Prologue
“Papa, where are we?”
Ngumiti si Papa sa akin at iginaya ako sa isang sofa, “you wait here, okay? May kakausapin lang akong kaibigan.” Wika niya, tinuturo ang isang hagdan na nalalatagan ng pulang carpet.
I nodded innocently at him, naupo ako sa sofa habang tinatanaw si Papa na ngayo’y naglalakad na palayo sa akin. Sa kanyang pangalawang hakbang sa magandang hagdan ay may sumalubong sa kanyang isang binata, nakipaghype five pa ito kay Papa.
“Hi Tito Matthew, going to see Dad?” Tanong nito kay Papa habang nakangiti.
So handsome. For once, my childish mind thought about that towards an inevitable older guy. Kasin’ tangkad niya si Papa, knowing Papa is too tall, and here a younger boy is as tall as him, wowed me.
“Yes,” Sagot naman ni Papa rito.
Itinuro ng gwapong lalaki ang itaas ng hagdan, “he’s in the library,” wika nito.
“Thanks Jackson.” Papa said and glanced at me, leaving Jackson - the handsome guy follow his gaze. “I brought my daughter, be nice.” May pagbabanta sa boses ni Papa ngunit hindi ganoon kasama sa pandinig. I guess he is trying to be nice after all.
Tumango ito kay Papa, tinapik ni Papa ang balikat nito bago tuluyang umakyat sa itaas. Leaving Jackson behind, starring at me while walking towards me.
“I guess you’re Neterini?” Tanong nito at naupo sa katapat ko na sofa.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya, “yes, hi!” Masigla kong sinabi sa kanya.
Nangiti siya sa akin at nagtaas ng kilay habang nakatitig, “how old are you?” He asked.
Hindi ako nakasagot agad dahil may kasambahay na naglapag ng meryenda sa ibabaw ng lamesang gawa sa salamin, sa pagitan naming dalawa. Nang matapos ilapag ng kasambahay ito ay nagpasalamat si Jackson dito, but his eyes are still intently looking at me.
“I’m 14.” Nahihiya kong sinabi.
Naglaho ang ngiti niya at nakita kong paano nagtaas at nagpababa ang kanyang Adam’s apple. “You look 18.” He commented.
“Paano mo naman po nasabi? I am not tall either,” I said awkwardly.
Umiling siya at muling ngumiti sa akin. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, I feel like it is very awkward. I take back saying he’s handsome, pakiramdam ko’y iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako naiilang. It must be ormal to him, ako lang ang nag-iisip ng ganito.
I roamed my eyes around the living room to make myself busy. “Your house is far more elegant than ours, our house is very old-fashioned.” I commented all of a sudden.
“Oh? So first time mo rito?” He asked, “wanna go on a tour with me? If you won’t mind, of course.” He smiled again.
I guess his habit is to smile like that.
Agad akong tumango sa kanya, “oo naman!” Maligaya kong sagot.
The house’s atmosphere is a bit boring, but as I stare at some housemaids busy cleaning and roaming around - searching for something to work changes the thoughts. I couldn’t help but to compare it to our house, which is literally boring. We aren’t rich just like my Grandparents, the house isn’t actually ours, maybe the old-fashion description is because my Grandmother is from the 19th century.
“And this is my room.” He said when we are done roaming around the house. “So sad, hindi natin pwedeng puntahan ang library dahil doon nag-uusap sila Dad at ang Papa mo.” Aniya sa akin at iginaya ako sa loob ng kuwarto.
It is a nice room, black and it is surrounded with elegance by the combination of white and gold curtains. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I heard him close the door, and a click sound makes me realize that he also locked it. Liningon ko siya, and I saw him walking towards me.
“Do you like here?” He asked.
Napalunok ako. He doesn’t sound the same kind guy just like awhile ago.
Hindi ako agad nakasagot. Patuloy siyang naglalakad patungo sa akin at wala yata siyang balak tumigil kaya’t nag-umpisa na rin akong umatras.
