I stare at the TV as 10 Things I Hate About You plays. How fitting. I bet I could find 10 things I hate about Derek Collins. I could probably find more.
I hate how smug he is.
I hate how over-confident he is.
I hate how handsome he is.
I hate how self-absorbed and entitled he is.
I hate that he got me to go on a with him date last night.
I hate that he held my hand and I liked it.
I hate that he made me feel tingles in my stomach last night when he told me how sexy I looked while we danced.
I hate that he's made me look like a fool on the Internet.
I hate that I love his car.
I hate that he calls me Gin.
God. I know exactly how Kat Stratford felt when she recited that poem especially how she ended it because I know that I don't actually hate Derek Collins and I hate that.
I hate that I don't hate Derek Collins.
I dislike him but I don't hate him. I also know that the blame isn't all on him. It's also on me. I knew better than to go out with him. I knew better yet I still got all dressed up because I wanted to look good for him. I'm an idiot.
Last night, I took an Uber home. Thank God I had my phone and key or else I don't know what I would have done. This morning, I wake up to people talking about it all over social media.
Derek Collins is seen dancing with four women after being spotted with the girl he was matched with through the MATCH ME app.
The headline keeps replaying in my head like a broken record. I feel so embarrassed. Most people know who I am, thanks to Instagram. I had to log off because I was getting all these messages and mentions. It's my own fault for having my profile public. But none of this would have happened if I would have stuck with my decision to not go out with him.
God. I can't wait for this to pass so I can be forgotten again.
The screen of my phone lightens up as another call from Kim comes in. She probably just wants to check up on me but I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. I just want to sit on my couch and watch 10 Things I Hate About You.
Unfortunately for me, I can't stop thinking about what happened. Why am I so angry? I'm not his girlfriend. I was just his date. That's the thing, though. I was his date and he didn't respect that. He forgot all about me the moment I left him alone for five minutes. I don't even know how he wanted me to be his fake girlfriend when he can't even act right on a date.
The worst part about all of this is that the reason I'm so disappointed and angry is because, for a moment last night, I actually thought that something could happen between us.
It must have been the alcohol or the adrenaline of being in a nightclub. Or how good his hand felt when he grabbed mine or how good he made me feel when he told me I looked sexy.
Oh my God. I can't believe I have a crush on Derek Collins.
The thought makes me reach for more chips as I continue to watch the movie. I look at the time on my phone. It's past noon and I work at four. Today might just be the first day that I call out. Wait. No, I can't do that. I'm behind on rent. I need the money.
I consider calling my sister, Natalie. She would be the only person I would want to talk to right now. The problem is that she doesn't know what's been going on here. I'd have to start from the beginning. I wish I would have told her about what's been happening.
There is a sudden knock on the door of my apartment and it makes me freeze.
I don't move and then there's another knock.
I set the chips to the side then stand up as quietly as I can and tip toe to the door. I peek through the peephole and see Derek standing on the other side of the door. What the hell is he doing here? Hasn't he had enough? I know I've had enough.
"I know you're in there, Gin." he calls in a loud voice. "Open the door."
"Go away." I call back as I go back to the couch.
"Listen, I'm sorry. Please open the door."
"I don't want to see you, Derek, just leave." I scowl at the TV and try to ignore him.
"Fine. Just listen then," he says, his voice sounds muffled through the door. "I'm sorry about last night. I know that was a dick move."
I nod at the TV in agreement but don't say anything.
"I didn't do it with bad intention. They just came up to me and pushed me to the floor. Before I knew it, we were dancing."
"Well, it sure didn't look like you were having a bad time," I say and then I bite my lip. I sound like a jealous girlfriend and I hate it. For the millionth time, I remind myself that I'm not Derek's girlfriend. I shouldn't be acting this way. It's childish.
"I'm sorry, Gin, please let me make it up to you."
I sit in silence for a moment and then I sigh and stand up. I unlock the door and open it. Derek looks up at me and he looks relieved. He's wearing black slacks with a white shirt and black shoes. He has a black cap on today. I'm starting to think that he wears them because he likes them, and not necessarily to hide his face. He looks so good in them.
