We're heading back to the dorm building.
I know that Mina Unnie is probably tired right now, but I really wish that her heart is content right now.
Ah, I really love to see Han river while driving here. It was so beautiful with the city lights as well from this Yeongdong bridge.
Finally, we're home again. I open the trunk and take the mom's presents with me.
We took the stairs, I bring all the dishes with me, I go up to the upper apartment first with Mina Unnie and her mom to put the dishes. I store it for the fridge.
"Mom, I want to go to the mart just a few blocks from here. Chaeyoung could take me, and after that, I want to spend some time downstair as well, can I?"
"Of course, you can"
"Chaeyoung-ah, thank you for today, really, I could never repay your kindness" Mina Unnie's mom said to me.
"Mrs. Myoi, it's my pleasure to drive you both, don't worry about that," I said it.
"Please have some rest, Mrs. Myoi, see you around!" I said goodbye to her.
I then put down the dishes first to the dorm, while checking out my members. The dorm is empty, I guess they haven't got home yet.
We're then going to the mart. We really love minimarket. We would come up there even when we don't need anything, but we ended up taking so many snacks.
"Unnie, don't eat too much MSG!"
"Are you Son Chaeyoung? You don't remember taking 6 boxes of chips while we're in Switzerland?"
I could only laugh a little, damn she's right.
But she obeys me in the end, she just bought one bag of chip, one sausages, and banana milk. I bought a coffee.
We walk back to the street. This street is always empty, so quiet.
"Chaeyoung-ah" Mina Unnie calls for me.
Oh, I didn't realize that I walk fastly from her.
I turn around and look at her.
"Hem?"
She just silent for 3 seconds, looking at me. She then moves a little bit closer to me.
Why does my heart beating so fast right now?
She stops and looking at me again. I could see her face even though she wears that white Yankees hat.
"I read your letters" 4 words and I am stuck in her sentence now.
All of sudden, I got goosebumps all over my body. I hope that I heard it wrong.
Did she what?
I open my mouth, my lips are parted I know that, but no words come from it.
I can only gulp and drown my face down, feeling embarrassed.
She got my letters, she read my letters.
I mean.............
"I really............" I suddenly stop, I don't know how to explain.
"I thought, you would never get that, Unnie"
I take a deep breath.
It's time, to be honest, it's time to show her how I really am in front of her
"I was frustrated actually" I could hear my voice is trembling.
"We used to talk a lot about everything, everything. I could just be bubbly at you, I shared so many things with you, a lot. You're the one who gets it. You're the one who gets me. But we didn't do that often anymore, we got busy, not only with our group but to our individual activities as well, with our concerts, with things outside, with ourselves as well. I realize that I didn't talk to you like we used to"
I pause and take a deep breath, this time I can't look at her face.
"I always think that I know you best, Unnie. I know everything about you, they always told me that you and I are close, you're only open up to me, you laugh better when I am around, I feel that too, I feel that we're close. But, I didn't know that you develop something in your mind, in your head. We're always together, and I didn't know. I feel that I am the worst, not knowing that the person whom I am close to has this kind of feeling, I.............."
A single tear comes to my face.
"I was so worried about you, so so worried. I should listen to you more, I should let you talk, not the other way around, I think I am always full of myself and always blabbering things about me in front of you, I should've listened more to you"
Mina Unnie then closes the gap with hugging me. She put her hand in my head, making me closer to her.
"Chaeyoung-ah.............."
"That's why I wrote that letters, I really want to talk to you again like we used to, I really hope we could talk again like in the past, like a year ago when we weren't so busy with our life. I just wanna tell you everything about my day, because that makes me alive"
I am crying in her embrace. She's crying as well.
I feel really bad right now, I should've not made her crying.
"Thank you for everything, Chaeyoung-ah" her voice is so soft but I hear it perfectly.
"Thank you for telling me that, thank you for your letters, it means a lot me"
Mina Unnie then releases her hug, she put my hand around my arms, making me look at her, no other option. I look at her.
