The day Hange asked me to come with them is still vivid in my memory. I remember I was working on one of our regular projects, when they came jumping in my room asking for money.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"What money?"
"Oh, come on Levi! Don't back out now. Yesterday we made a bet on whether Erwin wears boxers or briefs, remember? I stole his keys and sneaked into his apartment last night to investigate. And guess what?! He wears briefs! I WIN!!!"
"You. Did. WHAT?!"
"Gah! Are you deaf? I said I stole his keys and sneaked into his apartment last night to–"
"Shut up!! I don't wanna hear any more!"
"Mmm... well, whatever. But I won! Gimme the money!!"
"I never agreed to that stupid bet, you shithead! It was all you and your crazy brain."
"But you didn't say no either!"
"Because it's a waste of my breath to talk about nonsense like that!"
"Huh! A win is a win Levi! You gotta pay! Look I even have photos to prove–"
"Arghhh!! Take that away from my sight!!"
"My money, Leviii..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
What a nightmare! In the end they managed to make me take out my wallet to pay for that stupid bet. And the moment I did, it was snatched away.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"What the fuck Hange! Give it back!"
"Whoa! Who's this?"
"Who?"
"This cutie pie in your wallet!"
"... My daughter, Isabel. Now give it back."
"You have... a daughter?!?!"
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"No! It's just... I never saw her until today!"
"Because you've been to my house only once, and it was during her school hours."
"What the hell?! And here I thought you were gay!"
"Wha-?! Why would you think that?"
"No use hiding from me Levi. I saw you eyeing those guys the last time we went drinking."
"I was not."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Fuck you."
"Heh. So, which is it?"
"Argh! You're so annoying!"
"C'mon! Tell me! Tell me!"
"... I'm bisexual."
"Ah... amazing. There's always something new to learn about you, shorty! Hell! I didn't even know you're married."
"I'm not."
"Err... what?"
"I am not married, you idiot. My girlfriend died right after Izzy's birth."
"Oh... I-I'm sorry."
"Tch. It's fine. It's all in the past anyway."
"..."
"..."
"Levi...?"
"What?"
"Your daughter is really pretty."
"... Don't say something so obvious, shitty eyes. Of course she is."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Isabel, my princess.
To be honest, I was quite shocked when Petra first told me she was pregnant. Who wouldn't be? Being told that you're gonna be a parent when you're barely 20 – for someone like myself, living in the dorm and attending college on a scholarship, that was nothing less than a shitstorm. Petra understood. Living alone and fending for herself since a young age, she'd had her experiences in life too. And being together for the past 3 years, she knew my struggles, my limitations.
"It's okay to let go" – she'd said. I didn't have to take responsibility if I didn't want to.
Would've been better, wouldn't it? Forgetting the whole thing and focusing on future. There's always an easier choice.
But how could I? All my life I'd been starved for a family of my own. At first, it used to hurt. But then, I suppose my senses started to dull gradually and the pain reduced into a throbbing ache. I'd almost forgotten all about it. But that day, when the possibility of having a family of my own was shining so brightly before my eyes, I just didn't wanna let it go. I loved Petra, and I wanted my own family. So why not now, when life was giving me a chance?
Huh! It all sounds so nice and dandy, doesn't it? Levi is so cool, so romantic. But you know what actually made me take that decision? When I thought of letting go, I saw the shadow of my father in me. My mother never told me about him when she was alive. I was too young to be told anyway. Whatever little I know about him, I'd learned from Mikasa's parents. They're the ones who told me about my parents. That my mom had left everything for his sake; and that he'd thrown her away like a piece of trash.
How was I any better than him if I was doing the same thing he did to my mother? How could I forsake my lover for fear of responsibilities when I was equally responsible for the current situation?
I couldn't do this to Petra! I loved her.
And so, we moved in together.
It was fun, the days we spent together. The feeling that there was someone waiting for me at home, that I won't have to eat alone anymore – it was so fulfilling. It wasn't long before we'd started dreaming of a happy future. We knew life would get harder once our child was born, but we were ready. We had each other, and that was enough.
But then, in the autumn of the 20th year of my life, she gave me the best gift of my life, our daughter.
And left.
Complications during childbirth, the doctor said. It's ironic how life gives you happiness in one form and takes it away in another, isn't it?
Stupid fucking life!
