"It's been a while since I last visited."
Taking a seat on the damp grass, I make myself comfortable.
"I know they talked to you not too long ago with it being the anniversary and everything, but I wanted to pay my respects before I leave town."
It never gets easier talking to a tombstone, but I find it peaceful. It's a place to talk without the worry of being judged. After all, a grave can't talk back.
"I leave for school tomorrow. Scarlett and I, we're spending all day together and then tonight I have reserved for Sage and the twins. It's gonna be weird not being around them all the time but I think I'll manage."
Somehow.
"It's going to suck, especially not seeing Scarlett whenever I want, but you guys made it work. And technology is so much better these days, I can see her face whenever I want. I'm hoping she handles it well, because we all know how much she loves to run from things."
She'd place gold in the Olympics.
"I hope she doesn't run from me." I admit, "I've been thinking about it often and I think she'll try, but I have a plan."
A plan she'll either love or punch me for.
*****
I hate the fact I woke up today. Part of me wanted to stay up all night but it doesn't matter. I'm up way before I need to be and it's miserable.
I know for a fact I'm the only person awake in the Rhodes house. Scarlett's snores fill the room, distracting me from my thoughts.
What happens after today? Will my relationship with my family and friends change so soon after getting good? It's only been 14 months since I moved here and I'm already leaving. Is that enough time to create something that will last?
I could come home for a weekend and my parents might not be as comfortable with me as we are now. Ronnie could end up no longer loving me as much because she won't see me every day. Sage could find a new person to harass with memes. The twins might stop wanting to record me doing dumb shit just for the thumbnail because I'm what they call a chick magnet. Saffron might decide she doesn't like me.
Scarlett might find someone else. She'll be alone and even if it isn't in high school. Vanderbilt is full of smart people and she's a smart girl. God knows she's perfect. Beyond pretty enough to get a boyfriend no matter where she is.
Maybe one day she'll need someone to help her and I won't be around to do it and someone else will swoop in and save the day. Someone smarter and better who's a lot closer.
And I'll be forgotten.
Why am I doing this?
My alarm goes off, scaring me out of my thoughts. Scarlett just groans, a slight skip in her snores as she hides her face in my chest.
"Sweetheart." I squeeze her.
"Five more minutes." She mumbles, pecking my chest.
Seeing how peaceful and content she is with me, I find myself holding on a little tighter. I can savor five more minutes of this.
*****
"Scarlett, it's time to wake up." I try for the tenth time, shaking her softly.
She shows signs of life as she moves her head. "Just five more minutes."
I laugh silently, shaking her in the process. "You said that twenty minutes ago."
"Time passes so quickly." She mumbles still not opening her eyes.
"It does, if we wait any longer, we'll be running late." I remind her, hating that we can't stay here forever.
That gets her up and moving.
Moving between her bedroom and bathroom, we get ready in complete silence. The weight of today is suffocating us but even I'm okay with ignoring it for now. She emerges from the closet in ripped jeans and a sweatshirt.
"Hey." I whisper, hugging her as she grabs her shoes. "Everything's going to be alright."
Offering a forced smile, she kisses my cheek, "I know that."
And it begins.
Sitting down on the bed, I run my fingers through my hair. This is too much.
"Ash, you okay?"
Looking up, I shake my head. "Yeah, man, I'm fine."
Sage gives me a look that politely calls me a fucking liar as he sits next to me. "You're three seconds from crying alone in my sister's room."
I was giving myself five seconds just to be nice but he's right.
"It's a big day, how you feeling?"
"Like shit." I offer hoarsely.
He laughs, "You don't look much better."
I know. Silence surrounds us and I know he's waiting for me to share. "It's a mistake."
"What is?"
"Leaving, graduating early, going so far away. It's all wrong."
Sage stares at me long and hard, "You're an idiot."
"Excuse me?"
"Ashton, you deserved this more than anyone else in this world. Think about all the effort you dedicated to being the best. You studied your ass off and took extra classes just so you could graduate early with a great GPA. Three hours is nothing, it's a short drive down I-65, nothing major."