"I don't care that you were dancing with them," I say to him angrily, trying to ignore the little voice inside my head that is saying liar. "You can dance with as many women as you'd like, Derek. What I do care about is that you made me look like an idiot. You didn't give a shit about how it would make me look. So screw you. Just leave me alone."
I try shutting the door but he places his palm against it and stops it. Dang. He's strong. I give up and cross my arms on my chest. "What?" I demand.
"I'm sorry," he says looking at me. "Please forgive me."
I look at him. "What are you sorry for?" I ask him, wanting to know if he really understands what he did wrong or if he's just saying sorry because he knows that's what you say when you screw up.
"You were my date," he says looking into my eyes and I look away because I want to be angry at him and not think about how pretty his eyes are. "It was wrong of me to ditch you and go dancing with other girls."
I meet his gaze again. "Good. At least you know where you screwed up." I shake my head. "Honestly, Derek, I don't even know how you wanted to do this whole fake relationship thing when you can't even behave on one date. And then you wonder why I turned you down."
He takes a deep breath with a frown on his handsome face. "I know I fucked it up. Please forgive me. Let me make it up to you."
I bite my lip as I look at him. "You really think I want to go out with you after that?"
He shakes his head. "Gin, please," he says looking at me pleadingly. He really does look sorry though he might just be faking it. He is an actor after all.
Then I remind myself that he's only here because he still wants me to do this fake relationship thing with him. He wants me to pretend to be his girlfriend and pretend to be happy just for the sake of appearance and to help his best friend. He's not here because he gives a damn. He doesn't really care that he's made me look like a fool in front of everyone. He's here because he wants something. He's telling me what I want to hear because he wants me to move on from this and accept his proposition.
Why couldn't he just be a normal guy at a bar? Why did it have to be Derek Collins?
"I'm not going to be your fake girlfriend, Derek." I tell him looking straight into his eyes. "I couldn't even if I wanted to. So you can stop apologizing because I'm not changing my mind."
He frowns. "What do you mean you couldn't even if you wanted to?"
I look away, wondering why I'm not shutting the door on his face. I'm at odds with myself. I could be honest or I could be mean. I decide that I'm going to be honest. Derek needs to understand that people have feelings. I hope he learns from this though I know it's a long shot. I'm going to tell him the truth then never see him again. I decide I can live with that.
"I'm sure that you'd be great at being a fake boyfriend." I begin as I meet his gaze. "You'd be great at it because you don't give a damn about people."
He shakes his head once. "Gin-"
I raise my hand. "Let me finish before I change my mind. I'm going to be honest with you and you better not be obnoxious about it. Keep your comments to yourself, alright?" I ask and he nods once, his lips form a straight line. I sigh. "I can't do this with you, Derek." I look away, trying to gain up the courage to say this to him. It's the right thing to do. Raw honesty is always better than lies. "I can't be your fake girlfriend..." I continue as I meet his gaze again. "...because I know that I...would end up liking it."
He frowns. "You mean you would end up liking me?"
I sigh. "I hate to admit it because your ego is already the size of the freaking galaxy but yes, I would. And I don't want to like you so-" I shrug, letting the sentence hang.
There it is. Raw honesty. I would be lying to myself if I go into this thinking that it's all going to be friendly and fun because, after last night, I know that's not what would happen. I know that if I agree to be his fake girlfriend, I would end up falling for him. I don't want to fall for Derek Collins. He's complicated and obnoxious and we're too different. We went on one date and I'm on the couch eating chips and watching romantic movies while cursing him in my head.
No. I can't do that to myself. No matter how much I want adventure or to have fun. It wouldn't be worth the emotional roller coaster that it would be when I end up falling for him. I would do it if there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't catch feelings for him but-it's Derek Collins. Anyone would catch feelings for him. I'm sure many women have.
Derek opens his mouth and I raise my eyebrows. "No smug comments." I warn him.
"I'm just-surprised," He says raising his dark eyebrows. "I honestly didn't think that you liked me."
"I don't." I insist. "I'm saying that I would end up liking you if I did this and I don't want to, Derek. So please, let's just forget this match thing ever happened."
He looks like he wants to say something else but I shake my head at him.
"Goodbye, Derek," I say then I close the door before he says anything else.
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