"This isn't your fault, at all. It's all in my head. Trust me, I don't know how why, when, I really don't know cause it's all in my head. I want to talk, because of course I know I can talk to you, but no words came from my mouth, I kept hoarding and hoarding over and over in my head until it explodes. It isn't your fault at all, Chaeyoung-ah. I know that you'll always here for me, I know"
"I only want you to be happy, Mina Unnie, that's all. I don't want you to............." Can't even finished my sentence.
"Look at me, Son Chaeyoung. I am happy now, thanks to you" She looks at me.
"You make me happy" Mina Unnie continues.
Mina Unnie then grabs my hand and hold it.
"So please, please don't you ever feel guilty about this. I beg you. I need your strength, Chaeyoungie"
I look at her and nods.
Indeed, she's right. I need to be strong in order to make her strong than ever.
I wipe all my tears, turn my head to the back and then looking back at her again. I put a smile on my face again. I will only let my self breaking down now, I won't do it again.
"Thank you, Chaeyoung-ah, really"
I nod at her while holding her hand.
"Now please tell me, how did you get those letters, you already deleted that email last time I check"
"I thought that I don't have that email again Chaeyoung-ah. Well, I don't remember deleted the account tho. But when I open my computer in my house, the default tab showed me that email page, and I was surprised to actually see there's a new message from you" Mina Unnie explained.
"Oh this is so embarrassing" I cover my face with my hand and walk back
"Yaaaaa, don't be" Mina Unnie then chase me.
We both laughed at each other now.
My heart feels at ease. I could finally disclose my concern to her as well.
I don't regret everything, tho I would never believe that she read those letters, but it was my sincere feelings towards her. I am somehow glad that she read it, that she understands how am I feeling,
We are back at the dorm, it's 6 pm, my members haven't got home, all of them.
I sit in the living room. Mina Unnie then takes our joint laptop who we put beside the TV cabinet.
I am checking out my phone.
"Here" Mina Unnie gives the laptop to me.
"Oh, what?"
"You can read it, I'll wait in your room"
I am confused, she handed the laptop on my lap, and she just stormed off.
I put down my phone and look at the screen.
It's not the Inbox but the Draft tab. The subject email is all mine. But there's something Mina's wrote and she just failed to press send to me. I open it from the bottom.
From: minagreen_0324@gmail.com
Reply to: strawberryprincess0423@gmail.com
Dear Chaengie,
It's so funny that you still have this email. Seriously, look at our email address, that's so cheesy. I even deleted my twitter account years and years ago with the same name. Funny that I don't even know that this email still exists until I open my old computer back at home.
And I found a message from you...
How was Singapore, Chaengie? I am so sorry that I can't be there with you guys. I am so sorry. I thought that I could overcome this, but I can't. The last time we perform in Manila was hard for me. I am so scared that I would disappoint you guys and also our Once even more.
Well, I should have not tho. I mean, I trust our Once, but still, the voice in my head is bigger than that Chaeyoung-ah, I really wish you guys understand that. I am so thankful that you let me know that our Once is missing me. But I can't promise anything right now. I know that I want to go back on stage with you guys, but I need some time. I really need it. Trust me, I miss you too, Chaeyoung-ah, I do.
I will start seeking a therapist next week, my father's friend recommends me this hospital, please give me some strength. I am so scared, to be honest. I have lots of insecurities these days, I don't know why. But I won't just give up, I will try to do everything to get better. I don't want to get scared.
Oh yes, Chaeyoung-ah I remember that book store, but I forgot the name, I think there's a movie with the same bookstore's name, correct me if I am wrong tho. Let's go there together, it would be nice to enjoy the quiet neighborhood with you for sure.
Please have some rest, you all did well.
With love,
Minari
-------------------------
2019.07.14 02.57 AM
<<<<<From: strawberryprincess0423@gmail.com>>>>>>>>
To: minagreen_0324@gmail.com
Cc :
Bcc :
Subject: Minari~~~~~
Dear Mina Unnie,
Hehehe, it's weird, I know that you don't really use this email anymore. But somehow I just want to send this to you. Unnie wasn't it so funny, that time we exchanged our email, we were both laughing at our email address, it was so cheesy, we laughed a lot about it. But I remembered talking about how our birth date is so funny as well. 0324 and 0423...