He's right, I did work my ass off to get here. So many nights I stayed up cramming just so I could do good. Early morning runs I dragged his ass out for before workouts so we would be energized. It's pretty freaking impressive.
"It's just that everything here was perfect and I'm leaving it all behind." I admit
"And we'll be here when you come back. Sure, things will feel weird when you're forced to hear about things over the phone instead of in person, but you'll still be a part of it all. You're a part of our family, nothing can change that."
"One person has the power to change that." I mumble remorsefully.
"I take it my sister is handling today like a champ." He tries to joke but its falls flat. "How bad?"
"She's gone full robot mode, no emotions are on display today." I inform him, "I'm beginning to think that it'll only get worse from here."
"You don't actually mean that?" He counters, knowing exactly what I mean.
"Don't look at me like I'm the bad guy, it's not my decision." I argue, I would never.
"Ashton, Scarlett would never break up with you."
"Correction, Scarlett who sees me every day would never break up with me. Throw in distance and changes and that's no longer a guarantee."
"Dude, she loves you for some reason and you are the only one who puts up with her shit. Plus, you two just belong together, you just complete each other. I've thought that since like forever." He says honestly.
"You getting emotional on me, Rhodes?"
"Never, McClain." He smirks, standing up before offering his hand. "You gonna be ok?"
Letting him pull me to my feet, I shrug, "Yeah." he heads for the door, but I call for him to stop. "Would you mind driving your own car? I want Saff and the twins to come too."
Grinning, he heads out. "I never turn down a chance to drive."
Rolling my eyes, I follow him downstairs, it will be okay.
Avery and Scarlett appear to be in the middle of the never-ending discussion of Avery spending more time here if the uncomfortable look on her face is any indication. I get that she feels bad for hanging around, but Scarlett wants her here.
They've become quite the duo these last couple months.
Avery smiles as I interrupt their convo, hugging me. "I'd love to stay and chat, Ash, but I've got a flight to catch."
I laugh, hugging her tight. "I'll miss you, Avs."
Who would've ever thought I'd actually be friends with Avery Adams?
Stella and James walk over, and my small, scary friend hugs me. "Have a great time, but don't forget the message I sent you."
Oh, God, I had almost forgotten how scary she could be but it's crystal clear now. Scarlett glares at her, slapping Stellas back. "I thought we were over the threatening phase."
She shrugs, "Just needed to make sure it was fresh on his mind."
It's fresh alight.,,
Moving his crazy girlfriend to the side, James hugs me. "I'll be there with you in a couple months, dude."
"I'm counting down the days." It doesn't seem so scary knowing I'll have someone close.
Gabe runs up, dragging James away so he can throw himself onto me like were a couple from a teenage rom-com. "I plan on visiting as soon as you scope out all the good parties."
Of course, he is.
"Please behave while I'm gone." I beg him, there's only so much stupid shit a person can get away with.
"Don't worry." Gabe assures me. "I won't do anything to drastic and I'll watch out for your girl, free of charge."
That's funny. The thought of Scarlett needing someone to help her is good, but the real kicker is Gabe pretending she isn't the reason he's still alive. She's too much of a mom for her own good, I would've let him fall on his face by now.
Zev drags him off, "Don't worry, he'll be fine. I'll miss you man."
"I'll miss you too, please know you're in charge of ensuring nothing bad happens." I only partially joke as I hug him.
Conner and Sam walk in uncomfortable with the emotions going on in the room. "Bye, Ashton, we'll miss you."
"Thanks for being like an older brother to us." Conner adds.
They turn to go, and I want to laugh. I didn't take those losers to school three times a week for them to just walk off. "What, no hug?"
Flinging myself onto them just like Gabe did to me, I make a big show of ruffling their hair.
Groaning, they walk off and Ella steps forward. She seems at the brink of tears and it doesn't make me feel any better as I hug her. We've had too many awkward midnight encounters at the Rhodes house and spent way too many days ranting to each other to not miss each other.
"Take care."
"You too, Els, try to keep Sage from getting into too much trouble." I offer.
She walks off and the twins move in for a hug. "Whoa, what do you guys think you're doing?"
"Saying goodbye." The twins answer together, hurt flashing across their face.