It wasn't easy raising a child all by yourself while you're still a student. I remember how I had to balance my studies and two part time jobs, just to cover both our expenses. I was so busy that I didn't even have time to mourn the loss of my love. There were moments when I'd feel like quitting, because it hurt too much to go on without her, to live a life we were supposed to share together. The pain would seep through all my veins, tormenting me, suffocating me. But then, I'd remember her soft smile, gently urging me to get back up and move on.
For her. For us.
For our child.
You know, all I have of her is a photograph we took on our first date.
Sometimes I'd feel like it was all a dream. That I'd wake up and find Petra sleeping beside me. And when I'd call her name, she'd open her eyes and smile. But as days passed on, the other side of the bed remained cold and empty. Each morning was a reminder of the bitter and harsh truth.
She was never coming back.
But life doesn't stay still for the dead, nor do the living. They move on, carrying the memories of those left behind in their heart. So did I.
After all, I was all my daughter had. I couldn't give up.
And then, there was my responsibility as a father to take care of her. As a kid brought up in an orphanage, I was well aware how the absence of a father figure could affect a child's psychology. I never knew my father, and my mother died when I was four. I didn't want my daughter to suffer the way I did. I wanted to be there for her – as a father should – no matter how hard it got. And soon, my whole world started revolving around Isabel. Class, work, Izzy – that's all there was in my life. And I was happy.
We were happy.
I'll always be thankful to you, Petra. Because Isabel gave a new meaning to my life. And you gave me Isabel.
After I finished my graduation and started looking for full time jobs, I met Erwin again. He used to be my senior in high school, and by then he had his own advertisement company. The company was very small at that time, just starting to rise. He offered me to join, saying it'd be easier to work towards his dream if he had his friends with him.
As for me, I needed money. And Erwin was an old friend. There was no reason not to accept.
Life went on much more smoothly after that.
Wait. I'm way off track, aren't I? What was I talking about?
Ah yes. I was telling you how I ended up going to Shiganshina with Hange.
Speaking of Hange, that shitty eyes is always doing as they please. This time too, dragging me with them, saying I'd love to meet their stupid friend.
Eren fucking Jaeger!
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Did your girlfriend have green eyes?"
"It's Petra. And no, her eyes were brown."
"But then... why does Isabel have green eyes?! Shouldn't they be like... brown... or black?"
"Who knows? Maybe the man that got my mother pregnant had green eyes."
"That was... harsh."
"Tch. Whatever."
"You know Levi, her eyes remind me of my friend."
"What friend?"
"The one back home I told you about. Eren."
"Oh, the snotball brat."
"Heh! You do remember! His eyes are this weird mix of green and gold, you know?"
"What in the world are you saying?"
"It's true! They usually look ocean green, but then when the sun hits his face, they kinda sparkle with a golden hue!"
"... You're quite the obsessed one."
"Huh?! No, no, no! What I'm trying to say is that you'll like him!"
"Beg your pardon?"
"Come on Levi! He's beautiful, bold and passionate and he has the prettiest eyes! You're gonna be forever grateful to Hange the matchmaker."
"I don't even know what to say to that. How about... ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!"
"Don't be such a grumpy ass Levi. Let the love fairies find you for once. Let the passion of young love sweep you off your feet."
"Hange...!"
"I'm going to Shiganshina next week. And you're coming with me."
"No way."
"Yes way! You're definitely coming with me and meeting Jaegerbomb!"
"..."
"You're coming Levi. Or else I'll tell the entire office how you secretly take photos of Erwin's undies and jerk off to them every night."
"Wha-?! You're the one who took those photos!!!"
"But they don't know that, do they?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Do you get it now, why I wanna incinerate that shitface?
In the end, I did end up going with them. I'd tried not to, really. First of all, because I had absolutely no reason to go. And secondly, Shiganshina was the last place I wanted to go. I already knew that the Ackerman residence was there. A place I visited only once in my life and vowed to never go back. It's true that I carry my mother's family name, but that doesn't mean I have any intention of reuniting with them after being treated the way I was.
So... Shiganshina? No thanks!
Believe me or not, I even went to Erwin and told him about Hange's blackmail, but he just brushed me off. That fucking eyebrows! And then, shitty glasses started calling Isabel behind my back, exaggerating how I'd cruelly declined their helpless plea for a favor. How did they get her number anyway?!
When Izzy told me I had to help her friend, I had no idea she was talking about shitty glasses. I'd never have promised to help if I did.
So yeah, that's how I ended up going to Shiganshina, met Eren Jaeger and that became the biggest fuck up of my entire life.
You ask me why? Because Hange was right. Because the brat has the prettiest fucking eyes I've ever seen and now I can't get those damned eyes out of my mind!