I am on our way to Seoul from Singapore right now. Can't sleep on the plane though I am really really tired. We're just finished our concert hours ago and here we are heading back to Seoul.
Aaaaa Mina Unnie, I wish you were here. Everyone's here is missing you. I wish you could see the way Once lighten up your color inside to stadium, feels like you were there with us, illuminate our mind and soul. Unnie, Once is so great. I am so happy that I got to meet lots of them in this city. I know you'll greet them with us in the future. They are longing for you. Let's come back here!
I miss you Unnie, I miss you more than you really know. You always stand beside me at the concert, and now it's empty.
How are you doing? I hope that everything is good knowing that you are home with your family and Ray. Everything will be fine. I worry about you a lot, but I know that you are so strong, I believe in you, Mina Unnie.
Do you remember that I am dying to visit a lovely bookstore in a quiet neighborhood in Singapore? The last time we were here, I told you about that. We promised to go there together in the future. And I will wait for that, I won't visit that bookstore without you, it's our promise.
Be healthy, don't eat too many snacks, okay?
Regards,
Strawberryprincess kekekeke
****
It's a reply to my first email to her. She's actually read it and even wrote an email back to me, but she didn't send it to me. She was telling me something as well.
I open the second email.
From: minagreen_0324@gmail.com
Reply to: strawberryprincess0423@gmail.com
Hi Chaengie,
I can't believe that you wrote to me again. Thanks for your letter.
Finally, someone has to step up and take the English game when I am not around hehe. I miss the US Once as well. I only met them at KCON, it must be nice seeing all of them in our tour. Whoa, your mom is coming with you as well? Must be nice tho. I hope your mom had a great time as well.
Chaeyoung-ah, I went to a therapist 2 days ago. It was nerve-wracking, it was my first time. My therapist gave me lots of assignment. I asked to imagine lots of thinks and gave him my answer and thoughts on the subject. It was exhausting, but yet it's kind of relaxing. I didn't really know the purpose, I was just following his instruction. My head was full with so many thoughts before, after I did that, my mind somehow is in peace now.
But, nights will mostly kill me. I don't know why I can't sleep. I know that I am tired but I can't sleep. My head won't stop thinking. But lately, I open up my puzzle collection and starts building the puzzle. When my eyes grew tired, I go to sleep. I don't know where these worries come from Chaeyoung-ah. I wish that I could stop it, or at least figure it out.
Bu the way, congratulations on the LA concert! I am sure that you guys nailed it! You are going to move to another city and I bet that you guys will do great as well. Fighting! Please tell all our members that I really love them.
Regards,
Minari
-------------------------
2019.07.17 23.52 PM
<<<<<From: strawberryprincess0423@gmail.com>>>>>>>>
To: minagreen_0324@gmail.com
Cc :
Bcc :
Subject: That was Lit!
Mina Unnie! Whoa, our opening in the American tour was totally cool, daebak, really really. Thousands of people came to see us, they turned on their candy bong and sang with us! We got a chance to greet them in English. You know, you're the English speaker among us, now we had to split the dialogues and try to communicate with the American Once! You would never believe how much we are loved here in the U.S.
Many fans are wanted to see you as well. I could see again so many mint green color at the concert. Jeongyeon Unnie got too emotional today, she can't believe how much Once here are care about us. It was indeed beautiful.
Anyway, my mom came to the concert, she was here already to visit my relatives, then she and my family came to the concert. I got to spend my time with my mom and my family too. We visited Target (again). Don't we really love the place? I remember you, Nayeon Unnie and I bought so many things, especially chips and cereals. I think we still have them in our cabinets from the last time we visited LA. My family lives around Pasadena. It's the first time I visited them there. I think you'll love the neighborhood. It was nice, it was sunny and it was quiet for a moment. The place reminds me a lot of you, I don't know why. Let's spend time there for our holiday Unnie!
We are going to Mexico City tomorrow. Please pray for us, Mina Unnie. You know it's going to be our first time. We visited LA and NY before for our KCON, concert but Mexico City, this is new. I really hope the would do our best!
Stay healthy Mina Unnie, I miss you a lot.
Regards,
strawberryprincess
***
She's trying, she's definitely trying to get better. I really wish that I could be there for her when she's having a hard time. I do.