"No, I think we have a three hour drive before we get to that." I smirk, knowing how upset they were when they were told they weren't coming.
"You want us to come with you?" Silver asks in disbelief.
"I thought only Sage and Scarlett were going." Sterling finishes slightly bitter.
Sage shakes his car keys, "Where's the fun in that?"
They run out of the kitchen, leaving just me and Scarlett, who hasn't uttered a single word.
"What made you change your mind?" She asks.
I shrug, hugging her for dear life. "They're family, I can't say goodbye to them just yet."
I can't put myself through that again for a while, especially not to them.
*****
The ride is silent. I don't even bother turning the radio on, hoping she would say something. Instead she just sat next to me, holding my hand.
Dad, being dad, attempts to run things like a drill sergeant, which doesn't have a high success rate when it comes to managing seven kids. There's a reason he and mom stopped after two, dad doesn't like chaos.
After Ronnie and Saffron mange to overturn a cooler full of drinks, causing the twins to slip and hit me in the face, Scarlett all but runs from the room to take them on a walk.
Watching her leave with a defeated sigh, mom rubs my face. "Give her time."
Time, right. That just happens to be the one thing we're running out of.
*****
By the time we're done Scarlett still isn't back. yet. As mom places the last pillow on my bed, we all stand around feeling completely lost. What do we do now?
"Well, I guess the goodbyes start now." I offer.
"Ashton, Hun, we don't have to leave until you want us to." Mom says, her voice dying out as tears begin to pool in her eyes.
"I know but it's easier this way." I inform her, hating myself for being right. "It's already 7, there's stuff that has to be done and there's school Monday."
Plus, I don't think them staying longer will make goodbye any easier on me.
She nods quickly, understanding what I'm afraid to say.
"Okay, then who wants go first?"
No one says a thing and I just wait, eventually Sterling and Silver clear their throats. "We'll go first."
Everyone files out and they close the door, I open my mouth to say something and they stop me.
"Before you go and get all emotional, we just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for us." Sterling says, "From helping me learn how to handle my emotions."
"To excepting and sticking up for me." Silver adds.
"And for just treating us like people instead of annoying middle schoolers."
I blink, not expecting that at all. "Of course, you guys are like my little brothers, I love you."
They hug me, "Promise you'll call."
"At least twice a week, and you know I'll be home in an instant if someone needs their ass kicked." I tell them, "You losers better call me too. I expect to still be in the vlogs." I joke with them.
Silver looks like he's about to cry but he grins, "Would you want to do one last thing with us?"
"Totally."
And that's the story of how I ended up chugging a soda right after dropping a mento in it. It's a good thing my roommate hasn't moved in yet.
After having a very secretive crying session with the twins as we clean up the mess, they walk out, and Sage shuts the door.
"So I guess this is where I leave you?" He asks and I nod my head.
"It seems so."
"You know, when I first met you, I liked you. I don't like many people and I expected for coach to introduce me to some asshole, but you seemed okay."
"What's up with everyone assuming I'm an asshole?" I wonder out loud.
He laughs, "What I'm trying to say is thanks for being my friend. I don't have many and you're probably the best one I've ever had."
"I don't have many either, and I hate to sound repetitive, but you're my best friend too." I admit.
We hug and after a second I get an overly aggressive slap on the back, "Is this the part where we bump chests to appear macho?"
"You really aren't the type to care about that shit." I remind him and he relaxes.
"Thank God, does that mean I can cry now because I feel like I'm going to be lost without you next semester?" He says.
"I'll cry if you cry because I'm pretty sure life is gonna suck without you harassing me." Once a bug flies around your head for so long you begin to grow fond of it.
Sage goes to leave and before he can even make it out a tiny figure barrels into my room, "Ashy, don't forget about me."
Saffron, that means Scarlett's back.
Grinning, I pick her up and move to my bed. "Squirt, how could I forget about my favorite Rhodes kid?" I ask, knowing I'll be getting an earful from the other four as soon as she leaves this room.
"When will I see you again?" She asks softly.
I hesitate and she notices it causing me to grimace. "Whenever it's possible."
