꧁ 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ꧂
"𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤, 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞?!" Teagan harshly asked her best friend as they walked out of the pub and onto the streets.
Michelle carefully dragged the large board behind her and used it to push James away from Teagan's side and she took the spot for herself.
"Look, I've got a plan Teagan, all we have to do is round up Clare, Erin and Orla and I'll tell all of you together" Michelle puffed out her chest proudly
Usually Teagan was as mischievous as Michelle but she'd mellowed our over the last couple of months so now there was no one to equal out Michelle's behaviour.
"Teagan you always use to support my ideas" Michelle whined
"I still do Michelle, if you think this'll work then I'll go along with it" Teagan smiled and backed up her best friend.
It was undeniable that she and Michelle were the closest friends out of the group. Erin and Clare were best friends and Orla was best friends with everyone.
"We will get to Paris GIRLS!" Michelle Yelled passionately as she walked ahead of Teagan and James.
James huffed "I'm not a girl" he whined
"Stop whining like one then, Dicko" Michelle Yelled behind her.
After they finally stopped Clare from freaking out the three of them walked across town to Erin's house.
Michelle cleared her throat before knocking on the Quinn's front door.
Seconds later Erin eagerly opened the door and smiled until she noticed the board tucked under Michelle's arm
"You'll never believe what she's done now" Clare gasped horrified
Erin pulled a sarcastic face and glared at them "did she steal the noticeboard from the chippy, Clare?"
Teagan and Michelle waved their hands over the board like they were presenting it on a game show. Erin glared at them "you two are unbelievable!" She tutted
"Hey! Michelle did the crime, I'm just here for the good time" Teagan teased in a relaxed voice.
"Dick" erin muttered under her breath but Teagan definitely heard it.
"At least, Michelle's done something all you did was give up at the first sign of having to work" Teagan passionately defended Michelle to the whole group
"Fine" erin groaned out "what's the plan?"
Michelle dragged them all to the bridge so that no grownups would be able to hear their plans. It was absolutely freezing due to it being 9 o'clock on a chilly Friday October night.
Teagan really started to wish she had brought a coat with her.
Instead she resorted to pulling her acid wash overalls closer to her body in an attempt to warm up.
"Fionnula was out the back, cashing up" Michelle explained as she began walking up and down the line of her friends "I sneaked in, yanked it off the wall, and away I went"
"I was like a thief in the night" She gushed
Michelle stopped her pacing and took a spot next to Teagan, who wasn't phased by Michelle's actions.
Clare scoffed "you were 'like' a thief in the night? You actually were a thief in the night, and you stole from Fionnula, of all people" Clare gasped and started to shake
"Remember, breath Clare" Teagan joked and acted out how to breath for Clare
"Fionnula!" Clare Yelled At Teagan "I once saw her punch a Rottweiler, Michelle!"
Clare gasped for breath and practised the breathing that Teagan taught her.
"If she finds out about this, she'll kill you"
Michelle stared at Clare and motioned to the group "kill us" she corrected
"You're an accessory after the fact now, my friend"
Clare once again entered a panic induced state.
"Can I ask why you stole the noticeboard?" Erin said
"So we get first dibs on all the jobs" Michelle boasted like it was easy to see.
"Wouldn't it have been easier to just remove the notices?" James wondered
Teagan listened to him and pulled a note off and it easily ripped off
"Aye, he's right, they're only blu tacked on" she confirmed matter of factly.
"Fuck off, Dickweeds" she barked
"Christ, What possessed you, Michelle?" Erin moaned
"Yeah......the more I talk about it and the more I sober up, the less sure I am, really"
It all suddenly made sense to Teagan, of course Michelle had to be hammered to have the balls to steal from Fionnula.
"You were drunk?!" Clare Asked, horrified
"Brilliant!" Erin over exaggerated her arms and threw them in the air in disbelief.
"She had a good idea, she just didn't execute it well, that's all" Teagan tried to defend Michelle but her argument was weak.
"Fuck! We're not like Jenny Joyce. Nobody's just going to hand us things. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't have things"
Michelle stepped forward and slowly started to make the rounds on her friends.
"Come on, Clare I know how much you've dreamed of seeing the Arc De....whatever the fuck it's called" she whipped around to persuade James next—
"James...I know how much you wanna practise the shit out of the past participle" she pointed her fingers roughly into his chest
"Orla... you really, buzz off those Renault Clio ads" she wrapped her arm around Orla's neck and smiled at her.