“You know, when your Papa showed me your picture for the first time, I felt really really…horny.” He said the last word as a whisper.
Nanlaki ang aking mga mata sa sinabi niya. Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-atras, hearing him say those words makes me wanna run but I couldn’t. He starred at my face, and his eyes started to become very evil when he’s stare was drifted at my body.
“I couldn’t believe that a child like you would make me feel this way,” he said huskily. “But we’re not very far from each other, you’re fourteen and I’m 18.” Nagkibit-balikat pa siya.
“What are you going to do?” I cannot compose myself anymore, my whole system was vented with crept and fear.
“Ano pa ba?” He asked. “Come, let’s make this easy.” He smiled again.
Umiling-iling ako nang paulit-ulit at naglaho ang iba pang nasa isip ko nang naramdaman ko ang kama sa likuran ko. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at nagsimula nang tumulo ang luha ko. “Please,” I sobbed. “Let me go.” Pagmamakaawa ko sa kanya.
He stopped walking slowly when he finally reached me. He held my face and slightly squeezed my left cheek, marahang pinapalis ang luhang walang tigil sa pag-agos.
“Shh, I won’t hurt you.” He softly said, tucking some strands of my hair to lock in my ear.
And in a swift motion, he pushed me into his bed.
“I have been craving to do this.” He said and the next thing I felt was his kiss on my neck.
I cried harder, my legs were locked in his. And my guards left me unconsciously as his hand freely traveled around my body. I begged, and begged, until I was tired of begging because I realized he would never stop. He did what he have to do with my body like he owns it, and he owned me. He kissed every part of my upper body.
I am totally exposed. I thought for myself in pure disgust.
When I felt his touch on my thigh, I closed it immediately. “N-no, no please.” Halos pabulong kong pagmamakaawa.
But he’s a man, and he’s stronger than a child like me. He is stronger, thinking that evil people are much stronger. I couldn’t stop him anymore, and all I did was to cry and cry. Wala nang natira sa akin kung hindi awa sa sarili, what did I even do wrong to get punished this way? But all I really feel now is pure fear. Fear of people.
Nilingon ko siya nang nakatulog siya pagkatapos niyang gawing laruan ang katawan ko. Not minding the weakness, I got up all naked and while sobbing silently by the fear that I might wake him up leaves my throat tied up with pain, but I didn’t mind. Pinulot ko ang nagkalat kong mga damit at mabilis na nagpalit kahit wala pa ako sa aking sarili. Marahan akong naglakad palayo at agad na binuksan ang pintuan.
Tumakbo ako pababa ng hagdan hanggang sa makalabas ako ng bahay, ngunit hindi ko naramdaman ang rumaragasang ulan napatili ako nang biglang kumulob ng malakas. Leaving me fearing the rain. Kaya’t wala sa sarili akong sumilong sa isang garden na puo ng bulaklak, gawa sa salamin ang nakapalibot dito.
I sobbed hard, because I know no one would hear me here. I am somehow free, I thought to myself.
“Who is there?” My thoughts were interrupted when I saw a man seating on a wheelchair is starring at me at the end of the garden.
Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko, kinabahang muli. Hindi ko siya sinagot at itinuloy ang pag-iyak. I just thought that I have to get this all out.
“Take the handkerchief,” the man said again. Napatingin ako sa kanya at agad na nakitang inilapag nito ang isang kulay puting panyo sa ibabaw ng isang halaman na puno ng kulay dilaw na mga bulaklak.
Wala sa sarili akong lumapit dito at marahang kinuha ang panyo. But his eyes didn’t left my position awhile ago, tiningnan ko kung ano ang tinitignan niya doon ngunit wala naman akong nakita.
“T-thank you.” I said to him still stammering.
I was about to ask if what is he starring at when I heard someone calling for me.
“Neterini!” That’s Papa, I immediately ran to him when he saw me.
Niyakap ko siya at agarang humagulgol habang yakap-yakap ko siya.
“What happened? Why are you crying?” He worriedly asked while caressing my hair.
“Papa, umuwi na po tayo, please.”