"How's Thomas doing?" Eliza asked finally, her eyes fixed on the fire raging in the hearth. I knew what she was thinking; I knew how she felt. How strange it was that such a small thing you can so easily take for granted could have brought an entire kingdom to its knees only a few hours ago. I felt like I was betraying Thomas by letting the fire warm me, but the truth of the matter was that I was cold.
"I don't know," I returned, swallowing.
We had been sitting in silence in Eliza's room since Angelica told me that Thomas needed some time for himself. I didn't want to leave him, but Thomas gave me a smile and told me he was alright. I don't know if I believed him or not. I wanted to, and I knew I had to trust him. So I had kissed him lightly and told him that I'd see him in the morning, and left him alone in the dark room we used to share. I had taken his swords with me, a precaution I hoped was unnecessary.
"I'm such a screwup," Eliza said, burying her face in her hands.
"Hey, Eliza! No! No, no, that's not true!" I protested, standing from the chair and crossing over to her.
She nodded miserably. "Yes it is. I... Alexander, you saw what happened. It's all my fault. I was only trying to help and—"
"Elizabeth Schuyler," I hissed, dropping and enveloping her in a hug. "It is not your fault."
She relaxed into me. "I'm sorry. I'm being stupid."
"It's alright. Really, I don't mind. You helped me. You can talk about it if you want to, but don't feel pressured to if you don't."
"I really don't want to. Thanks anyway."
"Okay," I murmured, and she eventually pushed herself away from me. "Want to play chess?"
Eliza sat there for a moment before smiling, wiping at her eyes with the heel of her palm. "That sounds good. Maybe I'll let you win this time."
"Oh! It's on!"
We didn't exactly forget about everything, but it was nice to think about something else for a little while besides the unrelenting concern for Thomas that was constantly plaguing my mind like a bad dream.
He just needs time. I'll see him in the morning, I told myself, relaxing as I moved forward a rook.
We were about halfway through with the game when the door slammed open, startling both of us. Eliza had a knife raised before I even knew what was happening, but the weapon came clattering to the table when she saw who was standing before us.
"Have either of you seen Thomas?" Angelica demanded immediately.
"What do you mean?" asked Eliza, standing up. "He's not in his room?"
Angelica was in front of me the next moment, making me flinch in surprise, and thrust something into my hands. I looked down at the crinkled piece of paper and smoothed it, letting my eyes skim over the words carelessly.
The meaning of the letter hit me like a bolt of lightning, sudden and unbelievably painful. "What?" I asked myself, reading it again far more thoroughly this time, and once more just to make sure I understood. "Fuck. Fuck! Where the hell is he?" Each word of the letter was worse than the sharpest sword cutting through my skin as the realization of what he was doing hit me all at once.
No. No, no, no.
I felt my body go numb, my breathing stop, my blood run cold. "I—I don't understand!" I mumbled, letting go of the note and sending it fluttering to the ground. I stepped backwards, the walls closing in on me. This had to be a joke, this had to be a joke. Oh God, please tell me this is just some cruel, sick joke, and that he's standing in the next room laughing at us.
"What's going on?" Eliza asked reaching to place a hand on my shoulder, but I was already out the door with only one thought in my mind, screaming louder than any other.
"What are we going to do?" Angelica asked, suddenly besides me.
"You have to tell the others. I'm going out to find him."
"You don't even know where he's going."
"And you do?" When she was silent for more than a couple seconds, I nodded and kept pushing onward, finding myself in the forest the next moment. I listened for birdsong and heard nothing, as if all the winged creatures had simply disappeared from the world without a trace. I couldn't let myself waste anymore time, because any second I spent letting him get away from me was a second that sent him hurtling closer and closer to death.
"Thomas!" I screamed, not caring that I sounded like a desperate child. "Thomas, please!"
He's going to get himself killed he's going to die he's going to fall and there's nothing I can do about it.
I tried to drive the thoughts from my mind, but they were present behind every single one of my frantic screams that I amplified to make as loud as possible, echoing through the trees the way a normal scream couldn't.
"Thomas! Stop! You're going to get yourself killed!" I yelled. "Thomas, please!"