Michelle walked over to where Teagan was sat cross legged on the side of the bridge and held her face so that they were both staring at the distance.
"Teagan..... you really wanna see the cata- Who gives a shit. Not to mention, you and James practically want to French each other every ten seconds"
James opened his mouth to splutter out a response, but Teagan cut him off
"I'm up to it if you are, James"
She knowingly teased him and suggestively smiled at him.
There was definitely no feelings behind her smile. 100% not real, at least that's what she had to tell herself to stop her beating heart from exploding when she saw a shy smirk on James's face.
"And you, Erin, well... you're just riding Charlene Kavanagh"
"I'm not riding her" Erin quickly jumped to her own defence "I just think it might be time I moved on, friendship-wise, that's all"
"You are aware you're talking to your current friends?"
Michelle ran up to stand in the steps of the bridge so that she would tower over the group. They all gathered round and listened eagerly as to what Michelle had to say to them.
"We can't give up on Paris! Let's do this, girls. Let's just make this happen!" She cheered
"God, I've never seen you so fired up" Erin squeaked with excitement
Michelle's rallying speech was truly inspiring and served its purpose because that all cheered along with Erin.
"I will buck a French lad, Erin. I will buck a French lad, so help me god"
"Go Michelle!" Teagan whooped
The next day they all congregated in Erin's bedroom to give out the jobs.
Orla was sat at the head of the bed whilst James sat with his legs dangling off the side and Clare and Michelle sat in seats. Teagan was sat cross legged on the bed under one of Orla's arms.
As always Erin had taken control and was standing in front of them all.
"So, firstly we have the tutoring. And out of everyone, I thought you might be best suited to that, Clare, because —."
"I'm the brightest" Clare nodded
Erin huffed but carried on "there's also some babysitting. The child will be in bed, so you should just be able to manage that, Michelle" Erin patronised Michelle but all she did in return was stick her middle finger up
"There's also some gardening, mowing a lawn, et cetera. This will require a bit of muscle, so.... You should take that one, Orla" Erin smiled
"No, I should do that one" James protested
"It's a mans job, Erin. I'm a man"
Michelle snickered "that's debatable"
"Well, I'm more of a man than Orla"
"I do not accept that" Orla shook her head
"Come on, erin" James begged
Erin rolled her eyes and corrected her list "fine"
"There's also someone who wants their portraits painted, Teagan this is one for you, because—."
"I'm top of our year in art and really good at it?" She asked in a monotone voice. She just wanted to be done with all of the messing around.
"Exactly" Erin sarcastically smiled
"That leaves dog walking and washing a car."
"Is it a Renault Clio?" Orla Asked
"No"
"I'll take the dogs" Orla shrugged
Erin smiled triumphantly and they all copied her.
"Let's get to work" she smirked
They all smoothly walked out of Erin's bedroom and walked downstairs and outside all whilst strutting confidently
Teagan was sure that to anyone else they looked like dicks but it didn't matter to them, because they were going to Paris and nothing could stop them, nothing would get in their way not even Thei——-
"You thieving wee fuckers!" Fionnula Yelled out of her van window as she sped past them.
They were soon all crammed into the Quinn's front room and had Mrs Quinn staring down at them with a death glare.
Teagan shifted in her spot and scooted closer to James.
"How did you find out?" Michelle Asked Fionnula
"It doesn't matter how she found out all that matters is-." Clare quickly mumbled
"Her mother rang me" Fionnula informed them and pointed at Clare. Clare sank down into her seat
"You told ya ma?" They all groaned
"Okay, I cracked. I couldn't handle it, and I cracked."
"For fucks sake, Clare" Michelle Yelled
"Enough!" Mrs Quinn warned
"Where do we go from here?" She asked Fionnula
"Mary, look...you're family. Well, you're good people. Well, you're decent people. But I have to set an example" fionnula explained
"No. Dear god, no." Erin's ma gasped "you're not talking about a ban?"
The girls all looked up whilst James pumped his fist in the air and let out a triumphant "yes!" Quietly to himself. Teagan heard it and gently kicked him in the knee. If you could do that gently
"Let's call it a suspension. I'm sorry, Mary"
A idea popped into Teagan's mind and she instantly jumped up "what if, I promise you free pints whenever you want from my parents pub, if you don't ban us" she bargained
Fionnula didn't even think about the offer for a second before she growled in response to the teens offering. Teagan yelped and jumped onto James from fear.
Neither of them said anything and James securely wrapped his arms around her hips.