Honestly, I don't know. The spring schedule is crazy for the Rhodes kids and I don't get a spring break. The real chaos starts as soon as I wake up tomorrow. We'll make it work.
"Are you going to miss me?" She sniffles and it hurts. God, how am I going to say goodbye to my real sister if this kills me?
"Very much, you're one of my favorite girls." I tug on her hair, "You can call me and if I miss the call, I promise I'll call you back. Can you do me a favor?"
Grinning, she nods, "What?"
"Make sure Ronnie doesn't miss me too much. You're her best friend and I know she'll be needing someone to keep her company." I tell her, knowing I'm not asking much.
"Of course, I love Ronnie. Ashy, she can even move in like you did." She offers brightly.
Oh, no. Please don't tell me she tells people her 18 year old sister's boyfriend moved in. Besides, I slept in my own house at least 4 nights a week. Most of the time.
Saffron leaves after giving me the tightest hug I've ever received in my life and I turn away from the door, afraid to see who's going to walk in next.
"Ashton, Hun, it's us." Mom says as she closes the door.
Ronnie runs up and latches herself onto my waist, bending down I dry her tears. "It's okay, Munchkin."
"Don't leave me." She cries, hiding her face in my shirt.
Well, there goes my heart. I'm once again the worst big brother in the world. "Ronz, I'm so sorry. I still love you more than life kid, you just won't see me every day."
"Who's going to take me to school?"
"Scarlett and Sage will, Gabe offered too." I inform her softly.
"But they won't stop for secret doughnuts on Friday or play my favorite song." She sobs.
Well, now mom knows about secret doughnut Fridays. "Sure they will. Plus, you'll get to see Saff."
"Who can I sleep with when I can't sleep? Who'll eat the crust off my PB&J? Who will help me with my spelling and make me laugh when I feel stupid?" She fires off questions without pausing for a breath.
Pulling her away so I can see her face, I try to keep it together. "It's gonna be difficult and different, but you can sleep in my room whenever you want. Call me whenever you need me, Munchkin. I will always have time for my baby sister."
"I love you, Ashy."
Holding her tightly, I cry with her. "I love you too."
Mom and dad let us have our time before politely suggesting Ronnie waits outside. Saffron hugs her before she can even close the door and I smile, she'll be okay.
My parents look at me, mom's tears have washed away all of her makeup and show no sign of stopping soon. Dad's doing that thing where he's trying to seem okay, but we all know he's not.
"Thank you for not giving up on me, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you two." I start and mom lets out a sob. "I will probably go down in the history of worst problem kids and I deserved none of the love you two gave me, especially you dad, but you guys never gave up."
"You're our baby, we could never." Mom manages to get out.
"I get that now, but I still respect you guys for every sacrifice and hardship you went through, especially mom. You deserve an island and one day I hope I can give that to you." She was in no position to be a mom and yet she became one of the best.
"I just need you, nothing fancy." She manages to smile as she hugs me.
Turning to dad, I wipe my face. "Thanks for picking me and for deciding you liked me enough to be my dad. I treated you like shit."
His facade crumbles, "I'd choose you every time, I wouldn't want anyone else to be my son."
Closing the distance, I hug him. For some reason I remember being six and him carrying me up the stairs after I broke my foot. It was so strange to have someone who wasn't my mom hold me like they loved me, I accidentally called him dad that night. It was one of the few times I saw him cry.
"I promise I won't let y'all down." I assure them.
We're silent for a moment before dad clears his throat. "I'm not sure of what to say now. This was the point where my old man gave me the lecture of don't get anyone pregnant and don't do drugs, but I don't think we have to worry about that."
Mom and I chuckle. I already know drugs aren't worth doing and I don't think the girls will be a problem.
Hugging them one last time and begging mom to stop crying they head for the door. They pause, "She hasn't gotten off the floor since she got back."
"She's scared, Hun." Mom tells me and I nod weakly.
That makes two off us.
The door stays open for an ungodly amount of time before it appears that Scarlett is thrown into the room. Her eyes widen as she takes in the finished space, walking around her fingers trail across my desk and wall before landing on the framed collage I have of us.
