left in the entryway. I reached my hands in and dug out two bottles of jam to pass to Leon. Holding onto the glass jars, the smile on his face was unbelievably silly. Maybe after so many years, some things were left unchanged. For example, the most annoying side of my childhood friend.
After Leon walked out of the kitchen, he went towards the laundry room and I wondered what he was about to do, so I followed right behind him. A click on the washer's lid and he stretched his arm in to take out my clothes.
God damned.
Other than my dress, there were my undergarments. Without hesitation, I strode towards him and snatched the pile of clothing from his hands. Surprised by my suddenness, Leon laughed, "Sweetheart, I used to wash your clothes."
"That's when we were kids!" I argued. "And hey, I washed yours too!"
I glanced down at the pile of scrunched up clothes and quickly tugged on the flimsy fabric of my dress to cover over my bra. Mentally cussing, I only wished Leon wasn't this oblivious when he laughed even harder, "Well, you leave your clothes here sometimes. Who do you think washes them?"
"Oh my god, just get the hell out, Leo," I scowled.
Being treated like a kid had to be the worst thing about being his childhood friend. Even when I always thought I knew Leon well from all the years we spent together, he was actually one hell of a puzzle that I would never be able to solve.
Again, he reached his hand out to ruffle my hair while grinning teasingly towards me. A frown pinched between my brows as I slapped his hand away, complaining as I tried to comb through the mess he made to my hair. The moment he was gone, I pulled the lid of the dryer and chunked my clothes in before I got the machine to start.
Eventually, I joined him in the living room as we sat on the couch to watch an episode of Master Chef together. I hugged onto the bowl of caramel popcorns and munched away while staring enviously at all the gourmet dishes on the screen.
"Rae, how are your rehearsals coming along?" Leon moved so close to me that I could feel the heat radiating off him.
"Um, good?" I feigned nonchalance as I grabbed a bunch of caramel popcorns and stuffed myself with them. My mind couldn't make up if I wanted him close or not and the nervousness was nearly causing my heart to leap out of my chest.
"Is it an open recital?"
"The performance is for a charity event," I replied with a mouth full of caramel popcorns. "It's only opened to the philanthropists and the beneficiaries."
"That's too bad," Leon sighed, with a slight frown pulled at his mouth.
"Why do you ask?" I asked while munching fast and swallowing most of the popcorns in my mouth.
Facing him, I realised that I had never invited Leon to my performances, and it wasn't because he never showed interest in them — he asked me about them all the time. It was just that I felt there wasn't a need to trouble him to make a trip down just to watch me and the only times he ever saw me perform were during school events.
"It's been a while since I've watched you play," he smiled, revealing the dimples on his cheeks. Holding each side of my face between his palms, he laughed, "Look at you, stuffing yourself like a little squirrel."
I gulped and stupidly choked on the only popcorn left in my mouth. Pushing his arms away, I turned to my side and went into a coughing fit. Leon immediately held me by my arm and used his other hand to pat on my back. For heaven's sake, I really want to hide somewhere and never come out ever again.
Or maybe I should consider putting "Embarrassment" as my middle name.
Rachelle Embarrassment Anderson.
The popcorn was stuck in the middle of my throat, making it so hard for me to breathe. Neither did I want to throw it up because that would be really gross, so I made another attempt to gulp and it finally went down my throat. I breathed a sigh of relief and smoothed a hand down from my neck to my chest.
Leon's face hovered right in front of mine and his hazel eyes speckled with worry and nervousness when he asked, "You okay?"
"Y-Yeah," I joked, voice slightly hoarse. "I wouldn't die from that."
"Goodness, you scared the shit out of me!" he scolded. "You're so accident-prone that you deserved an award."
"I'll wear my best dress for the ceremony," I laughed.
"Please," Leon rolled his eyes and grabbed a glass of water from the coffee table. He held it close to my lips and forced me to drink, "Drink up, hurry."
I grabbed onto the glass obediently and soothed my throat with the water. Then, his phone rang and Tyson's name showed up on the lit screen. I raised a brow, realising that it had been a while since I saw Tyson. Other than myself, the other person who would cling onto Leon like a parasite would be Tyson. They always hung out together since high school and went to the same college together. Funnily, they applied to the same major too.
Leon stretched his arm out to swipe on his phone as he hit on the speaker option and Tyson's voice came through, "Leo, you coming tonight?"
"Where?" Leon replied while grabbing the empty glass from me. He smoothed a hand down my back, and I shuddered a little at the touch. I mouthed, I'm not a kid! and he mouthed back, You're exactly a kid.
"Gabriel's place. It's been a while so just come out to have some fun, yeah?" Tyson persuaded. "Mabel's going to be there too."
I simply stared at Leon and when his gaze met mine, I grew nervous. I had no idea how to react to everything I heard nor was I able to discern the expression on his face. So, I forced a smile and acted like everything hadn't bothered me.
"Yo, Leo, you still there?"
Eventually, Leon turned away from me and reached for his phone to turn off the speaker. He brought the phone to his ear and moved away from the couch, saying, "Yeah, still here. Give me a sec."
Unease crept into me and my heart sank, but I tried not to make myself too obvious by resting back down on the couch and faced the television. I couldn't focus on everything that was going on, but I acted as though I was back to watching the episode. When Leon was done with his phone call, he walked back to the couch.
"Rae—" he called.
Call it an act of God, the dryer in the laundry room beeped and I shot up from the seat immediately because I didn't have the courage to hear what was coming in my way. I faked a laugh, "It's getting late and I should be on my way home!"
I scurried past him and closed the laundry room door immediately. From the inside, I could hear Leon calling me again but I chose to ignore it blatantly. My heart clenched at my own fear, I was scared. Too afraid to hear what I didn't want to hear and too afraid to be rejected before I could even tell a word of my own feelings.
I dressed in the fastest time possible, dumping his sweater and the pair of cotton shorts into the laundry basket before rushing to the entryway to grab my bag.
"Rae, wait—" He grabbed on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.
"I'll see you soon, Leo! Have fun on your night out and help me say hi to Tyson!" I shouted and ran out of his house.
I felt so stupid. I had no idea why I did what I did but I cried my entire way home.
✿
Confront or run? What's your approach to personal issues?