Sarah soon walked in and name dropped that she was going to be on the news the next day but Mrs Quinn shut her down "save your breath, Sarah they'll be no free chips. They'll be no chips, full stop"
"Excuse me?" Sarah whispered sadly
"What do you expect me to do on a Friday, fionnula? Cook?" Mrs Quinn Asked
Fionnula shrugged "you could order a pizza?" She offered
Orla sighed and shook her head "pizza is not as nice"
"No you are right, Orla. Pizzas not as nice!"
"Maybe you should've all thought about that" she yelled at them.
Mrs Quinn turned back to Fionnula and pleaded with her "is there nothing we can do?"
Teagan looked over at fionnula and forcibly smiled at her.
"So, not only are we not going to Paris, we're spending our Sunday scrubbing Fionnula's fucking fish hole for free?!" Michelle groaned as they all walked into the chippy and pulled their rubber gloves on.
"Ay, and she'll be back soon so get a shift on"
They all walked ahead and Michelle jogged to catch up whilst still complaining "it's slave labour, Erin"
"It's worse than slave labour we're not even getting paid" Orla said out loud
Teagan opened her mouth to correct her, but she closed it again when she realised there was no point.
"Look, mammy had to cut some sort of deal"
James shook his head "is living without fried food really that bad?" He asked
They all glared back at him and yelled "yes"
Honestly Teagan didn't know what she saw in him sometimes.
"She wouldn't actually have banned us. She was just bluffing" Michelle said confidently
Teagan decided the conversation wasn't important any more and started to gather up cleaning supply's
"Right girls, no dicking about" Michelle stood on the counter and pulled her apron on over her head "we need to leave this place Fucking spotless!" She once again rallied the troops and they all agreed.
Teagan walked over to The stereo on the counter and put the radio on. 'All right' came on the radio and they finally went to work.
Everyone went to a specific spot and started to clean it.
Teagan tried to climb up on the counter to clean the menu boards up top but she couldn't quite handle it so she sighed in defeat.
James's arms wrapped around her waist and she jumped "what are you going?" She whispered behind her.
"Helping you up" he explained as he placed her onto the counter.
Teagan smiled and tried to hide her growing blush on her cheeks.
"Thanks" she hopelessly smiled before she turned around to clean the boards.
She breathed in and out to calm herself down.
Michelle was behind the counter and saw what she was doing and pointed a finger at her.
Teagan knew what that meant, it was Michelle's way of telling her to not like James.
Which was stupid because Teagan definitely didn't like James. Not one bit.
After five minutes of 'hard work' Michelle lit a cigarette and stood up, she looked around the shop and shook her head "fuck this" she muttered and went upstairs.
Teagan saw all of this and jumped off the counter to follow after her.
"Michelle, what are you doing?" She asked as she walked upstairs to Fionnula's flat.
She heard Michelle tinkering around in the kitchen and she soon walked out with a tray of alcohol and presented it to Teagan. "You up for it?" She smirked
Teagan knew she shouldn't drink and should go down and help the others but...........
"Go ahead" she laughed
Michelle poured vodka into a glass and handed it to Teagan, she happily took it and chugged it down in a second.
Michelle laughed and lit up another cigarette and offered one to Teagan "want it?"
"Nahhh, I've stopped"
Teagan stud up with her glass in hand and surveyed Fionnula's living room, it was truly the opposite of Fionnula's personality. It was bright and covered in pastel colours.
Teagan absentmindedly flipped a switch on her radio and a song started blasting out of it.
"Tune!" Michelle Happily Yelled as she started to pump her hands up and down in the air in time with the Rhythm.
Teagan took two of the shots off the table and downed one.
"All right?" Michelle loudly asked over the music.
Teagan turned to see who she was talking to.
The others were stood in the doorway glaring at her and Michelle— oh shit
Teagan put her empty shot glass down and handed the full one out to the group as a offering.
Orla jumped up and down next to Teagan and they laughed with each other.
Erin shook her head and stomped over to turn the radio off.
"Boo!" The three of them protested
"Where'd you get all of this?" Clare gaped at the alcohol on the table.
"Fionnula's cupboards, I think she's got a bit of a problemmm" Michelle sang
"You think fionnula might have a bit of a problem?" Erin Asked sarcastically
"Put it away and get back downstairs, now"
Teagan ignored Erin's shouts and handed the full glass to James. He awkwardly smiled and took it.