"It's beautiful."
Walking up beside her, I can't help but agree. It's a good thing Ella's a crafty person because I learned very quickly I was not good with a glue gun. "I thought so, after all it consists of my favorite person."
Her.
She shakes her head, focusing on the ground, "Ashton, don't go saying things like that."
"Why? It's the truth." I protest, pulling her chin to mine. Our relationship thrives off me saying stupid cheesy shit.
"Because, I'm trying to be tough and you saying things like that only makes me sad." Her voice cracks.
"Stop, it's too late to detach yourself from me now." I beg as I wrap my arms around her. We've been through too much to jump ship now. "This changes nothing."
"This changes everything." She cuts in.
"Why are you so insistent that everything's going to fall apart now?" I demand, moving back.
Why can't she just accept the possibility that we can still be happy?
"Because there's three hours between us. You're now in college and I'm in high school. You have your freedom and I have four living, breathing responsibilities." She snaps, that same fiery gleam I saw on the first day I met her alive in her eyes.
Why does any of that matter? It's never been an issue or a burden. Her lifestyle is just a part of us.
"So what!" I shout, really not in the mood for a fight. "There's spring break, prom, and graduation. Not to mention weekends and we both can drive."
We have it all planned out. It's not a lot but it's something. She flinches and I feel bad but I can't have this conversation with her.
"None of that has mattered in the past so why are you so insistent that I'll suddenly change my mind. Have you learned nothing about me from the last year?" I ask weakly. Nothing about the wild college life fascinates me. I've been there and I hated it. Why would I give this up for nothing?
"I know you, Ashton." She whispers and I see the pain on her face.
"Then why are you so sure that I'm going to leave?" I ask, placing a finger underneath her chin.
"Because I'm scared." She admits with teary eyes.
I had no idea. "So am I but I'm never going to give up on us."
She begins to cry, no longer fighting her emotions. Moving us to my freshly made bed, I lay down.
"I'm still Ashton and you're still Scarlett. I love you with my whole heart and for some reason you still insist on loving me more." I say, the argument never getting old.
She laughs weakly but it's still a laugh. "I don't know why you keep fighting me on that, I obviously love you more."
Thank God, we're okay. I kiss her, not caring that she's a literal mess. "Hell yeah, baby, Ashlett all the way."
"I'm sorry, what?" She asks like I'm crazy.
"Ashlett. Ashton and Scarlett combined, it's a thing." It's like Bennifer but better.
Slowly, she begins to trace my face as her mind processes everything. I'm going to miss. this, just being with her.
"I'm sorry." She offers, embarrassed for earlier.
"It's not your fault, it's just who you are." I assure her with a peck on the forehead. Scarlett handles things her own way. I know she's still scared shitless and worried that I'll forget all about her.
My fingers reach for the necklace she never takes off. "What are you-"
"Do you ever stop asking questions?" I ask now holding the chain between our faces.
She rolls her eyes defensively and I have to remember this is a serious moment. Pulling the ring off the chain, I evaluate it before staring at her.
"This is a promise." I start and she seems so confused I almost stop. "A promise that no matter the distance or whatever silly fear you have I will still love you."
She just stares at me and I slide the ring on her left hand since the right is occupied with her mom's ring.
"Are you proposing to me, Mr. McClain?" She questions and I just shake my head, of course that's the conclusion she comes to.
"One day, I definitely plan on doing something more spectacular than a dirty dorm room for that." It will be the best night of our lives and it won't be anywhere near our families or the state of Alabama.
She smiles before getting off the bed and going for the door. Wait, I do that and she leaves? Something is placed in her hands before she walks back, giving it to me.
Opening it up, I'm stunned to learn it's her sketch book. I've never been allowed to open this up and now she's handing it over. "Why are you giving me this?"
She shrugs, "I started it one day and it wasn't until New Year's that I realized they all consisted of you, so I just kept it that way. You're kinda my favorite person to draw."
That's noticeable, every page is of me or us.
"Now every time you miss me you can just flip through this, I added little notes throughout to go with some of my favorite memories." She adds anxiously.
"T... thank you, I love it." I manage to get out, still in complete awe.