Oh God, what if he was already dead? What if he was already laying on the ground, his blood staining the grass red, his eyes lifeless and pale? And what if he was alone?
Tears blinding my vision, I continued to scream and yell and try because if I didn't find him, I would never be able to live with myself. Instinct took over, pushing aside any rational thought or reasoning, and I found that I had my eyes closed and arms outstretched.
I could see the energy between everything, strings of light beaming in the darkness. I swiveled my head around, searching for something. Anything.
There.
A concentration of energy denser than just that of the trees. I could make out the form of birds dragging at something, something that had to have been Thomas. I let the energy consume me, and before I knew what was happening, I was staring up into his silver eyes shaped like those of a cat's. He paused, and the sick determination fled him for even the briefest of moments.
"Thomas! What in Divinity's name were you thinking?" I demanded, grabbing his arm so he couldn't leave. But I could finally breathe again, and the imagined sight of his lifeless body fell away. "It's okay. Come on, we're going back. Angelica told the others, and they're probably panicking. But it's alright. Come on."
"No." The single word silenced the protesting of the birds. He stepped backwards away from me, making me drop his arm. I glanced warily at the long, curved blade he held. It took me a second to recognize it as a scythe, and a second longer for the fear to sink in as I remembered exactly what a scythe symbolized.
"What do you mean, no?"
"I have to do this, Alexander."
"Thomas, please. It isn't worth it," I begged without hesitation. "I need you. I'm nothing without you."
He stumbled, his eyes softening, but there was the same hardness in his pose and the grip he held on the large, black weapon. "Get out of the way, Alexander."
"No!"
"Thomas!" exclaimed Angelica from behind me, making me spin to see all of our friends waiting behind me. "Thomas, you can't go!"
"Can't you see that I don't have a choice?" he demanded. "I have to do this. Now move. All of you. I don't want to hurt anybody."
"Thomas," Washington said, raising his hands. The sword he had been carrying fell to the ground in a demonstration of peace. "Nobody is making you do this. Nobody wants you to do this. Put down the scythe and come back with us. Now."
"We're not letting you leave," Philip added fiercely.
"You don't have a choice," said Thomas calmly, lifting his head in retaliation. "James, make sure they don't follow me."
Silence.
Then, "No!" he exclaimed. "No, Thomas, please, you can't make me do that! Thomas, Thomas, please!"
"That's an order."
"I won't do it!" James protested, already raising his hands. "Thomas, please." He was on the edge of tears, and there was no point in him hiding it.
And suddenly, a wave of something much greater than anything I had felt before swept over me, over all of us. The weight of it was too heavy to sustain; I fell to my knees as I tried to catch the breath that had been knocked out of me. I stared at the ground below me, trying to make something rise up from the grass—a flower, a single blade, anything, but there was no energy to be found.
"James, what are you doing?" I demanded, and I felt Eliza touch my shoulder.
"He doesn't have a choice," she murmured, sounding just as strained as I was.
"What do you mean he doesn't have a choice?" But the train of thought was lost as I looked up at Thomas smiling at me. Everything else in the world seemed to melt away, and all I wanted to was bottle up his smile and keep it forever.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice slow and sad. "I wish it didn't have to go this way. I really do." His words rung through the clearing even after he was gone. And the last sight I had left of him was his sad smile and the birds surrounding his body, trying to get him to stop.
"We have to..." I started, but I quickly found that I was at a loss for words. What could we do? I was so sure that there had to be something, but there was no answer. We were going to lose him.
I was going to lose him, right after I had just got him back.
I almost fell apart right there.
Suddenly, without warning, the pressure disappeared all at once. I turned to see Peggy standing over James, her hand barely brushing his back. "Are you okay?" she asked calmly, to which he shook his head. "Why don't you go back to the castle and rest?"
"We have to save him," James returned, pushing himself to his feet. "Come on."
"What now?" I asked, rising and glancing over at Washington. "What can we possibly do?"
"We have to get to him before he gets himself killed," said Aaron. "Luckily enough, I managed to put a tracker on him. He's this way."
We moved in silence, the atmosphere as foreboding as it was still. I could hardly see, and I almost tripped multiple times. It would have been easy to teleport, to get to him as soon as possible, but that wasn't a risk anybody was willing to take.