"Sit yourself down and have a wee drink"
"No, Michelle it's wrong!" Clare replied
"So are those ski pants, Clare but that didn't stop you from pulling them over your hole this morning" she quickly insulted Clare as she held a lighter over the shot glasses "wait for this"
Teagan watched on helplessly as Michelle ran the lighter over the glasses and they went on fire.
"Michelle!" They Yelled
"Don't be a shower of bore bags" Michelle complained.
Michelle picked up the flaming tray and it wobbled a bit in her hands and she nearly dropped it, and everyone held their breaths. Luckily Michelle steadied it and everyone exhaled normally.
"Sláinte, motherfuckers!"
The next couple of seconds all seemed to happen in slow motion for Teagan. Once again Michelle lost her grip on the tray but this time it dropped dramatically on the floor and started a train reaction.
First the fire spread onto the floor and set the floor on fire and then that spread onto the curtains and they went up in flames.
"Oh my god!" Teagan panicked.
Everyone all tried to put it out in a different way, Orla tried blowing it out and Michelle threw more alcohol on it.
"Are you really throwing more alcohol on it?" Erin roared
Teagan's cool and collected persona disappeared and she waved her hands in front of the fire to try and put it out.
"What are we going to do?" Teagan Yelled for the others.
Suddenly, James ran into the room like a knight in shining armer with a fire extinguisher. He pushed everyone out of the way and quickly put the fire out with it.
"Wow" he gasped
Teagan let out a content sigh and slumped into James's side. He put a arm around her and comfortingly ran his hand up and down her arm.
"On a scale of one to ten, how dead do you think we are?" Michelle coughed out
"1000" Teagan replied Weakly.
The air in Fionnula's flat was thick with both smoke and tension when Erin's mum arrived. Five minutes before, they'd all constructed a 'cover up' story and quickly threw the alcohol back into the kitchen. Well they placed it, gently, the last thing they needed was Fionnula's floor to be covered in glass.
"It's the truth, Mammy" Erin whispered slowly
"Erin, if you expect me to believe that Michelle tripped while carrying a scented candle, you must think I came out the foyle in a bubble"
"It's my bit! It's my bit!" Sarah shouted from in front of the Tv.
There she was on the tv with someone who Teagan thought was Erin's Uncle Colm.
"You looked lovely, Miss McCool" Teagan replied
Sarah smiled at Teagan "Ay, I did didn't I"
Mary pointed a finger at Teagan "Don't be trying to flatter us!"
Teagan muttered a 'sorry' and Mary carried on trying to think of a plan.
"What are we going to do?" Mrs Quinn barked at her sister.
"Oh, for God's sake, Mary, would you look? You're missing my big moment"
Teagan listened to Sarah on the tv explaining what happened to Colm, Mary turned to all of them and slightly smiled.
Five minutes later they were all getting tied to a radiator by their shoelaces. Teagan was in between James and Michelle.
"Why would two gunmen break into a chippy?" Erin Asked
"Ah! That really hurt" James yelped
"You're such a pussy" Michelle droned
"What were they looking for?" Erin Asked her mum
"Chips, obviously" Orla rolled her eyes at Erin's silly question
"They we're looking for the keys to the van keep up, Erin" Mary snapped at her
"Do you think we should knock them about a little" Sarah Asked
Collectively everyone shook their heads except, Orla but luckily no one was paying attention to her.
"Not just a few slaps?"
"I said no, Sarah" Mrs Quinn replied harshly
"What, not even the gay fella?" Sarah Asked
As a reflex, Teagan put her leg over James to 'protect' him.
"I'm not gay" he whined
"Okay, that should do it. Ready?" Mary Asked
"I hate to be a health and safety stickler, but surely you're not actually planning on leaving us, are you?" Clare gasped in horror
Suddenly, the front door slammed shut and Fionnula's footsteps echoed as she marched up the stairs.
Teagan started to practice her scared face whilst Erin's mum ran to the back door.
Fionnula walked into her living room and her mouth hung open she looked at the kids tied up to her radiators and didn't know what to say. When Fionnula looked at Teagan, the young girl pretend to be scared.
The sound of the door rattling made everyone look up at Fionnula, there was no point in pretending anymore, their plan had been foiled.
"Push it, push it" Teagan heard Erin's mum 'whisper'
"It's locked" aunt Sarah whined
Seconds later, the two grownups guiltily walked into the living room and held their heads down.
"What the fucks going on here, exactly?" Fionnula ragged
"Okay....um, all right. Well, what happened was...Michelle was carrying this scented candle......."
3479 words!!
AN// this used to be my favourite episode but I've watched it too many times whilst writing this chapter.