"Good, I know it's not anything fancy but it's all I could think of."
I kiss her, "It's perfect."
Beyond perfect actually.
Laying there in silence, we wait for the moment to be over. Just then a knock sends Scarlett falling to the ground. Leave it to Sage to mess things up.
"Look, I haven't even moved in yet, can you save the sex till after I've put my bag down." A voice I've never heard before shouts through the door.
Scarlett turns bright red as she realizes that it's my roommate. "Something tells me I'm not going to like that guy."
But he's not important right now. He was five hours late for move in, he can wait till I'm done saying goodbye to my girlfriend.
"I'm going to miss you so much." I say, hugging her like my life depends on it.
"I'm going to miss you more." She giggles as I kiss her collarbone.
Pulling away, I take my sweatshirt off and she does too. Hugging her again just because I know it's about to be over, I bite my cheek to keep from crying. Another knock has me ready to punch the guy.
"I don't think I'm going to like this guy either." She mutters.
Throwing the door open with a glare in place, a guy who's obviously an All American, grade A ass struts in. "Finally! I thought you'd never answer the door."
"Who the hell are you?" I demand, not at all pleased with what I'm forced to live with.
"The name's Christian." He smiles before focusing on Scarlett. "And you are?"
"Scarlett." She says, going to shake the hand he extended. We're both stunned when the idiot decides to kiss my girlfriend's hand.
"What a beautiful name for a beautiful lady." He winks before focusing back on me. "You must be my roomie, I can come back if you two aren't done..."
Or I could punch you now and skip the fake pleasantries.
"Actually, I was just leaving. Hopefully you aren't as disgusting the next time I see you." Scarlett cuts in, reading my mind.
He laughs but she was seriously heading for the door. Pulling her back to my chest, I kiss her till I literally can't anymore.
"I love you." She says softly.
"I love you more." I counter, kissing her again for good measure.
She laughs as I hold her still while my disgusting roommate gags in the corner.
Somehow she makes it into the hallway, letting go of my hand with a small smile. "I'll call you tonight."
I nod, not moving from my spot in the doorway till she's consumed by the elevator doors.
Numbly, I walk back to my bed and sit down.
Everyone just left. My family is gone. The psychos I consider siblings are gone. The love of my life is gone. I'm alone.
"So based off all the crying, kissing and the pictures, I'm going to assume she wasn't a one night stand."
Oh, wait, I have my idiot roommate.
"Go away." I order, not in the mood to do anything but brood.
Just when I think he's going to listen, he sits down on his bed. "How long?"
"Fourteen months." I give him the real count. Technically it's only been nine months, but that's a false measurement.
He whistles, "I respect that, she's pretty."
Glaring at him, I try to ignore the fact he exists. Opening my phone, I see my lock screen which is us ice skating last week. Really, me skating while Scarlett clings to me for dear life.
It was a good day.
Going to my favorites list, I hit the first contact.
"Hello?" My favorite person asks, her voice off from crying.
"I just wanted to hear your voice." I admit, sniffling slightly.
She lets out some strange hybrid sob laugh. "You say that now, I'm sure you'll be sick of it by the end of the month."
"Sweetheart, you don't know what you're talking about." I smirk, knowing that day could never come.
"Charming, don't get too ahead of yourself." Never.
"Dude, let's go get food." Christian cuts in.
"Dude, leave me the hell alone."
"But there's a good taco place that closes in 30 minuets." He whines.
"Then go get a fucking taco." I snap.
"Not unless you come too."
Oh. My. God. He's all the things I hate about Gabe and Sage rolled into one. He's whiney, arrogant, douchey, and clingy.
I don't deserve this.
"I have to go, my new roomie wants to go get food." I tell Scarlett while glaring at him.
"Be nice to him, you're kinda stuck together." Don't remind me, "I'll talk to you later, love you."
"Love you more." I say before hanging up.
Grabbing my keys, I head for the door. "These better be some damn good tacos."
*****
Ahhh, it was so so emo!!! I physically cant handle it
DON'T UNADD LiS, bonus chapters will start one it hits 1 million and you definitely want to read them!
XO-Mo