We all shared one fear building up inside of us piece by piece, a fear that nobody could acknowledge out loud. I channeled it, forcing it to fuel my every step. I had to get to Thomas, I had to get to him now before it was too late. But panic was starting to set in, a panic that followed every thought and realization that the longer it took to get to him, the less time he had left. And as I ran through the forest, using my energy to keep my legs moving, tears started to blur my vision.
I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him.
It was the only thought that played through my head.
That is, until I heard the loud cry echo through the forest. My eyes shot to Aaron, who changed course. "He's this way. We're almost there."
And sure enough, the forest soon broke away, and there they stood. Thomas and the King, facing each other with only one desire that the two of them shared. Blood was dripping from a gash in Thomas's side, presumably what had made him yell. And just beyond them was a steep drop overlooking miles and miles of forest below.
"Thomas!" I screamed the instant I saw him. His head shot towards us, and I could see the horror that gripped his body even from where I was standing.
The King said something to Thomas that made him growl in frustration and grip the scythe tighter. The sun was rising over the world slowly, bathing the two of them in a light so crimson it looked like something else. King George raised a hand slowly, and the light caught his sword crafted from steel.
Lafayette shot forward without hesitation, his own weapon poised to strike.
"Go," Washington hissed, and his meaning was simple. Everything would end right here, right now. No matter what.
"What are you doing here?" Thomas demanded right after I teleported to his side.
"Saving you, you asshole. What in Divinity's name were you thinking? Why couldn't you just listen, huh?" I demanded, not voicing the relief I really felt. I reached out to touch his arm, longing for his warmth, when it was all forced away from me as I was thrown back. I landed quite ungracefully against the hard ground and rolled, exactly where I was when I had first seen him.
"Fuck!" Lafayette growled from besides me, reaching a hand forward and slamming it against what must have been a forcefield. "Thomas! You have to get out of there!"
"Well, Thomas?" the King asked. "What's it going to be?"
Thomas went rigid. I slammed all of my body against the forcefield, trying to summon the same amount of courage and raw emotion that had overwhelmed me the last time we were in this position.
I can't lose him, I can't lose him, I can't lose him.
And for the first time ever, I saw Thomas give in. His scythe came crashing to the ground with a distinct clatter, his arms raised in surrender. "Please. Please don't hurt them," I heard him beg.
"Thomas!" I screamed again, but the King stepped away from Thomas and nodded towards us, lowering his own weapon.
Without a second's hesitation, Thomas rushed over to the forcefield and stopped just on the other side. "You have to get out of here. Now." His voice was distant, like he was miles away. He raised his hand, and I turned to see a portal opening up. "Get out of here."
"We aren't leaving you!" I spat. "You have to come with us!"
"Alexander, for once in your life, can you not argue with me? Go!"
I can't lose him I can't lose him I can't lose him.
"Thomas, please!" I begged, trying to reach him, waiting even for the smallest flicker of doubt, but it didn't come. He held strong like a tree against the worst of storms, and there was nothing I could do no matter how hard I tried. "Thomas, I need you."
"Get out of here while you still have the—" His words were cut off abruptly, followed by a gasp for air.
I have never seen someone die before. Even in the memories I have, whether the people in them were once real or not, I never had to stand and watch as the life faded away from a person's eyes like smoke curling and twisting up into the air before disappearing all together. And that's bizarre, because I have lost so many, whether they were real or not, whether I remembered them or not.
But now I stood watching as the King's sword shoved itself through the chest of the person I cared about more than anything.
His eyes were wide, just as surprised as I was. "Get out of here," he hissed, drawing upon what had to be the last remains of his breath. Black sparks shot from the hand he still had outstretched. Thomas fell to his knees as his last remaining life force emptied itself into the air around him, crackling and screaming like thunder and lightning.
I was barely aware of the hand that dragged me back into the portal, of the screaming and begging and yelling that had interrupted the silence, of the King's whispered words into Thomas's ear as he pulled the sword clean out of his body.
All I knew was the dullness in his eyes and the smile on his lips, soft and sad, accepting of his fate.
And the entire world around me collapsed as I was pulled through the portal.
I lost.